What do I do?

jcolesy45
jcolesy45 Posts: 1
in Introduce Yourself
A little back story.. me and the boyfriend have been together for 2 years now. We live together and we have been trying to lose weight since we moved in together. We were lazy, but with summer on its way we have this little spark in us that has been keeping us motivated.. or should i say "ME" motivated. He throws out excuses about not wanting to go to the gym randomly.. he's tired, he's sore, he's.. something. I unfortunately don't like going to the gym by myself.. so when he doesn't want to go.. it drags me down and I end up not working out. For some reason going to the gym with him pushes me to do more. I know you can workout at home, but i never think i do enough. Should I just woman up and start going to gym by myself...? (Makes me uncomfortable) Like I don't want any more excuses holding us back..

Replies

  • fittestpal
    fittestpal Posts: 94 Member
    Dump him and get with a real man that motivates you and doesn't make excuses
  • Chickee8586
    Chickee8586 Posts: 155 Member
    Don't use a crutch for going to the gym. Once you start going by yourself, you will get more comfortable. Just do it for you.
  • RJPericola
    RJPericola Posts: 43
    Try an in home workout program that you guys can do together. My girlfriend and I have also been dating for 2 years now and we love it. Send me a friend request if you would like any help!
  • HockeyGoalie35
    HockeyGoalie35 Posts: 84 Member
    What does he do for a living. With my career the gym in the coldest winter, and hottest summer months is not an option. My hours are long and the work is hard. If he is sore, he is sore.
  • Kenazwa
    Kenazwa Posts: 278 Member
    I agree - you have to do what is right for you regardless of what he does or does not do. My husband doesn't make excuses, he just says "no". He has a physical job as a plumber and gets tired, so I really can't blame him, although I know he would benefit and probably not be so tired and sore at the end of the work day. Working hard isn't the same as working out.

    Anyway, I go to the gym for me, although I've been slacking lately. And on that note, here I go.
  • Missy2715
    Missy2715 Posts: 2
    Hello!
    What is this du de talking about dump him...LOL WoW! Anywho... you have to try and keep each other motivated. This is challenging when one brings in things such as unhealthy snacks. Make it a point to learn to eat healthier have healthier options at home So that when you do bring a snack along it will not be regretful. keep in touch. text each other what you ate for BF, Lunch keep each other update with weigh ins...even if you don't disclose the numbers say I did goo lost x amount of lbs today how did you do? This will help tremendously. It is important you both stick to this if not you will be on your own loosing weight and that becomes extremely hard when living with someone who does the complete opposite! Good luck to you both
  • kdillson70
    kdillson70 Posts: 63
    Yes, go to the gym and leave him at home on the couch! You're doing this for you, not him. Once he sees you in the gym and making an effort, it might motivate him, but don't let his excuses be yours. "Fitness is like marriage. You can't cheat on it and expect it to work."
  • Missy2715
    Missy2715 Posts: 2
    I see everyone here is teling to do it for yourself. this is the american way and why a lot of marriages fail.I don't think doing this on your own is what you want to do. Usually i would say let him be and you do you. But that is not what partnership is about. Clearly as you mentioned you 2 are in this together. Make his meals for the week. walk to the grocery store with him instead of driving. the little changes will keep you guys motivated and the time spent together even more. Sounds like you 2 are very close! So i think If you loose the weight on your own chances are itll cause problems. He will get jelous, think you have someone else. If doing it together is what you want your going to have to help him and be the one with willpower for the both of you. like i said make yours and his meals and snacks ahead of time for the whole week, walk instead of driving and drink only water. ;) cut back on carbs. try not to eat white flour. only eat whole wheat. cut back on milk try t replace it with almond milk. cut back on sugar use Stevia. use egg whites instead of whole eggs.
  • jasper186
    jasper186 Posts: 134 Member
    I see everyone here is teling to do it for yourself. this is the american way and why a lot of marriages fail.I don't think doing this on your own is what you want to do. Usually i would say let him be and you do you. But that is not what partnership is about. Clearly as you mentioned you 2 are in this together. Make his meals for the week. walk to the grocery store with him instead of driving. the little changes will keep you guys motivated and the time spent together even more. Sounds like you 2 are very close! So i think If you loose the weight on your own chances are itll cause problems. He will get jelous, think you have someone else. If doing it together is what you want your going to have to help him and be the one with willpower for the both of you. like i said make yours and his meals and snacks ahead of time for the whole week, walk instead of driving and drink only water. ;) cut back on carbs. try not to eat white flour. only eat whole wheat. cut back on milk try t replace it with almond milk. cut back on sugar use Stevia. use egg whites instead of whole eggs.

    If you want a "man child" for a partner.... this

    OP, If you want a partner you need to be able to do things independently and things that are just for you. I have been married for 35yrs and we have both always had our own hobbies and activities. It is a healthy for a relationship to have some time apart. If you really want to work out and he doesn't and you are not comfortable at the gym without him, do something else. Try a fast walk, a bike ride or any other activity that you like. You need to find something that you like to do and stop making excuses to yourself for not going. Don't let his lack of motivation become yours. It might be more difficult but if you really want it you will do it. Good luck to you.
  • cheekym7
    cheekym7 Posts: 570 Member
    Yes, go to the gym and leave him at home on the couch! You're doing this for you, not him. Once he sees you in the gym and making an effort, it might motivate him, but don't let his excuses be yours. "Fitness is like marriage. You can't cheat on it and expect it to work."


    Agreed, just suck it up and go, maybe it will motivate him.
  • redheadmommy
    redheadmommy Posts: 908 Member
    It sounds like YOU are using him as an excuse. He drags you down because he is not going? Sorry but that is BS. It seems that you don't have the determination by yourself, and you want him to push you . Guess what? Nobody can push anybody. You do it for yourself or you don't do it for yourself. end of story..
    Nobody can be blamed because you do not go, except yourself.
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    With all due respect, it has nothing to do with your boyfriend. Sure, you can blame your actions on someone else, or just go to the gym and woman up. Who cares if he goes? Maybe watching you get into good shape without him will motivate him to do the same.
  • anallydiaz
    anallydiaz Posts: 48 Member
    I think you should go on your own and that will probably push him to do it too. Maybe if he sees how motivated and determined you are about losing weight he will do it too.

    I know going to the gym by yourself is not fun, but if you want something really bad, you can't depend on anybody. My boyfirend and I have been together for 7 years and do almost everything together, so I understand that you want him to take this journey with you, so I do think that you should also try a little harder to convince him to be healthy with you since you are the one who is more motivated. However, if you try and try and he still doesn't want to, then dont let him stop you and go on your own :)

    I hope all works out!
  • Armyguy744
    Armyguy744 Posts: 32
    Your journey starts with you! Bottom line, my wife, wants to lose weight and get in better shape, but she is still in the wanting stage. You need to get up and get going. Do something, anything, baby steps, look for us for encouragement, help, tips, an ear to bend, what ever you need. Hope your day gets better, now go to the gym.

    Feel free to add me
  • mcdonnellk
    mcdonnellk Posts: 1 Member
    Go to the gym by yourself
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    how come everyones response is to always dump a guy if he isnt along with her program but if its a guy complaining about his female partner not joining in he is pressuring her?
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    Married for 16 years. My husband got all ready to start working out Jan 1. We bought new shoes, fitbits, and Nike GPS bands.

    he went for a run once.
    a walk once.

    At first I wanted to wait for him to initiate the movement/activity.

    I'm doing it without him. He's always got something. We go to bed at the same time, wake around the same time -- we ride to work together to a building with a gym that I'm using.

    He's not, he won't. Don't do it for him, do it for you. But don't totally give up on him either. Maybe he would be motivated by your take no prisoner attitude.
  • Mauthos
    Mauthos Posts: 128 Member
    On the point regarding going to the gym and feeling uncomfortable, believe me, no one at the gym is really bothered about what you are doing, most are interested in their workout and nothing more. Sure it is easier to go together or with a friend, but there will always be the times when your partner or friend can't/won't go to the gym and you shouldn't scarifice your time there just because of them.

    I've been single for over a year now and pretty much all my friends are lazy/not interested in the gym, and in the case of 1 guy, only interested in his 1 class of martial arts a week as his fitness. Therefore, I just go to the gym by myself, do my thing and feel great for it. I also do 2 sessions of body combat a week and being the only male it took some getting used to, especially as the women there expected me to have no coordination or rythmn and seemed to watch me waiting for me to make a mistake lol.
  • kdillson70
    kdillson70 Posts: 63
    It sounds like YOU are using him as an excuse. He drags you down because he is not going? Sorry but that is BS. It seems that you don't have the determination by yourself, and you want him to push you . Guess what? Nobody can push anybody. You do it for yourself or you don't do it for yourself. end of story..
    Nobody can be blamed because you do not go, except yourself.


    I agree! My husband and I workout together on occasion, but if he decides he's not feeling up to the gym, I go without him. If your gym offers classes, join them. You may meet other people who will motivate and inspire you to push yourself harder.

    Your life is the result of the choices you make, so accept his choice and get moving.
  • vals83
    vals83 Posts: 63 Member
    I haven't read the other post, but I'm pretty sure it's been said, first of it's not about "us" it's about you. It's your body, your journey. It'll be fantastic to have someone by your side supporting you, but reality is, that won't always be the case. You can't depend on someone else to motivate you. And perhaps once he sees your determination to push through no matter what he's doing, it might light a fire under his rear to start being consistent. Quit worrying about having someone to push you and become the person that makes other people want to work harder.

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