My low point (possible tw, i guess)

ariellograms
ariellograms Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been unemployed for 2 months, and I'm not taking it well. Since I stopped working, I've gained 25 pounds... which seems crazy, when I think about it. But I've been bingeing once or twice a day, 2000-4500 calories at a time. Today was the worst. I stayed in bed all day, getting up only to go to the grocery store to get bagels, cream cheese, a pint of ice cream, 2 packs of marshmallow peeps, and a pack of reeces peanut butter cups. I got back into bed, and ate all of it. I drank a soda, which I spilled all over the bed, and then contemplated just ****ing leaving it there. 3 hours later, when I stopped feeling sick, I ordered a medium pizza, delivery, and ate the whole goddamn thing. I only moved to hide the evidence before my fiance got home.

I felt really guilty, but I pretended to be happy when he walked in. I'd put on a zip-up sweatshirt that fit me a year and a half ago, but that I couldnt make go around my belly now... and I made a comment about how it used to fit. He just patted my stomach, and said "Well, yeah, I don't care, but you have gotten a little bigger." ... and that brought me back to Earth. I'd gradually been gained weight for year, and he never noticed... but now he did. Somehow, I'd convinced myself it was invisible.

Back on board. In 2006, I lost 65 lbs, and I've put it all back on, plus 10 pounds. It's time to say goodbye to it forever.

Replies

  • Tillyecl1
    Tillyecl1 Posts: 189 Member
    I don't really know what to say to that, except I feel so sad for you, no one wants to be invisible. I think maybe you should go see your doctor or talk to a counselor or even your boyfriend? You've made a choice though by saying you want to get rid of it forever, and a healthy calorie deficit and a little exercise will definitely help with that. Exercise is supposed to help with low moods too, so doing some might have an added benefit for you (I know it helps me lots). Just don't go crazy on a diet and flatten yourself with exercise, it's not sustainable. Small changes :-)

    *Hug*
  • joylotus
    joylotus Posts: 18 Member
    I'm so excited for you that you're taking this first step!

    You're going to feel SO much better when you wake up tomorrow morning.

    And tomorrow night, after you've gone through the whole day making whatever little changes you need to make to get this started, you're going to feel EVEN BETTER as you fall asleep, because it'll be the first full day you've taken concrete steps to achieving your goal. Doesn't matter if you mess up a bit. Doesn't matter if you weren't perfect. It's still a whole day on the right path. Your first one!

    And then the NEXT day when you wake up -- wow! Now it's the second morning since you've changed your life and you've got a whole day behind you to be proud of. And beautiful opportunities on this new day, too.

    And every single day is going to be like this. Every single day when you wake up and when you go to sleep, you get to feel grateful that you're doing this, that you feel like this, now. Even the days with mistakes. Because you're working at it, you're striving, and it's so, SO much better than those awful days in bed with unhealthy food and sadness and secrecy and shame. And the best part is, you have YOURSELF to thank for this beautiful new life, you have YOURSELF to smile to.

    Enjoy it!
  • elghee123
    elghee123 Posts: 489 Member
    You lost the job and thankfully you still have that fiance. Keep it.

    Start cleaning up yourself. If you did well in losing the 65lbs before, you can do it again.
  • ariellograms
    ariellograms Posts: 7 Member
    What a wonderful way to think about it. I think my other tries at losing weight have failed because of my negative attitude about it. I think a little journaling and reframing would do me good.

    Thank you!

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