My mom keeps on calling me fat

mmargarette · March 2014

I gained 20 pounds in my first two years in college. I used to be a normal skinny fat girl that never gained no matter how much I ate. My body fat percentage rose to 31%, my waist and thighs got bigger (3-4 inches) that my waist to hip ratio results says I'm at high risk. The numbers go on.

Anyway, ever since my weight gain, my mom hasn't been supportive. Whenever she notices my body parts, she keeps on complaining. She even laughs at me. She says stuff like:

"I miss your figure"/"You lost your figure"
"Your thighs are so huge"
"What happened to you? You're so fat now"
"It's because you eat too much protein (I was on paleo before)/"You eat too much"
"You should stop working out. It's just making you bigger"

Every time she says these things, I can't help but feel angry at her and at myself. It really gets me down at times. I don't get why she has to say those things. They're not encouraging at all.

I tell her that I'm working on it, that I'm working out and I'm on a calorie deficit, etc. But she doesn't stop.

I know for a fact I shouldn't take her words to heart and I should reverse psychology it to motivate me. But it's just really hard sometimes when your mom doesn't support you.

Stats: 5'2, 19yo, 120lbs, net 1300 cals/day
Goal: Lose 5-10 lbs in 2-3 months or lose inches despite weighing the same
Workout: 15-20 min kettle bell workout
BTW haven't been logging because it kinda became an addiction for me so I'm trying to stop. I just take mental notes now. But I'll get back to logging soon.

bagge72 · March 2014

I gained 20 pounds in my first two years in college. I used to be a normal skinny fat girl that never gained no matter how much I ate. My body fat percentage rose to 31%, my waist and thighs got bigger (3-4 inches) that my waist to hip ratio results says I'm at high risk. The numbers go on.

Anyway, ever since my weight gain, my mom hasn't been supportive. Whenever she notices my body parts, she keeps on complaining. She even laughs at me. She says stuff like:

"I miss your figure"/"You lost your figure"
"Your thighs are so huge"
"What happened to you? You're so fat now"
"It's because you eat too much protein (I was on paleo before)/"You eat too much"
"You should stop working out. It's just making you bigger"

Every time she says these things, I can't help but feel angry at her and at myself. It really gets me down at times. I don't get why she has to say those things. They're not encouraging at all.

I tell her that I'm working on it, that I'm working out and I'm on a calorie deficit, etc. But she doesn't stop.

I know for a fact I shouldn't take her words to heart and I should reverse psychology it to motivate me. But it's just really hard sometimes when your mom doesn't support you.

Stats: 5'2, 19yo, 120lbs, net 1300 cals/day
Goal: Lose 5-10 lbs in 2-3 months or lose inches despite weighing the same
Workout: 15-20 min kettle bell workout
BTW haven't been logging because it kinda became an addiction for me so I'm trying to stop. I just take mental notes now. But I'll get back to logging soon.

So you are 120lbs, and your mom calls you fat? This is how eating disorders start, when young girls have *kitten* parents. Just keep doing what you are doing, and if you can afford to move out soon, get an apartment with some friends, and try to talk to your mother less. See it's not that your mother doesn't support you, she just isn't a nice person.

nineteentwenty · March 2014

^what he said, crapping Christ. That's gotta be awful, she's out of her mind treating you like that.

mmargarette · March 2014

^what he said, crapping Christ. That's gotta be awful, she's out of her mind treating you like that.

I know right? I'm doing my best to ignore her comments.

tabathas1991 · March 2014

I gained 20 pounds in my first two years in college. I used to be a normal skinny fat girl that never gained no matter how much I ate. My body fat percentage rose to 31%, my waist and thighs got bigger (3-4 inches) that my waist to hip ratio results says I'm at high risk. The numbers go on.

Anyway, ever since my weight gain, my mom hasn't been supportive. Whenever she notices my body parts, she keeps on complaining. She even laughs at me. She says stuff like:

"I miss your figure"/"You lost your figure"
"Your thighs are so huge"
"What happened to you? You're so fat now"
"It's because you eat too much protein (I was on paleo before)/"You eat too much"
"You should stop working out. It's just making you bigger"

Every time she says these things, I can't help but feel angry at her and at myself. It really gets me down at times. I don't get why she has to say those things. They're not encouraging at all.

I tell her that I'm working on it, that I'm working out and I'm on a calorie deficit, etc. But she doesn't stop.

I know for a fact I shouldn't take her words to heart and I should reverse psychology it to motivate me. But it's just really hard sometimes when your mom doesn't support you.

Stats: 5'2, 19yo, 120lbs, net 1300 cals/day
Goal: Lose 5-10 lbs in 2-3 months or lose inches despite weighing the same
Workout: 15-20 min kettle bell workout
BTW haven't been logging because it kinda became an addiction for me so I'm trying to stop. I just take mental notes now. But I'll get back to logging soon.

I know what that's like. My mom does the same thing. She used to wear a size 24+ then she got the gastric bypass then my dad left and I gained a lot of weight. (I was never skinny to begin with) i went from a 12 to a tight 18. Once my mom got down to a 4 she said stuff like, "I'd give you my old clothes so that you'd have something that fits, but I think you are way bigger than I was before my weight loss" That just made me eat more and when I was 19 I hit 220 and decided, no more. Now here I am trying to get to 120 so I can be a happier, healthier me.

Don't let her get to you. I wish I were your weight lol.

Rusty612 · March 2014

Your mother is suffering from an emotional disorder which causes her to hate herself and project that onto you - you're working on being an independent adult and she's struggling to maintain influence over you.

Find some older women to lean on for support so that you can get the positive reinforcement you need. You may need to detach from your mother a bit as she's being abusive. (and make no mistake - calling you fat is abuse, no bones about it).

It might help to find a way to take pity on your mother - that the only way she can feel better about herself is to make you feel worse. Then, you can hear everything she says as the product of a mentally ill person (which, to some extent, she is). And if you were hearing these comments from someone calling to you from the window of a mental institution, they wouldn't land so hard... I use that image to put things in context when someone close to me is saying abusive things.

I hope you're able to set aside her comments and know that you're none of those terrible things. It's her, not you.

spirit095 · March 2014

I'm sorry you have to go through that! My parents used to call me fat and chubby and say things like that too. It's hard to ignore those comments, since it's coming from your parents. I think some parents think they're trying to be encouraging or something, but they don't realize it's really rude and hurtful. Stay strong and prove her wrong!

BinaryPulsar · March 2014

mmargarette · March 2014

I'm sorry you have to go through that! My parents used to call me fat and chubby and say things like that too. It's hard to ignore those comments, since it's coming from your parents. I think some parents think they're trying to be encouraging or something, but they don't realize it's really rude and hurtful. Stay strong and prove her wrong!

^ yes exactly.

thanks everyone

and to those who share the same experience, let's prove them wrong!

zoquo · March 2014

It's so horrible to hear that coming from parents! Instead of helping you to be fit and healthy she is helping you to become mentally unstable! All i can say is she is the one with the problem not you, think on these nasty comments when you do your workouts and think how you will become fit, healthy and beautiful and all of it without any help from her. Just tell yourself how you are going to prove her wrong EVERY TIME you go to eat something crap. If you really want to shift the weight and feel great take a look at Sean Ts Insanity workout. It is intense but have a look at the before and after photos online if this doesn't motivate you i don't know what will. You don't need a gym just a bit of space in your bedroom. And keep the door locked so mum doesn't make snarky comments.

Peace

Lanyu15 · March 2014

Be strong. I think you have a very good weight, you're not fat, you're mom is crazy. It's normal to gain some pounds at college, I gain almost 10 in one year, don't worry about it.

BinaryPulsar · March 2014

I'm so sorry that your mom is treating you this way. The other people are right that this is your mother's mental health issue. My mother didn't say I was fat, but when I was a teenager she was really worried I was going to get fat because I had a curvy figure (I weighed 98 pounds and had visible six pack abs, so I really was just curvy). And it did lead to me restricting until I weighed 88 pounds and was really suffering from that. And then after I had kids she made insensitive comments as if my being a little bigger was somehow something I did to harm her. It's complicated. I don't want to ever speak badly about my mother. But, she has problems. And I suffered in many ways because of it when I was young and just trying to grow. I agree with others that you will probably need some kind of at least emotional distance from your mother. She isn't someone you can turn to and count on. It's a good idea to find your own friends and mentors, people that you can turn to for healthy support. You can be healthy on your own, and look at your mother with compassion that she is so wounded that she would treat her own daughter that way. But, it must really hurt right now.

My mom keeps on calling me fat

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