How do you change self talk?

PoshTaush · December 2010

Ok, so I've been here for a while. I keep going through ups and downs. I get motivated and then upset again. It's the same thing I've done my whole life. I can't seem to change the way I talk to myself and see myself. My brain just keeps telling me I will fail. And then, I do... of course.

I have lost 14 pounds...I'm very happy of course... I just feel so far away from my goal. I feel so unhappy and unhealthy. I am afraid of staying this way. I am afraid of cheating my son out of a healthy mother. I'm afraid of not giving my husband the wife he deserves.

I have had self-esteem issues my whole life. In the past I've battled anorexia, and bulemia. Help me please. I am currently seeking help with a doctor as well.

mrmarius · December 2010

say of yourself what you want to be. for instance when you get in the mirror say "i am a beautiful healthy woman". it doesnt matter if you dont feel that way just keep saying it and you will believe it and you will see it. or you can get in the mirror and say to yourself that you are at your goal weight just keep doing things like that. faith comes by hearing and hearing and hearing. so what you keep hearing you will believe.

Gershwyn · December 2010

I'm not a big fan of "the power of positive thinking", but I do think that you need to spend some time with yourself and decide what is true and what is not. You've lost 15 lbs. You're making positive strides. You're certainly moving in the right direction. You may feel "unhealthy" today, but so what? Consider what you've done and the direction you're going in.

There's an old saying: When we finally get up and sit in the part of the boat that is meant for us, all the other people in the boat fly into a panic, thinking it will overturn. Maybe those negative, self-incriminating voices in your head are just B.S.ing you because they're scared of the positive changes you're making.

Fabulocity · December 2010

First of all, my heart goes out to you. I too have struggled with this. You've already received some good suggestions so I'll just add a few ideas-
My suggestion is to first of all take one day at a time:
Commit yourself to writing down at least one thing each day that you like about yourself. You have a beautiful smile.
I bet you are a good mom and wife...and the list goes on.
Say it to your self in the mirror. Daily
Second, when you get a negative thought, replace it with a positive one.
Other practical tips:
--wear clothing that make you really feel good about yourself and accentuate your positive features.
Get rid of clothing that doesn't really suit you.
Also never give up on yourself. You are too valuable to yourself and your family.
Hope this helps:flowerforyou:

vanillasugar · December 2010

I *AM* a fan of the power of positive thinking. Confidence is beautiful. Healthy is beautiful. One of the most positive things I said to myself at the start of this journey was "You can give up now/put this off and be in the same position/weight/unhealthy state a year or two from now or you can stick with this and be that much closer to your goal in X months/years." I've repeated this as necessary. I don't care how long it takes me to reach my goal. I started this 10 months ago with AT LEAST 75 lbs to lose, ideally 100. Now I am over half way to my ideal goal.

I mess up. I have days that I go over calories. I have days that I don't exercise. But the next day, I get back to it. If I gain a pound or 4 back, I just get back to it. I tell myself that I would rather have a minor setback and get back into the swing of things than let all my hard work go to waste. My mom likes to say this is a journey not a race. That's how I'm trying to look at it too. If it takes me 2 years or 3 to reach goal, so be it. I'm not in a hurry. I'm just trying to make healthier choices one day at a time.

You can do this

calthine · December 2010

It seems cheesy, but there is nothing wrong with writing up your affirmations and taking them to your bathroom mirror and reading them out loud to yourself twice a day.

Scorpiomom222 · December 2010

Oh, honey! You may benefit from seeing a therapist while you go through this change. It took seeing a therapist to see that fitness is what I needed in my life. I didn't know how to identify myself and I hated myself for making myself overweight and unhealthy. I'm not going to say things are peachy now, but theings are alot better. I learned how to identify myself and where I wanted to take myself. It had everything to do with getting back to the real me, not my outer shell. Who are you? What are you doing, and where do you want to go. You know, before I started this journey, I worked out a pie chart of how much I gave to everyone else and how much I gave to myself.... Do you know how much I was giving to myself? 15%!!!!!!!!!!!! I think 35-40% is sufficient for someone who is confident in themselves, and know what they want. I continuously do this pie chart about once a month to see if I give myself enough. This is very important! If you don't have anything to give yourself, you can't continue! xxxxxxxxxxx

MMClark80 · December 2010

Ok, now I have been here for a while, too, and I must tell you that you have motivated me in so many ways-probably more than you will ever know! I have, in the past, suffered from the same things, but the thing that you have to realize is that YOU, Tausha, are worth every bit of energy, effort and love you put into your own personal journey. You have to make sure that you feed yourself positive thoughts and speak positively to yourself, and above everything else, learn to love yourself...even in this present state, even though it is not where you want to be, be grateful for the body that you have now that allows you to do the things you are doing in order to get to the goal where you are trying to go.

My biggest advice about changing negative self talk, is to keep doing all the positive things, taking each positive step to keep proving all the negative things you are saying about you wrong! You can do this and you are doing it, so learn to celebrate each step you take, each victory you have, regardless of how big or small!

You are a beautiful, smart, phenomenal woman, and I have been blessed to have connected with you on this site, and we all have to continue to remind each other that we are worth it every single day & that we deserve all the goals we are striving to reach, and we will only become the people we are trying to become by continuing this journey, no matter how hard it gets.

If nothing else, remember the what the Bible says about us in Psalms 139:114: we are all fearfully and wonderfully made...I hope that this will help & should you ever need me, I am here!!

Take care & be encouraged! :flowerforyou:

*HUGS*

Michele

spitfire1962 · December 2010

Gershwyn may have a point about being afraid of the unknown. You are a beautiful girl, I'm sure inside and out. You have to think what would you stay to someone who is always putting down your best friend? Would you just stand there and listen to that person hurt your best friend or would you step in and tell the other person to leave her alone, there's nothing wrong with her? I can tell you from experience, I had to learn to think of myself as my own best friend. I have to consciously replace a negative thought with a positive one. I takes practice and after awhile you start to believe it. You can be your own worst critic or your own best friend. The latter is more rewarding. 15 pounds is a great accomplishment! You should find a picture of yourself before and after your weight loss. Compare the two to see the changes you've made. When you start telling yourself that you will fail, change it to I WILL Succeed! I have come a long way and have been down this road before, but this time I am stronger. I am equipped with knowledge that I didn't have before. My son WILL be proud of his mother and I WILL be a good role model for my family and friends. Your husband is lucky to have such a devoted and loving wife who is making an effort to improve her health and that of her family. There is nothing you can not do once you put your mind to it. There's a scripture from the bible that always helps me out, and that is: I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me; Philippians 4:13. I turn to him for strength and comfort. I hope this helps.

PoshTaush · December 2010

thank all of you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate every single word of encouragement.

Your thoughts and prayers are sincerely welcomed.

I praise God that he sends people when you need them most.

All my love,

Tausha

priskar · December 2010

Tausha, you've gotten such wonderful advice above. I, too, am working on the negative self talk that I have battled most of my life and one of the things that I have found most helpful is to kind of...neutralize them. I've recently worked with an eating disorders therapist who first of all helped me to recognize how often I have these thoughts and, to my surprise, they were more often that I even realized.

Now when a negative thought pops into my head, "I messed up today. It has ruined everything I've worked so hard for!". I don't even try to analyze it anymore. I recognize it for what it is - a negative thought and let it go by but I "assign" it a color, shape, texture, number, animal, etc. I make it into something it's not. I neutralizes the power that it has over me. After practicing this just a very few times it's like "Oh, there's a piece of sand paper, or a triangle or a purple circle." I soon realized that I was having less negative thoughts...quite a few less...and the ones I did have just had no impact. They were just words, objects, shapes, etc.

I know, it probably sounds odd. I thought it did too at first but, if you are really struggling with the negative scripts that can run on and on in our heads, give it a try. I hope it helps you like it helped me.

Good luck!

buck1994 · December 2010

Phenominal advice! Positive thinking...here's how I look at it: It's a habit and just like any habit it has to be learned. How do you develop a new habit? Repetition of course! Continue with the positive affirmation...think it, feel it, do it!
Not to sound like a granola cruncher but everyone here is a beautiful, unique, fascinating person, the problem is most of us refuse to see it. Those around us see it everyday, we just have to believe it ourselves.

brendansmom1 · December 2010

One word...therapy. BIG fan. Sometimes, you just need to dump all of your crud on someone who will listen and then tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear.

Aside from that, see the doctor....maybe you need different medication??

Something I learned when I was going through a tough time...every day, journal three things that you are thankful for. Try for three different things every day. When you start focusing on that, it is hard to focus on the negative.

I will keep you in prayer!

Hang in there....you can do this!!

kateland · December 2010

What a great board - lovely advice everyone. Taush, I can't add anything beyond my "ditto!" to everyone's great advice. Good for you for reaching out.

benthinb4 · December 2010

All of your comments are correct. How can everyone be right with so many diverse opinions? Because different things work for different people and some of all of it works for us all. We are always thinking, positive. negative, whatever. It is estimated that we average more than 50,000 thoughts a day. It's nearly impossible to control them all. But we can select which ones to Focus on. In other words we are going to have negative thoughts but we don't have to focus on them, that is a choice. After all it is our thoughts that cause our Emotional response and our behavior in turn is our response to our emotions. Therefore, when you change your thinking you change your behavior.

Remember that you are valuable simply because you're here, and there does't have to be any other reasons. You may wish to improve yourself in any number of ways and you can, just as soon as you THINK you can. Perhaps you are not as far from your goal as you imagine because you are the one who sets your goals and no one else can(or should). Simply move your goal closer to you so that you'll have more opportunities to rejoice in your accomplishments. And soon before you know it you'll be in the habit of being triumphant.

Scorpiomom222 · December 2010

Phenominal advice! Positive thinking...here's how I look at it: It's a habit and just like any habit it has to be learned. How do you develop a new habit? Repetition of course! Continue with the positive affirmation...think it, feel it, do it!
Not to sound like a granola cruncher but everyone here is a beautiful, unique, fascinating person, the problem is most of us refuse to see it. Those around us see it everyday, we just have to believe it ourselves.

I LOVE this idea! My dad had alot of depression and negative self talk, and it was suggested to him that he get up every morning and go to the mirror, and say I am not a victim, I'm a victor. I will not lose today, I will win. It took a while, but he eventually came around and got more positive and confident in himself.

TateFTW · December 2010

My wife goe sto see a psychologist because of her anxiety, and luckily the doctor is very cool about letting me come along. Having access to thereapy is AMAZING, even for someone like me who has never had big issues and wouldn't normally see a therapist. Having an unbiased person really lay things out for you can help you think of things from a new perspective.

Personally, when it comes to fitness and a healthy lifestyle, I try to remove the emotion. I have a routine, and in that routine I find comfort because I don't HAVE to think or go by how I feel. I know, most women can't pull this off, but it works for me. I eat what I've planned to eat in my log, therefore I always meet my numbers. I do a certain exercise because that's what I've planned ahead of time to do that day. No thinking, no questioning, no worrying about how I feel. I just do it without thinking.

A lot of women use emotions and how they "feel" as an excuse to get out of things they don't want to do. I'll admit, I can't stomach that stuff the same way a therapist will. If you want the results, if you want to feel good about yourself, then get moving and do the things you KNOW you have to do to get what you want.

ladybugss · December 2010

bump

superwmn · December 2010

It takes time, but it can be done. Here's how I did it:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/superwmn/view/what-i-ve-learned-since-2007-part-2-48848

When you finally change the way to talk to yourself, life changes drastically. It's a whole new world. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Charmagne

OGFleabag · December 2010

Phenominal advice! Positive thinking...here's how I look at it: It's a habit and just like any habit it has to be learned. How do you develop a new habit? Repetition of course! Continue with the positive affirmation...think it, feel it, do it!
Not to sound like a granola cruncher but everyone here is a beautiful, unique, fascinating person, the problem is most of us refuse to see it. Those around us see it everyday, we just have to believe it ourselves.

favorite line of the day...."not to sound like a granola cruncher"

all great advice! Its hard when you have the negative thoughts beating you up. I like the idea of making them into something else, give them a name and take away the power. I read Life Without ED and the author gave her eating disorder the name of ED and it helped her differentiate between her thoughts, and ED's thoughts. For her it seemed to help take back control.

Nina74 · December 2010

I find myself struggling, too, and like you, always have been hard on myself, a perfectionist, etc. I think all of the advise is great and agree with the poster that you need to find what works for you. Therapy helps, but it is all about practice. I disagree with the comment about changing medications. I don't know your background, but I myself found that it was just a temporary bandaid that didn't fix a problem.

Besides affirmations, I also try to take stock of what I've accomplished. Sure, some people have lost 50 lbs in the time it took me to lose 25, but a year ago I was 25 lbs heavier, I was unhappy, completely out of shape, etc. It helps for me to write those things down and go back and reflect.

I also found that reading helps me. I recently found zenhabits.com after someone here posted an article from the blog. There is lots of research and data that if you "change your brain" you can change your life. Check some of the books, articles and shows out. How we self talk is a huge part of it, but it take repitition.

Hang in there! You are already making huge strides by realizing how you talk to your self impacts everything. :flowerforyou:

How do you change self talk?

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