Feeling Judged by Other Dieters and Non-Dieters
Emerald_light
Posts: 5
When I started my journey, it became common to hear some of my family, friends and co-workers say to me “Are you sure you can eat that on your diet?”or “You can’t have that because you are on a diet”. No matter how much I tried to help them understand that I wasn’t on a diet (I view diets as a short term fix to a long term goal), but that I was working to change my eating habits to make me healthier (I plan to continue with what I am doing until it becomes second nature and a life style), they continued their comments.
Now that I have started to lose weight the comments are not as frequent but I have noticed that some of my friends who are not active or watch their intake, have cut me out of group outings and ordering take-out. No I’m not one to talk about how many calories/carbs/ etc a meal has. Unless asked, I do not talk to others about what they are eating and whether or not I find it healthy. I’m still the same me, but they treat me like I’m different.
As I began to lose weight I met other dieters in my work place and community who were very supportive of my goals. Yet as time went on and I found what I feel works for me, I’ve felt as though they judge me for having things that they think I shouldn’t have. I’ll have ice cream, all be it a smaller serving. I’ll eat a small piece of chocolate but whenever I indulge I make sure that I have the ability to and usually do so on a day that I go to the gym. I feel that if I don’t have a salad for every lunch or if I have an item that is too high in carbs they look at me as though I’m doing something wrong.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one to experience this. But I’m having a hard time with this. Any advice, support or stories would be greatly appreciated
Now that I have started to lose weight the comments are not as frequent but I have noticed that some of my friends who are not active or watch their intake, have cut me out of group outings and ordering take-out. No I’m not one to talk about how many calories/carbs/ etc a meal has. Unless asked, I do not talk to others about what they are eating and whether or not I find it healthy. I’m still the same me, but they treat me like I’m different.
As I began to lose weight I met other dieters in my work place and community who were very supportive of my goals. Yet as time went on and I found what I feel works for me, I’ve felt as though they judge me for having things that they think I shouldn’t have. I’ll have ice cream, all be it a smaller serving. I’ll eat a small piece of chocolate but whenever I indulge I make sure that I have the ability to and usually do so on a day that I go to the gym. I feel that if I don’t have a salad for every lunch or if I have an item that is too high in carbs they look at me as though I’m doing something wrong.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one to experience this. But I’m having a hard time with this. Any advice, support or stories would be greatly appreciated
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Replies
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When I started my journey, it became common to hear some of my family, friends and co-workers say to me “Are you sure you can eat that on your diet?”or “You can’t have that because you are on a diet”. No matter how much I tried to help them understand that I wasn’t on a diet (I view diets as a short term fix to a long term goal), but that I was working to change my eating habits to make me healthier (I plan to continue with what I am doing until it becomes second nature and a life style), they continued their comments.
Now that I have started to lose weight the comments are not as frequent but I have noticed that some of my friends who are not active or watch their intake, have cut me out of group outings and ordering take-out. No I’m not one to talk about how many calories/carbs/ etc a meal has. Unless asked, I do not talk to others about what they are eating and whether or not I find it healthy. I’m still the same me, but they treat me like I’m different.
As I began to lose weight I met other dieters in my work place and community who were very supportive of my goals. Yet as time went on and I found what I feel works for me, I’ve felt as though they judge me for having things that they think I shouldn’t have. I’ll have ice cream, all be it a smaller serving. I’ll eat a small piece of chocolate but whenever I indulge I make sure that I have the ability to and usually do so on a day that I go to the gym. I feel that if I don’t have a salad for every lunch or if I have an item that is too high in carbs they look at me as though I’m doing something wrong.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one to experience this. But I’m having a hard time with this. Any advice, support or stories would be greatly appreciated
Cheers sounds like some of the posters on this forum that think their way and diet is better than mine, yet I still lose weight on it.0 -
I eat what I want when I want. I know what I am doing and don't need any "advice" from others unless I actually ask for it.
Ignore what others say and continue on your journey. You got this.0 -
I have told family and friends from the get go when they started noticing my weight loss and asking how I did it that I eat when I want and what I want just not so much of it Now many of them have decided to give MFP a try 0
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My husband even did this to me - saying "we can't have that becuase of your diet"...UGH...and I would tell him have whatever you want, I can eat whatever I want too, just way smaller amounts of it. As for the other people, either that as uninformed as my husband or just jealous because it's working for you and not them. Who cares?? Do your thing for you and they can all go suck it!
Congrats on the weight loss by the way 0 -
I have to put so much effort into merely pretending to care about what others think of what I eat, and I usually can't even do that. Try my attitude. It is much less stressful. 0
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Ignore them and do what you want to do. You are not working on goals for them, only you. Who cares what anyone thinks, the only concern you have should have is what you think of yourself. Pucker up buttercup and do your thang.0
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I eat what I want when I want. I know what I am doing and don't need any "advice" from others unless I actually ask for it.
Ignore what others say and continue on your journey. You got this.
Well said. Honestly aside from my husband (who is uber-supportive on every level) there is no one in my life that knows what I am doing. We all approach this different ways and you are doing just great - this is about you and NO ONE ELSE.0 -
good job on making changes....
just remember- those are need to change and don't- will pull you down because you are casting light on their own deficiencies.
Furthermore
Lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.
Move forward- move on- and don't sweat it!0 -
my mom is always asking me if i "can have that" yes mom. i can. maybe not a triple helping, but, yes i can.
at least shes asking me if i have room for dessert before she sticks in my face now.0 -
Emerald - all I can say is that in the beginning, it was hard for others (and ME) to accept the changes I was making to improve my health. Call it jealously, lack of self control in their lives, not wanting me to change...I found the beginning of MY journey was difficult for some to accept, and it frustrated me. Now that I've been at this a while and having met my goal a year ago, I am much more confident in my choices and decisions and how I feel about myself. Most comments these days are very positive - because they see I succeeded. If I am trying to lose a little due to holiday gain, a comment may be made as to why I'm passing up birthday cake at work. We just can't worry about others so much but only do what is best for OURSELVES. Good luck! 0
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My love, all I can say is to keep being you and doing what works for you.
Looking for acceptance from our peers is a natural thing; however when you don't allow it to drive you, it's amazing how much you accomplish. Focus inwardly on yourself, make yourself happy, and the right people will appear in your life.
BTW, those "friends" of yours? Need a swift kick in the *kitten*.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I'll get the "Oh, you can eat that?" as I eat a piece of pie. My answer: "yes. I can, and I will." Nothing is off limits. It's called living. Depriving yourself only leads to binge eating. Tell them how far you've managed to make it without their input and tell me not to worry, you know what you're doing.0
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I was at work last week and a coworker said I could lose weight faster if I stopped eating junk. I was eating a packet of walkers pops at 84 calories a bag. I have lost 76lb in just over nine months. People are stupid, just ignore them. They will be the ones that don't look as good or can't keep it up long term.0
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I have stopped telling people what I'm doing. Even if they ask, I am evasive because no matter what I say they have to give thier two cents. Like, that won't work for me. Or, I tried that and it didn't work. Or, how can you do that?
I hate it when people say they notice I have lost weight too because then I know they have been looking at me. :noway: I would just rather have it be a private.
I also hate it when someone comments on my hair but then not give a real compliment. Like, "Did you color your hair?" (But not say, Oh it looks nice.) REALLY? Sometimes I want to say "oh thank you!" Anyway. Idiots.0 -
They are just jealous because you have figured out how to balance food you love and weight loss!0
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Lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.
LOVE THIS ^^^^0 -
I don't generally chit chat with my friends, family, or co-workers about my "diet"...because they know jack **** and I know a lot...any discussion with them in RE to proper nutrition and rockin' fitness would be futile. I really could give a rats *kitten* what they say or think because they are for the most part completely ignorant.
If they have specific questions or want some pointers I'm more than willing to help...but just talking nutrition"shop" no way...they're all too stupid.0 -
I feel the exact same way. I don't tell anyone anything and I hate it when someone does say something. I usually just say no and change the subject.
Well I did tell one person but it is someone I only talk to through text so I don't count himI have stopped telling people what I'm doing. Even if they ask, I am evasive because no matter what I say they have to give thier two cents. Like, that won't work for me. Or, I tried that and it didn't work. Or, how can you do that?
I hate it when people say they notice I have lost weight too because then I know they have been looking at me. :noway: I would just rather have it be a private.
I also hate it when someone comments on my hair but then not give a real compliment. Like, "Did you color your hair?" (But not say, Oh it looks nice.) REALLY? Sometimes I want to say "oh thank you!" Anyway. Idiots.0 -
I eat what I want when I want. I know what I am doing and don't need any "advice" from others unless I actually ask for it.
Ignore what others say and continue on your journey. You got this.
I agree with this. Just keep going on your journey! Ignore everyone else.0 -
When I started my journey, it became common to hear some of my family, friends and co-workers say to me “Are you sure you can eat that on your diet?”or “You can’t have that because you are on a diet”. No matter how much I tried to help them understand that I wasn’t on a diet (I view diets as a short term fix to a long term goal), but that I was working to change my eating habits to make me healthier (I plan to continue with what I am doing until it becomes second nature and a life style), they continued their comments.
Now that I have started to lose weight the comments are not as frequent but I have noticed that some of my friends who are not active or watch their intake, have cut me out of group outings and ordering take-out. No I’m not one to talk about how many calories/carbs/ etc a meal has. Unless asked, I do not talk to others about what they are eating and whether or not I find it healthy. I’m still the same me, but they treat me like I’m different.
As I began to lose weight I met other dieters in my work place and community who were very supportive of my goals. Yet as time went on and I found what I feel works for me, I’ve felt as though they judge me for having things that they think I shouldn’t have. I’ll have ice cream, all be it a smaller serving. I’ll eat a small piece of chocolate but whenever I indulge I make sure that I have the ability to and usually do so on a day that I go to the gym. I feel that if I don’t have a salad for every lunch or if I have an item that is too high in carbs they look at me as though I’m doing something wrong.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one to experience this. But I’m having a hard time with this. Any advice, support or stories would be greatly appreciated
Cheers sounds like some of the posters on this forum that think their way and diet is better than mine, yet I still lose weight on it.
Hey!
Way to make this forum post about you!0 -
Thank-you for all your words of encouragement When I first wanted to lose weight my doctor asked if it was for me or if it was for someone else. This journey has been for me and I am very happy with what I have accomplished so far.
When I first started I was told that as I change, those around me may change as well. I just didn't think it would happen this quickly.0 -
I also hate it when someone comments on my hair but then not give a real compliment. Like, "Did you color your hair?" (But not say, Oh it looks nice.) REALLY? Sometimes I want to say "oh thank you!" Anyway. Idiots.
ooh I totally agree!!! That drives me nuts, too.
As for the original topic...yes, I've experienced this. Most of it has not been DIRECT which is nice. A lot of it has been ME taking things personally that really don't have anything to do with me. For example, my facebook friends sharing photos of their food with comments about Paleo4Life or something...and I'm kinda like, "ugh" or my best friend (who is an awesome woman) commenting about the evils of wheat and sugar etc...makes me feel a bit uncomfortable when we're sitting in a coffeehouse and I am having a pastry made with wheat and sugar LOL
Most of the people I know and see daily don't pay any attention to what I am doing with regard to eating and exercising, unless it's to say "Wow nice job on losing so much weight, you look great" and I love that.
I do think a lot of my acquaintances make assumptions that I am doing gluten free, low carb, totally vegan, Paleo, etc. That is their problem.
I am not sure how long you have been doing this, but for me I have noticed after a year it's gotten a bit easier to just ignore others' comments. Good luck!!0 -
When I started my journey, it became common to hear some of my family, friends and co-workers say to me “Are you sure you can eat that on your diet?”or “You can’t have that because you are on a diet”. No matter how much I tried to help them understand that I wasn’t on a diet (I view diets as a short term fix to a long term goal), but that I was working to change my eating habits to make me healthier (I plan to continue with what I am doing until it becomes second nature and a life style), they continued their comments.
Now that I have started to lose weight the comments are not as frequent but I have noticed that some of my friends who are not active or watch their intake, have cut me out of group outings and ordering take-out. No I’m not one to talk about how many calories/carbs/ etc a meal has. Unless asked, I do not talk to others about what they are eating and whether or not I find it healthy. I’m still the same me, but they treat me like I’m different.
As I began to lose weight I met other dieters in my work place and community who were very supportive of my goals. Yet as time went on and I found what I feel works for me, I’ve felt as though they judge me for having things that they think I shouldn’t have. I’ll have ice cream, all be it a smaller serving. I’ll eat a small piece of chocolate but whenever I indulge I make sure that I have the ability to and usually do so on a day that I go to the gym. I feel that if I don’t have a salad for every lunch or if I have an item that is too high in carbs they look at me as though I’m doing something wrong.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one to experience this. But I’m having a hard time with this. Any advice, support or stories would be greatly appreciated
My advice is this: It gets easier as time goes on. (At least that's my experience.)
I know it hurts / stinks now, but eventually, people come around. You have accepted your changes. They haven't yet. Let them catch up.
Just stay you, let it go and stay the course... keep moving forward.0 -
Hey!
Way to make this forum post about you!
HA! I thought the same thing.0 -
Just tell people that you eat what ever the hell you want... because you do, you eat way you want according to your goals. Its really none of their business. People still say stupid stuff to me about what I am eating and I always tell them "I eat whatever I want" and they **** their mouths.0
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When your mindset is changed to "I can have that, but don't want it" as opposed to "I want that, but can't have it" it changes everything. In there somewhere is what you tell people.0
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When your mindset is changed to "I can have that, but don't want it" as opposed to "I want that, but can't have it" it changes everything. In there somewhere is what you tell people.
Excellent quote is excellent.0 -
When your mindset is changed to "I can have that, but don't want it" as opposed to "I want that, but can't have it" it changes everything. In there somewhere is what you tell people.
Yeah, I like this.0
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