Very long but here is MY STORY!?

When I was 14 I decided I wanted to join the army, I was 56kg when I got weighed in the army careers . My BMI was fine, my health was fine, my fitness was bad. Then my auntie who is weightless crazy decided to give me a push in the health direction, focusing on weightless.. I lost 7kg, 49kg, happy days, everyone commented on how great I looked.
I decided to join an army preparation college and focus on getting fit.
My eating disorder began.
For the first few months I trained hard and ate really well.. Also socialised on the weekends.
Then I stopped changing, stopped improving, then although I was the fittest girl and now training with the lads.. We done our BMI and fat percentage, mine wasn't the lowest of the girls, not the highest but not the lowest, straight away in my head despite being the fittest I wasn't all round the best, so I decided I would be the best.
I was doing 3 sessions of boxing a week, 2 sessions of kickboxing, running every night and along with 2 hours of physical activity with my sports/military college. I limited myself to Apple and oats for breakfast, half a sandwich for lunch and 100g chicken and 3 stalks of broccoli for dinner.. No sugar or milk in my tea, which soon turned into an obsession with black coffee in a gigantic mug.
All so and well I then got told I have to gain weight to join the army by my advisor because I had lost a little too much (44kg) , so because I had achieved being the slimmest I decided ok I will gain weight.... I gained weight.
After gaining weight I refused to get dressed I front of my current boyfriend (of2 years) he met me when I was 56kg, so he had witnessed all my crazy lifestyle. At first he thought I was amazing and fit he was also in college with me and the. He began to worry.
I became insecure and we broke up.
At this point I was just 18. Admittedly spent 2 weeks not exercising, eating out and drinking lots of alcohol. Turning into work a mess and even not turning up at all. I got fired.
I then met a gorgeous male, fit, healthy, funny and a soldier.
I was in awe.
We hit it off straight away, we had always spoke on the internet but never met up, we met up and I fell head over heels.
Then we worked out together.. I usually kept up with lads when exercising, but this guy he kicked my *kitten*. I blamed my weight gain although I was only 50kg... So was he. I instantly believed I needed to lose weight and get fitter.
He didn't know about my past with my eating and obsessive exercise he just thought I was a fun and fit girl, who trained hard and played hard. He seen no reason as to why I shouldn't push myself at fitness, he then went on a 6month tour, we remained girlfriend and boyfriend and then we booked a holiday for Cyprus where he was touring Nd I thought oh god bikini. Need to diet. Need to get fit. So I asked him for insanity. He got me insanity.
BIG MISTAKE.
Crazy Ceri appeared.
Meals were limited, I would so 2 obsessive intense workouts a day. Yes weight dropped off me. I loved it. He only seen me via Skype and he only thought I was doing the workouts once a day. He said I looked great. I tried on a bikini... I felt terrible.
I then went on to rejoin boxing and got back into my running.
I went on holiday and kept my eating issues quiet and just went with it, I didn't gain as he wasn't a big eater himself.
After he holiday he came home 3 weeks later, for 3 months. We spent every living day together, every night every single minute, I loved it... Then news came, he had a 2 year posting he had to take, either Ireland, Germany or Cyprus. He chose Ireland so he could easily come home and see me... Then after 3 months together he spent a week away. We argued over the phone, text message, Skype, everything. I sat in my room and cried almost the whole week. He was so insecure and didn't trust me. He was angry all the time. If I went the shop without telling me there would be a massive row, if my phone died when out with my auntie he would assume I was with another bit and lying to him. The week from hell.
When he returned we were ok, he told me he was going to Ireland in February. It was now December. He asked me to marry him. I said no.
We broke up, then we met on a night out that same weekend, we both ended up at the same place. Ironically as I tried to enter the club and got refused for being too drunk, he was also getting kicked out of the club for being too drunk. Wow. We fought and argued. The. He followed me into a taxi and begged my auntie to let him stay at her house she said ok but then in the back I didn't want him there so I attacked him, the woman taxi driver dragged us both out the car and he punched her. She telephoned the taxi firm and all the men dropped their jobs and came to beat him up. They beated him. Black and blue.
We didn't speak for about a week. Then he rang me on Christmas Day and said I either marry him and move to Ireland or I never speak to him again. I agreed to marry him. We had to do it before February 17th. So I broke the news to my family. They were gutted. They didn't like me with this partner but they could tell how much he meant to me. They accepted and supported me. In 6 weeks we had to plan the wedding they had my hair done, nails done, makeup, cars, reception, after party, after meal, gifts as well as their new clothes.
In 6 weeks they shaved their *kitten* off to make it a perfect day.
His family did nothing, contributed nothing, his own mother didn't even attend the day.
I bought my dress in a uk6. I exercised like crazy those 6 weeks. The. My wedding day came, the dress fitted, yet I still believed I looked fat.
The next day I moved to Ireland.

WHOLE NEW WORLD.
No phone, no internet, no contact with anyone except him. I felt trapped. All the wives here were fat. I didn't wanna get 'fatter'. He would go to work 6am-2pm come home then we would go the gym for 1 hour. What did I do whilst he worked? Of course it exercised. I exercised 2/3 hours a day. I also done the house work and I also walked the dog.
I did not eat.
I went to Ireland weighing 7.3lbs.
I dropped down to 5.3stlne. We visited home.
My family told me I wasn't going back I needed help.
I still thought I was fat.
I lived the fact my size 6's were too big. Yet I still cried myself to sleep every night back home. I had to eat here. I couldn't work out 2/3hours a day. I needed my control back. So S soon as we got back to Ireland I gained my control back. I didn't eat.
I always wanted to workout and walk.
The idea of doing anything else annoyed me.
Me and him got stressed. He wanted to go for nice meals out, he wanted to drink in the weekends, he wanted to go sit in and watch movies and he wanted to go the cinema and be pigs.
I refused.
He wanted me to gain weight he said he missed the old me and I wasn't the same person anymore.
He was right I wasn't and at that point I didn't see it as an insult.
The old ceri was fat, lazy and unfit,
This Ceri was still fat but size 6 were too big, I never felt hungry, I always had loads of energy and best of all I was the fittest I had ever been... So I thought.
We broke up, I told him I hated him because he didn't like the new me, he was jealous because I had abit of control and he couldn't take that... After all he had taken everything else from me. My friends, my family, my phone, my home, my Facebook account and my independence. I had nothing else except this and no way was he going to convince me to get fatter and ugly like the rest of the camp wives. Not a chance. This was mine and if he was going to take it from me then I was going to leave him.
I left him. I moved back home. I got my friends back. I got a job. I lost another 3lb. I had a mobile. I had everything. I still wasn't happy. I was happy for about two weeks whilst I had control of the situation he was begging me to come back and try again, I was superior I didn't need him, look at everything I've got without him. Then reality hit.
I woke up blue. My best friend was begging me to get help. Everyone was saying I looked Ill and was asking what had happened? And had he done this to me? People who didn't really know me contacting me saying they had seen me out or my recent picture uploads and that they were worried.
I realised. I wasn't in control of this situation. The old ceri had gone, who was this girl?
I'm looking in the mirror but I don't even recognise myself, skinny, frail, unhappy and now getting divorced. What a failure.
I missed him. I missed me. I started to realise what I had just destroyed,


Now 12months later I have gained 50lbs, almost back to the old Ceri. Not quite there, I haven't been out with my friends still., but saying that I don't even know who my friends are anymore. All I know is I want to be fit, healthy and carefree. Eat good, reclaim my life and get back to who I was before all of this... This has all happened in a 6year timeline. I am only 20. I can, I will.... Thanks for reading x