I'M BROKEN

dont give up... you have all the tools you need at home... your journey can begin with simply running on the spot, increasing the duration and speed week by week. its great for cardio, and cardio is great for burning fat.

I understand how you feel because Ive been there. However, you need to love yourself enough to be able to stand up and workout. You must do it for yourself, because you DESERVE to be fit, healthy and beautiful !

Thats all I can say... Sorry. :S If your man is not supportive, then you must believe in yourself and do it for yourself. And soon, as you will see the results, it will come easier to continue and stay motivated.

Also, seek supportive friends here!

I am so sorry you are discouraged. One thing that I can tell you is that you have to want it - really want it - for YOU! Not for anyone else or even for a specific event - like a wedding. When I wake in the morning I really want it. When I don't want to work out I remind myself how much I want it. When I grocery shop I lecture myself on how much I want it - and spend a great deal of time reading labels. Get rid of all fattening food in the house and re-stock with healthy! Search the internet and the recipe forum here for new recipes. Food that is healthy CAN be delicious. Before I put anything in my mouth - I see how many calories it is first! I plan my days so that iif I have something that is especially caloric (or high in sodium) the other food that I have balances that out. This takes a lot of time - but I am committed. I eat a lot and still have treats too! It''s a balancing act.

One thing you mention bothers me. If your fiance is not nice to you about your weight now - what is he going to be like once you are maried. You need a SUPPORTIVE partner in life. None of my business, but that's my 2 cents worth.

Good luck!

1-I hate to sound mean....but get out of the relationship now! My soon to be ex-husband was the same way. The verbal abuse was horrid...it was then followed up by emotional and mental abuse as well.
2-You are NOT broken!
3-Weightloss isn't the big picture...it's about being healthy. It's going to be a lifelong journey...it's not going to be easy...but the best things in life are not easy.

PM me if you wish to talk.

Ok I need to address this: If the fiance is really actively MEAN about your weight, Screw him and dump the dead weight that is him. Honestly, is that the kind of person you want to be your partner in life? Someone who makes you feel like crap? What's going to happen if you get pregnant, or just generally age? I just have no patience for people who are shallow about someone's looks and I can not imagine a signifcant other who is worth your time if he(or she) makes you feel like poop on a stick.

On the weight side of things, I do a bunch of things that fit well into my life. I've spent the last year just tweaking my life regardless of the scale. I only lost a small amount of weight for the 1st 8 months, but have lost almost 25 in the last 3.5 mo.

First and foremost: Love who you are body and all. I know this sounds corny, but without self confidence (or the motivation to strive for self confidence) losing weight is just treating a symptom of your overall problem. YOU are worth the change. YOU are worth more than a cookie or even chocolate (which is saying something, cuz I love chocolate). You are in control, and in charge. It's your body; both the power and responsibility to be who you want are yours. You HAVE to know this.

For more practical "how to"-y advice, PLANNING is your friend!

Make the week days as easy as possible for myself so I take sundays to plan things out for myself as much as possible. I plan my workouts each sunday and when I go grocery shopping I buy almost all healthy food and 1-2 "bad" or just nutritionally empty but generally delicious snacks. I know what my food "plan" for the day is, without sitting down to plan out all my meals because i have a basic criteria for each day:

Breakfast: Protein Focused 2-400 cals
Mid morning snack: Veggie or Fruit- Up to 150 cals
Lunch: Sandwich, Salad or Soup- with Veggie or Fruit 3-400 cals
Mid afternoon Snack: Greek Yogurt or Cliff/Luna Bar 150-250 cals
Dinner: Meat/Fish, Veggie(or 2), Pasta or Rice 400-700 cals
After dinner Treat: If I have any cals left, little splurge

With this "structure" in mind, its easy to know what I am going to eat and plan it out, which knowing just makes me feel so confident and secure all day and lets me turn down snacking opportunities but it also allows me flexibility to move/change things as my life needs it. So I guess its not "motivating" in and of it self, but it makes needing motivation less relevant, because it's actually easier to just follow this plan I have set for myself.

I personally don't go to the gym because I find it a time and motivation suck, but do what ever you will do, whatever you will stick with- if its jump rope in your living room, running around the block, taking the dog for extra walks or joining a program at the gym- make the exercise something you will do and will want to do. It doesn't have to be big- diet is by far the bigger factor in weight loss, exercise just gives you wiggle room and makes you feel proactive.

For what it's worth, I don't think you have a food addiction, I just think you have a mindset of self flagellation that is holding you back. Sorry if I was harsh on the hubby-to-be, but anyone who is actively mean is not an OK person in my book. I hope you find what you are looking for on here and feel free to friend me.

Paula, I'm with a couple of the other ones here about your fiance not being nice about your weight. People don't understand how easy it is to gain weight, and how hard it is to lose weight. It's not like changing your outfit, you can't do it over night. I wouldn't put up with someone beating me down verbally or physically. Maybe he doesn't realize how much he is hurting you. You could tell him, maybe several times, as it seems like men, like children, don't always get it the first time, ha ha. Just my experience.
I have realized recently that you have to do what you think you can live with for the rest of your life. I see people at work eating tuna every day, or nothing but soup or lean cuisines, yuck! You can't do that forever, and it's not good for you anyway. Just cut back, lay off the sugary beverages for sure. They add empty calories so quickly. Definitely write everything down. People who keep a food journal are more successful losing weight (and don't fudge things, even when you have a bad day).
You don't have to have a big home gym or membership to lose weight. You can always walk outside, or do an aerobics video, ride a bike if you have a good area to do it. Stationary bikes are fairly reasonable as well if you can't get outside. I have a treadmill and an elliptical. I like that I can vary my exercise a little. I have three kids and I work as a nurse, so some days I have to get up pretty early to get my exercise in, but if I can just do a little or get started, it is better than nothing. I think if something is important to someone, they find time to do it. Just know you can do it, and do it for yourself, not anyone else. Good luck.

Hello Paula, first and foremost, great job in thinking about losing the weight, thats a start. Enough has been said about what you can do to get things going.

As most people have mentioned here about your fiance, I am sorry he isnt supportive and maybe overstepping my boundaries like others to tell you that maybe the healthiest thing for you is to not be in that relationship. A man should truely love you in any size. My ex and i had problems, but the best side of him was that my weight was never an issue. And that was a great feeling for me.

Please, ur bf may be part of the reason u feel the way u do. Do this for urself and not for him. lose the weight to love who you truely are. I guess you should think about the fact that once you get over ur weight, what next will he pick on.

As humans we deserve unconditional love. A healthy relationships adds to ur confidence, it builds u, props u up, supports u no matter what.

Go eb awesome girl and remember its about u and not him. Really think about this relationship before it goes any further. Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed regardless of the difficulties involved

1-I hate to sound mean....but get out of the relationship now! My soon to be ex-husband was the same way. The verbal abuse was horrid...it was then followed up by emotional and mental abuse as well.
2-You are NOT broken!
3-Weightloss isn't the big picture...it's about being healthy. It's going to be a lifelong journey...it's not going to be easy...but the best things in life are not easy.

PM me if you wish to talk.

Ditto, Ditto and Ditto! Run away from that abusive relationship. Been there, done that. It will Not get better. I'll bet you've already heard this from a friend or family member. Listen to them! There is nothing wrong with you or anyone else who is overweight.

Make Healthy your new favorite word! Healthy relationships + a healthy self-image + healthy eating habits = a healthy, happy life!

One big change I made that really helped was to quit buying foods that come in boxes - aka processed foods. Try to cut as many processed foods as you can out of your daily diet. Try to get as many of your calories as you can from regular whole foods. If you don't know how to cook from scratch, then there is no time like the present to learn! It's fun and it is cheaper also!

For me, so much is about planning and then forcing myself to follow through even when I just don't want to. Make sure you have what you need available. If you go to a gym, plan when it fits into your day and find ways to make it happen (minimize the excuses). Always have healthy foods around. Buy a kitchen scale (preferrable one that weighs in ounces and grams) and have plenty of measuring cups and spoons around. Measure and track everything!! Those are just a few quick tips that got me started. Find people who you can do it with! This site is great for that! Having people "around" who are working on similar goals and who are there to be accountible to, celebrate with and sometimes just to vent to really helps!!

This is totally none of my business, but I just feel the need to say something. It's really hard to say to someone "get rid of the man," but if your guy is cruel or mean to you (about anything), you really need to think long and hard if he's really "the one" before you marry him. I know only what you've said in your post, but it's definetly throwing off some red flags for me. Maybe he's wonderful in every other way - but this one thing is a pretty major part of you, and honestly - for most if us, it always will be. If we didn't have issues with weight, we wouldn't be here. This will probably be something that we have to make a priority in our lives forever in order to keep the weight off once it's gone. If you don't have support at home, how is that going to work for you?

I met my husband when I was in the best shape of my life. I started gaining weight after we were engaged but then really put it on after we were married. I knew he wasn't thrilled about it, and he would admit it when I pushed him, but never once (even the hardest parts of our marriage, even when we weren't always very nice to each other) did he make a single cruel remark to me about it. He always told me how attracted he was to me ... not that I couldn't tell :-) ... and how beautiful I was even when I felt so disgusing myself. Even now, while I'm not happy with my "leftovers" of weight gain and pregnancies, he would never ever utter one single word that might hurt me. He just tells me what a great job I've done and to keep working at it and give it time. He tells me that if I'm not happy, I can just have something fixed if I want (for ME, not for him!). We do not have a perfect marriage all the time, but we love and respect each other deeply. If I didn't have his support and kindness behind everything in our lives, we would never have pulled through!!!

I'm sending you a friend request... Please accept it. Honey I want you to know that its not okay if he makes you feel bad about yourself. It doesn't matter if it's about your weight or anything else. THAT IS NOT OKAY! If he loves you, truly loves you for who you are, he needs to learn to accept you. You should only be doing this for YOU... no-one else. That being said... I'd be happy to be a support to you. Feel free to message me anytime. I'm here several times a day!

Hey don't be so hard on yourself. Your amazing and beautiful. Just believe in yourself and you will achieve anything. Everything takes time. And I think you need some time alone to get all your thoughts organized. Also you need to learn how to love yourself and take care of yourself before you go in a serious relationship!

Ok I need to address this: If the fiance is really actively MEAN about your weight, Screw him and dump the dead weight that is him. Honestly, is that the kind of person you want to be your partner in life? Someone who makes you feel like crap? What's going to happen if you get pregnant, or just generally age? I just have no patience for people who are shallow about someone's looks and I can not imagine a signifcant other who is worth your time if he(or she) makes you feel like poop on a stick.

On the weight side of things, I do a bunch of things that fit well into my life. I've spent the last year just tweaking my life regardless of the scale. I only lost a small amount of weight for the 1st 8 months, but have lost almost 25 in the last 3.5 mo.

First and foremost: Love who you are body and all. I know this sounds corny, but without self confidence (or the motivation to strive for self confidence) losing weight is just treating a symptom of your overall problem. YOU are worth the change. YOU are worth more than a cookie or even chocolate (which is saying something, cuz I love chocolate). You are in control, and in charge. It's your body; both the power and responsibility to be who you want are yours. You HAVE to know this.

For more practical "how to"-y advice, PLANNING is your friend!

Make the week days as easy as possible for myself so I take sundays to plan things out for myself as much as possible. I plan my workouts each sunday and when I go grocery shopping I buy almost all healthy food and 1-2 "bad" or just nutritionally empty but generally delicious snacks. I know what my food "plan" for the day is, without sitting down to plan out all my meals because i have a basic criteria for each day:

Breakfast: Protein Focused 2-400 cals
Mid morning snack: Veggie or Fruit- Up to 150 cals
Lunch: Sandwich, Salad or Soup- with Veggie or Fruit 3-400 cals
Mid afternoon Snack: Greek Yogurt or Cliff/Luna Bar 150-250 cals
Dinner: Meat/Fish, Veggie(or 2), Pasta or Rice 400-700 cals
After dinner Treat: If I have any cals left, little splurge

With this "structure" in mind, its easy to know what I am going to eat and plan it out, which knowing just makes me feel so confident and secure all day and lets me turn down snacking opportunities but it also allows me flexibility to move/change things as my life needs it. So I guess its not "motivating" in and of it self, but it makes needing motivation less relevant, because it's actually easier to just follow this plan I have set for myself.

I personally don't go to the gym because I find it a time and motivation suck, but do what ever you will do, whatever you will stick with- if its jump rope in your living room, running around the block, taking the dog for extra walks or joining a program at the gym- make the exercise something you will do and will want to do. It doesn't have to be big- diet is by far the bigger factor in weight loss, exercise just gives you wiggle room and makes you feel proactive.

For what it's worth, I don't think you have a food addiction, I just think you have a mindset of self flagellation that is holding you back. Sorry if I was harsh on the hubby-to-be, but anyone who is actively mean is not an OK person in my book. I hope you find what you are looking for on here and feel free to friend me.

i like your quote

Why don't you ask your fiance to do this along with you? If he's going through it with you, then he will know your struggles, hardships and be able to share in your ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

As most women come to realize, men aren't mind-readers so if they don't know you're hurting you, why would they magically change? I'm glad you've talked to him in regards to your feelings. He should support you no matter what and anything less is detrimental to the healthy lifestyle you're attempting to achieve. Now he knows this.

Some people get healthy cold turkey, others remove small things from their diets at a time, and others implement exercise in in slow increments. You have to figure out what is realistic for YOU.

Welcome to MFP! You will find a very supportive and helpful community here. Good luck!