Christmas crazies and family and trying to be on track...

macw1_2000
macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
edited September 22 in Chit-Chat
Christmas crazies and family and trying to be on track...
So I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world with a completely dysfunctional family. I know I can't be because there are SO many Christmas movies that point it out.

So...my son came home on Monday. It's all good - haven't seen him since a year ago since he has been busting his *kitten* in school. He came home with a g/f (no, not that kind of g/f, my son is gay and came "out" last year).

So I have come to realize now, after year two of dealing with this ****, that I am really begining to hate the holidays. I mean REALLY. He is driving me bat ****, I am wanting to drink about 5 gallons of red wine and eat whatever I can get my hands on. I have honestly taken to locking myself in my bedroom most of the day after him and his friend got ****ed up on red wine and (she) fell into my dishwasher door when it was open (they were horseplaying while they were trashed and we were upstairs asleep). She is not a little girl. My thousand dollar stainless steel dishwasher now opens up and the door lays on the floor. I came downstairs after one of the other kids ratted them out and let them know a) there is no more alcohol consumed by them in my house period...i don't care what they do at school and b) you get your *kitten* up and out when I say or you are left at home. Now...lovely....since they are not downstairs catching a buzz, I have to listen to everyone horseplaying until 4 in the morning.

Did I mention that I paid for both tickets and they were supposed to be paid back when they got home? Yeah...crickets could have been singing when we brought THAT up last night. No one could seem to remember who had the money or what happened. (This is 500 each...our son is one thing, someone who we just met on Monday is another but he insisted that we pay for her since they wanted to travel together.).

So anyway - I am trying to stay on track. And the girl who is staying with us, who is overweight keeps asking to go to the gym with us. I take her, she walks in the tread mill and then chats with everyone else in the gym and acts busy. I am breaking my *kitten* and sweating and my daugther is being a maniac and today.. yep...after 20 minutes on the treadmill she was too sore to get out of bed ALL DAY.

So, whatever, if she wants to tag along to the gym, that's fine. Whatever.

But what pisses me off really is the two of them destroying my house. And what do I do? Reach for a bag of chips. A bottle of wine earlier in the day (4 instead of 5). Eat chocolate. I can't even begin to tell you how much we paid to have this house redone. Contractor was here from Feb to April EVERY DAY for two months straight. All day.

And I'm the one dealing with both of them all day b/c hubby is at work. Which is cool - it allows me to go to school full time but he has not taken ANY time over the last year for vacation and I I think it is time that he takes some time off. His son needs to see HIM - not me and I need a break from all of this.

Ok...my rant. I am now going to suck down another bag of chips and two more rum and cokes. It'seither numbing the holidays or someone is going to get a can of whoop-*kitten* opened on them.

Can someone please tell me how to deal with the stressful bullsh** if the holiday visits from family? I can't think of anything but stending my entire life at the gym. And not coming home.

Replies

  • sevangelista
    sevangelista Posts: 42
    You house your rules. Share them, enforce them, demand the respect you deserve or you will get the crap that comes you way
  • trisha329
    trisha329 Posts: 266 Member
    I think it's time for a talk. If they're old enough to drink, they're old enough to accept responsibility for the damage they've done to your house. It's pretty clear you're not getting the money for "her" ticket. How about her paying for the dishwasher to get fixed? You need to put your foot down -- they need to shape up or get out!
  • macw1_2000
    macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
    Thanks Guys - that's what I thought. I said "no more alcohol until you can behave like adults" and the plane tickets and damage...still have yet to approach that. Dad is not saying anything but dad is going to have to step up because I really don't think this is my fight completely.

    How does one not eat their way through this? I am wavering between carbs and wanting to spend my entire day away from everyone at the gym.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Also sounds like your son and his g/f aren't respecting you or your house or your belongings. I'm sure you're happy that he came home, but also he should treat you and your things with respect. Eating and drinking won't fix his/her behavior. Put the food away and speak up. Go to the gym and work out without the g/f. Take some time to get your aggressions out and not have to deal with them. Then go home and be clear about what you expect from them and their behavior. Leave a note if you don't want to do it in person.

    Hang in there, they can't be staying forever. lol.

    As for the tickets it sounds like you paid for them. Good luck with that.
  • trisha329
    trisha329 Posts: 266 Member
    I agree -- I think Dad really needs to step up here. You need to have a strong, equal front, and approach them together.
  • macw1_2000
    macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
    Never mind - you're both right. I've been listening to Dr. Laura for years and I don't know why I'm trying to avoid all this. And hide in the house. Thanks for giving me a backbone. Do you suggest I speak to my son (he is my step but I've had him full time since he was 11 - his Mom is passed) or have my husband approach this crap? I am so done with this trip and it's been less than a week.

    I am really ready to check out of the house and check into a hotel tomorrow until the holiday is over. I'm sure my oldest daughter would go with bells on her feet with me.

    Is it ijust my house or is anyone else just over family?
  • wyze
    wyze Posts: 248
    whoa!!! all i can say is i am sorry your having such a hard time, hope it gets better.

    I think you should insist on getting your money back for the tickets (dont back down, if he is in college, he is old enough to be responsible. There was no reason for him to insist on coming home with a friend who could not pay her way). Also demand that they pay for the damage to your dishwasher.

    Grown ups should be treated as such.

    Good luck hugs

    PS: i just saw that he is ur step son. Perhaps ur husband should address the issue, or u guys shd do it together. dont do it alone if u dont have to
  • Photoplex
    Photoplex Posts: 49 Member
    On a more practical note - claim the dishwasher damage on your household insurance.
  • trisha329
    trisha329 Posts: 266 Member
    I think the talk should come from both of you. There's strength in numbers!

    I only have a nine year old, so I haven't had problems like this (yet!), and we're thousands of miles from either of our families -- so we have a lot of peace! lol

    This too shall pass!!
  • macw1_2000
    macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
    I went downstairs the night that the girls told me what happened and i confronted it immediately - he had tried to run the dishwasher and it worked (but it's about 5 inches lower to the ground right now - I'm telling you, someone 200 pounds can't fall on the door of a dishwasher and expect it to be okay...I am 125 and if I fell on it, it would break).

    All I got was smack and shut up and they weren't drunk (there were two bottles of spent wine in the garbage) and then told me to ask my kids- maybe they had done it. (one won't touch alcohol by choice - the other is a type 1 diabetic and will have problems if she drinks - she is 17 and is seriously against drinking - she is the one who told the other kid, who told me....if that makes sense. And they all love each other but the girls HATE drinking....)

    I think I'm going to make Dad step up here and take time off from work. Period. and deal with this too. He has had zero time for vacation and has weeks saved and i think now is the perfect time to take time off. I don't see why i am the one dealing with this all the time.
  • macw1_2000
    macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
    Thank you!!! That is exactly what I thought here. I am tired of being walked on.

    You have an awesome holiday and good luck keeping on track...

    :)
  • bikerbiz
    bikerbiz Posts: 179 Member
    Dad should take off and correct this behavior, and bond with his son. Definitely some issues, long overdue. As for you...get to the gym, and/or work it off...chips and drinking aren't helping your BP (or helping the "kids" not drink). :noway:
  • eyoreblu
    eyoreblu Posts: 41
    First, I am so sorry, you should be able to have time to ENJOY the holdays and time with family.

    Second, the can of whop a** should have come out long ago. You have the right to demand respect in your own home.

    Good luck!!!
  • macw1_2000
    macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
    Thanks Ken and you're right.
  • macw1_2000
    macw1_2000 Posts: 50 Member
    And you're right too!! Sounds like a huge can of whoop *kitten* is going to be opened here pretty soon...I'm about over it.
  • lilmom1
    lilmom1 Posts: 69
    open the can of whoop *kitten*...sounds like its needed...and its not good to hold it all in girl!! LUCK!
  • gentlebreeze2
    gentlebreeze2 Posts: 450 Member
    First, it's not fair for you to have to deal with this by yourself... he should be standing there next to you presenting a united front.

    But as far as your question, does anyone else have to deal with?... I struggle with the holidays too. We did our Christmas yesterday and it was very stressful for me. This is the first time since joining mfp that I went bonkers on chocolate. I don't have the luxury of a gym in this town (small town), but I stayed up late last night to make sure I had burned all those extra calories off.

    And then, my dad died on this day a few years ago... so it makes me really sad. The holidays are not all they are cracked up to be.

    I wish you peace and happiness for the rest of the season.
  • nubreeze33
    nubreeze33 Posts: 270
    It sounds like you need some HARD CORE GYM BURNING CALORIES ALONE TIME......NO TAG ALONGS! For your survival of the week I would seriously take some time just for you. I will keep you in prayer and specifically that you don't strangle anyone. Don't boil over.......just speak your thoughts. Put them to work ALLLLLLLLLL over the house for what they have done to your dishwasher.
    fill up on healthy choices, so you don't further add insult to injury by doing what deep down you probably don't want but it's familiar.
    The realization of my life nearly had me this week, I wanted not only a stiff drink (i'm an alcoholic), but also I wanted TWO packs of cigarettes. instead I went to the gym and put it 90 minutes of cardio and treated myself to yogurtland. I feel better and I still have my sobriety. You can get through this......don't be the human sacrifice and you will be fine. PRAYING FOR YOU. HUGS
  • TaraMaria
    TaraMaria Posts: 1,975
    First off *HUG* DEAR HEAVENS!!!
    Secondly...my biggest thought through all of this was...um, this is NOT how it is in the real world. You don't get to just go over to someone's house, crash, drink, destroy, demand and then leave. He can not expect to live that way or treat you that way. My second thought was the gym is my haven. I understand that you were probably trying to do the nice thing the first time around and I would have done the same. But NO MORE. One strike. You are out. That is how Tara's gym rules work, lol! You have to respect the process. You are working hard at you and you don't need anyone messing up that routine, let alone someone who isn't respecting you at home! Your husband SO has to be in on this. Men don't always pick up on things immediately but I hope your husband jumps on the band wagon right away and tells your step son to man up. I don't care if he's into men or women, he is still an adult! Gotta act like one!
    Praying you survive all of this! Maybe when you start to get aggravated, put on an exercise DVD and do just 15-20 minutes of that instead of 15-20 minutes of chip eating. You have the rest of this week to get through. You can do it! :o) Keep us posted hunny! :o)
  • mccorml
    mccorml Posts: 622 Member
    hey your completely right im 19 in college and that ****s expensive (good for me i grow a conscience when i drink example i was taking a leak in my roommates bathroom after we had been drinking and on the way out hit his night bag into the toilet but i went out and rebought him everything) but yah i mean dad definately needs to step up here idk my parents pay for my college which im not sure you guys might pay for his?? not sure but i mean my dad would do something like take a 100 dollars off my living exspenses every month tell it was paid off out of my bank account cuz he deposits money for me to buy food on but i mean it wouldnt kill me but i wouldnt be able to afford fast food or alcohol thats for sure id be eating ramen and frozen dinner meals lol just a suggestion from a college kid on what my parents would do to get their money back
  • Debtappe
    Debtappe Posts: 164 Member
    I think you need some "me time" Tell everyone that you are running errands and then head out to the gym by yourself.
  • Debtappe
    Debtappe Posts: 164 Member
    I think you need some "me time" Tell everyone that you are running errands and then head out to the gym by yourself.
  • sunnyk8
    sunnyk8 Posts: 125 Member
    My first thought is WHY on earth are you expected to pay for a ticket for your step-son's friend? Um... no.
    Secondly, I agree with everyone else saying "lay down the law". I don't care if they get all pissed off or think you are a b-word or whatever... they have completely disrespected your home... and then had the nerve to blame it on your girls? No way, jose.
    Definitely get the dad in on this... strength in numbers. Maybe your step-son will think twice about back-talking if his dad is around to admonish him about his awful behavior.
    Do not let up... MAKE SURE they pay for their tickets AND the fixing of the dishwasher.

    Their behavior is appalling and I am so sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully you can get some of the aggression out (definitely could use some "me time" at the gym), and maybe just focus on spending time with your daughters.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories