Weight Loss and Relationships
Wookinpanub
Posts: 635 Member
What do you think the impact is usually on relationships where one person decides to change their life and lose significant weight while the other person doesn't or barely tries and remains overweight? Before they likely shared a common love of (bad) food, and not being active.
A neighbor of mine lost a bunch of weight, started to dress "more hip" and he left his wife, who was still somewhat overweight. I look at the before and after pictures on this site and the transformations are incredible - like a new, younger person and much more attractive. It's gotta have some affect on their relationship, amirite?
A neighbor of mine lost a bunch of weight, started to dress "more hip" and he left his wife, who was still somewhat overweight. I look at the before and after pictures on this site and the transformations are incredible - like a new, younger person and much more attractive. It's gotta have some affect on their relationship, amirite?
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Replies
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Nope.
Many, many of us have spouses whom we have adored at different levels of fitness. Many, many of us have been adored by our spouses when WE were at different levels of fitness.
If that kind of change has a significant effect on your relationship, it probably wasn't a very good relationship to begin with.0 -
Nope.
Many, many of us have spouses whom we have adored at different levels of fitness. Many, many of us have been adored by our spouses when WE were at different levels of fitness.
If that kind of change has a significant effect on your relationship, it probably wasn't a very good relationship to begin with.
wow - judgement much? It does in fact affect your relationship - good, bad, or ugly. even if you stay - there are effects that cause ripples good and bad. For some of us, the now ex-spouse had no desire to change, and was content to live as HE was, while I was not.0 -
wow - judgement much? It does in fact affect your relationship - good, bad, or ugly. even if you stay - there are effects that cause ripples good and bad. For some of us, the now ex-spouse had no desire to change, and was content to live as HE was, while I was not.
I agree it has to affect the relationship. Not only the weight difference (which may lead to sexual issues) but also their everyday livelihood - eating, socializing, physical activity.0 -
Nope.
Many, many of us have spouses whom we have adored at different levels of fitness. Many, many of us have been adored by our spouses when WE were at different levels of fitness.
If that kind of change has a significant effect on your relationship, it probably wasn't a very good relationship to begin with.
wow - judgement much? It does in fact affect your relationship - good, bad, or ugly. even if you stay - there are effects that cause ripples good and bad. For some of us, the now ex-spouse had no desire to change, and was content to live as HE was, while I was not.
Why did he have to change just because you did?0 -
I read somewhere that the divorce rate among couple where one of them had weight loss surgery was astronomical, so maybe there's something to that. I guess it depends on the people, some people specifically seek out partners that make them feel better about themselves, or ones they want to "fix" and if that partner then loses weight or changes their life in a way that makes them feel inadequate it all goes to hell pretty quick.
Personally, I've been with the same person since before losing weight and after. He has been super supportive of me but he is not a fitness guy and not a healthy eating guy. His doctor says he's healthy though, so it makes no diff to me. I think sometimes it would be nice to be with a guy who would lift weights and stuff with me, but I'm sure he'd like a girl who would play Final Fantasy with him, so nobody is perfect.0 -
Lived with my boyfriend of 6 years. I lost 60 odd lbs and he didn't find me attractive anymore so we ended it. I'm lucky though because now I have a lovely boyfriend (of 4 years so far ;-)) who enjoys exercising and eating well just like I do :-)
Edit: Neither ex nor current partners have or have ever had weight issues.0 -
I don't think it affects the relationship at all. My husband used to workout, and then stopped because of a back injury. Eventually he will get back into it, but for now I'm hardcore into it.
He's been super supportive of me, and tells everyone how proud he is of me losing 60 pounds so far.0 -
What do you think the impact is usually on relationships where one person decides to change their life and lose significant weight while the other person doesn't or barely tries and remains overweight? Before they likely shared a common love of (bad) food, and not being active.
A neighbor of mine lost a bunch of weight, started to dress "more hip" and he left his wife, who was still somewhat overweight. I look at the before and after pictures on this site and the transformations are incredible - like a new, younger person and much more attractive. It's gotta have some affect on their relationship, amirite?
If they are doing it with hopes they are going to meet up with their ex-girlfriend and not tell their wife about it, it probably will end up having a huge effect on their relationship. (hint: it will not end well)0 -
What do you think the impact is usually on relationships where one person decides to change their life and lose significant weight while the other person doesn't or barely tries and remains overweight? Before they likely shared a common love of (bad) food, and not being active.
A neighbor of mine lost a bunch of weight, started to dress "more hip" and he left his wife, who was still somewhat overweight. I look at the before and after pictures on this site and the transformations are incredible - like a new, younger person and much more attractive. It's gotta have some affect on their relationship, amirite?
If they are doing it with hopes they are going to meet up with their ex-girlfriend and not tell their wife about it, it probably will end up having a huge effect on their relationship. (hint: it will not end well)
LOL! Yes! This!
Come on, man!0 -
I think if you leave someone cause you look better than they do you were obviously with them for the wrong reasons.
My partner has seem me at 170lbs, 125lbs, and now at 135 lbs. He's loved me through it all.0 -
I think if you leave someone cause you look better than they do you were obviously with them for the wrong reasons.
My partner has seem me at 170lbs, 125lbs, and now at 135 lbs. He's loved me through it all.
I can't believe I am agreeing with a cubs fan, LOL.............STL Cards fan here!!
But I agree. My husband has been attracted, loving and caring to me when I met him at 125 pounds, when I was at my heaviest at 298 and every where in between. It affected our sex life from my end due to body issues I have, not him.0 -
In my case I had super low self esteem before I lost the weight. My ex and I were both extremely overweight. When I started changing my habits, losing weight, feeling better about myself, and taking more pride in my appearance it put a strain on our relationship. It definitely wasn't the only reason we got divorced, but it was a contributing factor. He straight out told me he didn't like the "new me".0
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My husband has never been supportive. He told me he doesn't like the way I look now, he prefers me at 241. It has definitely affected our relationship. So yes, I do believe in some cases, it can affect the relationship.0
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Nope.
Many, many of us have spouses whom we have adored at different levels of fitness. Many, many of us have been adored by our spouses when WE were at different levels of fitness.
If that kind of change has a significant effect on your relationship, it probably wasn't a very good relationship to begin with.
wow - judgement much? It does in fact affect your relationship - good, bad, or ugly. even if you stay - there are effects that cause ripples good and bad. For some of us, the now ex-spouse had no desire to change, and was content to live as HE was, while I was not.
Why did he have to change just because you did?
Exactly.0 -
Nope.
If that kind of change has a significant effect on your relationship, it probably wasn't a very good relationship to begin with.
I agreed, I had been married for 16 years, and I always love to workout and maintain my body in shape, and my husband doesn't really care for that, but I love him for who he is and how he treats me.0 -
I've lost 18 pounds and my boyfriend hasn't noticed haha. We've been together 4 years, and I put on 50 pounds in that time. 32 more to go until I'm the weight he met me at
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I think if you leave someone cause you look better than they do you were obviously with them for the wrong reasons.
My partner has seem me at 170lbs, 125lbs, and now at 135 lbs. He's loved me through it all.
This. Mine does not care. I met him at 130. Gained to 170 because I stopped watching my intake/working out. He lived over an hour from me. We ate out a lot. I canceled my gym membership around the time I met him (for other reasons) and just kind of stopped working out so I could see him more. Life happens.
I decided to make the change for me. Not for him but he does support me 100%. Would I like for him to be more healty? Sure but I know I can't force it on him. Obvioulsy I want the person I'm with healthy, not for looks but for health. I don't want anyone I love to die of a heart attack or other ailments that may have been preventable with diet/exercise. I wish my mom would be healthier too but I'm not going to disown her because I lost weight. Seems silly to me but then again, all relationships/people are different.0 -
As with most things, and as you've seen so far, it can vary widely depending on the circumstances, it's not a black and white thing.
When Hubs and I met, I weighed about 245 and he weighed maybe 160 soaking wet (at 6'4"). Now I weigh about 170 and he's just over 200 pounds. He's gotten better about the healthier food choices (even got a bit snobbish about it when visiting a friend and seeing their freezer full of junk food) but has absolutely no interest in exercising. However, he's very encouraging and supportive about my exercise - even gets me going on days when I just want to be lazy. And guess what - we're still crazy about each other. The only thing he disapproves of is my "girls" getting smaller but it's not exactly a deal breaker.
Some people see changes in their spouses as a threat. They're afraid the other person is doing it to improve themselves so they can find a new spouse. Or they're afraid it means their spouse is cheating on them. Or maybe a big part of what they do together revolves around food and when that's gone, what's left? And unfortunately sometime the reaction is to become angry, controlling, etc and obviously that can cause problems. These are just some examples of what I've read/heard from people who have troubles losing weight while their partner/spouse doesn't.0 -
I can see it on one hand...no matter how good your relationship is, if you no longer have similar lifestyles that can put a huge strain on a relationship. If one spouse is in the gym, walking or biking everywhere, playing sports, and cooking from scratch and the other is constantly on the couch with a bag of chips, it might be difficult if the first spouse used to be on the other cushion with the remote in hand, you know? In those situations, where someone discovers a love of fitness and it suddenly consumes his or her life, it could be extremely frustrating for BOTH partners to navigate. But that's all less to do with aesthetics or being "hot" than it is about values and lifestyle.0
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As with most things, and as you've seen so far, it can vary widely depending on the circumstances, it's not a black and white thing.
When Hubs and I met, I weighed about 245 and he weighed maybe 160 soaking wet (at 6'4"). Now I weigh about 170 and he's just over 200 pounds. He's gotten better about the healthier food choices (even got a bit snobbish about it when visiting a friend and seeing their freezer full of junk food) but has absolutely no interest in exercising. However, he's very encouraging and supportive about my exercise - even gets me going on days when I just want to be lazy. And guess what - we're still crazy about each other. The only thing he disapproves of is my "girls" getting smaller but it's not exactly a deal breaker.
Some people see changes in their spouses as a threat. They're afraid the other person is doing it to improve themselves so they can find a new spouse. Or they're afraid it means their spouse is cheating on them. Or maybe a big part of what they do together revolves around food and when that's gone, what's left? And unfortunately sometime the reaction is to become angry, controlling, etc and obviously that can cause problems. These are just some examples of what I've read/heard from people who have troubles losing weight while their partner/spouse doesn't.
One of the best replies so far but 6'4" and just over 200 lbs is a pretty good weight.0 -
One of the best replies so far but 6'4" and just over 200 lbs is a pretty good weight.
Maybe not if you're fit and muscular - but technically that makes him overweight and he does have a beer belly. And it's a MAJOR difference from when we met and he was lean and wirey. Which is pretty much my point - we've both changed quite a bit over the 15+ years we've been together, not only physically but other lifestyle changes as well and it didn't break us up. It wasn't always easy, that is for sure, but we made it through together.0 -
I can see it on one hand...no matter how good your relationship is, if you no longer have similar lifestyles that can put a huge strain on a relationship. If one spouse is in the gym, walking or biking everywhere, playing sports, and cooking from scratch and the other is constantly on the couch with a bag of chips, it might be difficult if the first spouse used to be on the other cushion with the remote in hand, you know? In those situations, where someone discovers a love of fitness and it suddenly consumes his or her life, it could be extremely frustrating for BOTH partners to navigate. But that's all less to do with aesthetics or being "hot" than it is about values and lifestyle.
This is how I see weight loss affecting the relationship.0 -
I don't think there is any one route for things to go. Relationships, and life, are tricky that way!
My ex husband and I were both very obese. I had a lot of energy and he had far less. He wasn't that attracted to me. I wasn't that attracted to him. We stayed together for 10 years anyway. When we split it had nothing to do with me losing 35 lb and getting a bit healthier. It had everything to do with us being married having been a terrible idea from the start - which was disguised by how compatible we were.
When I met my current husband he was quite fit and I was still very obese. We both had a lot of energy and were crazily attracted to each other. In all ways, we are an excellent match. I've lost over 70 lb since we met (actually closer to 80 lb) and it hasn't really affected our relationship/marriage for better OR worse. He's still insanely into me and I'm still equally (at least) as into him. There's nothing really different -- except the amount of space my body takes up and the size of my clothing. Actually he has joined MFP and lost a few pounds too, even though he didn't NEED to like I did. My weight loss is more for me...not to please him. He'd be fine with me still weighing the same as when we met, barring any serious health issues of course.0 -
MelRC - he didn't have to change. I'd adapted to his lifestyle long ago not knowing much different, 20 years later I realized that it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to see the world, experience places, live outside the internet, go to school, etc. We parted on great terms - realizing we just had different ambitions going forward in life - and remain friends. Which I know is not the norm.0
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In my case I had super low self esteem before I lost the weight. My ex and I were both extremely overweight. When I started changing my habits, losing weight, feeling better about myself, and taking more pride in my appearance it put a strain on our relationship. It definitely wasn't the only reason we got divorced, but it was a contributing factor. He straight out told me he didn't like the "new me".
this.
I grew up overweight, married overweight - dabbled with weight loss over the years, but didn't want to live the rest of my life compromising on things. The strain added stress to already existing issues. But it wasn't because we never loved each other. He is 10+ years older than me and set in his ways about how he wants to live his life - and me, well - I wanted to see the world.0 -
wow - judgement much? It does in fact affect your relationship - good, bad, or ugly. even if you stay - there are effects that cause ripples good and bad. For some of us, the now ex-spouse had no desire to change, and was content to live as HE was, while I was not.
I agree it has to affect the relationship. Not only the weight difference (which may lead to sexual issues) but also their everyday livelihood - eating, socializing, physical activity.
Couldn't disagree more, if a relationship is structured such that drastic changes in appearance affect the relationship it's self, the relationship was flawed from the start.
Rigger0
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