Eating disorder help

So tired of old habits ruling me! Every time I try and eat regular and normal as opposed to starve binge purge I don't trust that it won't make me balloon up further . I'm almost 33and have been anorexic and bulimic since age 11 that's 22 years of my life! Yes I've done therapy yes I've been in the hospital I'm now a registered nurse who is supposed to set a healthy example. I very been as low as 70 lbs and as high as 165 on my 5'2" frame currently 119 to 120. Sorry for the rant I just need someone who is unbiased and will check in on my daily call spade to spade hold me accountable. My husband loves me but doesn't say anything because I always twist his words and we end up mad at each other. I realize this is a tall favor for someone who has never met me but I don't want to be 70 years old unhealthy purging or worse having to be tube fed or even worse dying way too soon because I couldn't face my demons. Well here's to anyone crazy enough to help.