Advice For my BF
dramallamaduck
Posts: 97 Member
My boyfriend and I have started trying to eat healthier and lose weight... He hasn't really lost anything and he's baffled as to why.
Let me tell you, he's not eating... He may eat one meal/day. I'm at a loss as to what to tell him. I know he drinks a lot of his calories (energy drinks, soda, etc), but he's recently cut back on the sugary stuff.
He's not eating. I know it's not healthy and I don't know what to tell him. (I know I can't make him change, he has to do it on his own, etc... but he's asking me for advice)
Help?
Let me tell you, he's not eating... He may eat one meal/day. I'm at a loss as to what to tell him. I know he drinks a lot of his calories (energy drinks, soda, etc), but he's recently cut back on the sugary stuff.
He's not eating. I know it's not healthy and I don't know what to tell him. (I know I can't make him change, he has to do it on his own, etc... but he's asking me for advice)
Help?
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Replies
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If he's not tracking, there's not a whole lot of help we can provide. If he wants an easy way to lose weight, he should start using MFP.0
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My boyfriend and I have started trying to eat healthier and lose weight... He hasn't really lost anything and he's baffled as to why.
Let me tell you, he's not eating... He may eat one meal/day. I'm at a loss as to what to tell him. I know he drinks a lot of his calories (energy drinks, soda, etc), but he's recently cut back on the sugary stuff.
He's not eating. I know it's not healthy and I don't know what to tell him. (I know I can't make him change, he has to do it on his own, etc... but he's asking me for advice)
Help?
How about just that? "hey, I know we've been trying to eat healthier lately, but in order to do that you have to EAT!" But take it from me, an old married woman of 18 yrs with a stubborn former Marine husband, they never listen. He'll just have to find out the hard way.0 -
He is most likely putting his body in starvation mode. He must eat to lose weight. I suggest start by logging food and go from there.0
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i'm pretty sure he's eating in secret without telling you. that's the only reason he wouldn't be losing.
he probably feels ashamed that he's finding it hard, especially if you're doing well or pressuring him when he eats junk
it's so common and often happens in the car on the way to work/while you're out etc. it's the only plausible explanation unless he is drinking way more sugar than he thinks0 -
He's asking for advice, then give it. Something along the lines of "what's working for me is logging everything in. I've learned from the forums that I need to hit my daily goals, meaning calories, carbs, fat, protein, etc. And that if I exercise, I get to eat back 1/2 of the calories I burn during my exercise." Don't make it about eating healthier or even just plain eating. Keep it non-judgmental so you're not lecturing. Or even just suggest because everyone is different, how about he post a forum topic about needing help.
Also realize, that like others (myself included), he may ask for advice but not take it. We all have to learn in our own way.0 -
Show him the "success stories" threads on this site, and bring up some of the flagged links for him to read on the "getting started"threads. Perhaps he won't read them but if you leave them up on your computer they may randomly attract his attention when you are not around. i agree with an above poster that he may be eating on the sly or embarassed/ashamed......perhaps if you are successful your example can motivate him. No one else can MAKE, threaten, deride or shame you to lose weight, you have to decide one day that it is important enough to yourself to start taking charge of your health. Don't pressure him, just gently encourage by example. Good luck.0
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He's clearly eating tons of calories at this 'one meal' along with all the calories he's drinking.0
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Is starvation mode even a real thing?
He has a MFP account and he logs, but I'm not 100% sure it's accurate and he's not consistent with it.
I know that I have to eat. I love food and refuse to starve myself. I know it's not good for me, so I just started modifying what I eat. Cutting out the Sonic breakfast helped a ton.
I'm going to try and get him to post here.0 -
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Metabolic adaptation is a real thing.Is starvation mode even a real thing?
He has a MFP account and he logs, but I'm not 100% sure it's accurate and he's not consistent with it.
I know that I have to eat. I love food and refuse to starve myself. I know it's not good for me, so I just started modifying what I eat. Cutting out the Sonic breakfast helped a ton.
I'm going to try and get him to post here.
Starvation mode is not.
This^^^^^^0 -
I would wager he is taking in way more calories then you think he is -- and probably more calories than he thinks he is.
If he is only eating one "meal" per day he could be drinking calories (three sodas would not be unreasonable and thats 800-900 calories alone) as well as snacks he is thinking won't add up. Of course, I have no idea.
Just a thought.0 -
He has an MFP account, but he doesn't log consistently or accurately, and he's not losing weight.
Did you set up his account for him? Just a shot in the dark ...
Sounds to me like he's not mentally in a place where he's ready to do this, so my advice is for you, not him: Let it go. Do your thing, set an example, and when he's ready, you can put on your best supportive girlfriend hat.0 -
If he's drinking lots of soda and energy drinks, that is probably the reason he isn't losing.0
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the sugary drinks plus whatever he eats a day might be a lot of calories.. or he is binging at work or during lunch away from you.. or on the weekends..0
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I had this same problem wiht my husband. He'd eat one meal a day, usually dinner, and he'd eat at least two helpings. He'd only frink diet soda and refused to drink water. You just gotta come out and be blunt and honest. "Hey honey, guess what? You're killing yourself slowly." Take him to the doctors and I get he'll be told he's on the verge of diabetes. That's what it took to get my husband to finally do something about his weight. I said, "See, now will you let me save your life since you onviously don't care about it?" Now he does what I tell him when it comes to eating healthy and weight loss.0
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Do you find cookie crumbs under his pillow in the morning? If so then it may be a case of the magical calorie fairy coming at night when he is asleep. She's such a *****.0
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He has an MFP account, but he doesn't log consistently or accurately, and he's not losing weight.
Did you set up his account for him? Just a shot in the dark ...
Sounds to me like he's not mentally in a place where he's ready to do this, so my advice is for you, not him: Let it go. Do your thing, set an example, and when he's ready, you can put on your best supportive girlfriend hat.
Nope... He's actually the one that suggested we start using MFP again. I used it last year with success, but I fell back on logging and gained some of the weight back.
I think I will just let his go and do his own thing. He will come around, or he won't. I will just keep doing me and let him do him. If and when he's ready, I'm here.0 -
I totally agree that he's probably eating in secret and not telling you. My boyfriend's friend used to say, "Why am I gaining weight when I only eat a ham sandwich for lunch and nothing else?" It turned out that he was eating *an entire box of pasta* at night. We found out when he left it boiling on the stove and woke us up with the smoke alarm. Simply put: if your BF were taking in fewer calories than he was expending, he would lose weight. Think about how you could lose 5 pounds just from having the flu for a couple of days. Starvation mode is not a thing.0
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Chances are his meal is alot worse for him than he thinks, Its easy to get 1000calories in a dinner if you don't think it threw. Then energy drinks/soda at 200cal a pop, plus then maybe the odd cookie or tub of ice cream. It soon add's up.0
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i'm pretty sure he's eating in secret without telling you. that's the only reason he wouldn't be losing.
he probably feels ashamed that he's finding it hard, especially if you're doing well or pressuring him when he eats junk
it's so common and often happens in the car on the way to work/while you're out etc. it's the only plausible explanation unless he is drinking way more sugar than he thinks
This, exactly this. OP, Don't listen to anyone telling you about "starvation mode".
My ex did the same thing. I would find dingdong wrappers in the glove box, taco bell cups in the trash, chipwich wrappers stuffed in the center console. But "I haven't been eating ANYTHING!" yeah, sure, I'd tell him. Your body defies the laws of thermodynamics. All hail the medical marvel.
But seriously, he is eating in secret.0 -
Chances are his meal is alot worse for him than he thinks, Its easy to get 1000calories in a dinner if you don't think it threw. Then energy drinks/soda at 200cal a pop, plus then maybe the odd cookie or tub of ice cream. It soon add's up.
Agreed. A friend of mine in college gained *a ton* of weight by drinking Gatorade. That stuff has soooo many calories in it.0 -
Tell him to eat! And lay off of those energy drinks - they're poison.0
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My husband was eating only one good meal a day, yet he was pushing almost 200 lbs. So when I joined MFP I showed him all the info about eating up to calories and the fact that he could still drink his beer if he wanted to use his leftover calories for that at the end of the day.
After he started and actually started feeling better, which didn't take about ten days, he admitted, while I was feeling bad for him not eating lunch and staying busy all day right up until dinner, he was actually grabbing snack bags of chips at work, candy bars kids were selling, drinking about four cokes a day. And then over stuffing himself at dinner. All that because he was hungry all day.
I got him eating breakfast every morning, taking fruit or yogurt for a snack mid morning and lunch, and a decent sized dinner every night. And he has lost 6 pounds already. All the while never giving up his two beers a night.
Starving yourself all day just leads to munching and snacking and over indulging when you finally do sit down to a meal.0 -
When I say I'm being supportive, I'm encouraging the right food.. Definitely not ragging on him for making the wrong choices.
Ultimately it's him and his decision, I'm just along to be a sounding board
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While eating several small meals or grazing helps some people (myself included) to eat better as it keeps blood sugar level and appetite in check, it's not absolutely necessary for weight loss. If he's truly not hungry all day, eating most of his daily calories in one sitting is not a big deal. If he's willing to try multiple meals, it could help him but don't try to force the issue.
Not being honest and accurate with logging is more likely the issue here. To give him the benefit of the doubt, it may not be completely intentional. Maybe he's guesstimating - say he thinks he's only having 1/2 cup of potatoes but it's really 1 cup or more. Or he thinks he's having 4 oz of meat but it's really 8 or 12 oz. Or maybe he's forgetting to log some things or is in denial about how little things add up. Encourage him to measure/weigh his food and really pay attention to labels to keep his logging honest. And to make sure he logs everything.
As with most things, logging can take some time and practice to get better at it. And if he really wants to lose the weight, he'll be willing to put the effort in to get there.0 -
Meal timing varies from person to person -- he doesn't "have" to eat more often if it doesn't work for him. I have to eat every 2-3 hours or I turn into a ragemonster, while my BF is a boa constrictor and eats one big meal on most days with a couple much smaller snacks.
Now, if that eating pattern makes your BF so hungry he overeats at his one meal, or if he's relying on high-sugar snacks and junk food to get him through the rest of his day, then it's not working and he should try to eat more regularly. But his eating pattern of having one big meal won't necessarily hinder his weight loss.0 -
part of it can be that he's not eating.. when i crash diet like that its a few pounds and they dont stay off, its important to eat six small meals a day, if you do not come near a reasonable amount of good nutrition and calories in a day your body will go into starvation mode and start to hoard any energy that is stored up.
find out his bmr and take a deficit from there and it should start working. Good Luck!0
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