Am I a SELFISH person, need OPINIONS please!!!

First, congratulations on your dedication and discipline in taking care of your health. It is not only not selfish to do so but it is wrong to not do so. We only have one body and one lifetime so we must do the best we can to take care of our health.

Second, it is very nice of you to be supportive and helpful to your family but it is not a requirement. They are adults and responsible for themselves.

Third, be careful about getting to intertwined in their workout/eating habits or weight loss progress as you are finding out this is fraught with danger. These are individual and personal choices and progress and people will begin to look for scapegoats or excuses for not doing what they should be doing or making the progress they would like. You will become their target and excuse. It will cause a lot stress on relationships. I am speaking from personal experience.

Take care and once again congratulations.

Not selfish at all! You are not the one who should be responsible for their lives/health, nor should you be the one busting your butt to do tasks your completely-able dad can do perfectly on his own. Don't ruin the thing you love by having negativity added to it.

You are 26 years old. Move out.

+1

+4000

That's a good solution in theory, but sometimes it's not an option. Depending on where OP lives, apartments/housing can be EXTREMELY expensive. This combined with other things (she may be in university. have health issues, etc) can prevent somebody from being able to pick up and leave.

I don't think you are being selfish. I commend you for taking a role to help motivate your family, but they are responsible for themselves.

ummm.... in a nutshell, you may be selfish (which isn't always a bad thing- in this case it's definitely not a bad thing) but you are doing absolutely the right thing.

Your father and sister are presumably over 18 YO - unless they have some kind of developmental handicap that precludes them from getting up and ready on time, you are not responsible for waking them, pouring their coffee, or changing their diapers. oh wait, you didn't say diapers, i just assumed that they were infants...

so seriously - you went to the gym and didn't wake them up and ... they didn't really care. so what does that tell you?

I don't know much about eating disorders but i applaud you for getting yourself on the healthy track. focus your energies on you and not on others.

I don't think that you are being selfish...honestly if anything your family is being selfish by seemingly trying to hold you back. Just my opinion.

^^this

No you are not selfish, do what you need to do for yourself. Your dad and sister are adults and it didn't really seem to affect them that you went on your own so don't let it bother you. If it does bother you explain to them that you are responsible for yourself, if they want to join you at the gym they are welcome but they will have to be ready to go when you are. Obviously they have a way to get there so don't let it bother you. Your mother wanting you to take them may be because she has seen you be successful with your weight loss and sees that you are dedicated and disciplined in regards to your workouts - she may think you will inspire them to do well also. But their journey isn't yours - stay on track and do what you need to do. Good luck OP. :flowerforyou:

I thought you were going to say that your family called you selfish for leaving them behind.

They didn't, so why are you feeling like you might be selfish? It's good to reflect on our behaviors (in fact, more people should do so), but not if it becomes self-destructive because we blame ourselves for every little thing. Ask yourself, "Am I being selfish for wanting some time to myself, for wanting to focus that time on becoming healthier? For not being responsible for getting up my FATHER and sister to go to the gym?" A reasonable answer to that is no.

Maybe you feel a little more selfish about it because your mom has paid for your membership, but again, you didn't say that she has said anything to you about it. I don't know your family history, but from the tiny bit you said, she may have paid for it as much as for herself as for you (and it sounds like she GAVE you your membership, then later your dad and sister joined and suddenly you have to take them with you?). You don't need to feel guilty about a gift that was given to you, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty when they give you a gift. My mother does that, and I've come to a point in my life where I would rather not accept anything from her because it almost always has strings attached.

You're still growing up. Like I said, it's good to reflect on ourselves and our behaviors and choices, but try to maintain a reasonable perspective.

Yeah...being 20 vs 26 definitely changes it up.

However please think of yourself and your mental & physical wellbeing when the time comes to move out. I have seen so many people who stay at home because it's easier, it's comfortable, they don't want to offend their parents, etc.

I do understand that certain families have a cultural tendency to "stick together" for much longer than what is the norm in my own family (& rather affordable location) where it's fine to move out at 18 if you can, or wait 'til after college, but not normal/ok to stay with your parents after you have completed your studies. However, I think in some situations moving out (even if your family frowns upon it) can be ABSOLUTELY necessary for health & happiness even if it angers some or strikes them as odd.

But I get it - you're 20. So I agree with others...your family members are responsible for their own health. Period.