Am I a SELFISH person, need OPINIONS please!!!

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Replies

  • jmv7117
    jmv7117 Posts: 891 Member
    Not selfish.

    It sounds like it's time to leave the family nest though. If you are in a position to do so, please consider it. I would lose my mind if I had to live with my parents.

    ^^^^ THIS
  • frankpattie
    frankpattie Posts: 1 Member
    Stop enabling them. They need to be responsible for themselves
  • allegedglobalconspiracy
    allegedglobalconspiracy Posts: 65 Member
    That doesn't make you selfish at all. Sometimes you need to be able to do what you need to do without the influences of others. I wish my gym was a 24 hour one because I'd be in there foolishly early to work out. In any event, there is nothing wrong with doing what you need to do to make sure that you're getting in the work that you want to do and getting the results you need. Nothing at all wrong with that.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    You are 26 years old. Move out.

    +1

    +4000


    That's a good solution in theory, but sometimes it's not an option. Depending on where OP lives, apartments/housing can be EXTREMELY expensive. This combined with other things (she may be in university. have health issues, etc) can prevent somebody from being able to pick up and leave.

    THANK YOU. I was starting to get real annoyed with these comments. I don't think people truly understand how much it costs for a 20-something to move out on their own. It's near impossible unless you're working a job that's double or triple minimum wage, which isn't often the case for someone fresh out of school.


    I definitely think it depends on where you live. In my area you would not need to make double or triple minimum wage to live alone in a modest apartment. Also, a lot of 20-somethings have grown accustomed to living in a very nice house and having satellite, a smartphone, money to go out, and everything else that their parents' grown-up lifestyle allows. I think it is unrealistic for someone fresh out of college to expect to buy a 3 bedroom house and have every little luxury their middle aged parents have. That seems to be what most people expect IMO. But yeah, I would agree completely that it does vary by location for sure. A decent no-frills one bedroom apartment can be found for around $400 in my area and in many places it would be $1,000+
  • handyrunner
    handyrunner Posts: 32,662 Member
    Well yea its easy to say move out..but reality is a B@#$^. You absolutly need to do for yourself in this...not at all being selfish.

    Do you have a plan B if your parents decide to cut your membership if you dont abide by their rules?
  • Jen800
    Jen800 Posts: 548 Member
    You are 26 years old. Move out.

    +1

    +4000


    That's a good solution in theory, but sometimes it's not an option. Depending on where OP lives, apartments/housing can be EXTREMELY expensive. This combined with other things (she may be in university. have health issues, etc) can prevent somebody from being able to pick up and leave.

    THANK YOU. I was starting to get real annoyed with these comments. I don't think people truly understand how much it costs for a 20-something to move out on their own. It's near impossible unless you're working a job that's double or triple minimum wage, which isn't often the case for someone fresh out of school.


    I definitely think it depends on where you live. In my area you would not need to make double or triple minimum wage to live alone in a modest apartment. Also, a lot of 20-somethings have grown accustomed to living in a very nice house and having satellite, a smartphone, money to go out, and everything else that their parents' grown-up lifestyle allows. I think it is unrealistic for someone fresh out of college to expect to buy a 3 bedroom house and have every little luxury their middle aged parents have. That seems to be what most people expect IMO. But yeah, I would agree completely that it does vary by location for sure. A decent no-frills one bedroom apartment can be found for around $400 in my area and in many places it would be $1,000+

    Exactly. In my area, an apartment that is even nearly livable (conditions-wise or location-wise) is almost always 800-1200+.
  • phillrn
    phillrn Posts: 338 Member
    I dont think so!! they need to take responsibility for themselves:) you can't do it for them
  • allana1111
    allana1111 Posts: 390 Member
    It's not important to them like it is to you. You're not being selfish, you're doing what's right for you. and if they want to join you (which eventually they might want to, they'll just have to want to do it for themselves, and not for anyone else), then they'll join. I wouldn't worry about it :)
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    Wait...26?? Why are you stressing over what your folks do or don't do as if you are a teenager. :noway:
  • Josalinn
    Josalinn Posts: 1,066 Member
    You are 26 years old. Move out.

    +1

    +4000


    That's a good solution in theory, but sometimes it's not an option. Depending on where OP lives, apartments/housing can be EXTREMELY expensive. This combined with other things (she may be in university. have health issues, etc) can prevent somebody from being able to pick up and leave.

    THANK YOU. I was starting to get real annoyed with these comments. I don't think people truly understand how much it costs for a 20-something to move out on their own. It's near impossible unless you're working a job that's double or triple minimum wage, which isn't often the case for someone fresh out of school.


    I definitely think it depends on where you live. In my area you would not need to make double or triple minimum wage to live alone in a modest apartment. Also, a lot of 20-somethings have grown accustomed to living in a very nice house and having satellite, a smartphone, money to go out, and everything else that their parents' grown-up lifestyle allows. I think it is unrealistic for someone fresh out of college to expect to buy a 3 bedroom house and have every little luxury their middle aged parents have. That seems to be what most people expect IMO. But yeah, I would agree completely that it does vary by location for sure. A decent no-frills one bedroom apartment can be found for around $400 in my area and in many places it would be $1,000+

    In my area a 1 bedroom apartment goes for about $1.2k/month. I am also in grad school. I am so happy that my mom lets me live at home and is supportive of my schooling.

    When I worked at a bank before I got into grad school I made about $20k after taxes. So $14400 in rent, $2600 for food, $1500 in health insurance, and $1000 in car insurance brings me to $19500 in yearly expenses if I had moved out and lived by myself. That leaves me with $500 for fun, and clothes and emergencies. Nothing for savings. And the bank was a good job at $12 per hour.

    That said, no one can make anyone else get off their behind and get healthy. It comes from within family or not.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    How does a parent force a 20 year old to go to the gym? Really curious about this one. And what does it have to do with anyone else in the family going to the gym, unless you get a discount this way? Why do you have to wake up and prepare breakfast for other adults, and how is this relevant to going to the gym? Can't they make their own breakfast? Are you using your father's car and if you leave they have no way of leaving later? I do not understand at all why you are all so much into each other's business, sorry. I did not live on my own at this age, and still I am pretty sure my mother or brother had no clue if I went to the gym, how I paid for the gym, what time I was supposed to wake up and for sure we did not care about what everyone else was going to have for breakfast. The whole thing sounds just weird.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I do not understand at all why you are all so much into each other's business, sorry. I did not live on my own at this age, and still I am pretty sure my mother or brother had no clue if I went to the gym, how I paid for the gym, what time I was supposed to wake up and for sure we did not care about what everyone else was going to have for breakfast. The whole thing sounds just weird.

    +1
  • Wtn_Gurl
    Wtn_Gurl Posts: 396 Member
    I know people that have messed up family lives and when they moved out, THEY WERE SO HAPPY AND SO NORMAL! Beleive me, there are many effed up messed up families that make demands on their own kids, and who make them do stupid stuff, because they are too lazy to do it themselves, and bleieve me, these kids moved out, got thier own place, even if it was tiny but they are happy they are living in their own normal place!!!
  • Apple31415
    Apple31415 Posts: 98 Member
    Not selfish. You are definitely on a mission and i feel you that you don't need any obstacles in your way to success. Your obligation in this situation is to yourself first, and if you can help family along the way, great. If it is an obstacle, they gotta get out of your way. You'll be an inspiration to them in the long run. Good for you and much respect! You've got a great heart obv, but in this case you gotta look out for yourself.
  • popshoveit
    popshoveit Posts: 42
    You need to move out. I know it's "expensive", but if you're as old as this thread says you are you need to be having your own life. Good luck.
  • Apple31415
    Apple31415 Posts: 98 Member
    I think the thread took a left turn when everyone focused on your living at home - you're only 20 so i get it. You need family and it sounds like they need you and that's fine for now, but in this particular area of your life (your fitness), you need personal space to focus. That doesn't make you selfish at all.
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
    I'm sure someone has said it but it seems like you have allot of resentment for them. I would move out and do my own thing all together. I get that you are only 20 so maybe that isn't a option for you since your probably still in school. Anyways you should have a talk with them and just explain it the same way you explained it to everyone here now.

    Here is what I need to do for me, thanks for respecting that. They are adults and able to get themselves to the gym so let them.
  • poohbah4
    poohbah4 Posts: 127
    Not selfish.

    It sounds like it's time to leave the family nest though. If you are in a position to do so, please consider it. I would lose my mind if I had to live with my parents.

    My thoughts exactly.
  • fedup30
    fedup30 Posts: 141 Member
    Tell them they need to be ready when you are, or they are not coming with you. Bottom line! If they need to make it to the gym, and want to go as badly as you do, they will get their butts in gear!
  • liftsforchocolate
    liftsforchocolate Posts: 273
    I did see this and a couple requotes of it:
    How does a parent force a 20 year old to go to the gym? Really curious about this one. And what does it have to do with anyone else in the family going to the gym, unless you get a discount this way? Why do you have to wake up and prepare breakfast for other adults, and how is this relevant to going to the gym? Can't they make their own breakfast? Are you using your father's car and if you leave they have no way of leaving later? I do not understand at all why you are all so much into each other's business, sorry. I did not live on my own at this age, and still I am pretty sure my mother or brother had no clue if I went to the gym, how I paid for the gym, what time I was supposed to wake up and for sure we did not care about what everyone else was going to have for breakfast. The whole thing sounds just weird.

    Not sure if I should even get into this again (its seems to happen in every thread I start) but they are really really "different" about weight. I'm trying to downplay their attitudes and talk as censored as possible, but my mom used to LOCK the fridge at night with one of those giant gate locks. There are INVENTORIES on the cereals, granola bars, etc in case they happen to "disappear" (I don't eat any of that stuff and buy my own now anyway). I'm not joking, but I had an earlier thread about my mom poking my booty and telling me I'm getting "too big" squats..duh lol). She calls me "blackbooty" now sometimes, & I'm terribly sorry your eyes just read all that ^ haha.

    The reason why I would make their breakfast was honestly just b/c I care and they are both clueless (its just a bowl of hot muesli w/ chia seeds btw, nothing too special). My dad used to go empty stomach, not eat anything post workout and binge on junk and beer at night. My sister does the same but with Atkins bars, milk, cereal, etc. Also, if I then told them to make their breakfast, they would take at least 15-20 min just making it, which delays leaving even more.

    I use my own car, not my father's car. Since I have been going by myself, they go later around 5:30 in his car. The reason why my mom wanted me to go with them is because they don't go if I don't go (I think I mentioned this already).

    Also, at anyone suggesting moving out, I know its an option but wouldn't work for me financially. I'm taking really difficult science courses (quantum, upper level bio, etc and doing "well" academically), volunteering, gyming/bodybuilding stuff, and working part-time. I get 0 financial aid. It could be an option once I'm done with my major though esp if I end up going out of state.

    ***Anyways, I've decided to do my own thing. I'm going to continue this schedule as much as possible. My dad is out of town occasionally so I agreed to take sister with me on those days, but I told her I'm not cooking for her (she doesn't appreciate it anyway) and set a rule that I'll wake her up once when I'm awake and nothing else. If she's not ready by time "x" by my car, I'm going to leave without her.

    ^Also, yes my family is "weird". The whole situation is weird. Thanks for bearing with me and helping me solve this! :D
  • meritage4
    meritage4 Posts: 1,441 Member
    sounds like better boundaries-wake them up once and if they are not ready then you leave.
    Cooking or not cooking for them is irrelevant. I assume you cook for yourself and so it's not much effort to make a larger pot and they can eat it whenever. (I often cook enough for my son and he just microwaves it when he's ready).

    And you are recognizing how abnormal your family is about food and weight. Locking the frige and counting the bars is not normal behaviour.
    Keep on with your studies and being healthy!
    You go girl!
  • thedecuirs
    thedecuirs Posts: 8 Member
    People can't be forced to be healthy. You have to do what you need to do for you, and don't worry about them. If they want you to wake them to go to the gym, do so, for family. But only once. They are grown. If they can't get themselves out of bed and eat and be ready to go, then leave without them. You're not being selfish. But you should also remember a time when you were less motivated to get healthy and lead by example. Don't badger them, but don't coddle them either. Hopefully they will give you the same respect. Worst case scenario... they will give up before too long and you will have the gym to yourself. Good luck and keep up the good work.
  • RobinLynx
    RobinLynx Posts: 60
    If they want to go with you, they will get themselves up & get ready in time to go when you go. Otherwise they are just making things difficult for you. It's not the end of the world if they have to take themselves. Natural consequences.

    I do see where the pressure comes, but dragging them to the gym will just end up derailing you. Maybe they'll get inspired by your results & that will be a better way to help them (& yourself).

    Personally, I've learned to be extremely stubborn and put my foot down about working out, giving more weight to others than to myself left me going NOWHERE (fitness- and otherwise) & just encourages babyfied "mommy wipe me" behavior from adults. Doesn't work. Oh man did I ever learn that lesson the hard way.

    You can do it!

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