Keeping secrets???

jesswithsuccess
jesswithsuccess Posts: 8 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I just wrote a blog about this, but I really don't want to wait to see if anyone else is in this situation. Surely, I'm not the only one! Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone else is keeping their weight loss journey to themselves (or mostly to themselves), and if so, why?

I am for a few reasons...
1) I've told people I was going to this before, several times actually, and failed. I'm sick of looking like an idiot
2) Wouldn't it be awesome if people started noticing on their own, without being prompted to 'look for it'??? umm, yea, of course!
3) Biggest thing... I'm so so so so sick of people, specifically certain family members, comparing their desire to lose 15-20 lbs. to my goal of losing 150 lbs. SICK OF IT. I won't go into it too much more on here...

So for me, only one person knows, my husband. And I'm leaving it this way. For now anyway.



---MY STATS---
SW 306.6 lbs. (march 28th, 2014)
CW 301.3 lbs.
GOAL anything under 200 lbs. even 199 lbs. would make me SUPER happy

Replies

  • kimberlymes
    kimberlymes Posts: 9
    I am keeping it a secret as well. Only my husband and kids know that I am working on getting healthier. For the same reasons as you too. I actually have lost count how many times I have tried a new diet and failed miserably, and being completely ashamed facing all the people I had told.
    I think in the past I wasn't doing it for me and only me (how it should be). I was always looking for approval from others.
  • silenceinspace
    silenceinspace Posts: 142 Member
    I'm about halfway through my weight loss, I think (65 pounds down, at least 65 more to go) and I've also faced the shame of having failed in front of others. I do think telling others keeps some people accountable, but it just makes some feel guilty. Guilt kills willpower like nothing else!

    I'm happy for other people when they lose weight and I try to remember that it's relative. I used to get annoyed very often when people would make this comparison, but this is what my obese life is--20 pounds may be a mountain to someone who's only a little overweight.

    Anyway, best of luck to you on your weight loss journey. The pride you'll feel is much better than others' approval.
  • jesswithsuccess
    jesswithsuccess Posts: 8 Member
    I never really thought to look at it that way. Thanks for the new point of view. At the same time, it IS still frustrating. But I get it at least!
  • angelica_lisa
    angelica_lisa Posts: 23 Member
    The important thing is to keep yourself around people who are supportive. Sometimes it means that you can't tell too many people because of the lack of support or the pressure you might feel to "perform". And I think that's okay.

    About the losing 15-20 lbs goal. I had someone who was older than me once say that she wanted to lose 15 lbs, but she was older (she was like late 40's- early 50's) and she just can't seem to lose weight. But she didn't understand why someone like me could get to that point because I was young. I said at the end of the day, we can all lose 10 lbs if we really wanted to lose it. And then I walked away. She got all flustered and apologized but I was just like whatever.

    Also, someone I know had a baby the other year and she was saying how she felt fat and wanted to lose 10 lbs cause she had a stomach now, and how even though she was 5'4'' and 125 lbs, she felt better at 115-114 (mind you it wasn't even 6 months after she had her daughter). It's hard for me to be supportive, because I can't relate to that at all. So I totally get what you mean.
  • jesswithsuccess
    jesswithsuccess Posts: 8 Member
    The important thing is to keep yourself around people who are supportive. Sometimes it means that you can't tell too many people because of the lack of support or the pressure you might feel to "perform". And I think that's okay.

    About the losing 15-20 lbs goal. I had someone who was older than me once say that she wanted to lose 15 lbs, but she was older (she was like late 40's- early 50's) and she just can't seem to lose weight. But she didn't understand why someone like me could get to that point because I was young. I said at the end of the day, we can all lose 10 lbs if we really wanted to lose it. And then I walked away. She got all flustered and apologized but I was just like whatever.

    Also, someone I know had a baby the other year and she was saying how she felt fat and wanted to lose 10 lbs cause she had a stomach now, and how even though she was 5'4'' and 125 lbs, she felt better at 115-114 (mind you it wasn't even 6 months after she had her daughter). It's hard for me to be supportive, because I can't relate to that at all. So I totally get what you mean.


    wish there was a "like" button
  • SharonNehring
    SharonNehring Posts: 535 Member
    Very few people not on MFP know about my journey. I think the fear of failure and looking a fool plays a huge part in my decision to not share this. I've been overweight for 25yrs, so not being able to stick with this was a real possibility.

    A couple of good friends at work know but mostly because I eat lunch with them at times and now the loss is becoming fairly noticeable. I just don't feel like my health should be a topic of discussion at work and I certainly do not want coworkers becoming the food police. Are you sure you should be eating that is a question that makes me crazy.

    We also do not live near our families so we don't see them often. I'm planning to surprise my family the next time we go visit and let my appearance speak for itself.
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
    I think it will be fun for you to surprise people with your weight loss.

    What I've found is the few people who have noticed and asked me how I'm losing weight want to know is "how". It is very disappointing to them to learn I'm eating at a calorie deficit. It sounds too complicated to most, even when I explain that it is not hard to calculate and track calories.

    It takes a pretty big loss for people to notice, IMO anyway.
  • AmyZ46
    AmyZ46 Posts: 694 Member
    When I started losing weight ,it was not " really my goal " I was trying to stop drinking soda so I could have weight loss surgery . I then started eating healthy knid of by accident ( I wanted a coke more and somehow started making better choices ) A friend told me about MFP and I started losing - noone noticed for about 40 lbs ....I didn't tell anyone either ,because I too was afraid of failure ... but now I'm not afraid anymore .


    Good luck !
  • mearsy88
    mearsy88 Posts: 87 Member
    I haven't told anyone, because I have failed lots of times in the past, plus I would like for someone to randomly say one day about the weight I have lost without me saying I'm trying to lose it.
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
    I understand everything you said, and mostly agree. But maybe I can give you some perspective on the flip side of your number 3. We get upset when people get mad with us for saying we need to lose 20 pounds. It's not like we rub it in people's faces that we don't have as much to lose (I don't, at least), but people think it's a piece of cake to just lose 20 pounds. It's not! It has taken me 5 months just to lose 10 pounds. But it needed to go. Along with 15-20 more pounds. I greatly admire those who have lost significant amounts of weight, but even those with the higher amounts to lose will understand the difficulty of shedding just 15-20 pounds eventually.
  • Amandawith3kids
    Amandawith3kids Posts: 367 Member
    i havent told the masses on fb, no. but my family knows, some very supportive friends know, but really thats it. kinda funny since i tend to be an oversharer on fb LOLOLOL my mom told a few people (like my sister, who i wasnt going to tell-wanted to surprise her with my new shape)

    i have one friend, whom i love dearly, but shes... in need of some help. we spoke briefly about it, i helped her set up an account here, showed her how easy it was to log her foods, but i guess shes not ready. but when she is, i'll be here waiting to help her. i mentioned that by the time we get to her wedding (in over a year) i'm going to need a new dress (they ordered a size 14) and she laughed and said yeah right. maybe when she sees it working, it'll stick for her, i can only hope.

    most everybody has been supportive though, but i do have some awesome family members and friends. <3 my family.
  • toronto_j
    toronto_j Posts: 206 Member
    Only a few people in my life really know that I have a goal/plan going on...my mom (who I also got on MFP to prove she could lose weight) and a friend of mine who did a doctor-assisted program (his health was in crisis). Work colleagues and friends have noticed and sometimes ask me "what I've been doing" but I don't dwell on it, don't post about it on social media etc. And no one but me really knows how often/hard I work out. I think it's just the way I am, I want to do this on my own...I don't need anyone else to motivate me.
  • celticempress
    celticempress Posts: 19
    I don't keep it to myself because it's just part of my life. Making a lifestyle change to lose weight is just that, a change of life. Everyone I love is part of my life, so they know when I do well and they know when I fall flat on my face. I don't look at losing weight like some insurmountable thing that will be such a struggle. I look at it as, "This is my new daily routine, this is what I am doing today" and go from there. Do I fall flat on my face? Yes. St. Patricks day, I had a ton of fried chicken and it was fantastic. But the next day I got right back to my normal daily routine. The key is I don't lie to myself or keep secrets from myself. If I eat a big piece of cake, I put it in the diary. My diary is public. Why? Because I know I screwed up and everyone else should know it too. If they say something fine, but most of the time no one says a word. This is my life, there isn't any mysteries to it.
  • dancer2u
    dancer2u Posts: 35 Member
    Like some of you, I have done diets in the past & not really stuck with them. I am proud of myself & the changes I have made so far. I however don't share much with people; mostly because of the food police; or the jealous types that like to see me fail or whatever. I rather they notice my weight loss & me not have to point it out. I do talk to a cousin on Facebook about my weight loss & workouts, because she started about the same time as me, so I am sure me commenting to her shows up in some friends/family/co-workers newsfeeds. I am doing this for myself though, & nobody else, but totally get why one would want to keep it a secret. :wink:
  • TheWorstHorse
    TheWorstHorse Posts: 185
    I am not really "keeping it secret" but i don't talk much about losing weight or getting more fit, mostly because it is just what I do; I don't think it is any more interesting than the fact that I floss every day. That said, being public here makes sense, so my diary is open and I write about my program. Doing so helps me stay accountable, generates useful feedback or helps other people. But otherwise, why bother? Who needs the props or the negativity of strangers? Better to save the energy used in talking about working out, well, working out.
  • kar328
    kar328 Posts: 4,159 Member
    I kept it a secret when I started. I have a lot to lose, so at about 35 lbs people at work started noticing. I've mentioned the site and how much I like it. A few coworkers have accounts, none of them use them, which is fine, because I don't want to "friend" anyone I know in my real life. I like the anonymity of being on here by myself, the support from the friends I've made is more meaningful than some of the comments I've gotten at work. If people ask how much I've lost, I tell them, I'm proud of it, so why not? I do get annoyed at the food police who've started popping up with stupid *kitten* comments. None of this goes on Facebook, I made sure to disable that setting the minute I got here.
  • Wakeup2014
    Wakeup2014 Posts: 22 Member
    I'm keeping it a secret because I hate getting the up and down sideways glances from jealous "friends".....
  • LizzClo
    LizzClo Posts: 15 Member
    I didn't know if I could actually lose the weight so my husband and mom knew, but I didn't really tell anyone else. When people started noticing the weight loss and asked if I was doing something I told them what (I lost my weight with Weight Watchers Online and have since joined MFP to keep tracking and lose a bit more). I think it depends on our personality. Some people need the accountability with others to lose the weight and others (like me) will feel too much pressure if others know and would rather do it on our own or with the help of people we don't really know.
  • sch1994
    sch1994 Posts: 57 Member
    I ca so relate to the comparing that they need to lose 10lbs and I need to lose 95! it irritates the hell out of me! If im honest I can relate to pretty much everything you said! But i think i just had to look in the mirror one day and say 'you did this to yourself, noone else, so get a fricking grip and move your butt!' since then ive lost 28lbs! I've still got a long way to go! but the fact is, my family members havent even lost those 10lbs in the time I have lost my 28! I guess It made me more determind in the end! :)
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    I haven't really told anyone per say. Although everyone I work with now knows I go to the gym as I head there straight from work. They see when I fetch protein shakes in sometimes. Or I may mention in passing a new class I've tried out. Originally I did get asked how much I'd lost/wanted to lose. So i just said 'I'm not weighing myself I'm just going by how I feel'.

    Its amazing how quickly people actually lose interest and just accept that's its a lifestyle choice your making. The thing with folk is they generally have so much stuff going on in their own lives to pay close attention. I find if I don't make a big deal out of it then no one else does either.
  • Schmiznurf
    Schmiznurf Posts: 61
    My ball and chain knew straight away, as did my father-in-law, but only because he took me to the shop so I could buy my stuff. Anyone else that knows found out after a few days once I was definitely sticking to it.
  • MamaRiss
    MamaRiss Posts: 481 Member
    I haven't made my goal public knowledge, but everyone knows I'm working hard, since MFP posts on facebook when I log a weightloss, and they see my updates when I'm proud of myself. I've only gotten support and encouragement from all of my family and friends.
  • dortilolma
    dortilolma Posts: 103 Member
    I decided to keep it to myself - didn't even tell my fiancee in the first week.
    Main reason for not telling people was the fact I tend to get the "but you're fine - you don't need to lose weight". And then they try to convince me to eat more. I get where they are coming from - I have a history of eating disorders and friends worry about me - but I'm not happy at my current, weight, shape, size & fitness level, so I'm doing something about it.

    My fiancee did figure it out and I told my mother who was supportive but with that slight edge of worry given my history. My finacee knows about it so keeps me in check. I did mention it to a friend yesterday along with why I was keeping it to myself for the most part - she nodded, said "fair enough" and we moved on to another topic of discussion.

    I'm one of those people who only has 20lbs to lose - but I have forever been trying to lose that 20lbs. It's that final bit that just refuses to budge and then when it does it creeps back on over the years. That being said I don't really like comparing my situation to people who have a very different journey to travel. In fact, I'm in awe of some of the weight loss stories I have seen here.

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