overcoming bulemia

uncreativename
uncreativename Posts: 11
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
its so hard to try to stay healthy and just lose weight the proper way. I have a serious issue with binging and anytime i eat unhealhty my first reaction is to purge. ive been doing better over the past year, but i keep relapsing. I almost died 5 years ago because of it, you would think that would be enough, but no, i look in a mirror and all i see is gross fat... how do i fix this? =(

Replies

  • ashlee954
    ashlee954 Posts: 1,112 Member
    My first suggestion is that you find a counselor or psychiatrist that you feel comfortable with. Talking with someone educated on your background is a great resource. As far as advice goes I think the most important thing to think about is why you are wanting to lose the weight. If it is for your health then understanding that what you are doing to your body (bulemia) is so devastatingly unhealthy is key. If it is because you want to "look good" then you need to determine why this is. Loving yourself and wanting to be the best you can be is what we all try to achieve here. Really loving yourself comes from within and really is a tough thing to accomplish if you look in the wrong places. Please get yourself some help. I think you have made a good choice in trying to count your calories and lose weight the healthy way. Kudos for that!
  • skinney1357
    skinney1357 Posts: 68
    I suffered with anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive working out when I was 14-18. I am 27 now and it is still hard. I agree with ashlee and find a health care professional you can talk to. I went to two and neither one worked for me. Knowing how to eat right and exercise in a healthy way helped me quite a bit. If I knew then what I know now I might not have ever developed an eating disorder. Take everything one day/step at a time.
  • uncreativename
    uncreativename Posts: 11
    thanks, ya i have a counselor and have on and off for years, i do well then i start lying to them. im trying one day at a time. i try to come up with foods that taste bad but really arent to kind of trick myself, the past month has been tough becuase i lost my ritalin script so ive been dealing with adhd symptoms and the stress of losing them and then i need surgery next week so ive been in bed for 2 weeks un able to work out, thats whats been causeing issues lately. I was good for a couple months before.

    thank you for the advice, and heres to day 1 =)
  • skinney1357
    skinney1357 Posts: 68
    They say everything happens in threes...bad luck is the worst! But it can only get better! Here's to day 2 :)
  • uncreativename
    uncreativename Posts: 11
    so far so good! i went for vietmenese but i think i stayed within reason, i had pho and 4 small drumsticks, then went to the gym for the first time in 2 weeks, and it felt great =) hope everyones having a good day
  • halobender
    halobender Posts: 780 Member
    i do well then i start lying to them
    Don't do this, and don't lie to yourself, either. Don't try to convince yourself that purging is ever OK—for the record, it's only OK if you've ingested a poison of some sort.

    My ex was bulemic. When I met her, she had been out of treatment for two months. She is 5'7" and weighed 110 lbs at that time. At one point in her life, and up until she had entered treatment in about May of that year, her goal weight was 88 lbs. Her lowest weight was 90 lbs.

    When she got out she didn't purge anymore. But at the same time, she was coping by drinking excessively. She would buy a tanker of wine, I would get a single glass as I spent the whole evening following her around with a washcloth cleaning up minor spills and messes she didn't notice, and then by the time I was done, she would be finishing up my glass, the rest of the tanker being gone.

    Needless to say, the relationship didn't work out; she asked me to come by a week after we broke up and told me that she had begun purging again ... and I didn't know what to do.

    She and I met up again seven months later and began dating again; she had put on 15-20 pounds and was looking much healthier. (We're no longer together, but she's still doing well, I believe.)

    I don't know exactly how she had done it. Part of it was being honest with herself. Realizing what she was doing to herself. Part of it was seeing how much others' cared about her, and that we didn't want to see her hurting herself.

    All of it was her, though, and wanting to do better for herself, and to be healthy. I'm just sharing this so that you know that you can get better, as well.
  • uncreativename
    uncreativename Posts: 11
    thank you for your story. its true i know, but its hard being honest when you know youre screwing up. i have an appt in the morning so ill have ot fess up to a lot... ill also be getting more ritalin which helps me purge less because im calmer... i just want to be happy with myself and it seems so hard, idk... but thank you
  • uncreativename
    uncreativename Posts: 11
    so much for that....

    my roommates all went to the club tonight, and i cnat go there because i have a restraining order against someone who works there... it sucks, and i got mad and upset, so i went w my bf to cheesecake factory ughhhh 4 pcs of bread w butter, 3 corn fritters and 3/4s of a steak sandwich and ff's later.... ughhhhhh what is wrong w me, idg why i cant deal with my feelings like a normal human being....
  • halobender
    halobender Posts: 780 Member
    Don't be so hard on yourself; that's a first step. Well, don't be so hard as to call yourself "not normal". (Though, what is normal, really? [/cliche])

    When you know you're screwing up that's the most important time to be honest to yourself.

    I was once a heavy abuser of alcohol, and it was kind of on and off for a while, mostly when I was alone. I finally realized that I was killing myself (because I was drinking a fifth of whiskey every single day) and got control of it. I don't want to die. Plus when you abuse your body, it has an effect on your cognitive functions; I couldn't think, I was unable to sustain an intelligent conversation, let alone remember how to use sustain correctly in a sentence ...

    You can allow yourself indulgences, but you must maintain a positive outlook and realize that one day is not a representation of your whole life, and your actions for one day do not define you as a human being.
  • uncreativename
    uncreativename Posts: 11
    thank you. I also used to be a heavy drinker, and one day my dr said i was an alcoholic and tried giving me pills to stop drinking. I just stopped drinking on my own, i dont want to go down that road.. but then i think, i gave up drinking but now i cant give you food.. but one day at a time, right after the holidays i am going to look for another counselor or an outpatient program.
  • halobender
    halobender Posts: 780 Member
    Some things are harder than others, that's for sure. And remember, while you have to find a counselor who works for you, you also have to make sure that you're not just changing up counselors every time they start to get to the root of your issues or something. I'm referencing, of course, above where you said that you begin lying to them

    You have to find a counselor whom you feel comfortable talking to, and whom you won't lie to. If you just start lying or changing up counselors because you don't like that they're gaining an understanding of your issues or something, you will never make progress.

    You know that it's the best thing for you, so do what you have to for your own health.
  • uncreativename
    uncreativename Posts: 11
    ughh i freaked out over failing a test and gorged myself on 2 muffins and 3 donuts, attempted to vomit and failed. so now i feel terrible about failing and worse about failing at vomiting ughhhhhh
  • princesschikee
    princesschikee Posts: 138
    I was bulimic when I was 16-18. Wound up in the hospital, but they didn't know what it was because it wasn't well known back in the 80's. I lost the weight I wanted, but I was sickly looking with no muscle and meat. Over the years, it came and went, but nothing like then. Once I learned that I could eat 5 meals a day and lose weight all that became history and is never a thought. (I know that that isn't always the case for everyone).
    I now take care of myself with cardio, weight lifting and getting the proper macronutrients. I did backfire my efforts when I started drinking mudslides a year ago. I started to hate healthy food and just kept craving junk and then realized I had to quit drinking all together. I am now where I want to be. Well, I do want to work on getting better glutes.
    Variety is key with everything so you don't get bored.
    Set some short term, mid term, and long term goals to keep you accountable. Hang out with those who are supportive and take it one day at a time.
  • halobender
    halobender Posts: 780 Member
    Once you've got food in you, don't try to purge it. Just keep it in and if you feel badly about eating things you shouldn't, hold that with you as motivation for tomorrow. Remember how it made you feel and choose a healthier choice. Bananas, oranges, kiwi, carrots, there are lots of options.

    Sometimes I gorge on things and I feel badly about it ... especially when I've gotten as close as I have to my goals. I don't really waste time sulking on it, though, because it's in the past.

    Make up for yesterday with what you do today.
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