"But you have such a pretty face..."

Kwauhop
Kwauhop Posts: 27
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
"But You Have Such A Pretty Face". When someone says that to you what does it really mean? I've heard this statement my entire life. Is it supposed to be a compliment? I have a pretty face but what? It would be prettier if my body matched it? Way to compliment someone. Can't you just say that I'm pretty?

Now that I've had children I don't hear this much anymore. I now hear, "You look great for having two kids". Give me a break!!! Can't I get a decent, heartfelt compliment from anyone? Does the size of my *kitten* really determine whether or not I'm considered pretty? These are the questions that rack my brain everytime I hear the above-mentioned statements.

I see overweight people that I think are beautiful, no ifs, ands or buts. I also think that women with curves are extremely feminine and stunning. My husband agrees with this as well, which is probably why he has always found me beautiful. Are we the only people who think like that? I feel so alone on this one. Why can't I just be pretty, period?

I'm 5'10 and about 186 pounds (only 6 pounds more than before having kids, just bragging..lol..). I have an hourglass figure and I've always thought I had curves in just the right places. In my opinion, my body is beautiful. Aren't women supposed to have hips for bearing children and large breasts for feeding them? I don't want to lose my curves, I just want to be healthier. As confident as I am about my body why does it still bother me that all these compliments I'm given come with stipulations?

As of right now I will no longer accept either of these so called "compliments". I am beautiful, period, no ifs, ands or buts.....

Replies

  • DGordonII
    DGordonII Posts: 4
    Women with curves are beautiful. Most people who have insecurities within often look for flaws in others. Keep your head up and keep being comfortable in your own skin...
  • MartiWillett
    MartiWillett Posts: 103 Member
    I love this! I feel the same way!
  • blumuse
    blumuse Posts: 52 Member
    Ohhh.. I get that "but you have such a pretty face" thing all the time! HATE it. I wish people would really consider what they say. That's the kind of thing that scars your self confidence and is really hard to overcome.
  • jessimacar
    jessimacar Posts: 291
    I get these comments too, and they are so backhanded. It seems like the compliment-giver feels the need to say SOMETHING because we must have the lowest self esteem. ugh.

    You are beautiful. Even if i can only see your face in your display picture, Lol. The fact that you have given birth and are a mother makes you even more womanly and wonderful. :)

    The fact that you love your body is all that matters. You're right, it is the body of a mother, and I agree that women should have wider hips and larger breasts. This used to be the ideal.. Now the ideal is to look sickly, and if we don't fit into that mold I am certainly alright with that! Amen to loving your curvy, beautiful body! :)

    Congrats on getting back down to your pre-baby weight! I'm sure you worked hard, so don't let those comments get you down!
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    Oh, don't forget to add...."you look great for someone your age"....:huh:
  • angievaughn
    angievaughn Posts: 655 Member
    Embrace your curves....love yourself..........and let your husband love them!!! :) And you are right......you don't have to take the half hearted compliments..........
    My so called best friend in High school always wrote that to me.......whether it was on back of pictures or yearbooks........I look back and she was skinny....she had a very controlling mother that did not let her eat much.........the last time I seen her she was working on marriage number 4............ I just had an anniversity yesterday, we just made it 15 years!!!!!
    So, I would not trade my full figured body and my soul mate for her skinny body and 4 marriages !!!


    My husband is having a hard time with knowing that I am losing weight...he knows it for my health but he loves ALL of me!!!
    Keep up all your hard work....and just love yourself!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for the post...it really hit home for me!!!!
  • Voncreepy2
    Voncreepy2 Posts: 1,450 Member
    You are gorgeous. And no you aren't the only one who feels this way. I was just thinking this the other day as I was looking at Holliwood's silicone infused and airbrushed starletts and most of them are (it was an article on who's had work done and some airbrushed pics of Megan Fox. She has even had cheekbones done it seems.) They are a deception and unfortunately what so many aspire to be. A lie. Those people who buy into it believe the lie. IUnfortunately it seems to resonate throughout society as well, though most of America has a weight problem....DUH. I am not saying there are not naturally beautiful people, because there are, the key word being natural!!!! Insane. Embrace your beauty and be so glad no one is having to airbrush your thighs or face to make you appear that way!!!!
  • championnfl
    championnfl Posts: 324 Member
    By the way you do have a beautiful face! Take the compliment has nothing to do with the shape of your body! Be grateful for compliments .:wink:
  • goldspaula
    goldspaula Posts: 161
    Hi, I just want to add an Amen to all of the comments. You are beautiful!!! I am a 55 year old great grandma, and I've been overweight all my life. If I had a dollar for every time someone said "You have such a pretty face" I could retire!!! I have lost a few pounds since I joined this site and there are so many people cheering me on, but they are surprised when I tell them that my goal weight is 160!! Why stop there, why not go all the way? I don't want to be thin! I love my curves! In the 9th grade I was 160 with measurements of 36-24-36! That is what I'm after, my Junior High body! lol They people with say, gee, your body looks great for your age!! We'll know in our hearts that we have reached our goals. What we think of us is more important that what "they" think of us. Happy Holidays and good luck with all you do. Paula
  • pammbroo
    pammbroo Posts: 550 Member
    Amen Sister!! I am right there with you and have run into the same thing my whole life. Love my hourglass shape and my curves, just want to be healthier and yes, a smaller hourglass. :) Have no desire to look like Barbie.

    Its a shame that in our society "beauty" is measured by our size and not what really matters. I think of all those young girls out there with distorted body image issues trying to achieve the impossible and going to great (and unhealthy) lengths to do so. Sadly, the mental damage that goes along with that is something that will haunt them forever. It is assumed by some that because a person is overweight that they don't care about how they look or care to take care of themselves. Sure, that probably applies to some, but I believe that to be a fairly harsh judgment for most. My feeling is that as long as we are living a healthy lifestyle both physically/mentally and feel good about ourselves, it doesn't really matter what the world thinks. There will always be people who judge, but in my humble opinion, that's their loss.

    We are not just a pretty face ~ we are fabulous!!

    Best of luck in reaching your goals!
  • huntress74
    huntress74 Posts: 31 Member
    Oh, the Hollywood lies!!! It is increasingly difficult to try and convince your daughter that these people are airbrushed and photoshoped to death. When is it going to end? It is sad really. As for the "you have a pretty face comment"....I would put that right up there with the famous "she has a good personality" comment. People can be so rude sometimes. If you hear that comment again, just simply say..."oh thank you, I bet you hear that all the time too......" :S
  • batty5
    batty5 Posts: 193
    Crumbs 5'10" & 186lbs sounds perfect to me so sounds to me as if you & hubby are right that you have a pretty everything!!!! I have always had curves , I am a woman & I want curves. One time due to stress I lost my curves & everyone said how ill I looked. I will be 60 in March & looking at my face since losing the weight gained while waiting & recovering from back surgery I have revised my target weight upwards cos, like you I LOVE being female. Well said girl you are definitely gorgeous. Happy Xmas.
  • JGCowboy
    JGCowboy Posts: 58
    I have never said to anyone they have a pretty face. Maybe compliments like beautiful eyes or smile, but not just face. I notice when someone has changed their hair and compliment. I believe that if you just say face in general that you are indeed implying her body is horrid. Now, jokingly I have used the term butter face hanging out with the guys, but never then would I say it to a person. Crazy peeps...I am usually too shy to even tell anyone that they are beautiful anyway.
  • lulabellewoowoo
    lulabellewoowoo Posts: 3,125 Member
    My ex was always critical of other people and I would tell him that he had to say one nice thing and he would say "they have a nice head". Sometimes I think people are looking for something positive to say. Sometimes I think maybe it's because they don't want you to know that they are checking out your booty or your boobs. Some woman comes up to you and says "wow, I love your tatas", what would you think? And if a guy said it, you'd already know what he was thinking. Curvy is all the rage now. As women, we may have a mentality of stick-thin is in. But every guy I know, including my wonderful hubby says Daisy Fuentes and Eva Mendez are the in. Phat in all the right places :)

    Congrats on only having 6 lb after two kids. You are beautiful just the way you are. Change only if you feel you want to improve on a beautiful canvas. Nothing wrong with a little touchup. Even the Mona Lisa gets a good overhaul every once in awhile.
  • mymelody_78
    mymelody_78 Posts: 657 Member
    I hate that comment too! I have heard from many guys that I have a pretty face and nice T & A but unless I am skinner, I can only be someone they hook up with. WTF. Do what you need to do for you. =)
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    Loaded compliments suck! I have been told my whole life that I am "cute" . Usually that is fine but there are days, like on my wedding, that I wanted to be stunning etc, or when I was holding my child for the first time etc.....I am short...nothing I can do about that ..but I can be beautiful too..not just cute even at 5 foot tall...right?
  • superwmn
    superwmn Posts: 936
    You are beautiful! We all are. Exactly as we are. We are perfect.

    Charmagne
  • goron59
    goron59 Posts: 890 Member
    If someone said "But You Have Such A Pretty Face" to me, they're probably drunk :-)
  • mlharris
    mlharris Posts: 28 Member
    Yes indeed... hear it all my life too.... you be hot if you lost weight... another one of my favorites..... No wonder there are so many eating issues out there.... the older I get though, the less it matters to me at all what people think....
    Merry Christmas to all you curvalicious babes out there!
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    Give us a little slack. You DO have a very pretty face. Never, would I imagine that by telling you so, I would be broaching a sensitive subject.

    I never got the "How to give a guileless Compliment" handbook. I, and many others, mean exactly what we say. We're guys and we're in awe of you gals. Many times, just operating at a very basic level.
  • mongosworld
    mongosworld Posts: 5
    Accept a compliment any way you can get it. There are overweight, good-looking people and there are overweight ugly people. Be thankful that if you get thin, you will be thin and attractive rather than thin and ugly! Just saying...
  • mlb929
    mlb929 Posts: 1,974 Member
    I'll confess I've said this, but not the the person themselves directly, but when referring to a friend of a friend. She is beautiful, but only 5' tall and 350lbs. She has the most incredibly wonderful personality and is drop dead gorgeous. She has never had a boyfriend, or dated, and really wants to get married and have kids. I've said it in the context of she has such a pretty face, is a super personality, and unfortunately I don't think anyone can get past her weight to get to know her, she's very shy from the beginning.

    That said - at least they think you're pretty - you are! I've never been told "you're pretty". I'm average. I don't stand out, nothing about me is overly exciting, and generally I'm plain. But that doesn't mean I don't look good. I've worked hard to get into shape and am almost where I want to be and am hoping to maintain it forever. My kids and husband are really proud of me and it's all based upon effort.

    I'd say, take it as a complaint and leave it at that. Or just reply - ya I'm good in bed too - and they won't know what to say :)
  • Kwauhop
    Kwauhop Posts: 27
    Give us a little slack. You DO have a very pretty face. Never, would I imagine that by telling you so, I would be broaching a sensitive subject.

    I never got the "How to give a guileless Compliment" handbook. I, and many others, mean exactly what we say. We're guys and we're in awe of you gals. Many times, just operating at a very basic level.

    Thank you, but I wasn't really speaking of men in general, I've been told this many more times by women and family members....it seems to be a bit degrading when hearing it from a woman....most men compliment me on my eyes and lips and when they do so they seem very genuine....
  • Kwauhop
    Kwauhop Posts: 27
    Thank you to all who replied. I'm glad to know that there are people out there that feel the same as I do. And a big thank you to anyone who said that I'm pretty...lol. Sometimes it's just nice to hear.
  • chickadee2010
    chickadee2010 Posts: 1,389 Member
    I hate that comment too! I have heard from many guys that I have a pretty face and nice T & A but unless I am skinner, I can only be someone they hook up with. WTF. Do what you need to do for you. =)
    I agree, what the heck? Guys are just really annoying when they think like that. I mean, come on...pathetic, if you ask me. Sorry about the rant lol.
  • chickadee2010
    chickadee2010 Posts: 1,389 Member
    Kwauhop, you do look really pretty from your profile pic. :smile:
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