Sad and Ashamed I'm back bigger then ever!

barracudamuscle
barracudamuscle Posts: 313 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Insert excuses here:
Between adjusting (eating) to home life and great food after months away from home overseas, and supporting my wonderful wife through pregnancy and now a new born I'm the biggest I've ever been! :( I was down to 230's at 6'3 which I was pretty happy with a couple years ago after a long business trip and slowly my weights crept up.

It finally happened to me... while working me and a bunch of coworkers we were preparing to weigh a plane with some digital scales and somehow we got into a carnival style weight guessing game and seeing how close everyone guessed peoples weight compared to the scale. Long story short most guessed I was ~240, the scale of embarrassment read 302! Disgusting, I don't know how anyone including my wife can look at me! One of the most embarrassing moments in my life with 15+ people around and I've always been on the bigger side. I guess in the grand scheme of things I'm mad/ashamed at myself for not noticing/doing anything and letting myself get this bad.


End my rant, I'm fat, currently away on business again and ready to hit it hard and have the free time since I don't have a little one/house to attend to. I know I can do it just gotta hit it hard and stick to it! I know MFP worked great for me in the past and set it up for 2 lbs a week loss, hoping for more. In the past I tried to do cardio 1-2 hours a day to ensure even after eating I still have a good 500-1500 calorie deficit to speed things up. Worked in the past, I figure maximize the time I have to get back to something respectable while I have the spare time to hit it hard.

I'm still researching food ideas so I can expand upon my special K, chicken breast, broccoli, brown rice diet I'm on now. I like the lowest calories for the greatest filling!

Thanks for reading my novel, I apologize for the long rant just wanted to be honest. On a brighter note MFP is so much better now and its made great improvements! I look forward to learning from community here and will be like a sponge to get myself back to my fighting weight instead of my eating contest weight!

Thanks,
Pat

Replies

  • lklkl5
    lklkl5 Posts: 113 Member
    Welcome back. Don't beat yourself up. Life happens. The important thing is you are here and you know what to do. Best of luck to you on your journey. I have personally found that when I eat too restrictive or exercise excessively that ultimately I fall off the wagon. I have had much more success making real lifestyle changes that I can maintain forever. Lots of great information on here ready for the taking.
  • novalh42
    novalh42 Posts: 102 Member
    Don't beat yourself up! Just get back up and dust yourself off and move forward! Now I shall follow my own advice. LOL
  • squeepig
    squeepig Posts: 89 Member
    That's what tomorrows are for. :)

    Hey, my embarrassing moment was when I was doing a presentation for work. I named my file "Marian" so that if I forgot to delete it, they'd know it was mine. When the presentation was done, while the projector was still attached to my laptop and turned on, I slid my file to the recycle bin.

    What error message came up?

    "Marian is too big for the recycle bin."

    So, yeah, I feel your pain. :)
  • icastro25
    icastro25 Posts: 16 Member
    Congratulations on your new baby! I know it's tempting to go extreme, but just make sure you are making the best and healthiest choices you can make. Some days will be bad, and others will be great. Don't beat yourself up on the bad days. I have found that having friends on MFP can really help keep you accountable and give you support. Feel free to add me! Good luck on your journey.
  • bimpski
    bimpski Posts: 176 Member
    welcome back pat! I'm gonna go out on a limb and say your wife loves you, that's how she can look at you! stop beating yourself up. you've recognized you're problem, so just move forward. remember you are never a failure as long as you keep trying! and having a new baby is an excellent reason for getting back on the road to better health. that is a great motivator :smile:
  • sallychildress
    sallychildress Posts: 28 Member
    At least you're back. Good luck with progress!
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,233 Member
    Congrats on coming back. Now let the past go. It is gone, useless to dwell on it. Make a plan and stick to it. My advice - don't be in a big hurry. Do things that will make a difference that you can live with forever. Too restrictive on food and hours and hours of workout is doomed to failure. We are only human. Be smart. You can do this.
  • AceCC86
    AceCC86 Posts: 71
    I know how you feel. Life happens. Luckily you had some great things in your life happen, like welcoming your new baby!

    I lost 50 lbs. in 2008, then gained it all back...and then some. When I stepped on the scale and saw 205 lbs. (I'm 5'4") I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide for the rest of my life. Instead I decided I needed to do something about it -- because if I didn't, one day I would look at the scale and it would say 305. Or 405. I was going in the wrong direction.

    I have a wonderful boyfriend of 5 years and I don't even know how he can look at me, let alone stick with me after I've let myself go to such a degree. I guess I'm just really lucky to have someone who loves me for who I am, but I would love to be able to get back to the healthy me that he fell for in the first place.

    It's so discouraging to think that you have to do it all over again, but like a bunch of other people have said, life happens. Keep your head up!
  • barracudamuscle
    barracudamuscle Posts: 313 Member
    Thanks everyone!

    I'm not usually a Debby Downer just frustrated and venting. I appreciate everyone's advice, I need it all! Now if anyone wants to get into a eating competition I'm your guy! :)

    Maybe its just me but the getting back on the wagon part is the hardest part. I had a hell of a time going to the gym since I stick out but like anything just do it right? Now day 2 I don't care about who's staring at me regardless how skinny or built they are. I will say there's some interesting things that go on at the gym, I thought I was in a grunting gorilla fight in the zoo today when a few girls walked in, it was like a switch went off I couldn't help but laugh while getting my butt kicked on the stair master!

    Thanks again Happy Losing!
    Pat
  • conqueringweightissues
    conqueringweightissues Posts: 9
    HI Pat,

    Thanks for adding me as friend and a big Congrats on your gorgeous baby! :smile:

    You are beating yourself up, so slow down in that area. You are still young, so you have a wonderful advantage of time on your side as well as a beautiful family.

    I know what is like to be away from home with work and stress can play a huge role in gaining extra weight. I have always gained the most weight while travelling with work and not being in a good routine and sleep patterns.

    Instead of being ashamed, relish the step you have taken of admitting and accepting where you are at. One day, you will look back and be so proud of yourself.

    Helen
  • howekaren
    howekaren Posts: 159 Member
    It's a common feeling! I've been as much as 90lbs lost, and managed to gain 20-35 lbs back and then relose. I've lost the same 20lbs at least 3 times I'm sure from falling off the wagon. Each time I fall, I recommit and the falls are shorter. It's taken me 7 years to get to the point where I eat healthy 90% of the time! exercise at least 9 hrs a week, and my health is excellent.

    There are a lot of reasons why we regain, only one of which is "lack of willpower". It's hard, very hard, to lose weight and even harder to keep. It off. I've beaten myself up many times for my binge eating, lack of commitment, etc. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror most days, so that's part of my motivation. The bigger part, at least I hope it is, is that I'm doing all this for better health.

    If you want some support, send me a friend request. I'm always willing to be supportive, commiserate and celebrate. What I don't support is fad diets or pseudo-science.

    This is a lifestyle, not a diet, and slow and steady wins the race. Don't be in a hurry to lose it all at once, it didn't go on all at once. Sufficient nutrition ensures that your not losing muscle simultaneously with fat. Weight loss at the expense of muscle tone is not healthy. I highly recommend a book called "Lose it Right" by James Fell. It's a science based, intelligently written, way to change your lifestyle so that you lose weight and improve your health. It's fairly new, and available on Amazon. It's changed so much about the way I think, and been so helpful.

    Best of luck with your goals.
  • MellMo1971
    MellMo1971 Posts: 22 Member
    Just some input from my recent positive experience. I started about your weight back in July 2013 and am not sure how much weight I've dropped, as I'm only concerned with fat loss, inches reduced and getting into smaller sizes. I do not weight myself much anymore as the scale doesn't show a thing. I think 2 lbs. of weight loss per week and all that cardio will just set you up to regain it. As you get smaller and lose weight, you'll just have to keep decreasing your calories and increasing your cardio. You will already be starting with a sizable calorie deficit and a lot of cardio, so it'll be really difficult to drop more calories and add more cardio. Just a recipe for burn-out. Progressive weight training, mixed with a moderate amount of cardio, will not only help you increase your metabolism, but add muscle that makes cardio easier, more efficient, and most importantly burns fat. There are tons of resources on MFP, and I am by no means an expert, but the formula is working for me and I've been a yo-yo dieter and cardio queen most of my life. Maybe invest a bit of money hiring a personal trainer (I did) to introduce you to a good weight program. Although the results will be a lot slower than 2lbs a week, the weight stays off. You are welcome to friend me and see that I eat about anything I want too. I'm never hungry and do no restrict calories or any foods.
  • Lalalosin
    Lalalosin Posts: 8
    Wow.....I want all of you here to be my loser buddies......such kind and helpful words! Pat......life is good! We all can do this!! This IS the time! Make this time about changing habits.......2 hours of working out is not going to be something you will be able to keep up......check out what dr oz had on his show today April 9 .....very interesting! Smaller portions.....keep something in your tummy every few hours....i do a protein drink every morning ...seems to really help! 2 weeks down 6 pounds....now I need to start working out! Don't forget 8 glasses of water ! I need someone to tell me how to get a chart showing pounds to go please....enjoy those baby sounds cuz it goes by wayyyyyyy fast! Time goes soooo fast...before you know it you will be feeling amazing!! : )

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