I need serious help. I think my mind is sick.

sunshine_machine
sunshine_machine Posts: 11
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
I seriously think there's something wrong with me and it has ruined the healthy habits I started from last December. I keep alternating between episodes of starving myself (which I am fully aware does NOT aid in weight loss) and binging until I'm sick and ready to explode. I can never find a happy medium. I don't like to come on here and log in what I've eaten because that triggers my ""STARVE, YOU'VE EATEN TOO MUCH" attitude; however, if I'm unaware of how many calories I'm consuming and have been starving myself for a few days, I think "I know starving isn't right. I need to feed and nourish myself" and consume everything in sight. It's even gotten to the point that if I want sweets (my usual binge item) and I have none in the house, I will drive myself to wherever I need to go to buy those sweets. It's a vicious cycle, and I can't get away from it! Lately, I've been binging more than starving, and even when I have days where I don't binge and attempt to eat normally, I usually consume some type of junk food. Somehow I've fallen back into unhealthy eating, I know and feel like I've gained weight in nothing but fat, and that just gives me all the more reason to screw up even more. I HATE THIS.

I feel like I have some type of eating disorder, or I'm stuck in the middle of two: anorexia and binge eating disorder. I feel like I need to see a nutritionist or some type of SOMEONE to get help, but as a poor college student, I have no money to see one unless it's just for a one-time consultation that may or may not be free. I feel like most of my crazed eating/not eating is from a lack of knowing for sure how many calories I need in a day and what I need to do to get rid of it. Sure, this website and many others give me a rough estimate of how many cals I need based on the information I give, but I feel like it's not right. I can't eat as little as 1200 cals because that makes me crazy and binge, but I can't eat too much more than that without feeling bloated and feeling like I HAVE to get to that higher caloric intake. I'm terrified of gaining weight by eating any more than 1200 (the bare minimum), but I binge anyway.

I'm begging someone for help. This constant turmoil is driving me insane, and I feel like I'll never be free of this and all of my hard work will go to waste!!! Help!!!

Replies

  • batty5
    batty5 Posts: 193
    I am so sorry to hear this & from what you have said there is little doubt that yo have an eating disorder which needs professional help.Please, please see a doctor to get the help you need before you harm your health. Good luck & happy Xmas & 2011.
  • heathersmilez
    heathersmilez Posts: 2,579 Member
    I think you put in writing what most of us are thinking especially during this sugar-filled what seems like to never end holiday season so don't panic.

    That being said, being a teenager its best you put this demon to rest asap so by all means, please do visit a nutritionist. If you find yourself moving away from their directions almost without your control maybe some counseling is in order - perhaps there is some for free at your school.

    Point is, you are NOT crazy, you are just nutrition and fat obsessed like most of the general population. Being petite you probably gain weight easier b/c it’s hard to hide it unlike tall frames which is creating panic within you in addition what you see as fat may in reality just be an un-toned body. Since you are at your goal weight, work-out more to tone and then you will see a difference physically.
  • wyze
    wyze Posts: 248
    hello, i am so sad to read your story and i am grateful that you are reaching out. Please seek counselling. I know people often see this as negative, but its not. A counselor can walk you through your problems with food. I think there might be food counselors, i am not sure-but you do need professional help.

    All we can do here is offer advice, but we will just be concerned adults offering you advice, please seek some form of professional help. And if anyone here is a counselor that can help this young lady, please do.

    I am glad you know that starving yourself is bad, and binging is the opposite. When your mind tells you to starve yourself, know that its time to grab an apple, a sandwich, a plate of food or something. And when it says binge, think salads, fruit bowl, some light healthy popcorn. You know the problem is there, so remember to use it to ur advantage.

    YOU CAN DO THIS

    Hugs:smile:
  • modernfemme
    modernfemme Posts: 454 Member
    I tried to lose weight on 1200 calories but it made me absolutely starving and crazy. You have absolutely no room for error and this lifestyle isn't for everyone. Don't be so hard on yourself - start smaller. For example, even though I need to lose a good 50 pounds, my ultimate goal weight being 130ish, i have it set to 150ish, which is what would be considered the max healthy weight range for me. Also set for you to lose 1 pound a week. This way, your daily goal is something management and allows you some kind of normal life while you lose weight.

    If you can't seek counselling, try setting your food goals to maintaining your current wait for a couple of weeks. Get used to the calories you are supposed to eat every day and watching what you eat, and then start losing weight again and see how you feel.

    When December came around, I was hungry all the time and feeling sick, and had to binge on MEAT (vegetarian here) to feel better. Also, try taking multivitamins to curb some of those cravings.

    Good luck!! Hang in there.
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    Check with your college. It's very likely that they have a counselling centre available free of charge for students.

    It is much better to get help sooner rather than later for this sort of problem.:flowerforyou:
  • meganld
    meganld Posts: 71 Member
    A lot of colleges have a nutritionist that you can meet with that is paid for with your tuition. Go to your physical education department and ask around!

    Good luck!
  • cddavis04
    cddavis04 Posts: 38
    Well I have a couple of suggestions. One if you really feel you have an eating disorder you need to find out if your college has an on campus counseling programs. Two if you can't live with the low calories just bump them up for your calories to be so low your probably on the lose two pounds a week program just move to the lose one pound a week program. The more calories will make you no longer feel like a starved crazy person and you will know you are still losing weight just a little slower. Remember weight loss should be a life change you can keep not a crash diet that will have you back were you started when you stopped. Third and last thing I noticed that you seem to be pretty small go to the on campus clinic and make sure you are pursuing a healthy weight. You make be all ready be at the best weight for your body and you just need to tone through exercise and not worry about pounds. Sorry about all the run-ons just wanted to get my thoughts out on this serious post.
  • abzrevoir
    abzrevoir Posts: 2
    you aren't crazy, you just have an eating disorder. these are pretty common, but you may want to see a doctor about it.
  • goingwithgrace
    goingwithgrace Posts: 109 Member
    A lot of colleges have a nutritionist that you can meet with that is paid for with your tuition. Go to your physical education department and ask around!

    Good luck!

    Counseling services on campus are typically free and the health center typically have nutritionists to help with eating disorders.
  • WendyNS
    WendyNS Posts: 7
    Good for you for recognizing you need some help with this. If you are from Canada, you can be referred to a nutritionist free of charge by your family doctor. I'm not sure how it works in the states. Good luck, and keep talking about it!
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    I recommend you watch the documentary "Thin." You can rent it on Netflix if you are a subscriber. It is a very sobering look at how bad things can get when disorders get out of hand. It follows several women going through rehab. You don't want to end up like them. Please get help now.
  • LaurieEReid
    LaurieEReid Posts: 273
    Check with your college. It's very likely that they have a counselling centre available free of charge for students.

    It is much better to get help sooner rather than later for this sort of problem.:flowerforyou:

    Yes, counselling or the health centre. Colleges and universities often have free services. They can help you, even if they're staffed by students.
  • workoutqueen628
    workoutqueen628 Posts: 220
    Being a college student majoring in Psychology and also just having completed an Abnormal Psychology class, I would definitely say that you have an eating disorder and need to seek some professional help. It is possible to have anorexia and engage in binge eating, but most people that do so also purge (or engage in some form of compensatory behavior) to eliminate weight gain. You didn't really mention anything about this, so I would give you a diagnosis of Eating Disorder NOS (not otherwise specified), which is basically the diagnosis that someone gets if they meet criteria for more than one eating disorder. I definitely recommend that you talk to a psychiatrist because your issues sound like something you can't solve on your own. Cognitive Behavior Therapy has been shown to be very effective in eliminating the binge eating cycle and helping individuals gain control over issues with disorder eating. Best of luck to you!
  • championnfl
    championnfl Posts: 324 Member
    I'm willing to give you some thoughts! Posted a blog [ only one] please read it. Also when your body is low on cals it triggers the body to want everything in sight. [a way to protect itself]
    Many thoughts given all are good. There is a reason why you do this,please seek counceling and fix it. [treatable] Your not alone many people have issues they need help with. The ones who seek treatment can beat there's, just have to be proactive. You have done the hardest part, recognize the symtoms, now do the easy part,let professional help you. All in your hands! Good luck!:wink:

    P.S. Blog will be helpful!
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    Check with your college. It's very likely that they have a counselling centre available free of charge for students.

    It is much better to get help sooner rather than later for this sort of problem.:flowerforyou:

    This is a good idea. Maybe until you can get to see her/him stop logging and stop thinking about it. Make it a goal to eat at least one healthy meal a day. Relax life is not perfect and neither are we as humans. Definitely seek some help. Quit putting so much pressure on yourself. :)

    When I quit smoking after 26 years I literally would sit on my hands :) I hope you find some help that makes you realize that you're ok and you feel better.
  • givprayz
    givprayz Posts: 328
    I am a nurse, and I agree with all of the great advice everyone has given here. This is a very supportive community and we are happy to have you here. Please look into the resources others have suggested, and if those don't pan out, consider the nursing, dietetic, and counseling education departments at your school as resources as well.
    Give yourself a break from logging foods, and from counting calories. As someone already said, start by just having one healthy meal a day. If you can, buy all of the food you will need for a week of eating healthy meals 1-2 times-a-day, then pre-cook, pre-prepare as much as you can, so when it is time to eat, you have the healthy foods ready and waiting for you. Don't go more than 3-4 hours without eating, because you can get over-hungry and that is when cravings take over. Try eating every 2-3 hours, starting soon after arising in the morning (skipping breakfast is another way to start the craving cycle.) Then start exercising more. You can eat more calories and still lose weight and tone up by being more active, and you will release feel-good hormones that will help you feel less "crazy".
    Don't feel crazy alone. I've been there, and it is a baaaadd place. Reach out and use the resources available to you. Bless you, and Merry Christmas and a very Healthy New Year.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,385 Member
    bump
  • sunshine_machine
    sunshine_machine Posts: 11
    Everyone, thank you SO much for all of your thoughts, concerns, and suggestions. You have no idea how much I appreciate the help! It's so scary to think that I have an eating disorder, but I know I have to get through this somehow.

    I never had any idea that colleges would offer free services like that, I will DEFINITELY check into that and see if my college does. Since winter break just started though, I suppose I'm gonna have to wait until classes start again, right? I'm scared that I won't be able to last that long, but until then I need to just slowly get it back together.

    I saw that someone mentioned that, since I'm small, it's harder to hide weight gain and that I'm untoned. This makes sense to me; I'm 5'3" and a healthy weight range for me is anywhere from 104-137 I believe. I am/possibly was 115 (before all this binging took place; I have no idea what I weigh now, but I'm probably back up to 128), and I still look like I have a lot of fat to get rid of. I exercise 30 minutes everyday: HIIT on my treadmill. Is that not enough? Has all this binging caused me to lose my tone and muscle in a matter of weeks? I'm currently trying to re-join martial arts or possibly kickboxing so I can get at least an hour workout a few days a week. I want a slim, toned, healthy body, but I don't want exercise to be the center of my entire life.
  • cddavis04
    cddavis04 Posts: 38
    On the topic of your exercise habits I wouldn't say that you don't exercise enough. You just need to incorporate exercise that will build muscle like lifting weights, resistance training (using bands or your own body weight to build muscle). You can research online into different ways to build muscle that still feel comfortable to you. You only have to strength train two or three times a week. You could just replace two treadmill sessions and instead of working out more.
  • cddavis04
    cddavis04 Posts: 38
    Oh and make sure you keep us posted on how you are doing. You can add me as a friend if you would like.
  • servingthealiens
    servingthealiens Posts: 144 Member
    When I was a student I went through something similar. I was busy all the time and would be too busy to eat, or would just grab a handful of this or that whenever I could. Then I'd eventually get so hungry and so deprived of glycogen/carbs, I would eat literally 4 Snickers bars back to back to back. Might that be what's going on with you?

    If not, there's also a ED that's called... cyclic somethingorother and it sounds a lot like what you're experiencing. In any case a counselor would definitely be able to help.
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