Motivating my wife
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crzepilot
Posts: 2
Hello folks,
I need some good advice to help motivate my wife with her health and weightless goals. Over the last 5 years she has slowly gained weight, how many pounds I do not know but it is certainly noticeable. I love her and still think that she is as beautiful as she was the first day I laid eyes in her but I am concerned since I can tell she is not happy with her physical appearance. We have an elliptical machine and she works out 3-5 times per week up to an hour atleast 2-3 times and in the evening after work she takes walks with the dogs. She has virtually the same relatively healthy diet I do but she is growing frustrated that she isn't seeing results. How can I help? Any suggestions are appreciated. I'm a runner and a bicyclist and have maintained a healthy weight my whole life so I'm not sure how to catiously step in to help her with her goals.
I need some good advice to help motivate my wife with her health and weightless goals. Over the last 5 years she has slowly gained weight, how many pounds I do not know but it is certainly noticeable. I love her and still think that she is as beautiful as she was the first day I laid eyes in her but I am concerned since I can tell she is not happy with her physical appearance. We have an elliptical machine and she works out 3-5 times per week up to an hour atleast 2-3 times and in the evening after work she takes walks with the dogs. She has virtually the same relatively healthy diet I do but she is growing frustrated that she isn't seeing results. How can I help? Any suggestions are appreciated. I'm a runner and a bicyclist and have maintained a healthy weight my whole life so I'm not sure how to catiously step in to help her with her goals.
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Replies
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Try some interval training on the elliptical.0
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If she is working and not seeing any results, it may be time for her to check with her doctor. Some things (like low thyroid levels) can be almost invisible until they get way out of wack, but make a big difference in weight issues, lethargy, depression, etc. Also, if she is in peri menopause, some women have trouble with weight issues then, and sometimes hormone therapies might me appropriate. In addition, if she takes medication, weight issues may be a side effect (statins, insulin, antidepressants, steriods, etc...) and her Dr may be able to switch to a similar drug that does not have as many problems in that area....0
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She just needs to track all of her calories. It's very simple really. No magic formula! Tell her to give MFP a try.0
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I don't know how old she is but I can say for myself that as I age, it gets harder and harder to keep weight off. I was very thin and could maintain that with just exercise but now no matter how much I work out, I don't lose weight. it's all about what I eat. it's hard and frustrating and I can relate to her being unhappy. my husband is a marathon runner, he can't keep weight on. it's just the difference of being male vs. female but it can seem so unfair when you are the woman. I would try to be supportive and think about what is motivating you on this issue. are you unhappy with how she looks or are you truly just worried about how she feels about herself? let her know you think she's beautiful, suggest active things you can do together, and just have her back on this. when she's ready to do something about it, she will, but she needs to get there herself.
sorry if this is a rambling reply but I've been the overweight spouse and went through a lot of weird emotions before I could get on board with taking care of myself.
wishing both of you the best of luck!0 -
She just needs to track all of her calories. It's very simple really. No magic formula! Tell her to give MFP a try.
This.0 -
Definitely suggest that she get a physical. If she's exercising and eating well (and not too much), it could be a physical issue, like a thyroid problem, It's very common. Mostly, I would recommend just reminding how how much you love her, in big ways and small, and how much you love her body. You know your wife best. Do things that make her feel special. The motivation needs to come from her, but you can help her feel good about herself.0
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I feel like my husband could have written this. He even said a few times "honey you seem really unhappy, you could just really spend some time and energy on it and see what happens" (I was super anti-dieting and calorie counting because I have watched so much yo-yo dieting in my family for so long)... it took years for me to come around, and it took discovering MFP to realize that not all calorie counting leads to yo yo dieting, which broke my pattern of working out and then eating too much.
Knowing that he loves me either way, makes a huge difference to me. He was subtle and always unfailingly kind. He let me bring it up, and he would only encourage me towards the things that made me happy, e.g. running, the dream of playing soccer or rock-climbing again, anything outside etc. And he'd only be bossy about food when it came to the things that caused me digestive problems, otherwise he respected that I needed to figure it out myself. It was about me and what I needed, not about what he wanted for me or what he wanted in a wife, just about my own happiness.
Excuse me, I need to go kiss my husband...0 -
She just needs to track all of her calories. It's very simple really. No magic formula! Tell her to give MFP a try.
This.
:drinker:0 -
Speaking from experience, it's really frustrating to count calories, watch what you eat and exercise and see your partner maintain his/her weight relatively easily. My husband was a lot taller than I am and has a much higher metabolism and loved home made baked goods and big meals - so for a long time he'd "encourage" me by suggesting things like MFP and counting calories, but I would still feel guilty for not cooking the stuff he liked. It really wasn't until we came to grips with the "don't keep stuff you binge on in the house" rule that I was able to happily count calories/exercise on MFP. You can help most by encouraging her to eat healthy. For example, if you like to snack after dinner try getting out celery sticks or carrots for both of you instead of chips, cookies or ice cream. If she doesn't have one, you could also give her a fitbit or similar tracker - it's fun and motivating to be able to see quickly where you are with your exercise goals.0
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Do not poke the bear.0
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I think that she should accurately log all her calories and exercise for a week or two before deciding it might be a hormonal problem.0
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Hello all,I sure do appreciate all the responses. I guess a few people missed the point. It helps to here from women who have had issues with weight and what they wish or what there husbands actually said or did to support them. We understand calories, that is no way to live in my opinion, I see what she eats and it is all very healthy valuable calories. She has had her thyroid checked and they report no issues with it.
Do you all think it is obnoxious if I simply ask her every once in a while, "Did you work out today?" or maybe "How has your workout routine been going?" I guess I want her to know that I'm in it with her and understand that not every week is a successful workout routine...0 -
I think the best thing you can do is nothing. Be positive and supportive and encourage her to like herself and all her awesome qualities. If you are tracking your intake on mfp and if she ever asks you could show her what you do. Other than this I think that you can only set a good example like you already are.
I have people in my life who struggle with weight. I answer their questions if they ask but they are still only going to put things into action when they are ready to do so.0 -
Hello all,I sure do appreciate all the responses. I guess a few people missed the point. It helps to here from women who have had issues with weight and what they wish or what there husbands actually said or did to support them. We understand calories, that is no way to live in my opinion, I see what she eats and it is all very healthy valuable calories. She has had her thyroid checked and they report no issues with it.
Do you all think it is obnoxious if I simply ask her every once in a while, "Did you work out today?" or maybe "How has your workout routine been going?" I guess I want her to know that I'm in it with her and understand that not every week is a successful workout routine...
Ok, I'm a woman. I am glad that my husband did nothing. And my opinion is that asking those questions won't be helpful at all, not because I think they are obnoxious, but because I think they come from a place of you really wanting her to change. I wouldn't appreciate that at all.
The best thing about my husband is that when I started to make changes I don't think he even noticed, or if he did, he didn't say anything. He had been very successful at maintaining his weight for the last thirty years but has not felt compelled to give me advice ever.0 -
Hello all,I sure do appreciate all the responses. I guess a few people missed the point. It helps to here from women who have had issues with weight and what they wish or what there husbands actually said or did to support them. We understand calories, that is no way to live in my opinion, I see what she eats and it is all very healthy valuable calories. She has had her thyroid checked and they report no issues with it.
Do you all think it is obnoxious if I simply ask her every once in a while, "Did you work out today?" or maybe "How has your workout routine been going?" I guess I want her to know that I'm in it with her and understand that not every week is a successful workout routine...
By saying "that is no way to live in my opinion", does that mean that tracking her calories is not an option? My husband complained about being the heaviest he's ever been, so I suggested we do a trial 2-week run with him on MFP. I would log his calories and tell him where he was at and we'll see how it goes. So we started doing that, and now it's 4 weeks later and he has lost 4 pounds and is completely hooked on it. He's much more conscious of what he's eating and how much and he'll tell me what he ate before I even ask. We're even getting him a Fitbit because he complained the other day that I was underestimating his exercise calories :laugh:
I obviously don't know your wife, but I don't think "How has your workout routine been going?" would be at all offensive. Something like "Did you work out today?" could be taken the wrong way. IMO.0 -
She just needs to track all of her calories. It's very simple really. No magic formula! Tell her to give MFP a try.
This.
:drinker:
Weightloss is 100% about calories (medical exceptions excluded of course). SHe could exercise 5 hours a day and if she's eating more than or the same number of calories as she's expending then she won't see results though she will get incredibly fit...0 -
Hello all,I sure do appreciate all the responses. I guess a few people missed the point. It helps to here from women who have had issues with weight and what they wish or what there husbands actually said or did to support them. We understand calories, that is no way to live in my opinion, I see what she eats and it is all very healthy valuable calories. She has had her thyroid checked and they report no issues with it.
Do you all think it is obnoxious if I simply ask her every once in a while, "Did you work out today?" or maybe "How has your workout routine been going?" I guess I want her to know that I'm in it with her and understand that not every week is a successful workout routine...
By saying "that is no way to live in my opinion", does that mean that tracking her calories is not an option? My husband complained about being the heaviest he's ever been, so I suggested we do a trial 2-week run with him on MFP. I would log his calories and tell him where he was at and we'll see how it goes. So we started doing that, and now it's 4 weeks later and he has lost 4 pounds and is completely hooked on it. He's much more conscious of what he's eating and how much and he'll tell me what he ate before I even ask. We're even getting him a Fitbit because he complained the other day that I was underestimating his exercise calories :laugh:
I obviously don't know your wife, but I don't think "How has your workout routine been going?" would be at all offensive. Something like "Did you work out today?" could be taken the wrong way. IMO.
Agree - "How has your workout routine been going" would be the best option. It shows interest in what she's doing yet is respectful and shows your payinv attention. She may even be happy! It is validating and she may ask for advice, giving you an opening to suggest MFP or a different routine. Definitely not "Have you worked out today?", it could be insulting or too aggressive - seeming.0 -
Hello all,I sure do appreciate all the responses. I guess a few people missed the point. It helps to here from women who have had issues with weight and what they wish or what there husbands actually said or did to support them. We understand calories, that is no way to live in my opinion, I see what she eats and it is all very healthy valuable calories. She has had her thyroid checked and they report no issues with it.
Do you all think it is obnoxious if I simply ask her every once in a while, "Did you work out today?" or maybe "How has your workout routine been going?" I guess I want her to know that I'm in it with her and understand that not every week is a successful workout routine...
By saying "that is no way to live in my opinion", does that mean that tracking her calories is not an option? My husband complained about being the heaviest he's ever been, so I suggested we do a trial 2-week run with him on MFP. I would log his calories and tell him where he was at and we'll see how it goes. So we started doing that, and now it's 4 weeks later and he has lost 4 pounds and is completely hooked on it. He's much more conscious of what he's eating and how much and he'll tell me what he ate before I even ask. We're even getting him a Fitbit because he complained the other day that I was underestimating his exercise calories :laugh:
I obviously don't know your wife, but I don't think "How has your workout routine been going?" would be at all offensive. Something like "Did you work out today?" could be taken the wrong way. IMO.
Agree - "How has your workout routine been going" would be the best option. It shows interest in what she's doing yet is respectful and shows your payinv attention. She may even be happy! It is validating and she may ask for advice, giving you an opening to suggest MFP or a different routine. Definitely not "Have you worked out today?", it could be insulting or too aggressive - seeming.
This!
Also - try and add in compliments and positive feedback about her generally, without comparing it to her previous state. So if she ran 5 km straight without having to walk try "holy crap, you're a fiend!" Not "Wow - you sure couldn't do that a few months ago!"0 -
It kind of depends on whether or not she wants help from you. Activity is great, but the key to weight loss is calories in vs calories out. Not just food choices, but portion sizes and misc. snacking.
In my marriage: I had to reach a point where I wanted to make changes, and for myself. Nothing my husband or anyone else could have done to get me there. I was content with holding the pregnancy weight - until I started outgrowing women's sizes and didn't want to buy Plus. But that was me. Now Hubby & I are in this together. I've been on again, off again for a long time. And he put his weight on after I did. But we're both looking at living a healthier, more active life. And putting more control over our food choices. I might have been an influence on him, not sure. For him: he kicked a 25 year smoking habit and a year later was ready to work on his weight.0
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