Needing some serious insight...

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  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
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    This is a problem for a lot of people. I could never lose weight with someone else because I am asininely competitive and would want to pummel the person into the ground.

    You have two options:

    1) Help her understand that you are two different people who will lose weight differently, or
    2) You need to gain weight and make sure she is always losing quicker than you. :laugh:
  • hkristine1
    hkristine1 Posts: 950 Member
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    She is a little bit heavier than me. I think one reason I have lost more is because in high school I was a big time lifter. Always in the weight room, so my muscle memory is still there and it's waking up. She has never lifted a weight except for those 3lb weights you can pick up at wal-mart.

    A word of caution (and you sound super supportive, so this probably won't be a problem): but depending on the exercise, those 3 lb weights might be all she needs. I do an arm routine (link: http://www.fitsugar.com/10-Minute-Arm-Workout-Cameron-Diaz-Trainer-Teddy-Bass-23478466) and with some of the exercises, I use 5 lb weights (could go higher but I don't currently own a heavier weight - need to invest in that soon). On other ones, I have to put down all weights because I literally CAN NOT do the exercise with weights (I have really weak shoulders, it seems!). I am hopeful that soon, very soon, I'll be able to do those exercises with 3 lb weights. But the important thing is that I'm working to my max ability right now, doing the movements even if it's only with my own body/arm weight, and I have hope that I'll progress. So, don't chide her about the amount of weight, especially at first (even if your motivation is correct, it will make her feel discouraged).
  • iBMikey
    iBMikey Posts: 35 Member
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    Just a note: I'm not trying to put myself up high or anything. Don't want to come across as an *kitten* or something.

    Anyways, I applaud any and every thing she does. I mean the word 'proud' falls short. So I would never tell her, "You're not using enough weight." I just think she doubts exactly how strong she is. I almost feel like she hasn't found her Will Power yet, and we all know just how strong your will to do/ be something is. I know she also has a problem with shin splints, which we are working on.

    Again, I can't thank everyone enough for the help. It is greatly appreciated while we transition through this lifestyle change.
  • TXEXrunner
    TXEXrunner Posts: 178 Member
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    Mikey,
    Thanks for sharing. You are getting some great advice here; would your fiance be open to reading the opinions of others and consider the suggestions being offered? I would offer that you not hide or "game" the system as a way of encouragement - not a good way to start a marriage. You should be able to be open and honest about something so fundamentally important to you (and presumably her).
    Don't know if it has already been suggested, but perhaps your metric is not the correct one to measure. Weight loss is certainly an easy way to gauge progress toward a goal. What about % weight loss (think Biggest Loser)? She may actually be outperforming you? Or consider setting goals tied to measurements (waist, hips, arms, etc.) This may be a more desired goal for each of you. It also may be a way of giving each of you different "goals" - so comparing won't be possible (or not as easy).
    Congrats on the upcoming wedding. Best of luck with this challenge; I'm sure you will get through this (keep talking to each other!).
  • hkristine1
    hkristine1 Posts: 950 Member
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    I know she also has a problem with shin splints, which we are working on.

    Shin splints are terribly painful, but *can* be a pretty simple fix: getting the right shoes. It's not always an easy fix, but it would be the first thing I would try is getting the RIGHT shoes for her (have her go to a running store and get fitted properly). If I had shin splints, I wouldn't want to be exercising either!
  • iBMikey
    iBMikey Posts: 35 Member
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    Yea... We just bought a pair of Nike's but I think I have an idea of what's causing it. We kinda jumped into exercising paying no mind to how unfit we was. So I believe it was too much too quick.
  • hkristine1
    hkristine1 Posts: 950 Member
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    Yea... We just bought a pair of Nike's but I think I have an idea of what's causing it. We kinda jumped into exercising paying no mind to how unfit we was. So I believe it was too much too quick.

    Did she get fit for those shoes? Just because they're Nike, doesn't mean they're the "right" ones. I could never wear Nikes until this year - they came out with a new stability shoe that is the BEST shoe I've ever worn - but prior to this year's new line... no way... couldn't wear them.
  • iBMikey
    iBMikey Posts: 35 Member
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    Nope. Guess a new pair shoes is in line for her. Thanks for the help.
  • shoneybabes
    shoneybabes Posts: 199 Member
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    She needs to not compare herself with others or will lead to a lot of unhappiness. Her weightloss progress is her own and she is doing well. Your progress is your own, she will just be jealous and frustrated. If she is disatisified with her progress she could always up her game.

    these journeys can be shared but they are essentially a path for yourself to learn and grow.

    I hope you both lose the weight you wish to lose before the wedding.

    work hard :)
  • Veronnie87
    Veronnie87 Posts: 40 Member
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    Bring her in the forums so she can see that she can't compare herself to you. Each of your progress needs to be measured against yourselves, not each other. It can lead to one of you getting discouraged and self-sabotaging or the one who is doing well could get side-tracked by guilt feelings and then that won't be doing either of you any good!

    Keep it up, you are both doing an amazing job!
  • 1Cor1510
    1Cor1510 Posts: 413 Member
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    Just a thought, if you haven't already, have the both of you take progress pics. It is amazing the difference you will see, especially with those kind of losses. I take one every Saturday, may be too often for some, but it SHOWS me the changes, instead of relying on a number from the scale. This is incredibly motivating to me :)

    That way, she can compare herself to herself, and you can compare you to you.

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