Getting Fit When Your S/O Is "Fat & Happy"

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  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
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    I have been on this journey since December 30th and my boyfriend is supportive. BUT 9/10 like yours he cheers me on from the couch.
    That's ok with me, rather have him supportive and on the couch than unsupportive and in my face.
    He is a slim bloke who can eat and drink what he wants and does not worry about weight gain and he does. He can sit in front of the TV and eat a share pack of maltesers to himself.
    At first this bothered me, but I learned to ignore it. I would never tell him he can't eat anything he wants because that's not fair. However since I do all the cooking, he gets what I want him to for dinner =)

    Just concentrate on yourself.
  • jenn26point2
    jenn26point2 Posts: 429 Member
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    I've been with my husband for 11 years (married 8) and the whole time I have been working on my weight and fitness... in those 11 years, he has spent 3 months at the gym. If he wanted to go, he would. It's just not a priority to him. Seeing me lose weight and run marathons and all that jazz has done nothing for his motivation... My husband weighs nearly 350 lbs so he's moved into the "you need to do this for your health" state, and he still won't do it.

    My advice: don't push. If it will cause stress in your relationship, don't push. Let him come to it on his own. I've had all the "I'm so scared I'm going to lose you to a heart attack", "I'm so scared I'm going to find you dead in our bed" (he has weight related sleep apnea), and the "I'm so scared our kids will have to grow up fatherless" talks with him and none of them have pushed him to make changes.

    He did do a Whole30 with me in January though, which was cool, but he failed to ride on that momentum and let it all go.

    If your SO is happy where he's at... let him stay. If he's not, he'll make changes. Take his encouragement, whether from the couch or the treadmill next to you, and go with it. Eventually, he'll get sick and tired of being sick and tired, and he'll make changes. It might take 2 weeks, it might take 2 years, it might take 2 decades... either way, it's on him, not you. Just lead by example and hope that someday he'll start to follow...
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    you cant 'make' him do anything...
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,207 Member
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    If you just started your own life changes, isn't it a bit much to be freaking out because your boyfriend isn't on board yet? Is it possible that your actual issue is a fear of backsliding, so you want to make him come along for the ride in order to lessen the chances of that happening?

    Worry about yourself. That's all you can do.
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
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    Wait, your 6' something, 230 pound boyfriend is "fat?" That's fairly average, honestly. Unless by 6' something, you really mean 5'10".
  • Archerychickge
    Archerychickge Posts: 606 Member
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    Just do your thing and don't let him get you down EVER. My husband has seen me drop 41 pounds over the past 3 months and while he's complimented me about looking better, he made it VERY clear when I started dieting that I was the one on the diet, not him.

    But to be honest, he's been dieting without realizing it. I keep healthier snacks in the house now, and the meals I cook for the family are revised enough to be ok for my diet but still tasty for the family. Sneaky? Heck yeah. But if it helps get me to my goal, he can just suck it. lol

    Don't give up, keep going no matter how much he whines. Work out without him.. Besides, you're a strong independent woman... it's not like you need him to keep you motivated... You've got all of us! :)
  • 281Danielle
    281Danielle Posts: 113
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    You can't make him do anything, I know how you feel though. My husband who is lucky and actually needs to gain weight instead of lose it refuses to workout with me, I have asked a few times and he just isn't interested. Although he has started doing protein shakes and claims he will start working out when he gains 10-15 pounds...All you can do is take care of yourself and continue working out and eating healthier, there's always a chance that you continuing to do this will motivate him to do it but don't try and force it. He'll join you when and if he is ready, don't let it stress out your relationship.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    He'll do it if he wants to. He's an adult, he doesn't need someone telling him what to do. What if a few months ago he got on a health kick and was telling you to get off your *kitten* and what to eat and how much to exercise?

    He will change when he's ready...he's atleast being supportive of YOUR commitment, you can only hope that you can inspire him.

    they do it when they want to- the more you do stuff and try to "help" or "motivate"

    they just think "my girlfriend is nagging me"

    my BF is like that- he's squishy- drives me crazy- and now we just don't talk about it much- but any time he worked out I was trying to be super supportive and ask about them and what happened and what he did (I can talk working out for hours- and my bestie and I always talked about our workouts after we were done and how we felt)- he was always giving me super clipped answers.

    I finally asked him- why are you coping an attitude with me- and he told me "I feel like you're nagging me" even in my "non nagging supportive mentality" it was to much. So now I only ask him if he tells me and gives me a generic answer- it's getting better but it's not there yet. It's a slow process.

    But you have to learn that this is for you- and this is a battle of your will against your body. This is the time to find internal strength- I know it's hard when you live with someone opposite of you- but you just have to commit to it and stay the course- he may come around when he sees you're results- but be prepared- he may not- he may be okay with himself just the way he is and you have to ask yourself if that's okay.
  • amberlynn0925
    amberlynn0925 Posts: 17
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    I don't think you're coming off negatively, I think you have a genuine concern for him and that's admirable. My Fiance and I have a pact that we will tell each other if one of us is gaining too much weight (that being said he hasn't said a think since I gained 15 lbs recently). Here's to catching it on my own and getting rid of it before he notices! If you want him in your life long-term, y'all need to agree in this are, otherwise you'll just build resentment.
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
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    Get hot and dump him. :)

    Seriously though, getting fit is something you need to do for yourself with or without him.
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
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    Wait, your 6' something, 230 pound boyfriend is "fat?" That's fairly average, honestly. Unless by 6' something, you really mean 5'10".

    He easily could have a BF of 30, which is fat to me. If its muscle fine, but even at that he would need to be built like a linebacker.
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
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    Wait, your 6' something, 230 pound boyfriend is "fat?" That's fairly average, honestly. Unless by 6' something, you really mean 5'10".

    He easily could have a BF of 30, which is fat to me. If its muscle fine, but even at that he would need to be built like a linebacker.
    I'm 5'7", 226 pounds, with a body fat percentage of 20%. That puts me squarely in "average" body fat levels according to the American Council of Exercise. So I weigh about the same, while being at least 5" shorter. I'm not fat, nor am I built like a linebacker. He would have to have very little lean mass to have that high a body fat percentage.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    You can lead a horse to water....

    Essentially just set a good example and if that motivates him great, if not, it is his life and body he will have to want to do it himself. The more you push him to do it, the more you will push him away.
  • hep26000
    hep26000 Posts: 156 Member
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    Everyone's advice is great so I am not going to repeat that but one thing I didn't see anyone post (unless I bypassed it) is show him some success stories with pictures from this site. Show him casually like, 'Wow babe, look at this persons before and after pictures! I can't wait to add all of mine' Maybe that will light a fire in him to want to put in the work for the results you said he wants to have. Just be supportive. He will find his own way. :)
  • NekoneMeowMixx
    NekoneMeowMixx Posts: 410 Member
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    He's probably closer to 245 nowadays, but yes, he's a larger guy-- and it isn't muscle. Due to jogging and playing soccer for years, he does having monstrously muscular calves, and his warms are kind of built, but he has a big, barrel chest and a tummy that hangs over every pair of pants he buys (no matter how loose) and pokes out the bottom of all his shirts. he's not MURRICA fat, but he's incredibly jiggly, and he's got man boobs, so yes, I'd say that's a bit overweight. He ranks on obese on the healthy BMI chart, though I wouldn't go that far. He is certainly overweight though...

    Appreciate all the positive posts though. And I will admit (as my original post insisted) that part of the reason I'd like him to get in shape is for the sole purpose of not feeling "alone" in this... It's hard to sweat your butt off while your s/o is in the other room watching, eating a snicker's ice cream bar (he doesn't actually *DO* this, he isn't cruel. But you get the reference)

    I love this man with all my heart, and I'm not gonna leave just cause he's a lil chubby. Just like he won't leave when he sees his girl with abs. But I'm sure at that point it might motivate him to want to get all competitive and try to catch up ;P
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
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    Wait, does he have a barrel chest or man boobs? Those are two different things...
  • TKhamvongsa
    TKhamvongsa Posts: 287
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    You can only be there to support him when he decides to change. He can only change himself. My S/O didn't give about fitness until this year... I've been working out for 3 years now and he never wanted to join me- he'd just go eat by himself etc. He saw a photo of himself next to me and he saw how big he was... He decided he needed to change asap. Now we workout together, we meal prep together, we high five each other! Take it slowly, just politely ask him to join here and there or maybe put up a picture of him when he was at his prime.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Oh boy, I love it when people who "really, really love" their significant others post threads asking for ways that they can change them to better suit their wants and desires.

    True love indeed!
  • sarafischbach9
    sarafischbach9 Posts: 466 Member
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    I think the best thing to do is to keep on doing what you're doing. Keep on your diet and exercise changes and maybe if he sees the progress you are making, then maybe he will slowly begin to make changes. I just lost 25 lbs; my boyfriend and I both gained weight during our 3 years so far together. My boyfriend's gain was more gradual-- he has gained 30-40 lbs and is bordering obese. I was on a skinny side when we began dating and gained about 20 lbs in 2012 and 2013, but the weight gain spiked this past fall due to overindulging in eating out. So I was not overweight ever by any means, but I was definitely not happy with the way I was eating, my fitness level and my body.

    My boyfriend says I'm too "skinny" now and he doesn't like it when I exercise. I try to get him to walk with me but this is a guy that would rather spend time indoors laying around on a sunny 70 degree day than go outside.

    You can't force him to change his lifestyle, but I agree it is very painful to watch. I'm glad I made my changes and I feel good about being active and not going out to eat as much. And when I do go out to eat, I make better choices! I am also much much happier with my body. My clothes fit better, except my jeans which are too big. I'm happier with everything on my body. I just want to maybe lose 2 more lbs and that is it.

    I wish you and him the best of luck!

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