Getting Fit When Your S/O Is "Fat & Happy"

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Replies

  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
    Wait, your 6' something, 230 pound boyfriend is "fat?" That's fairly average, honestly. Unless by 6' something, you really mean 5'10".

    He easily could have a BF of 30, which is fat to me. If its muscle fine, but even at that he would need to be built like a linebacker.
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
    Wait, your 6' something, 230 pound boyfriend is "fat?" That's fairly average, honestly. Unless by 6' something, you really mean 5'10".

    He easily could have a BF of 30, which is fat to me. If its muscle fine, but even at that he would need to be built like a linebacker.
    I'm 5'7", 226 pounds, with a body fat percentage of 20%. That puts me squarely in "average" body fat levels according to the American Council of Exercise. So I weigh about the same, while being at least 5" shorter. I'm not fat, nor am I built like a linebacker. He would have to have very little lean mass to have that high a body fat percentage.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    You can lead a horse to water....

    Essentially just set a good example and if that motivates him great, if not, it is his life and body he will have to want to do it himself. The more you push him to do it, the more you will push him away.
  • hep26000
    hep26000 Posts: 156 Member
    Everyone's advice is great so I am not going to repeat that but one thing I didn't see anyone post (unless I bypassed it) is show him some success stories with pictures from this site. Show him casually like, 'Wow babe, look at this persons before and after pictures! I can't wait to add all of mine' Maybe that will light a fire in him to want to put in the work for the results you said he wants to have. Just be supportive. He will find his own way. :)
  • NekoneMeowMixx
    NekoneMeowMixx Posts: 410 Member
    He's probably closer to 245 nowadays, but yes, he's a larger guy-- and it isn't muscle. Due to jogging and playing soccer for years, he does having monstrously muscular calves, and his warms are kind of built, but he has a big, barrel chest and a tummy that hangs over every pair of pants he buys (no matter how loose) and pokes out the bottom of all his shirts. he's not MURRICA fat, but he's incredibly jiggly, and he's got man boobs, so yes, I'd say that's a bit overweight. He ranks on obese on the healthy BMI chart, though I wouldn't go that far. He is certainly overweight though...

    Appreciate all the positive posts though. And I will admit (as my original post insisted) that part of the reason I'd like him to get in shape is for the sole purpose of not feeling "alone" in this... It's hard to sweat your butt off while your s/o is in the other room watching, eating a snicker's ice cream bar (he doesn't actually *DO* this, he isn't cruel. But you get the reference)

    I love this man with all my heart, and I'm not gonna leave just cause he's a lil chubby. Just like he won't leave when he sees his girl with abs. But I'm sure at that point it might motivate him to want to get all competitive and try to catch up ;P
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
    Wait, does he have a barrel chest or man boobs? Those are two different things...
  • TKhamvongsa
    TKhamvongsa Posts: 287
    You can only be there to support him when he decides to change. He can only change himself. My S/O didn't give about fitness until this year... I've been working out for 3 years now and he never wanted to join me- he'd just go eat by himself etc. He saw a photo of himself next to me and he saw how big he was... He decided he needed to change asap. Now we workout together, we meal prep together, we high five each other! Take it slowly, just politely ask him to join here and there or maybe put up a picture of him when he was at his prime.
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  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    Oh boy, I love it when people who "really, really love" their significant others post threads asking for ways that they can change them to better suit their wants and desires.

    True love indeed!
  • sarafischbach9
    sarafischbach9 Posts: 466 Member
    I think the best thing to do is to keep on doing what you're doing. Keep on your diet and exercise changes and maybe if he sees the progress you are making, then maybe he will slowly begin to make changes. I just lost 25 lbs; my boyfriend and I both gained weight during our 3 years so far together. My boyfriend's gain was more gradual-- he has gained 30-40 lbs and is bordering obese. I was on a skinny side when we began dating and gained about 20 lbs in 2012 and 2013, but the weight gain spiked this past fall due to overindulging in eating out. So I was not overweight ever by any means, but I was definitely not happy with the way I was eating, my fitness level and my body.

    My boyfriend says I'm too "skinny" now and he doesn't like it when I exercise. I try to get him to walk with me but this is a guy that would rather spend time indoors laying around on a sunny 70 degree day than go outside.

    You can't force him to change his lifestyle, but I agree it is very painful to watch. I'm glad I made my changes and I feel good about being active and not going out to eat as much. And when I do go out to eat, I make better choices! I am also much much happier with my body. My clothes fit better, except my jeans which are too big. I'm happier with everything on my body. I just want to maybe lose 2 more lbs and that is it.

    I wish you and him the best of luck!
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    Do what you need to do...he may get on board with you eventually. Or...he might not. If he doesn't follow in your footsteps there's nothing you can do to change it.
  • HappyBouncyJello
    HappyBouncyJello Posts: 14 Member
    "part of the reason I'd like him to get in shape is for the sole purpose of not feeling "alone" in this... It's hard to sweat your butt off while your s/o is in the other room watching"

    I'd like to offer a slightly different perspective.

    You want him to workout with you so you're not "alone". But you guys work different hours. And you spend time when you see each other doing something he's not interested in. Go do something fun that you both enjoy during your time together. If it's active that's a plus, if it's not, well you're not feeling alone AND he's not feeling nagged to death.

    Work out in the mornings while he's at work. Join a class, get a friend to work out with, find a forum accountability group, something that makes you feel "not alone" in your new hobby: exercising. This is *your* hobby. If your bf took up woodcarving/fishing/yodeling (or something else that bores your socks off) would he expect you to do it with him? Probably not.

    So do your hobby/workout on your time and when you're both home... BOTH of you go do something awesome. Take a cooking class together, go hiking, go wine tasting, explore a near-by city you've not been to, heck, play video games together, anything fun!
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  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    This is just one of those things where you have to "love him where he's at." He's not at the same place you are, and no amount of encouragement is likely to make him leap off the couch and say, "Yay! Count me in!!" (As much as you may secretly want him to.)

    Your mission is yours. Go forward with confidence that you know you're doing what's right for you, and move forward on your path. If/when he wants to join you, let him.
  • Kixshots
    Kixshots Posts: 74 Member
    I think when we start taking our health and fitness seriously we start wondering why everyone else isn't, because it seems like one of the most rewarding things one can do for themselves... I tried getting my boyfriend encouraged into healthier habits and maybe to lose a few lbs but it didn't make a difference really because he just ate crap when I wasn't around (maybe because he felt guilty?) XD which is not what I was trying to do..
    he's stopped ''dieting'' now and I think he's actually gained some weight since before he ever started , maybe from feeling pressured and restricted. So I'm not saying anything anymore to do with his weight , and nor will I because it's his body and I love him regardless and sometimes we can do more harm than good when we put expectations on to people...
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    your S/O does not have to do the same thing you do for you to be successful.

    just ask my husband.

    he went paleo two months into my journey and is slim and fit as all get out. me, I ran into some hard times emotionally with family happenings and fell of my wagon. no hindrance to his success at all whatsoever. and i verbally hated on his paleo. but he did it anyways. ;you can too. choose your plan and stick with it. that's all it takes. focus. on yourself.

    in the past i've done it vice versa where I've lost weight in spite of others around me. its' actually easy. you only focus on you. it works. you can do it.

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