How would you deal with . . .

Andreaviolet89
Andreaviolet89 Posts: 290 Member
in Chit-Chat
an overbearing friend? I have a friend who is just too much at times. He will ask me millions of questions about my life and if I don't want to talk about a subject gets very pushy and/or upset. I thought it was because he was stressed at first because his wife but idk. . . How would you handle it, just curious?

Replies

  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I would be pretty direct with him but try to take the focus off of his behavior being out of line. For example, kinda lay the "blame" on yourself in a subtle way...like "HisName, I really enjoy talking to you but there's something you just need to understand about me. I have always been a super private type of person and it takes me forever to really warm up to people and feel comfortable answering very personal questions. Everyone who has known me for years can attest to this...it's just how I am! It's not you...but I don't do the TMI or oversharing sort of thing..."

    If he can't respect that, you're better off without him around I'd say. Good luck!
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
    He's not your friend. That's putting it blunt, but the truth. Ok, how to handle it. Establish boundaries, explain that you do not appreciate his behavior if necessary, but establishing boundaries is your first step. If that doesn't help, then explain your feelings, if that doesn't work, then sever the ties. My gut tells me there's more interest than you probably want from him.
  • Dedshot
    Dedshot Posts: 145
    I had one of those once. We met twice, several years ago, and we were friends on Facebook after that. Last year he would constantly message me, nearly every day, asking me trivial questions or trying to find my opinions on something... it was so irritating. I eventually told him I wanted him to message me less because I found it overbearing and he backed off. I was very up front about it and he knew that was the type of person I am. I deleted him a while after, though, because I didn't really want anything more to do with him. I had only kept him that past year because I thought he was suicidal over his ex and I didn't want to just leave him alone.

    So I would suggest telling him how you feel. If he's anything like the guy I was dealing with, he'll ease up. If he values you as a friend he should realize that he should respect you a little bit more.
  • Andreaviolet89
    Andreaviolet89 Posts: 290 Member
    He's not your friend. That's putting it blunt, but the truth. Ok, how to handle it. Establish boundaries, explain that you do not appreciate his behavior if necessary, but establishing boundaries is your first step. If that doesn't help, then explain your feelings, if that doesn't work, then sever the ties. My gut tells me there's more interest than you probably want from him.

    Yeah you are probably right. I guess I figured that since he is married I wouldnt have to worry about him getting too creepy.
  • Andreaviolet89
    Andreaviolet89 Posts: 290 Member
    I had one of those once. We met twice, several years ago, and we were friends on Facebook after that. Last year he would constantly message me, nearly every day, asking me trivial questions or trying to find my opinions on something... it was so irritating. I eventually told him I wanted him to message me less because I found it overbearing and he backed off. I was very up front about it and he knew that was the type of person I am. I deleted him a while after, though, because I didn't really want anything more to do with him. I had only kept him that past year because I thought he was suicidal over his ex and I didn't want to just leave him alone.

    So I would suggest telling him how you feel. If he's anything like the guy I was dealing with, he'll ease up. If he values you as a friend he should realize that he should respect you a little bit more.

    Thank you. This is VERY helpful.

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