Motivating yourself when you're depressed?

AKNMHunt
AKNMHunt Posts: 168 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've noticed the last few days I've been tired, angry and not motivated at all. I knew the date was coming up, but I have tried not thinking too much about it. April 19 2005 I lost my grandfather who was the most important man in my life. April 19 2010 I lost a very much wanted baby.

I'm an emotional eater. I just want to binge on anything I can get my hands on. I don't want to work out. I just want to be sad. But that'd be horrid self sabotage. I've worked so hard to get where I am. I have much more to go but I dont want to right now.
«1

Replies

  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    I so sorry to hear about your losses.

    I haven't had that experience, but I know that when my mind is occupied with worry, doubt and anxiety, a good walk helps me. Just being outside without any distraction lets my mind unwind, relax and heal. Besides, you can't binge when you are walking.
  • aribugg
    aribugg Posts: 164 Member
    you're allowed to be sad, those a major losses in a persons life. you dont have to workout everyday, but you should try to be mindful of your eating. having a little ice cream or chocolate wont be the end, just make sure you can tell yourself when enough is enough.

    I'm terribly sorry about the things that have happened to you, i hope you feel better soon.
  • princessnuriko
    princessnuriko Posts: 50 Member
    I feel you, but I think your Grandfather will want you to think about him, but focus on keeping yourself healthy and strong. I lost my mom like 15 years ago, and the one thing I promised her was that I was gonna get married in a church in a white dress to a good guy. Well, that time as come and it's happening this August. And I've use my promise as motivation. I really want to look good in my dress for my mom, but especially for me and so I can wow my husband. (We're already married. Got married at the courthouse 1.5 years ago, and now this is the official ceremony.)
  • royaldrea
    royaldrea Posts: 259 Member
    Don't get into the habit of eating your feelings... listen to what your body is telling you. It's not that it's hungry or even that it wants food. Your mind wants to mask and distract from your feelings, and in the back of your mind you probably think that because you have an excuse you can give in.

    This is going to sound cliché and I feel like a loser for saying it but...FEEL your feelings. Process them fully, allow yourself to feel sad and to cry and miss your loved ones and wish life wasn't so ****ty sometimes. You don't have to binge in order to feel sad. You don't need to eat ice cream while crying. Your pain is valid, you can experience it without distracting by overindulging.

    Now that said...maybe allow yourself a treat? If you're counting calories, eat at maintenance or even above. Way above if you have to. One day isn't going to destroy everything. The most important thing is to stay in control. Own every piece of food you put in your mouth. Realize you're going to eat it, even though it's so many calories. Don't allow yourself to go off the rail and then have to process all that guilt on top of the feelings you haven't worked through.

    Ok. Hope your day doesn't go too horribly. Sorry for your losses!
  • jriber1264
    jriber1264 Posts: 3 Member
    First off i'm sorry for both of your loses. Secondly, thanks for being so open and honest about the real things that affect us as people and our weight. I have emotional dips and a couple things that have helped me not have set backs would be to recognize what the issue is (like you have) and do things like plan time with a friend or do therapeutic things like a trip to the beach to sit and think or write. For the times when I really just want to eat though I make sure to have healthy snacks available like frozen yogurt, sweet grapes, olives for a salty snack, or a small lean steak to grill. Those are just a couple tips that you probably know already. Most importantly give yourself time to feel your feelings and know that others hope the best for you and you're going to it through this tough time.
  • ginncjb
    ginncjb Posts: 44 Member
    Well said & perfect advice! I've heard people say that we distract ourselves from our feelings because we think we can't bear to go through it. I've done that MANY times, but when I do make the decision to just feel & then come out the other side, I feel SO much stronger.
  • ginncjb
    ginncjb Posts: 44 Member
    Don't get into the habit of eating your feelings... listen to what your body is telling you. It's not that it's hungry or even that it wants food. Your mind wants to mask and distract from your feelings, and in the back of your mind you probably think that because you have an excuse you can give in.

    This is going to sound cliché and I feel like a loser for saying it but...FEEL your feelings. Process them fully, allow yourself to feel sad and to cry and miss your loved ones and wish life wasn't so ****ty sometimes. You don't have to binge in order to feel sad. You don't need to eat ice cream while crying. Your pain is valid, you can experience it without distracting by overindulging.

    Now that said...maybe allow yourself a treat? If you're counting calories, eat at maintenance or even above. Way above if you have to. One day isn't going to destroy everything. The most important thing is to stay in control. Own every piece of food you put in your mouth. Realize you're going to eat it, even though it's so many calories. Don't allow yourself to go off the rail and then have to process all that guilt on top of the feelings you haven't worked through.

    Ok. Hope your day doesn't go too horribly. Sorry for your losses!

    Well said & perfect advice! I've heard people say that we distract ourselves from our feelings because we think we can't bear to go through it. I've done that MANY times, but when I do make the decision to just feel & then come out the other side, I feel SO much stronger.
  • gentlebreeze2
    gentlebreeze2 Posts: 450 Member
    I totally understand the feelings you are experiencing, and I'm so sorry for your losses. I still struggle on my dad's birthday and the day he passed. I use a pix of us for my profile pix around his birthday. Holidays don't mean much now that he's gone. I struggled to hold my first grandchild because she looked so much like him. Words can't describe how much I miss him. Emotional eating is something I struggle with as well. Sometimes it helps to remember how much he loved me, and I want to make him proud. I know he wouldn't want me to be so sad. He would want me to live life to the fullest. As far as losing a baby... that has to be devestating. Nothing can ever replace that loss. But maybe you could plant something in honor of the baby. I wish you much success... REMEMBER YOU ARE WORTH IT!!
  • Nicole_M1926
    Nicole_M1926 Posts: 7
    I'm sorry for your loss hun. I can def relate to how you are feeling. Stay strong and God Bless...You can make it through and remember to give yourself grace :flowerforyou:
  • bcf7683
    bcf7683 Posts: 1,653 Member
    Sorry for your loss- I'm sure those were both pretty tough.

    I'm going through a rough patch myself right now- I recently found out that I have a cancerous polyp in my colon that can't be removed without major re-sectioning surgery- and I'm only 25. I also just found out that my car needs a new transmission (that I can't afford) and my boyfriend and I that have been living together for 7 years are seriously considering a split. So things aren't peaches and rainbows for me right now.

    But, my motivation to keep getting up everyday at 5am to workout is that it's the only constant in my life right now. Everything else has been pretty unpredictable lately and it's nice to have something that's completely in MY control. I alone control if I get up for that workout, or if I'm going to be lazy and sleep in a couple extra hours. I also usually feel pretty damn great afterwards, so that's another plus. Things in life right now are pretty grey and downhill so it's nice to have something that gives me a little boost of confidence everyday.
  • Bownzi
    Bownzi Posts: 423 Member
    Been there...I took some B-12 drops and forced myself to get going..at first it is slow then it kicks in...keep pushing...you can get out of the self destructive mode...
  • AKNMHunt
    AKNMHunt Posts: 168 Member
    I totally understand the feelings you are experiencing, and I'm so sorry for your losses. I still struggle on my dad's birthday and the day he passed. I use a pix of us for my profile pix around his birthday. Holidays don't mean much now that he's gone. I struggled to hold my first grandchild because she looked so much like him. Words can't describe how much I miss him. Emotional eating is something I struggle with as well. Sometimes it helps to remember how much he loved me, and I want to make him proud. I know he wouldn't want me to be so sad. He would want me to live life to the fullest. As far as losing a baby... that has to be devestating. Nothing can ever replace that loss. But maybe you could plant something in honor of the baby. I wish you much success... REMEMBER YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

    Thank you everyone. I'm not one for control when it comes to food and I'm already concerned about Easter, that'll be my "treat" day where I wont worry much about counting my calories.

    My oldest was actually born on my grandfathers birthday, funny how those things work out. I thought it was a bad thing at first, but it helped everyone in my family surprisingly, especially my grandmother.

    It also helps to talk about it, but my husband's away for training and I'm with two kids who dont understand and my friends are the kind who just don't "get it" and their high amounts of sympathy bother me.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    I was in a car accident that killed my father, but I lived when I was 9. 3/2 every year is a very hard day for me. I used to give myself permission to get hammered and eat what I wanted on that day. The last 2 years I have not done that.

    You are allowed to be sad. I am sorry for your losses. What would they want for you? Would they want you to be sad? Or would they want you to celebrate their lives and live yours? I'm not saying you can't be sad or you can't cry. Try to maybe think about how they would want you to remember them, but neither of them would want you to be self destructive.

    With all that said, it's also just one day. One day cannot ruin all of your progress.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    I've noticed the last few days I've been tired, angry and not motivated at all. I knew the date was coming up, but I have tried not thinking too much about it. April 19 2005 I lost my grandfather who was the most important man in my life. April 19 2010 I lost a very much wanted baby.

    I'm an emotional eater. I just want to binge on anything I can get my hands on. I don't want to work out. I just want to be sad. But that'd be horrid self sabotage. I've worked so hard to get where I am. I have much more to go but I dont want to right now.

    Honestly, when I get depressed, I try to find a way to laugh. I have even put MP3s of stand-up comedy on my player so that I can laugh when out on a walk if my music isn't helping.
  • HaibaneReki
    HaibaneReki Posts: 373 Member
    I know exactly what You mean. Really I do. Being sad is pervertedly comfortable. Been there, done that. It took me several years for this sadness and self-centred pity to become anger with myself. At that point I had literally nothing to lose... ... except weight!

    I used the anger as a fuel to get me kick started (not mentally healthy choice I know), but as I've started to see progress it gradually changed my mind as well. It's so refreshing to accept oneself and be content the way one is at the very moment.

    The fat didn't suffocate just my body, but also my mind and more.


    You don't have to do this, You want to do this. For Yourself. And for THEM.
  • fuzilojak
    fuzilojak Posts: 269 Member
    First, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my parents years ago and know how painful it is to lose someone you love.

    While I've been doing very well as far as not derailing myself as far as emotional eating, as I have in the past, I have stopped going to my support groups and have only been to the gym twice in the last three and a half weeks. I've been tired, no matter how much I sleep and dwell too much on the negatives in my life right now. I've fought to keep my marriage together for the past three years but nothing has stopped it from falling apart. She's moving on, spending more time with someone I uses to call a friend and even now I can't seem to let go. It's mentally and emotionally wearing me down. I'm not sure where I'm finding the strength to not over eat. I just know that if I do it I'll be in an even worse situation than I am now. I'm sure I'll snap out of it as soon as I can get myself back in the gym and distract myself.

    I understand it's hard to see the positives right now but I'm sure your grandfather would want you to be healthy and live a long happy life so use that as your motivation.
  • HermioneDanger118
    HermioneDanger118 Posts: 345 Member
    Don't get into the habit of eating your feelings... listen to what your body is telling you. It's not that it's hungry or even that it wants food. Your mind wants to mask and distract from your feelings, and in the back of your mind you probably think that because you have an excuse you can give in.

    This is going to sound cliché and I feel like a loser for saying it but...FEEL your feelings. Process them fully, allow yourself to feel sad and to cry and miss your loved ones and wish life wasn't so ****ty sometimes. You don't have to binge in order to feel sad. You don't need to eat ice cream while crying. Your pain is valid, you can experience it without distracting by overindulging.

    Now that said...maybe allow yourself a treat? If you're counting calories, eat at maintenance or even above. Way above if you have to. One day isn't going to destroy everything. The most important thing is to stay in control. Own every piece of food you put in your mouth. Realize you're going to eat it, even though it's so many calories. Don't allow yourself to go off the rail and then have to process all that guilt on top of the feelings you haven't worked through.

    Ok. Hope your day doesn't go too horribly. Sorry for your losses!

    I'm so sorry for your losses, and I really like this person's advice. Feel what you're feeling, and maybe give yourself a pass for one day. Own your feelings, own how you cope, and one day won't put you back at square one. Though I know it completely doesn't compare, I was dumped on Saturday and gave myself Sunday as a food pass. It was 1 day and I was back at logging and exercising on Monday. The one day didn't derail me but it did help to give myself that time. I'll be thinking of you on Saturday, lots of love!!
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    All I can say is, I know how you feel. I also know that exercise helps with depression, but that depression makes it really hard to get off the couch and exercise. Is there any errand you can convince yourself to go to on foot? Heck, even if you drove to the mall to get junk food in the food court, park at the other end. Don't worry as much about what you're eating, just get moving.
  • KariOrtiz2014
    KariOrtiz2014 Posts: 343 Member
    You've been through a lot!! I can't say much. But I hope you can move forward soon! :)
  • as124
    as124 Posts: 27
    I know how you feel, I lost my grandmother who I lived with for many years a month ago and some days I just get sad and want to mourn and binge. On those days instead of working out I try to do some calming meditation and stretches. It helps ease the tension, and takes my mind off binging.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    I'm sorry to hear about your losses. That's really tough.

    But, you can change the meaning of the day. Start a new ritual. Maybe take April 19th to do something nice for yourself - like a massage or some retail therapy. I'm sure that's what your loved ones would have wanted for you.

    When I'm sad or irritable, it seems much easier to wallow in it and stay in bed. Don't do that! Exercise and being out with friends, like my buddies at CrossFit, has worked well for me. Endorphins really do help!
  • becky10rp
    becky10rp Posts: 573 Member
    I'm sorry you're going through this - and - as a lot of the other posters have mentioned - exercise DOES help.

    It gives you the endorphin rush - and - the feeling that you've done something positive when you've finished.

    The anniversary of my Mom's death is hard for me - I try to keep very busy - time alone is NOT good for me - I get more depressed and eat.......so - for me - keeping busy helps; and I usually do an extra-long work-out - then I try to meet up with my sister - seeing as how she went through the same situation - the day has the same importance.........
  • StaceyRigs
    StaceyRigs Posts: 9 Member
    I'm sorry, what a horrible date for you.

    I know it's the last thing you feel like doing, but if you find a boxing class and go to it and just hit out your anger and sadness for awhile you will get a workout in, but even better, it is an emotional release.

    My best friend has a daughter who was killed and she found boxing to be a great release for all of her anger. She now goes to grief support groups with a bag full of gloves and focus mitts. She says that everyone always tells her they feel better punching the mitts and they even will sometimes yell out their anger in the process.
  • BlueButterfly94
    BlueButterfly94 Posts: 303 Member
    You could try writing out all of your feelings, just to get them out. :) Then making a list of all of the things that make you happy and give you motivation, there must be at least a few! Thinking and staying positive can be hard- I know very well. But letting negative things keep you down is just as pointless as staying happy might seem to be. Do you have any passion for something? (Writing, drawing, singing, dancing, etc) Do that! :) If you ever feel like eating because you are sad or angry, do those things instead.

    (Sorry if this wasn't great advice. I'm still working on it.)
  • terewilliams
    terewilliams Posts: 341 Member
    Don't get into the habit of eating your feelings... listen to what your body is telling you. It's not that it's hungry or even that it wants food. Your mind wants to mask and distract from your feelings, and in the back of your mind you probably think that because you have an excuse you can give in.

    This is going to sound cliché and I feel like a loser for saying it but...FEEL your feelings. Process them fully, allow yourself to feel sad and to cry and miss your loved ones and wish life wasn't so ****ty sometimes. You don't have to binge in order to feel sad. You don't need to eat ice cream while crying. Your pain is valid, you can experience it without distracting by overindulging.

    Now that said...maybe allow yourself a treat? If you're counting calories, eat at maintenance or even above. Way above if you have to. One day isn't going to destroy everything. The most important thing is to stay in control. Own every piece of food you put in your mouth. Realize you're going to eat it, even though it's so many calories. Don't allow yourself to go off the rail and then have to process all that guilt on top of the feelings you haven't worked through.

    I agree wholeheartedly!:heart:
  • DSTMT
    DSTMT Posts: 417 Member
    Don't get into the habit of eating your feelings... listen to what your body is telling you. It's not that it's hungry or even that it wants food. Your mind wants to mask and distract from your feelings, and in the back of your mind you probably think that because you have an excuse you can give in.

    This is going to sound cliché and I feel like a loser for saying it but...FEEL your feelings. Process them fully, allow yourself to feel sad and to cry and miss your loved ones and wish life wasn't so ****ty sometimes. You don't have to binge in order to feel sad. You don't need to eat ice cream while crying. Your pain is valid, you can experience it without distracting by overindulging.

    Now that said...maybe allow yourself a treat? If you're counting calories, eat at maintenance or even above. Way above if you have to. One day isn't going to destroy everything. The most important thing is to stay in control. Own every piece of food you put in your mouth. Realize you're going to eat it, even though it's so many calories. Don't allow yourself to go off the rail and then have to process all that guilt on top of the feelings you haven't worked through.

    Ok. Hope your day doesn't go too horribly. Sorry for your losses!

    I agree with all of this, very good advice.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I don't have any clue if you are a journaling type of person. I actually have a degree based on writing, but never succeeded with journaling/diaries because I am such a perfectionist and wanted it to have a specific format and frequency and so on.

    But when I went to therapy, my counselor suggested a gratitude journal. That really helped me find my way out of a highly stressful time and some depression I was experiencing (along with generalized anxiety disorder I have anyway).

    Basically, you just keep a little book and write in it every single day...you can write as little or as much as you want. I kept mine limited to 1-5 words, often just one word but sometimes a short phrase. Some of the best days warranted being grateful for "people I love" or "wonderful stroke of luck" while I had bad days that still garnered "spring breeze" or "loyalty" or "consistency". It was a fun exercise. I did it for a little over one year and it was fun to see it getting better and a bit lighter along with my mood.

    Good luck with everything and be good to yourself!!
  • LVCeltGirl
    LVCeltGirl Posts: 473
    Sorry about your losses....

    For me (and I've been battling depression on and off for over 30 years now), I've decided to turn to exercise (become an Emotional Exerciser rather than Emotional Eater). It really works to go do cardio for an hour when you're trying to fight depression. Much like the emotional eating, it's a short term fix but it is better for you and you don't have the guilt associated with emotional exercising like you do with emotional eating (binging has made me feel guilty, I get over the guilt but still have it).

    So get moving when you feel the desire to binge. Go for a walk, or a run or something. If nothing else, you'll at least be "earning" the binge.
  • 1HappyRedhead
    1HappyRedhead Posts: 413 Member
    THANK YOU to everyone who has shared their stories.... It reminds us of one of the main reasons we're here... SUPPORT.
    It takes courage to tell something so personal and let out those fears.... It helps the rest of us to remember to appreciate what we have and know that every day is a gift! :flowerforyou:
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
    As others have said, you can be sad. You don't need to eat. How is eating going to help? Get out and go for a walk and think about things. Sort out your feelings with every step you take.

    Also, you might want to think about this. Would your grandfather want you sitting around feeling sad that he is gone? Probably not. He would want you getting out and living life. Maybe you could plant some flowers in honor of him. Try to think about all of the good he brought into your life instead of the sadness of his dying.

    Maybe you should start a new tradition by planting something or doing something special on that day to honor those you have lost.

Categories