Venting
FutureMrsM2015
Posts: 70 Member
I wasn't sure where to put this, honestly I am still not sure what I'm about to write.
I'm feeling a lot of different emotions, I just want to cry. I don't know why I've let myself get so unhealthy. I've been trying to lose weight for years, god, since I was in at least middle school. I've tried everything under the sun, even though I know nothing besides getting active, eating healthier foods with smaller portions and being in a deficit will work. I've been tracking calories for at least the post four years, mostly on but a few times off when I've tried WW. People say to change one thing at a time, and I have, most things stick. But, still I've steadily gained weight. I've fallen off a lot, binged until I was sick, just plain eaten poorly for weeks at a time. But, when I'm on track there is one thing that always gets me: I want something that will throw me off and I still eat it. Why do I do this to myself, this is why I'm not seeing long term success because I'm not doing anything for the long term!
I know what I need to do to see success and yet, I still don't do it. It's not about do I want it, I desperately do. But, for some reason it didn't translate into do what I should. More so than doing it because I want it, I need to do it for my health!
I just needed to vent, thanks for letting be take up some space. I'm feeling alone and insecure, depressed and frustrated, disgusted and afraid.
I'm feeling a lot of different emotions, I just want to cry. I don't know why I've let myself get so unhealthy. I've been trying to lose weight for years, god, since I was in at least middle school. I've tried everything under the sun, even though I know nothing besides getting active, eating healthier foods with smaller portions and being in a deficit will work. I've been tracking calories for at least the post four years, mostly on but a few times off when I've tried WW. People say to change one thing at a time, and I have, most things stick. But, still I've steadily gained weight. I've fallen off a lot, binged until I was sick, just plain eaten poorly for weeks at a time. But, when I'm on track there is one thing that always gets me: I want something that will throw me off and I still eat it. Why do I do this to myself, this is why I'm not seeing long term success because I'm not doing anything for the long term!
I know what I need to do to see success and yet, I still don't do it. It's not about do I want it, I desperately do. But, for some reason it didn't translate into do what I should. More so than doing it because I want it, I need to do it for my health!
I just needed to vent, thanks for letting be take up some space. I'm feeling alone and insecure, depressed and frustrated, disgusted and afraid.
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Replies
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You can do this. I came across this quote yesterday: “When you keep finding yourself in the same situation, the common denominator is you. Changing of thinking creates change of action. Do different to get different.” (Chaplain Thelma Osei)0
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HUGS!
I know exactly what you are going through. In the past, there were times when I would eat just to eat KNOWING how badly I wanted to lose weight and I just couldn't stop! Then I would feel so badly about myself and beat myself up that I considered sticking my finger down my throat to get it all up. I never did.. but I thought about it.
We all say we know what we are suppose to do.. but we never really have been taught. Not most of us anyway. Maybe if you sat down with an actual nutritionist and came up with a game plan. GET RID OF EVERYTHING IN YOUR HOUSE THAT IS A TRIGGER! Mine is ice cream.. I have the best intentions and end up eating the whole tub.. another is chips.. You can't just eat one is damn right!!
And last, maybe you should seek out the advice of a counselor.. Maybe they can help you realize why you keep self sabotaging yourself. No shame in that either.. I have had to do that too at one point of my life..
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I try to keep the junk food out of the house or I will have a "idgaf" kind of attitude and eat it all in one sitting. If you do find yourself eating like that it's better to have some carrots and ranch. Likely you won't regret it. I do understand the frustration! Hang in there, it is possible. Maybe talking to a professional like someone mentioned would help too. *hugs*0
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Op says:" Why do I do this to myself, this is why I'm not seeing long term success because I'm not doing anything for the long term! "
IMHO this is why you are having such a hard time. Small goals. Small successes! You didn't get this way overnight and you're not going to fix it (at least not to your benefit) overnight!
I bought a house. The original owner didn't take care of problems as they arose. By the time I moved in the house had many problems and didn't look too good.
It took YEARS to repair that house. The former owner couldn't believe it! It looked like a different house! They ended up wishing they hadn't sold the house as their new house had problems..... do you see a pattern here?
The house was cleaned out and organized. I got rid of anything excess that it didn't need. The old owners filled the home with junk. The house was scrubbed down and repainted. No more dirty walls and torn up flooring! I landscaped the yard. No more scraggly shrubs and dead grass. I made repairs to the plumbing and roof and cleaned up water damage and kept checking back to make sure no more sprang up. The house was never a bad house. It just needed repair and solid cleaning and maintenance routines for a couple years to make it look great again.
This is how you lose weight and get in shape. Cut back on calories. Note:I didn't say starve yourself. Be NICE to yourself. You have a perfectly good body waiting to come out! Get rid of anything in your wardrobe (except painting clothes and the like) that doesn't make you look your best RIGHT NOW, TODAY! Are you happy with your hair? If not, get it done. Find an exercise routine you like and do it. A few years down the road, that will come anyway, you'll have a whole new look and achieve your goals! Good luck!0 -
I believe a lot in your own self perception and how it affects your body and eating habits. You have to believe that you not only can reach your goals, but that you are worth the work. You have to believe that you can be everything you want to be inside and out. I personally think yo uhave to see something positive in yourself to start. WHen I thinK i'm fat and ugly, I act like I'm fat. When I think I'm pretty and strong, I act like it. I don't know how you act "pretty" btw lol but hopefully ou understand what I mean...
You can do it. Believe that you can do it. When you have a bad day get back on track the next day. When you find yourself reaching for the chips because you are unhappy about something, rethink the situation and think about how you are going to feel after you eat it. Sometimes I do still eat to eat. That's why i have TONS of vegetables around. So low calorie so I can eat a ton of them and they are good for you!
Give yourself rewards. Make small, REALISTIC goals. For example, after you lose 5 lbs say you can go get your nails done or your hair or whatever the case may be!
I found a dress I desperately want so I saved it as my computer background at work, hung it up at home, and remember that stupid dress that I feel like i NEED to be able to wear!
You can do this
Take it one day at a time.... one meal at a time. 0 -
^^^^ I love the house metaphor. It makes perfect sense.
OP: I am where you are exactly. Any one little thing can be a trigger for me. I admitted I am a food addict. While others can eat a piece of chocolate per day to satisfy their cravings, I cannot. It always leads to more bad stuff. I am just starting back and learning my habits. I'm not doing too great right now but I'm not racing this time. I am changing small things so I can get where I want to be eventually. We have to look at it as healthy lifestyle changes over time, just like fixing up the house the previous poster said. It takes time, and work, but the end product (a healthy body that also looks fabulous!) will be worth it, and everyday after you reach that point will be worth it. Now even though I'm not racing, I can't allow myself to cheat, thinking it's ok today because tomorrow I can do better. I do this all the time, and it turns into bad habits again. Break the bad habits and be free from everything holding you back. Feel free to add me if you want a friend for this journey!0 -
I'm feeling a lot of different emotions, I just want to cry.
Crying is ok. Just do it. Get it out and start fresh when you're done. You know what to do, and why you want to do it. That's all you need. As others have said set smaller goals so it doesn't seem so daunting. Find an activity you actually enjoy and will look forward to. Eat smart. You can still have the things you love in moderation.
You're in a great place. There are a ton of people here doing exactly what you are looking to do.
You can do this.0 -
You'll find that you are definitely not alone on this one!!!
First things first: have a good cry and get it out of your system. Being frustrated about the way things are or aren't going is a sign of being human and that you do care about how your journey's going. You have every right to feel the way you do. No harm in admitting that you feel that way or taking ownership that you feel that way.
Second: Realize that you are human, and human's are fallible beings. There are always going to be things that you want that you consider to be "off limits" or "off plan" and try to avoid. It isn't a case of "if" you'll stumble but "when."
One thing I really like is queso dip. I can't keep it in the house or I'll go nuts on it. SO, periodically, I'll go to Don Pablo's, and get the kid sized portion of queso dip. I'll count out my 8 tortilla chips and enjoy that queso immensely - thereby "getting it out of my system." If I go to someplace like Steak n' shake and want fries or onion rings, I'll order my burger without the bun. If I go to outback steakhouse, I'll order my renegade sirloin with a side salad so I can have a piece or two of the bread.
You have to find ways to be creative that will allow you to get in a fix without it blowing your program out of the water.
Another thing: Get a fitbit. It syncs with MFP, and will give you a chart showing Calories in vs. calories out. As long as you burn more than you take in, you will lose weight.
You can do this. We know you can!0 -
But, when I'm on track there is one thing that always gets me: I want something that will throw me off and I still eat it. Why do I do this to myself, this is why I'm not seeing long term success because I'm not doing anything for the long term!
What do you mean by this section? Do you mean trigger foods? Or do you mean you want something you think you can't eat while trying to lose weight.
Avoiding trigger foods can be tough, but is a good idea. But if you are making your diet so restrictive that you feel like eating a couple of cookies has ruined the whole thing and you might as well eat the whole bag, well, obviously that is a problem.
Restrict your calories, but allow room for a few treats that you can eat in moderation. If you can't have chocolate in the house becuase you'll eat it all, then try only have a couple of small chocolates at a time in the house. Or try some of the lower calorie chocolate treats (e.g. Skinny Cow). Or look for a protein or fiber bar that has chocolate, as these are more filling.
Just do the best you can. And when you do poorly, shake it off and move on. Even if only half your days are good days, that's better than every day being a bad day.0 -
I believe you hit the nail on the head in your very first sentence, We are what we perceive ourselves to be, As a young child, and I mean young started at about 4 years old my mother began to tell me on a very regular basis how ugly I was how fat I was, As I got older by age 9 I was 5'5" she started telling I had legs like an elephant and for petes sake you could put a planter on my butt it was so huge. No wonder I thought I was obese my whole life by 13 I was 5'7" and I weighed 155 lbs I remember I wore a 34C bra and my pants were size 9. Oh my god to be that fat again. My perception of myself had been skewed by my mothers incessant criticism of my appearance was it accurate or true? No but I believed it. Today I am what my mother brain washed me to be. However, I am now aware and am able to make choices to benefite myself and repair my negative self image.0
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sending hugs your way.....venting is actually very good, so vent away. I have been where you are and YOU can do this!!!!0
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You don't just have to want it, you have to want it MORE than the thing that is sabotaging your success (in this case the food).0
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But, when I'm on track there is one thing that always gets me: I want something that will throw me off and I still eat it. Why do I do this to myself, this is why I'm not seeing long term success because I'm not doing anything for the long term!
What do you mean by this section? Do you mean trigger foods? Or do you mean you want something you think you can't eat while trying to lose weight.
Avoiding trigger foods can be tough, but is a good idea. But if you are making your diet so restrictive that you feel like eating a couple of cookies has ruined the whole thing and you might as well eat the whole bag, well, obviously that is a problem.
Restrict your calories, but allow room for a few treats that you can eat in moderation. If you can't have chocolate in the house becuase you'll eat it all, then try only have a couple of small chocolates at a time in the house. Or try some of the lower calorie chocolate treats (e.g. Skinny Cow). Or look for a protein or fiber bar that has chocolate, as these are more filling.
Just do the best you can. And when you do poorly, shake it off and move on. Even if only half your days are good days, that's better than every day being a bad day.
I mean trigger foods, which sadly it's most good for me. I'm a good addict.
I don't restrict anything in my eating as I know that it would be even harder for me to not be able to have something and want it, I do tee to stay away from big trigger foods though.0 -
I just wanted to say thank thou to everyone, I had a good cry and I'm moving on. I've realized that I really need to believe I can do this (although, how I can make myself belief I'm still working on).
Thank you all!0
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