Feeling sexy with your SO

megnay
megnay Posts: 65 Member
in Motivation and Support
OK... I hope this type of post doesn't violate any rules, but I doubt it.

I'm in a relatively new relationship (we've been friends for a while) and we haven't had sex yet. In the past, I've allowed my low self-esteem and lack of body confidence to affect my ability to enter relationships. It's extremely frustrating because I love my personality, but my body image keeps me back. BUT I have met a guy that makes me feel incredible in so many ways. He's extremely supportive, always calls me beautiful and sexy etc. (which makes me feel AMAZING), but I can't seem to get the fear out of my head that he'll be repulsed by my body.

My friends always say "well if he sees you now he knows what you look like!" But it's so much more complicated than that. I know how to dress my body shape - if I told my friends my weight they would be SHOCKED. Plus... c'mon, naked is WAY different.

Do you guys have any words of advice or tips with this? I know it's the big "society" that makes me feel like I need a flat tummy and no cellulite to be loved, but I know this guy already loves me. I know confidence is everything.

Replies

  • madhatter2013
    madhatter2013 Posts: 1,547 Member
    Most guys don't care about a little pudge. No matter how well you think you can hide it, they can still see through it and he probably already knows how you look naked. Next time you're alone with him, strip down to nothing. He'll either run out screaming and then you know he wasn't the right one for you anyway, or you'll get some and then you'll be less worried about it next time, if at all. It's like a gateway...anything. You just have to take the leap, prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Most importantly, you have to love yourself before anyone else will be able to love you. It's a rare occassion that anything actually turns out as bad as we imagine them to be.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    Most of the men I know prefer women who are not model thin. They like curvy, soft, womanly women with some strength underneath. They like a little junk in the trunk. They find "skinny" unattractive, and "curvy" very sexy.

    My bf is the same way, but he's going to have to get over it, cuz I'm losing the pudge :tongue:
  • ariateh
    ariateh Posts: 7 Member
    Most guys don't care about a little pudge. No matter how well you think you can hide it, they can still see through it and he probably already knows how you look naked. Next time you're alone with him, strip down to nothing. He'll either run out screaming and then you know he wasn't the right one for you anyway, or you'll get some and then you'll be less worried about it next time, if at all. It's like a gateway...anything. You just have to take the leap, prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Most importantly, you have to love yourself before anyone else will be able to love you. It's a rare occassion that anything actually turns out as bad as we imagine them to be.

    Yes, also, make sure to keep the lights on. That way when he sees all of you you'll never have to feel self-conscious again with him.
  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
    Most guys don't care about a little pudge. No matter how well you think you can hide it, they can still see through it and he probably already knows how you look naked. Next time you're alone with him, strip down to nothing. He'll either run out screaming and then you know he wasn't the right one for you anyway, or you'll get some and then you'll be less worried about it next time, if at all. It's like a gateway...anything. You just have to take the leap, prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Most importantly, you have to love yourself before anyone else will be able to love you. It's a rare occassion that anything actually turns out as bad as we imagine them to be.

    Yes, also, make sure to keep the lights on. That way when he sees all of you you'll never have to feel self-conscious again with him.

    ditto:)
  • DogLoverLiz
    DogLoverLiz Posts: 25 Member
    I am glad you posted this because I am having kind of the same problem, but more like feeling sexy to myself! Nobody in my life tells me I'm fat or anything and I am only very slightly overweight, but every time I look at myself I see so many things wrong and wonder how anyone could think I am attractive.

    But then I remind myself that there's nothing wrong with a little meat on your bones! My boyfriend has told me time and time again that he prefers me curvy, and many other ladies have told me the same about their men. I'm sure your guy feels the same way and most likely finds you very attractive :)
  • loconnor466
    loconnor466 Posts: 215 Member
    Have you talked to him at all about your body image? Not in the "oh I'm so fat, I hate myself" but truthfully about some of your fears.
    You say you have been friends for a long time, and that he makes you feel AMAZING. That is awesome and how it should be. Take his compliments to help build up your self esteem.
    No one is perfect, not one of us.
    Maybe the first time is with the lighting a little lower and some candles? And remember the wise words of Fabianne in Pulp Fiction
    " I don't give a damn what men find attractive. It's unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same. "
    I've been with my SO for almost 20 years, I met him at my thinnest, and he has been with me through the years as I gained almost 100 pounds. In all that time, he always made me feel sexy and AMAZING, and because of that, our sex life never suffered. Now he gets to see my body change in positive ways, and something I loved reading on a lifting thread here, "The harder I get, the harder he gets".
  • Kr1ptonite
    Kr1ptonite Posts: 789 Member
    If he really likes you then, you will be fine mate. Just be confident in yourself.
  • vastiris
    vastiris Posts: 56 Member
    OP, I was in your shoes. I was very nervous about how I'd be perceived, and my best friend told me over and over that when it comes time, he won't care about a little chubbiness. Everyone looks better lying down anyway. It always held me back, for the longest time. Even after we'd done it, I was still always silently scared in my own head. Well guess what?

    My best friend was right. He won't care, especially since he's your friend first (as we were). Remember, that physical attraction you guys have isn't all about "the body" anyway - it's the sum of all parts. Please don't let this be a hang-up for you. As my best friend told me "If he wants to have sex with you, he decided that way before he saw you naked." The more you remind yourself of that, the more I hope you can relax when the time comes. :)
  • bomftdrum
    bomftdrum Posts: 270 Member
    Coming from a guy, you are way more nervous than you need to be. If he is into you then he is into you. If he doesn't appreciate you then he isn't the one and not worth your time.
  • megnay
    megnay Posts: 65 Member
    Thanks for all the nice comments, guys. I already feel pretty sexy to myself so I just hope that translates to him as well. ;)
  • megnay
    megnay Posts: 65 Member
    Have you talked to him at all about your body image? Not in the "oh I'm so fat, I hate myself" but truthfully about some of your fears.
    You say you have been friends for a long time, and that he makes you feel AMAZING. That is awesome and how it should be. Take his compliments to help build up your self esteem.
    No one is perfect, not one of us.
    Maybe the first time is with the lighting a little lower and some candles? And remember the wise words of Fabianne in Pulp Fiction
    " I don't give a damn what men find attractive. It's unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same. "
    I've been with my SO for almost 20 years, I met him at my thinnest, and he has been with me through the years as I gained almost 100 pounds. In all that time, he always made me feel sexy and AMAZING, and because of that, our sex life never suffered. Now he gets to see my body change in positive ways, and something I loved reading on a lifting thread here, "The harder I get, the harder he gets".
    You're so right. It's very empowering when you realize that you truly don't care that much what others think, and I think that is confidence and that is just as sexy as being a Victoria's Secret model (and many men don't find that sexy!) I have one friend who's a bit bigger than me but has confidence that fills the room and I think she's so beautiful... She tells me that SHE likes herself the way she is, and that confidence makes her attractive to men, among many other things.

    He knows a lot about my body image issues, among others. I've always know that losing weight won't help me "become" this confident person - that comes from within, and he's helped me so much with that. He's very special. :) And it helps knowing that he knows about my past issues with image.

    I know he's different than many other men I've been with, because my excitement to be with him physically is stronger than my fear of being rejected.
  • Fenrissa
    Fenrissa Posts: 116
    I wouldn't worry about it. I doubt he's going to see you naked, change his mind, and leave the room. :laugh: Just relax and be confident in yourself. :)
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Wear something sexy that makes you feel/look sexy. And keep it on. You don't need to be naked :bigsmile:
  • loconnor466
    loconnor466 Posts: 215 Member


    He knows a lot about my body image issues, among others. I've always know that losing weight won't help me "become" this confident person - that comes from within, and he's helped me so much with that. He's very special. :) And it helps knowing that he knows about my past issues with image.

    I know he's different than many other men I've been with, because my excitement to be with him physically is stronger than my fear of being rejected.

    Love this! :love: You've got it! And hold that head up beautiful, and keep telling yourself you are! :flowerforyou:
  • peacelovelose
    peacelovelose Posts: 63 Member
    If he's got you naked, he's definitely not thinking about your 'flaws'. He's focused on other things ;)
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    I had been single for a along time after I got out of a pretty ****ty relationship where my self confidence and self esteem had been destroyed. I was so afraid that my fella would be repulsed by me and leave that for ages I got undressed and dressed in the bathroom and he never saw me naked.
    My fella was so sweet, he sat me down and talked about my issues. I cried, he comforted me.

    We have now been together for 4 years now and in his eyes my weight is not an issue now and it never has been. He wants me to lose weight and is supportive because it's what I want, he has seem me cry too many times to try and stop me.

    Talk to him honestly about your feelings and fears. It's the only way he is going to know.
    If he is Mr right, he will love you regardless of your "imperfections".
    Break down your barriers and just go with the flow.

    In four years time you could be giving the same advise to someone as I am giving to you but if you don't jump in head first, you will never know.

    Good Luck to you. I hope it all works out for you.
  • megnay
    megnay Posts: 65 Member
    I had been single for a along time after I got out of a pretty ****ty relationship where my self confidence and self esteem had been destroyed. I was so afraid that my fella would be repulsed by me and leave that for ages I got undressed and dressed in the bathroom and he never saw me naked.
    My fella was so sweet, he sat me down and talked about my issues. I cried, he comforted me.

    We have now been together for 4 years now and in his eyes my weight is not an issue now and it never has been. He wants me to lose weight and is supportive because it's what I want, he has seem me cry too many times to try and stop me.

    Talk to him honestly about your feelings and fears. It's the only way he is going to know.
    If he is Mr right, he will love you regardless of your "imperfections".
    Break down your barriers and just go with the flow.

    In four years time you could be giving the same advise to someone as I am giving to you but if you don't jump in head first, you will never know.

    Good Luck to you. I hope it all works out for you.
    That's very sweet and I'm so happy for you. I hope this goes a similar direction!
  • Amandawith3kids
    Amandawith3kids Posts: 367 Member
    the right man wont care. i am far from having a perfect shape, i've got way too many stretchmarks, fat lumps, and things i dont like. my hubby still stares when i get dressed and makes me feel like a supermodel.

    take it slow, tell him you feel awkward, and see what happens. or just tear HIS clothes off, and he'll be so shocked and excited he probably wont even look LOL
  • kthulhu69
    kthulhu69 Posts: 27 Member
    @Snugglesmacks: I love your curves AND your muscles! They are not mutually exclusive.
  • chele1028
    chele1028 Posts: 248 Member
    He is very supportive, says you are sexy and beautiful? You will be just fine!! Yes, take that confidence builder with you when that special time happens, he sounds like a great guy!!
  • megnay
    megnay Posts: 65 Member
    the right man wont care. i am far from having a perfect shape, i've got way too many stretchmarks, fat lumps, and things i dont like. my hubby still stares when i get dressed and makes me feel like a supermodel.

    take it slow, tell him you feel awkward, and see what happens. or just tear HIS clothes off, and he'll be so shocked and excited he probably wont even look LOL
    LMAO... That's not a bad idea. ;)
  • onefortyone
    onefortyone Posts: 531 Member
    I used to hate being naked with boyfriends, and cover up as much as possible. One bf once asked me, after several years of being together, what those scratches on my bare arms were. They were stretchmarks :/

    But I met my now-husband, and he drools at the sight of me, jiggles, stretchmarks, cellulite, thick black hairs in random places and all, and I felt awesome being naked pretty much right away (it did help that he also had stretchmarks lol). So the right guy will definitely make you feel right. I'm more accepting of the way I look now (and will always look - weight loss doesn't do anything for stretch marks and hairs), and we're 100% together in our journey to lose weight and improve our health and body shapes.
  • FindingAmy77
    FindingAmy77 Posts: 1,268 Member
    Most of the men I know prefer women who are not model thin. They like curvy, soft, womanly women with some strength underneath. They like a little junk in the trunk. They find "skinny" unattractive, and "curvy" very sexy.

    My bf is the same way, but he's going to have to get over it, cuz I'm losing the pudge :tongue:

    omg yes! my husband has never in his life dated a skinny girl and has always made me feel sexy no matter what. In fact the entire time I been on my weight loss journey he has been trying to tell me that my goal of 134-140 is way too skinny and "150 will already be too small for me, its like bait and swith- you wont be the girl I married" before I lost the weight I have now, he couldn't keep his hands off of me. Now he is always finding a hip bone or something to poke at and telling me I am shrinking more everyday. He thinks skinny is unhealthy. Unfortunately I have this conversation with him way too many times to count lately. So with all this being said: I am telling you to go ahead and flaunt what you got right now. Men are perverts and even if they hide it well.. they are using their pervert xray vision to see through your clothes. He knows what he has. Just let yourself feel sexy. It has taken me 37 years to finally feel confident about my self so I know what you are going through. Put on some nice lotion, shave, (lotion makes you feel smooth and tight) use candles for mood lighting (it enhances your body), and just go with it. You can even go as far as getting some sexy bra and panties too. Love yourself and don't forget that anyone who doesn't like you for who you are, DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. :flowerforyou:
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
    @Snugglesmacks: I love your curves AND your muscles! They are not mutually exclusive.
    :love: :flowerforyou: :love:
  • IIIIISerenityNowIIIII
    IIIIISerenityNowIIIII Posts: 425 Member
    You're better off waiting for the man who loves you so much he makes you his wife.

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