Unsupportive Friend

ashtonkeatonn
ashtonkeatonn Posts: 2 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi, I'm a teenager who has struggled with weight for as long as I can remember. I was about 5'3 and around 175 pounds. I lost about 15 pounds and now weigh 161. I am still extremely dissatisfied and have recently started running and eating healthier. I personally feel good about how far I've already come and how I'm still going. I don't love my body but my confidence has improved. Since my recent confidence boost I've started being more social and even started hanging out with some new people. But through everything I've stuck with my best friend. I love her and she is a wonderful friend at times. But every since I started losing weight she thinks it's a competition and constantly knocks me down. She is also 5'3 but weighs around 135 and is smaller than me. She always asks to borrow my clothes and then makes a show about how they're "so big she would drown" or how she lost 2 pounds while I'm over here losing 15-20 pounds. She also always has to mention MORE THAN ONCE DAILY how thin she looks and how muscular her legs are, etc. I'm completely for loving yourself, but she is to the conceded point. I know she is very insecure and it is her only way to make her self feel better, but it would be nice to get some credit. Man, I don't even need credit I just want her to not make me feel worse than I do will I'm trying to heathy change. Before starting my healthy weight loss I struggled slightly with an eating disorder. I just need to not be made to feel worse when I'm in the process of making myself better. She even told one of our mutual friends that I was started to get thinner and that she really needed to start "watching herself". I really don't want to lose her as a friend but it drives me crazy..... What should I do?

Replies

  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
    Why don't you want to lose her as a friend? She sounds dreadful.
  • svandever101585
    svandever101585 Posts: 188 Member
    Try having an open conversation with her about it. Let her know how important her friendship is to you but let her know how it makes you feel when she makes remarks about your weight. If she is a true friend she will listen and respect your feelings. If she isn't a true friend then don't even pay attention to her negativity and focus on your progress and improvements.
  • mocalove917
    mocalove917 Posts: 1
    Hello,
    I have to be honest with you. Your friend is not a real friend. keep doing what you are doing. You are doing a great job with your weight loss. Your friend sees you as a threat now. She is starting to see you as her competition. She is telling you all those negative things because she wants you to fail. you are right she is insecure about herself. Please don't get discourage, let this motivate you to push harder.

    P.S. Please keep in mind, your friend may continue to put you down. Just make sure you don't allow her to get to you.
  • aalbert_82
    aalbert_82 Posts: 95 Member
    I wonder if your friend is thinking she'll lose you, to a new boyfriend or other group of girls after you drop a bunch of weight. Maybe she feels very lucky to have your friendship and does not want to see you go. But it's not right how she is treating you and you should let her know. She may get defensive. I find people sometimes listen better if you use the "I feel...because" approach. So

    I feel....
    When you....
    Could you please...(how you want to be treated)

    She might also need a reminder of how important she is to you and how much you want your friendship to work and continue. This might make her less fearful and more willing to listen to your criticism. I might get some flack for my advice to be so considerate to your friend, but it's obvious you are a smart and mature girl. More mature than your friend. And if you can get her to change her behavior while you continue being the bigger person, I'm sure that is an outcome you'd be happy with. However, if you talk to her and she continues with this treatment, maybe you should consider dumping her. Sometimes people grow apart for good reasons.

    Congrats on getting healthier and don't let others drag you down.
  • pennyks88
    pennyks88 Posts: 167 Member
    I had a friend exactly like that. Note, I use the word HAD. We no longer communicate at all. We were friends for about 15 years; from 4th grade until last year. Trust me when I say that you need to break it off with her. She is dealing with her own inner demons and is trying to drag you right down into the pit with her. I used to be very skinny as a teenager and as I got older (I'm almost 26 now) I started putting on some weight. She used to be overweight as a teenager, and due to a medication she was taking and her eating not nearly enough food, eventually she weighed less than me. After she lost weight, she still called herself a whale and tried to get me to join in on hating my own body.

    Drop her as a friend. You will feel a million times better! I felt a huge weight off my shoulders when she and I finally ended our friendship. You will NOT regret kicking a negative person out of your life. Good luck to you, and feel free to add me as a friend or send me a message if you want someone to talk to. :flowerforyou:
  • Strokingdiction
    Strokingdiction Posts: 1,164 Member
    And you two are best friends? Is this a case of keeping your friends close and your enemies closer?
  • Luciu5
    Luciu5 Posts: 15
    Ignore her comments and try not to let them affect you. Get thinner, fitter, and sexier than her. Steal her boyfriend. Make her cry. You win.

    Wait, you want to keep her as a friend? Might not want to listen to me then.
  • ashtonkeatonn
    ashtonkeatonn Posts: 2 Member
    Thanks everyone for your support and advice. I really appreciate it :)
  • KatherineLynnKane
    KatherineLynnKane Posts: 11 Member
    If she's insecure, she probably prefers having a less attractive friend by her side.
    If you've always been over-weight during your friendship, chances are that she received the lions share of attention and compliments and never had to compete with you.
    Now that you're losing weight, it sounds as if she views you as a threat (that needs to be watched).
    Being rude and unsupportive towards you may be her way of reminding you that she is still superior.

    I think that you may have to reconsider your friendship with her now that the dynamics of your relationship are changing.
    She sounds very rude, selfish and shallow. Are these the type of qualities you seek in a life-long friend?
    If you value your relationship with her, you'll have to set boundaries. Tell her that her actions are inappropriate and ask her to start respecting you and insist that she try to act more supportive and positive towards you.
    If she can't (or won't) you may have to limit your time with her and focus on others.

    Childhood friendships are great, but few follow us into adulthood.
    Even friendships forged during adulthood ebb and flow.
  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,658 Member
    Hi, I'm a teenager who has struggled with weight for as long as I can remember. I was about 5'3 and around 175 pounds. I lost about 15 pounds and now weigh 161. I am still extremely dissatisfied and have recently started running and eating healthier. I personally feel good about how far I've already come and how I'm still going. I don't love my body but my confidence has improved. Since my recent confidence boost I've started being more social and even started hanging out with some new people. But through everything I've stuck with my best friend. I love her and she is a wonderful friend at times. But every since I started losing weight she thinks it's a competition and constantly knocks me down. She is also 5'3 but weighs around 135 and is smaller than me. She always asks to borrow my clothes and then makes a show about how they're "so big she would drown" or how she lost 2 pounds while I'm over here losing 15-20 pounds. She also always has to mention MORE THAN ONCE DAILY how thin she looks and how muscular her legs are, etc. I'm completely for loving yourself, but she is to the conceded point. I know she is very insecure and it is her only way to make her self feel better, but it would be nice to get some credit. Man, I don't even need credit I just want her to not make me feel worse than I do will I'm trying to heathy change. Before starting my healthy weight loss I struggled slightly with an eating disorder. I just need to not be made to feel worse when I'm in the process of making myself better. She even told one of our mutual friends that I was started to get thinner and that she really needed to start "watching herself". I really don't want to lose her as a friend but it drives me crazy..... What should I do?

    You look after yourself, that's what you do and if she continues, then you may have to cut down drastically on the amount of times you see her, she is just going to end up depressing you and belittling you to the extent you will have zero self-esteem left in the end. That is not something a true friend would ever do.

    btw next time she asks to borrow your clothes, tell her it would be pointless as she is so slim they would apparently drown her -her words, not yours!

    She might be slim, but by God, her personality could do with some improvement!

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