Are you doing it for someone else?
ComradeTovarich
Posts: 495 Member
Well, this past week I've F'd up big time. Let me give a little background. I started losing weight back in November. The reason I did it was because of a woman. She was my girlfriend, and I loved her more than anyone I've ever loved. But she left me last year. One of the reasons was my weight, and I thought that was the deciding reason. So I eventually decided to start losing weight. Partly to spite her, partly for vengeance, and slightly to better myself. Over time, I stopped hating her, and I thought that if I ever saw her again that I'd thank her for pushing me to fix my weight. As it turns out, I got that chance.
She came back into my life last week. It was a little awkward. All that stuff I'd thought about telling her went right out the window. She cried to me and told me she was sorry for leaving me and that she still loved me. And I was really ready to take her back. But we talked about it and decided that it'd be for the best if we didn't get back together. So she left again. It's like something snapped inside of me, just like when it happened the first time. I realized something. I wasn't doing it for me. I was losing weight for her. Not to spite her, or to get petty vengeance, but so that she might approve of me again. But I knew that it wouldn't work, and she did too. Off she went, and there went my reason for bettering myself. I binged for a few days. All those crappy foods I used to like, but slowly I've been taking a hard look at myself. I don't want to go back to where I was. So here I am, and I'm going to try again. But this time, it's just for me. It still hurts, and I don't know how long it'll take for me to be okay, but I'm not going to trash the progress I've made.
If any of you have been doing this with another person as your reason, I want you to think hard about it. It's not a bad thing to do it for someone else. Other people in your life can be a great motivator and a fantastic reason to lose weight for. But if it's the sole reason, you won't sustain it. You need to want it for you, and I understand that now. I'm a little scared that I won't be as diligent as I used to be, but I'm going to try as hard as I can.
She came back into my life last week. It was a little awkward. All that stuff I'd thought about telling her went right out the window. She cried to me and told me she was sorry for leaving me and that she still loved me. And I was really ready to take her back. But we talked about it and decided that it'd be for the best if we didn't get back together. So she left again. It's like something snapped inside of me, just like when it happened the first time. I realized something. I wasn't doing it for me. I was losing weight for her. Not to spite her, or to get petty vengeance, but so that she might approve of me again. But I knew that it wouldn't work, and she did too. Off she went, and there went my reason for bettering myself. I binged for a few days. All those crappy foods I used to like, but slowly I've been taking a hard look at myself. I don't want to go back to where I was. So here I am, and I'm going to try again. But this time, it's just for me. It still hurts, and I don't know how long it'll take for me to be okay, but I'm not going to trash the progress I've made.
If any of you have been doing this with another person as your reason, I want you to think hard about it. It's not a bad thing to do it for someone else. Other people in your life can be a great motivator and a fantastic reason to lose weight for. But if it's the sole reason, you won't sustain it. You need to want it for you, and I understand that now. I'm a little scared that I won't be as diligent as I used to be, but I'm going to try as hard as I can.
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Replies
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For myself.
However, I must admit.. My mother is the reason that I gained MY weight .-.
Headed back in that direction soon and dreading that it may happen yet again. Just awful.
Aww, you're still young, you could try to find other reasons to motivate you? Have you any other interests, perhaps?
Focus on something else you'd want in life, perhaps someone new?0 -
Well, for right now, I just don't want to lose all the progress I've made. I dread getting that fat again. It was gross and I hated myself for it. So I guess my goal right now is to do it just because I don't want to be this way anymore. I'm just a little afraid that it'll be easier to fall off the wagon now. But I realize it's all mental, and I'm definitely going to try my hardest to get there. :glasses:0
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Yes and no. I'm doing it to feel better about myself, for certain. People tell me I don't need to lose weight- I'm also doing it because of them, because it's not their choice- it's mine. I'm doing it so my children have a healthy role model as they grow. I'm doing it so that certain "friend" who thinks they're so much hotter than anyone else actually starts to feel a little like she's not the only attractive person in this world. I'm doing it so all those people that looked at me all sympathetically with their heads on one side when I was fat and said "but you look lovely!" will suck in their breath and think "wow" the next time they see me. I'm doing it so that the family members that had spiteful fun at my expense when I was struggling with my weight will have to choke on their mean words. So that all the people who watched me sink lower into the misery of an anusive relationship and did nothing to help me will have to acknowledge how strong I was and how strong I continue to be without them. I'm doing it for all the people who don't think they can- my BMI was almost 37 and now it's just below 25. It can be done. I really want for someone who hasn't seen me in five years to be unable to recognise me. I want to get fitter, stronger, healthier and slimmer. I want to be a UK size 10, (US 6) which means I have to drop a size and a half.0
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i'm doing it for my kids (sort of), i had a huge wake up call when i had to lay down for 5 mins to catch my breath after walking up 13 steps, i realised at the age of 33 i was eating myself into an early grave, i didn't want to leave my kids without a mum, also i didn't want my kids to be made fun of at school because they'd got the fat mum
i set myself a goal i'd be comfortable with, and although it was still in the overweight weight range, it was the weight i'd managed to maintain for the most part of my adult life........i hit that weight nearly 2 years ago
so had about 18 months off the diet due to going through some family stuff but maintained all but 10lbs of my weight loss, i came back here january, and the rest of the weight loss is just for me because i really do want to be a healthy weight0 -
For myself.
However, I must admit.. My mother is the reason that I gained MY weight .-.
Headed back in that direction soon and dreading that it may happen yet again. Just awful.
Aww, you're still young, you could try to find other reasons to motivate you? Have you any other interests, perhaps?
Focus on something else you'd want in life, perhaps someone new?
Sorry to point this out but your mother is not the reason you gained weight! did she hold you to knifepoint or gunpoint?
People who gain weight need to accept responsibility for themselves!
I wish you all the best in losing weight but you will get nowhere in life if you don't accept responsibility for your own actions.0 -
If you need a friend to help you keep accountable, please feel more than free to friend me. :flowerforyou:Well, for right now, I just don't want to lose all the progress I've made. I dread getting that fat again. It was gross and I hated myself for it. So I guess my goal right now is to do it just because I don't want to be this way anymore. I'm just a little afraid that it'll be easier to fall off the wagon now. But I realize it's all mental, and I'm definitely going to try my hardest to get there. :glasses:
Will bug you daily about your food and calories, long as you bug me too haha.0 -
For my future wife.
Or, more to the point, to help me fine one :P.
However, also because I like doing various (like off road motorbike racing) for which fitness helps.
And just for general long term health - my mum pointed out that if my grandparents had been fitter, likely they wouldn't have had the issues with dementia so much (to be fair, all in to their 80s, though it was noticable on my maternal Grandmother's side that if she'd kept her health up in those last few years she'd have done much better as made a big recovery when we finally got her into a home where she was forced to eat regularly etc.)0 -
Me and my ex broke up in january after i had put on approx 2 and a half stone in the 4 years we had been together. It was a really hard break up which i still think about alot to this day. At the time i was very self conscious about my weight/looks and wasnt happy with my body but did not make any attempt to fix it until we broke up. Whether i felt like i was doing it for him im not sure, i am only half a stone away from the weight i was before i met him so i am very close but am i happy yet? Not fully i dont think! I havent seen him since and i probably wont see him unless it was arranged but part of me would like to see him just so i can stand there and have the confidence knowing i look good!0
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Nope. Losing weight, doing more exercise, giving it everything I've got is all for me (selfish I know but I don't care) :-)0
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Well, for right now, I just don't want to lose all the progress I've made. I dread getting that fat again. It was gross and I hated myself for it. So I guess my goal right now is to do it just because I don't want to be this way anymore. I'm just a little afraid that it'll be easier to fall off the wagon now. But I realize it's all mental, and I'm definitely going to try my hardest to get there. :glasses:
It is so easy to fall off the wagon! Believe me. I gained the 30lbs that I lost back and I have been kicking myself for 3 years over it as I try to lose it again. I am finally learning that I can enjoy the crap that I love and stay within my calorie limit.
All I can say is, from my experience, gaining, losing, gaining.... it just makes it harder to lose and it really messes you up mentally.
Good luck!!!!!! I know you can do it
Btw... I am doing this for many reasons, my health being #10 -
I'm finally doing it because I want too....I'm doing it for me.
But that's not the only reason I'm doing it...I want to have kids and I want to be healthy during my pregnancies and be a healthy example for my future children.0 -
Sorry to point this out, but you do not know the situation I was growing up in and I am not about to share it on forums.For myself.
However, I must admit.. My mother is the reason that I gained MY weight .-.
Headed back in that direction soon and dreading that it may happen yet again. Just awful.
Aww, you're still young, you could try to find other reasons to motivate you? Have you any other interests, perhaps?
Focus on something else you'd want in life, perhaps someone new?
Sorry to point this out but your mother is not the reason you gained weight! did she hold you to knifepoint or gunpoint?
People who gain weight need to accept responsibility for themselves!
I wish you all the best in losing weight but you will get nowhere in life if you don't accept responsibility for your own actions.
I do not know you and do not wish to share the rest, plain and simple.
Go on and shoo and do your own thing, I'll do mine. Kthx.0 -
I'm doing it for my gf 0
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I'm doing it for loads of people. Firstly I'm doing it for me. Secondly I'm doing it for my partner, he loves me just as I am but I feel like he deserves a real piece of arm candy! Also doing it for my mum, she's always tried to help me lose weight but I wasn't ready. And lastly I'm doing it for my children-to-be, if I'm blessed with children then I want to be able to run around with them!0
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I am doing it for my son and for all the women who live near me, so they have something good to look at.0
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For me, for my wife, and for some number of other persons that don't exist yet.0
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Nope. Losing weight, doing more exercise, giving it everything I've got is all for me (selfish I know but I don't care) :-)
It may appear selfish but putting yourself first just naturally ends up being a benefit to others, so keep it up!!
In my first marriage I kept trying to lose weight to please my husband, he was very controlling and at the end of the day the only thing I could control was my weight so I packed it back on to spite him (wow did I show him!!!) This time I am doing it for me, not to find someone, to keep someone, just for me and my health.
And as long as I am happy and healthy, my new husband, my son and my grandchildren benefit.0 -
I'm mainly doing it for me. My father passed away in December and he was my only family. I needed a healthy distraction and goal. I love my body even though I'm overweight. I love the shape of it but would love my stomache to be smaller. I have a lot of people tell me I don't look over 200lbs. I've love to get to somewhere around 160-180(5ft4) even though I'd still be considered fat. My moms side of the family think a size 2 is borderline fat. I've lost weight before and the smallest where I was miserable at was a size 10. I was more comfortable and confident as a size 13, even more comfortable as a size 15. I will always be "large" and I will always have curves(my family hates that too and hates my boobs) Things are really tough right now so this weight loss is for me. I've dropped 17 lbs and I feel and see the difference. I have a ways to go and I'm happy I foudn this site. I used to use "LoseIt!" but they switched to mobile only. With MFP it was cute seeing the "oh youll lose this much weight if everyday was like today" and ect. It kept me moving on.0
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I started last fall for ME and my own realization that I looked and felt like crap. After a month or two of success and feeling better than I had in a long time, I started to also be motivated by impure thoughts related to a secret crush I had on a colleague.
After almost 9 months, still motivated by my own selfishness AND my now not-so-secret (at least not secret to him) lust for said colleague.0 -
Nope I'm doing it for me ans me alone. The funny thing is the guy I like told me to slow down on weight loss, but I'm not happy with me the way I am.0
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If it was just for me, I'd spend all my time in the studio, but I need to do the farm work that my husband cannot do any more and to take some of the load off the farm manager, so as far as the health/weight/work stuff, I'm doing it for them.0
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For myself.
However, I must admit.. My mother is the reason that I gained MY weight .-.
Headed back in that direction soon and dreading that it may happen yet again. Just awful.
Aww, you're still young, you could try to find other reasons to motivate you? Have you any other interests, perhaps?
Focus on something else you'd want in life, perhaps someone new?
^^ Super good advice. I'm sure you can find some other motivation even if it is to improve yourself to find someone new.
I'm doing this all for me in order to make doing what I love easier and it's worked and I'm loving it. 0 -
I blame noone but myself for my weight gain, and I am losing it for noone but myself.
I want to be the fittest member of my sport team
I want to wear clothes that show off the body I earned
I want to run up stairs and not get whinded
I was to oogle myself in the mirror rather than notice the lumps.
It's all for me baby, its selfish and perfect.0 -
If you boil it down, myself. I'm training for a sport but that's more or less for myself too. My DH has gotten on the bandwagon by following my example. My sons have both gotten into sports with my encouragement. My DH likes that I'm in shape, as men are visual creatures, but he'd love me out of shape too. A goal, maybe different from the one you had with your ex, would be VERY helpful! Have you thought of getting into a physical activity you like?0
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I am doing it for myself and my child - I want him to be healthy and I can't preach healthy choices and foods if I'm sitting there overweight and stuffing my face with chocolate for him to see! I also have a family history of diabetes/high cholesterol/all types of cancers so I want to be fit and strong for health reasons too. I think most people do it for themselves or at least partly...we all want to look and feel good in ourselves, right?0
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I am doing this for myself. Now I commit myself to be fit. I will not give myself excuses of why I skip my gym workouts. I will try my best to squeeze in time to do my usual routine 4-5 times a week.
I don't want to regret in my life that I never try my best to look good and feel sexy. Eventually I did it (still halfway to go) and I feel great, never knew this great feeling. I was obese since young.0 -
Mostly I'm doing it for myself but I'm also doing it to show the people that have made fun of me or judged me in that past that I'm capable of achieving anything I want.0
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Sorry to point this out, but you do not know the situation I was growing up in and I am not about to share it on forums.For myself.
However, I must admit.. My mother is the reason that I gained MY weight .-.
Headed back in that direction soon and dreading that it may happen yet again. Just awful.
Aww, you're still young, you could try to find other reasons to motivate you? Have you any other interests, perhaps?
Focus on something else you'd want in life, perhaps someone new?
Sorry to point this out but your mother is not the reason you gained weight! did she hold you to knifepoint or gunpoint?
People who gain weight need to accept responsibility for themselves!
I wish you all the best in losing weight but you will get nowhere in life if you don't accept responsibility for your own actions.
I do not know you and do not wish to share the rest, plain and simple.
Go on and shoo and do your own thing, I'll do mine. Kthx.
oh dear you have had a hard life just like MOST - grow up and deal with it. nobody made you gain weight except your self - its the same for most people on here - we all put weight on due to normal life.
and do not refer to me as a dog you childish person.
Goodbye and good luck0 -
I was doing this for my ex, but when we broke up I just gained more weight. I am doing this for my children...goal 1: take my little girl swimming and not feel extremely embarrassed.0
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I previously lost weight for someone else. I started very heavy, about 300 pounds dropped to 210, things went to hell and I put 35 pounds back on before I smacked myself upside the head, and restared mfp, Im now back down to 219. Initially doing it for that other person worked in a way, it got me started when I was at a point where my self esteem was so bad I never would have done it for myself, its also good it didnt work out because it let me re-evaluate my feelings about myself and now I do it for me. :flowerforyou:0
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