Biggest family member at the fam gathering ugh!!

MrsATrotta
MrsATrotta Posts: 278 Member
in Motivation and Support
Went to Easter dinner today and I was literally annoyed half the day. Arrived at my dads house (hadn't eaten all day) at noon and he gave me a plate of potatoes and after I grabbed a few chips bc I was hungry and dinner was not until 2. Before Easter I had known I was not gonna count calories (harder with homemade food) but that I would be careful of my portions and stay active (which I did rake my grandmas whole lawn while waiting for dinner) NOT only did my dad comment about the measly 5 chips I ate but then I had to listen to my stick thin brother talk about my workout routine like he has any idea... and on top of it 2 snide remarks from my grandmother that made me wanna not even stay for dinner. I am the biggest person in my immediate family and it is soooo annoying that I can never go to a family function without hearing the stupid comments like anyone of them has ever had to be disciplined enough to stick to a diet/exercise plan....ANYONE ELSE DEAL WITH THIS CRAP. so frustrating.... NOT only that but do you think anyone could bother having even 1 vegetable at the table today?! NO. Not a chef salad not a steamed veggie in sight and I feel like HOW DARE YOU. **VENT OVER**

Replies

  • WolfChylde
    WolfChylde Posts: 50 Member
    That sucks I'm sorry. I've had that happen when I was younger, they'd scold me for what I ate. I've had my grandma poke me in the lovehandles and say, "You're not gaining all that weight back are you?" I've also always been the biggest person in my immediate family. I feel your pain. Watching my mom try on size 6 jeans and then get mad when you're trying to get into a 16 and it doesn't fit, then yell at you for crying and embarrassing her in public.
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
    Well... did you think to bring a dish to share and/or an appetizer of veggies and dip or humus to snack on until dinner was ready? Maybe being better prepared and generous will show them you deserve respect.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Honestly I have not dealt with this, my experience has been that 95% of the time (in the past, and occasionally even now) I was the biggest person in any situation whether with family, friends, at work, etc...and I always just kind of ignored anyone who whined or discussed their own diet/fitness habits, and no one thankfully was rude enough to bring my weight up as a topic of criticism or conversation.

    I am sorry your dinner with family sucked though!
  • MrsATrotta
    MrsATrotta Posts: 278 Member
    It's definitely just hard hearing it from people who have no idea how hard it is to lose weight, but I guess the truth is they REALLY don't understand bc they haven't walked in my shoes and it's hard to remember that when they make comments. Sodakat... I definitely would have brought a salad if I had known one was not going to be served, I am so used to having salad available at family functions that it didn't dawn on me. I really do appreciate my grandma cooking and I enjoyed the meal that was served but it's odd to have her make a comment and then offer everyone seconds of dessert except me like cmon it's rudeee and not that I would have even had more but to make me feel like I big fat fattyyyy all the time... it's just annoying. Seltzermint.... It is super annoying when ppl talk about diet and fitness all the time but I sometimes feel like I have to around them just to prove that I'm doing something... like they see me eat unhealthy one day and don't realize I have been working out like crazy and watching what I eat. Always feel like I have something to prove BUT someday I'm hoping I lose the weight and it will be over but I'm sure like Wolfchylde said they will be like " ohhh should you really eat that, your gonna gain all the weight backkk" lol, oy vey!!!
  • VictoryGarden
    VictoryGarden Posts: 194 Member
    If they are mean about it, I just reverse it onto them with their addictions (smoking, drinking, etc) Shuts most of the snide stuff down quick.
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,390 Member
    It's definitely just hard hearing it from people who have no idea how hard it is to lose weight, but I guess the truth is they REALLY don't understand bc they haven't walked in my shoes and it's hard to remember that when they make comments. Sodakat... I definitely would have brought a salad if I had known one was not going to be served, I am so used to having salad available at family functions that it didn't dawn on me. I really do appreciate my grandma cooking and I enjoyed the meal that was served but it's odd to have her make a comment and then offer everyone seconds of dessert except me like cmon it's rudeee and not that I would have even had more but to make me feel like I big fat fattyyyy all the time... it's just annoying. Seltzermint.... It is super annoying when ppl talk about diet and fitness all the time but I sometimes feel like I have to around them just to prove that I'm doing something... like they see me eat unhealthy one day and don't realize I have been working out like crazy and watching what I eat. Always feel like I have something to prove BUT someday I'm hoping I lose the weight and it will be over but I'm sure like Wolfchylde said they will be like " ohhh should you really eat that, your gonna gain all the weight backkk" lol, oy vey!!!

    I have about 3000 miles between me and my family now, so I don't get this often (thank God), but yes, this used to happen to me. Even in front of my little daughter (from whom the words "diet" or "fat" are banned for ever - we talk about being healthy, not eating too many candies at once etc). Including comments from my Mum to my husband telling him in front of everyone not to let me have any of the chocolates they gave him for Christmas because I'm too fat. Even though I fully intend to become the healthy person I want to be, the hurt of their comments is something that I'll remember no matter the size I am.

    I don't have a solution except moving continent, which isn't practical for most people.
  • gwencakes
    gwencakes Posts: 15 Member
    ... like they see me eat unhealthy one day and don't realize I have been working out like crazy and watching what I eat. Always feel like I have something to prove BUT someday I'm hoping I lose the weight and it will be over but I'm sure like Wolfchylde said they will be like " ohhh should you really eat that, your gonna gain all the weight backkk" lol, oy vey!!!

    Sorry Girl that sucks...I'm the biggest in my friends circle (size 16 right now) which is super fun. They are actually awesome and never say anything but being around size zero's all the time makes me feel even bigger. I'm going to a bachelorette at the end of May with all the size zeros. This is my big motivator right now to drop some weight.

    My dad is the foot in mouth guy, he would cut out obesity articles for me in my early 20's and say "your double chin is going away" as a compliment when I'd lose weight :/

    It f'ing sucks but you know the hard work you're putting in all the time. 1 day, especially a holiday it's expected to eat whatever! That's weird about the veggie thing too. Would NEVER had crossed my mind that their wouldn't be salad, green beans or something green!
  • swsays
    swsays Posts: 125 Member
    Easter brought some fun conversations my way too! My dad charmingly turned my progress into his own soapbox for lecturing both my sister and my husband about how they should do what I'm doing, and then telling me later that _I_ should also 'gently' try to encourage my sister! I told him I would do no such thing - they are both grown ups who can make their own choices.

    Even more annoying? He did this to my sister and husband behind my back (though I overheard part of his talk to my husband)! And he did all this without once having said anything positive to ME (like - hey you look good, or keep up the good work).

    And the most annoying of all? My husband reported all this back to me on the way home and told me that he (my husband) had told my dad how proud he (my husband) is of me and he (my husband) wished he had half my motivation ... he said all this to my dad yesterday but he (my husband) has never once said those words or anything like those words to me in the six months I've been on my journey!

    As much as I love my family, we're as freakin' dysfunctional as anyone else when it comes to communication!
  • roqnroch
    roqnroch Posts: 5 Member
    I totally feel you, Hun. I come from a family where everyone is thin . . . . except me, of course. I have always had a struggle with my weight. I can't tell you how many times (starting as young as 7 y/o) my mom would sit me down and tell me I'm fat and that I was going to have to go on a diet . . . . and that I would probably have to diet my whole life. Tough for a young kid to hear.

    Now that I'm 43 y/o they wouldn't dare talk to me like that, but I get questions like "Are you trying to lose any weight?" accompanied by advice and suggestions on how to do that.

    But the most frustrating thing for me is when someone who is maybe 2 lbs over the lowest of their ideal weight range freaks out that they need to diet hard to lose it. That is when I start feeling really fat and depressed. My mom is a stick. She weighs 126 wet and she's 5'4". Her ideal weight would be 130 lbs, but she thinks she's fat at 130, so she's trying really hard to get down to 122. Really? C'mon. My sister, my aunt . . . . they're all the same way. Its so hard for me to understand what they're going through and they certainly don't understand what I'm going through. This Easter was all of them talking about how much weight they've gained. And all I could do is roll my eyes. That's not a discussion I want to be involved with, but it makes me feel like they're all looking at me like the worst thing for them EVER would be to end up as big as me.

    Anyway, I'm doing the best I can, so I'll brush it off. I hope you can do the same.

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