Weight Loss and Mental Health

pickleRH83
pickleRH83 Posts: 33 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi Guys,

I just wanted to put this one out there as I'm sure many people will have been through the same emotions when it comes to starting, or picking back up on a weight loss journey.

I'm due to get married in September 2015, I always thought that having a specific date to aim for would give me the kick up the bum to finally lose and keep off the excess weight I've yoyo'd with over the last 3 years or so. Instead I'm finding the prospect of spending the next 17 months being strict with myself and ensuring I look good on my big day really daunting and in all honesty very depressing.

It's making me feel worse about myself and the way I look than I've ever felt in my life, coming from a place where I had turned 30 and was finally comfortable with in my own skin this new bleak outlook about myself and how it could potentially tarnish what should be a joyful occasion is really getting me down!

I wondered how people have gone about starting a weight loss journey without all the negative mental images, guilt, fear of failure, depression, low self esteem etc... that go hand in hand with assessing body image and admitting you have a problem with maintaining a healthy attitude towards food?

I'd like to think that I can come out of the next 17 months with a positive self image and a healthy relationship with food but at the moment I'm worried that I'll just end up beating myself up and losing myself along the way!

Becky x

Replies

  • MickeyBoo
    MickeyBoo Posts: 196 Member
    I understand where you're coming from. I don't have a date as such that I'm aiming for but whenever I try to set a time limit, it's like I give up before I even start, I'm usually not a defeatist but when it comes to weight it always happens. The only way I can get a handle on any kind of weight loss is to forget the long hard slog ahead of me and focus on the here and now. I aim small, and set a 5kg goal and that's all I look at until I get there. I set other physical goals too, like bumping up weights, going a bit longer each session on the X-Trainer etc

    I made up a positive motivation board that I see daily and that really does help to keep my mind in the right space and not get so down and beat myself up about my weight/appearance too.
  • kinmoratree
    kinmoratree Posts: 125 Member
    I do better when I focus on how I feel and what I'm able to do. When I focus on how I look, I feel just like you do. Like the journey is too long and arduous and I'd rather just eat what I want and lay on the sofa.

    I can run for 2.25 miles now. I am lifting weights at the gym, some of them heavier than I am currently. These are things I couldn't do 30 pounds ago.

    I know you want to look good for your wedding, but if you feel good about yourself and your accomplishments, you'll shine regardless of what the scales and tapes say.
  • brosis85
    brosis85 Posts: 114 Member
    I personally am not married, so I havent experienced that added stressor but the trick to success is to try and stay positive.

    If I could make a suggestion, set REALLY small goals for yourself. Dont look at the end goal of Sept 2015, look at next week and next month. Small goals are much more achievable, and less of a let down if you have an 'off' week. So for example say your goal is to lose 30 pounds by then - focus on a half pound a week. If you lose that half pound, or more then you feel great and you will feel progress constantly. If you didnt lose that half a pound - doesnt feel like a big deal, right?

    Feel free to add me! I have struggled with my weight for years - and sometimes I feel better about who I was before I lost weight. So i totally understand the mental anguish this journey puts people through!

    I have tons of other suggestions! So add away if you want more motivation, help and support :)
  • ProgressNotPerfection32
    ProgressNotPerfection32 Posts: 1,155 Member
    It will come in cycles...........I've been doing this 3 years and honestly I have a worse body image now that I did before, for different reasons. But I have great days/weeks where I feel amazing about it all. You won't stick with it unless you are 100% fed up and ready for change.

    Make slow, gradual changes with food first. Don't try to change everything at once or you're more likely to give up. As you get comfortable with the food changes, add in exercise, but don't kill yourself. Make it enjoyable. It also will help to set mini goals (weigh goals every 10 lbs or so, and non weight goals are very important too) along the way. Maybe buy something you want in your goal size and keep your sights set on it.

    How much do you need/want to lose? Also, is this a temporary loss in your mind or a permanent one?
  • Scoochie1
    Scoochie1 Posts: 121 Member
    I can empathise, I got engaged in May 2013 and married in Oct 2013
    I tried to loose as much as a could before the day - I managed to go from about 186lbs to 168lbs
    Don't try to overdo it, expecially if it is going to make you unhappy
    You will have a lovely dress, and lovely hair and lovely makeup on the day don't forget!

    You hubby to be doesn't want to marry a crying bag of bones.
    I just tried to cut back on the bold things (chocolate, cake, wine) but I did still eatt them
    There were lots of 'congraulations!' lunches and dinners - I went for the lighter option.
    Good Luck, you will look amazing once you are happy.
  • crunchergirl
    crunchergirl Posts: 184 Member
    I haven't had the stress of a wedding, but I understand working towards a specific date. What began my change mentally for me is when I began to workout. I started to feel better and that has begun to help me make positive steps. I am no longer as focused on getting to a certain number by x date. I've been consistently working out for almost 2 months and there has been a definite change in how I perceive myself. I hope this helps and I wish you all best in your journey.
  • allbarrett
    allbarrett Posts: 159 Member
    Don't give yourself a deadline - that makes it sound like there is an end-date to your efforts. Getting fit and healthy, creating the body you want, etc. is a lifelong thing. You don't have to spend the next 17 months giving up the foods you love. Set a modest calorie deficit, try to move around a little more than you have been and look at some fitness goals rather than "I want to be THIS skinny" or "I want to have a waist THIS small" or whatever. Do you want to get stronger? Look at that as a goal. Do you enjoy biking or jogging and want to get faster? Pick a goal there. My husband decided to get on the fitness bandwagon shortly after I did. He dropped 20 lbs and is running his first half-marathon in a couple of weeks. We still eat all the foods we love (and I love baking, so there are lots of pastries and such around) we just don't stuff ourselves on them...we fit them into our "food budget" for the day.

    Have we cut back on things? Absolutely...any idea how big a "serving" of some foods really is? Check out the labelling more carefully...some of the packages that I used to think were 3-4 servings are really double that. But we didn't stop eating anything we like (honestly, I bake more now than I did before we both decided to change our lifestyle up a bit...but now I use a freezer to keep the leftovers so we can enjoy them over time rather than gobbling them all "because it will just get stale").

    You can make the changes you want, but don't try to take on everything all at once. Eat a little less, move a little more, set some non-weight-related goals and see where that gets you.
  • steve2kay
    steve2kay Posts: 194 Member
    In my view if you see this as being strict on yourself or depriving yourself then it's going to be mentally tougher.

    My view on this is that logging my food is really about educating me what's in food and what I can eat in a normal day. For example, I didn't really know how many calories were in a chocolate bar, I knew it was bad but it didn't really mean anything - maybe I could have a chocolate bar and a salad and that'd cancel each other out.

    Now by logging what I eat I know that I can still eat what I want but that maybe I should have a smaller portion of something else, or maybe I should go for a bike ride. It makes me more likely to want to eat healthier food.

    MFP isn't about restriction and deprivation for me, it's about information and it's about support from people who want to eat healthier.

    I'm certainly not a clean eater, or a success story and I have a long way to go, so what I'm saying could be gibberish.

    Good luck
  • LADoerflinger
    LADoerflinger Posts: 2 Member
    Over the years, I've done a lot of work with marriage preparation classes for my church, and I've seen a lot of brides who wanted to lose weight for their big day. But let me tell you something: the best reason you can choose to lose weight is to be the healthiest person you can be for your future spouse. The day is going to come and go, regardless of your weight. You'll be beautiful in the pictures no matter what your weight is that morning. You are preparing for a lifetime here and making healthy choices for your food and exercise is just a part of that.

    Lee Ann
  • kuolo
    kuolo Posts: 251 Member
    It's interesting to hear what you say because I feel almost the opposite about it. I was unhappy with my weight and depressed and miserable that I didn't feel in control of changing it. Whereas now I am losing weight I feel so much better about myself, because I am doing something about it, not because I have lost weight, if that makes sense. I don't see it as a diet with an end point, but as regaining my control over my weight and my diet and making myself healthier. So to some extent I no longer care how long it takes, I am happy just about the fact of doing it.

    Firstly, I wouldn't tell yourself you have to do it by x date, that's just unnecessary pressure. It doesn't matter what size you are at your wedding, it matters that you're healthy for the rest of your life. I was at nearly my heaviest ever when I got married last Feb. The only person who is making it matter is you, so stop!

    Secondly, it sounds like you're seeing weight loss as restrictive, hard, punishing etc. This isn't going to work in the long term. Try seeing it as nurturing yourself, making yourself healthier, doing it for positive reasons not negative. And making it a way of eating in which you don't feel so deprived you either binge or give up or feel miserable. This might mean setting only a half a lb a week goal, but that is still progress, and if it means you'll stick to it and be happier it'll be worth it. It doesn't matter how long it takes.

    There are a lot of people on here that seem to be enjoying their journey, plus the success stories are always very inspiring.

    Good luck. Don't give up, if something's not working, just change it until you find something that works for you. It's not an all or nothing process. And don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself always.
  • grandmothercharlie
    grandmothercharlie Posts: 1,356 Member
    Your weight should not define who you are. Obviously you are a beautiful individual with a loving partner who wants to be with you for a lifetime. He made that decision as you are and with the image that is currently you! That is a rare and wonderful thing that should bring happiness. You have a vision of yourself as someone entirely different for one day of your life. It doesn't sound like that image has anything to do with being a healthier you, but instead the Bridal magazine image of the beautiful bride. You don't say how much you want to lose, but whatever it is, one day in your life should not be the motivator. Your fiancé should not be your motivator. The motivation must be that you want to be able to spend a long, happy, healthy life with the man who loves you, not a size 4 wedding dress.
  • aribugg
    aribugg Posts: 164 Member
    I had low self esteem stepping into it all, i had learn to accept myself. try to find a different reward beyond looking good, that helped me a lot. when i noticed i was feeling stronger, had more energy through out the day, that helped my self esteem and pushed my drive to be better at all this, to be a healthier person, no more slacking.

    and, just a side note, you already got the guy. that's who you're marrying, and he already thinks you're amazing. you arent marrying the crowd of people. a wedding may be a goal, and thats fine, but remember to do this for yourself.
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
    Someone loves you for who you are, which is more than I can say for myself. You need to enjoy your wedding and stop beating yourself up.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    I wondered how people have gone about starting a weight loss journey without all the negative mental images, guilt, fear of failure, depression, low self esteem etc... that go hand in hand with assessing body image and admitting you have a problem with maintaining a healthy attitude towards food?
    Great question. My observation is that 90+% of advice is based about technical/physical aspects of weight loss and most of the challenge is mental.

    It's no doubt different for everyone but I found it helpful to look no further than today. If I am successful today, I am a success. If not, I can be successful again tomorrow. It's tough to motivate myself for a goal that is far, far away.
  • em_glidd
    em_glidd Posts: 10 Member
    Deadlines have never worked with me. I think it's because I freak out at the smallest setback and think that I'm never going to make it so I just give up. I would just do your best and think of it as a forever thing, not just in terms of months.
  • nelinelineli
    nelinelineli Posts: 330 Member
    If you count your journey by the amount of weight you have to lose, by the amount of pizza you have to pass on and the calorie surplus you didn't manage to avoid, you're likely going to feel pretty unhappy.

    If you count it by the amount of good stuff you eat (hitting a POSITIVE target - such as X fruit and veggies a day, or X grams of protein per day, or even by the number of COOKIES you can squeeze in without sacrificing your nutrition and your calorie goal), by the minutes you can now run or push-ups you can do, you'll find this a rather enriching experience.

    You'll hear this mantra over and over again in MFP "It's not about skinny, it's about fit and healthy". That pretty much sums it up, as the first goal is padded with negative thoughts.
  • scorpiophoenix
    scorpiophoenix Posts: 222 Member
    First, congratulations! Second, try to keep this in mind: Your fiance loves you how you are. No matter what you think you look like, when you're looking in each other's eyes and saying your vows that is the only thing either of you are going to see and no matter what, in that moment, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Forget about your deadline and work on making small changes you can stick to. A wedding is only one day, a marriage is (presumably) so much more than that.
  • buzzardsrule
    buzzardsrule Posts: 183 Member
    I haven't had the stress of a wedding, but I understand working towards a specific date. What began my change mentally for me is when I began to workout. I started to feel better and that has begun to help me make positive steps. I am no longer as focused on getting to a certain number by x date. I've been consistently working out for almost 2 months and there has been a definite change in how I perceive myself. I hope this helps and I wish you all best in your journey.

    I agree. I've found working out has really made the difference to how I feel. I'm more positive and energised in only a couple of months.
  • weird_me2
    weird_me2 Posts: 716 Member
    I think it sounds like you are looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed. I think you might feel better if you take a deep breath and look at this from the outside. First, you have about 75 weeks until your wedding, right? That means there is no need to be "strict" to meet your goal by your wedding. You only have to lose just over 1/2 pound per week, which means you only need about a 300 calorie deficit each day.

    For me, thinking about what I need to do just for today really helps. My ticker is set just to reach my first goal, not the end zone.

    I also agree with the other posters who suggested non weight related goals. You will feel better mentally when you work out, and you can find a sense of accomplishment in meeting fitness goals even when you are struggling with your weight. I've found that it's a lot easier to shrug off scale struggles when I'm hitting new running or lifting milestones.

    Congratulations, good luck, and breathe!
  • pickleRH83
    pickleRH83 Posts: 33 Member
    thanks everyone, it's great to know that other people have been in the same boat and yes it can be overwhelming!

    My other half is the only person where I don't really mind where I look, I see myself through his eyes and it's lovely. I was actually heavier when I first met my other half I was about a stone heavier than now, we dated on and off for a while then had a break and in that time I lost around 2.5 stone simply because I was feeling very confident in myself and had got to a point where I was happy with my life and enjoying being single. We then met up again and made things official and since moving in together have both developed a bit of a "love tummy" but he still loves me exactly as I am :) my family on the other hand are very judgemental when it comes to weight so I think that's where some of my internal pressures may come from.

    I'm not the sort that gets motivated to change from being fed up, I actually do better when I'm not really trying so to speak but just happy and enjoying looking after myself!

    Anyhoo if I could lose around 2 stone I'd be a size 12 rather than a 14-16 which would be good enough for me, it's more my mental frame of mind I'm worried about!

    I have to say that wedding dresses also *REALLY* don't help with a woman's self esteem, though I'm a size 14-16 on the high street I would be around a 20 in wedding dress sizes - and I thought they were meant to make you feel good about yourself!!

    I think I've just hit a bit of a wall with it all, I just need to find the spark to help me break through it and get started. I used to love exercising, ran half marathons, went to the gym but now I keep coming up with every excuse in the book when I think about going. I've spend £75 on gym membership and have been once!!!

    Fingers crossed I'll snap out of this soon and get back to my normal, happy carefree self!

Categories