Bizarrely personal introduction~~~ (tw: ED)

vyvanseprincess
vyvanseprincess Posts: 8
in Introduce Yourself
Hi, everyone,
Basically I've struggled with my weight for the past ~6-7 years. I was chubby in middle school and obese by the time I hit the ninth or tenth grade. Before the start of eleventh grade, I went to see a psychiatrist about my depression, which was pretty severe at the time. He diagnosed me with A.D.D. and prescribed me Ritalin. I went from being a C student and almost getting kicked out of school for plagiarism to making honor roll. I also lost weight without really trying because the medication killed my appetite and I frequently just got lost in my work. By the end of my junior year, I was in pretty good shape. Then I went on vacation to visit extended family in Hungary. My relatives always cook a ridiculous amount of food when my family (my parents and brother) go back to visit the old country, and we typically all packed on a few pounds over the course of the vacation. At the end of that eleventh grade, however, I really didn't want to put on any weight. I ate child-like portions of everything, which led me to actually lose five pounds over the course of the trip. By the time I got back, I was really fixated on restricting my calories and exercising. The numbers on the scale steadily decreased, but I never felt like I had lost enough weight. I weighed about 90 pounds and was only consuming roughly three hundred calories a day by the time I finally saw my psychiatrist again. I was officially diagnosed with anorexia and started taking anti-depressants. The medication made me insanely sluggish and I pleaded with my doctor to switch me to something else, but he encouraged me to give it a little longer. After a couple of weeks, it was like a flip switched and I started binge eating like crazy. I remember just being so happy to feel myself swallowing food after having lived off of Greek yogurt and fruit for the month prior. I would eat as much as I could physically manage (and sometimes a bit beyond that, at which point I would vomit-- sans any attempt to deliberately purge). I put on a lot of weight, but eventually I plateaued. Then this August, I moved to NY to start my freshman year of college. I was probably 160-170 pounds at that point. I've been really depressed throughout, but managed to lose weight through my sheer lack of motivation to go buy food. Now I'm probably somewhere between 120-130 pounds and hoping to get down to around 100 pounds. I know I have to toe the line carefully, especially as I start paying more attention to what I eat on a daily basis. It would be cool to hear from some people who can relate to the whole ED ordeal, but ultimately I'm happy to talk to anyone (I haven't made friends at college so this year's been a lonely one). Kudos to anyone who read through all that.

Say hi if you'd like. I offer my support to everyone who could use it.
Take care of yourselves.
x

Replies

  • marilu1727
    marilu1727 Posts: 23
    I also struggled with anorexia and bulimia and still struggle with the mental aspect of it. My therapist said I will always have that ED self but I need to learn to control it and not let it control me.

    My question to you is how tall are you? Should you really be weighing 100 lbs? Or is it a mental thing that unless you weigh 100 lbs you won't be happy? I am going through that problem and it really is something that I am trying to break. Because even if the scale says you weigh 100 lbs I guarantee you that when you get to 100 lbs your going to think you look good but you could look better if you lost just 2 more lbs and then 2 more....its a cycle. So don't focus on weighing 100 lbs. Focus on toning your body until you feel good about the way you look and DON'T weigh yourself! Just some advice from personal experience.
  • redhotsc
    redhotsc Posts: 43 Member
    Hey there! Yes, I read through "all of that". You are more than welcome to add me as a friend and/ send me personal messages anytime you would like. It sounds as if you and I have a lot in common.

    Once upon a time, I suffered through eating disorders throughout junior high and high school (anorexia/ bulimia) and have had depression for as long as I can remember. I remember my first year of college having to go through quite a bit of therapy...but I also found out that the hormones that my GYN back home had put me on were the wrong ones for my body- thus, the hormone imbalance that I already had was exacerbated further, making the depression even worse. It took a therapist and a very wonderful campus doctor to pinpoint the hormone issue and get it fixed. Within 6 months, the bulk of my depression had subsided. I still get depressive times every 8-9 months apart that I work through with a little talk therapy (no more drugs!).I am currently mentally happy obese and working to get fit and back into the normal range.

    Please know that you are not alone. There is help and people who care. You also need to find a therapist, if the one you have just wants to throw drugs at you, who will listen to you carefully and help you work through whatever is ailing you. Sometimes it is a matter of behavior modification, talking through a problem, or maybe actually needing medication- but the right medicine. From the research I have done, I have discovered that eating disorders are lifelong battles and are frequently paired with other mental disorders (i.e. obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, etc.).

    For me personally, I have OCD and love MFP because it says exactly how many calories I need. I am constantly checking the numbers and trying to eat as much as I can with the allotment I have. It fills both the OCD and the ED issues with one swoop and I don't go back to starvation.

    I wish you the very best. And again, you are more than welcomed to add me and talk anytime you need someone to talk to.
  • eelamme
    eelamme Posts: 1,135 Member
    bump for later
  • MakeMineSugarFree
    MakeMineSugarFree Posts: 11 Member
    Hi,

    You really are not alone. Feel free to friend me if you like. Support on MFP is such a wonderful resource. The people that I have friended have very supprotive! Best of luck to you on your journey to get healthy!! :happy: :bigsmile:
  • annbrdg
    annbrdg Posts: 6
    Hey there, how tall are you? Is 100 pounds a healthy weight? I don't want to sound condescending, I don't mean to be at all. Believe me I am no expert. I have also struggled with my weight my whole life and by the sounds of it I am probably double your age :) I think I have had a poor body image for most of my life. And I too was overweight pretty much all of my school age years - I did end up loosing a bunch of weight when I was in 10th or 11th grade. Looked good felt good but looking back had really low self esteem, it is probably the reason i ended up meeting a guy and getting pregnant. Wow, someone paid you a complement you better latch on to that.... what a mistake. Had my son - no regrets there, he is probably a few years older than you and completely an awesome guy.
    But I regress, gained back all my weight that I lost. Few years later lost that, then gained it back, then lost it.... so on for about 24 years. A couple of years ago my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, I will blame stress eating but I found myself pushing 225 pounds at 5.5 tall. After dad passed I too ended up really depressed... I lost 75 pounds and felt i looked great. Which of course raised my self esteem and here we go again I have gained about 30 pounds back in the last nine months. I am back tracking my food, but i have after all these years found that being healthy is different from being skinny. I am up to an hour a day walking or zumba and trying to eat better. I am feeling better but would also like to loose 25 pounds.
    Make sure you are doing things in a healthy way... this will sound strange but you can do some major damage to yourself that doesn't necessarily effect you until some months later, such as tooth loss - I know right, yuck! Lately I have been carving chocolate... but I am learning moderation!
  • andreamaym
    andreamaym Posts: 179 Member
    I'm sorry to hear about your experience with having an eating disorder. I was hospitalized for an ED when I was 14, and have continued to struggle for the past 12 years. My highest weight must have been about 140lbs, with my lowest being 110lbs (I am 5'8"). I have always personally found losing weight to be a slippery slope, because once I start it's hard to stop. That being said, my relationship with food has been tulmutuous and I have also struggled with weight gain. I'm still working to find a happy medium, and while I'm guilty of being addicted to the scale I'm mostly trying to become healthier :)
  • GiveItAll92
    GiveItAll92 Posts: 26 Member
    I don't want to say too much of what other people have already covered. But I do want to say congrats on making it through your first year of college. That's tough for anyone and having depression and an eating disorder can make it so much harder. My one piece of advice that I would add, aside from adding friends on here to keep you on track to a healthy goal, is to see if your school offers any ed support groups. Most universities do and I know the one at my school really helped (and was free!). I made some friends and basically every week we got together, talked about our struggles and problems that week (food, school, emotions, or work related-anything really), encouraged each other, and helped keep each other accountable. Groups may not be for everyone and it took me a while to work up the courage to go. If you are depressed though and lonely it could really be worth looking into! I personally I felt so much less alone and was glad I joined. Best of luck!

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