Does EVERYONE want us to eat? =)

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Cryren8972
Cryren8972 Posts: 142 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
It seems that no matter how hard my husband and I try to lose weight...there are well meaning family members and friends that want to eat out or invite us over for dinner (where there are always desserts, macaroni and cheese, etc). I realize that having an overabundance of food is a blessing, but how do you navigate through that without offending anyone? For instance, we received a HUGE tub of jelly beans for Easter. Valentines, there was lots of candy given to us, of course. Even after stressing that we're trying to lose weight, the candy and offers of high calorie meals just keep on coming.

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  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
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    You and your husband are in charge of how you manage your life. This is in all areas. Socially, you really are not going to be able to avoid food. You have to learn to make good choices along the way. Going out to eat or to a friend's for dinner is a perfect opportunity to learn how to manage portion control. That's how you'll be successful when you've reached goal weight. As far as gifts of food - regift - lots of people still eat candy.
  • Maryanne1923
    Maryanne1923 Posts: 53 Member
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    If friends and family always used to invite you to eat with them they are not going to stop because then when would they see you? They won't change so you need to adapt.

    I have a very light breakfast and lunch in advance of going to friends/family for dinner and then only have a small portion of dessert. That way I can still stay within my calorie allowance.

    As for gifts of chocolate etc. I sometimes don't eat them - repackage and re-gift, give them to neighbours or even just throw them away. Or sometimes I keep them and portion them out into 50 or 100 calorie bags and then eat them in a controlled way (logging what I eat and fitting it into my goal for the day).

    You don't have to stop socialising to lose weight.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    A small serving of mac and cheese with your dinner isn't going to derail anything. Politely decline dessert or have a small portion. Nobody expects you to eat a candy gift in front of them (and even if they insist you open it, have a taste. A piece of candy is irrelevant in the long run). These things are not deal breakers.... To be successful you need to navigate these situations with grace, be polite and firm, and avoid becoming the person nobody wants to invite anywhere because you became "the fanatic *kitten* on the diet" to your friends and family.

    ETA: I disagree with the post above. Don't be the person bringing your own food. Learn how to eat right in all kinds of situations without being ... well .. heh
  • chrisdavey
    chrisdavey Posts: 9,834 Member
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    If I know I'm going to have a big dinner then I just fast a bit longer and have a lower calorie early meal. (usually with more protein as that is typically harder to get enough of at restaurants)

    If you got a whole heap of candy that you don't want, donate it to someone that wants it.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    Just go, have a good time, fill your plates with a little bit of everything and pick at it.
    1 day isn't going to harm you. Granted, some things are more calorie dense than others, but if you look at your days as weeks, you're able to "fix" the caloric intake and balance it out. (If that doesn't make sense, feel free to ask).
  • maryann46106
    maryann46106 Posts: 13
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    Wow, do I know how you feel!! I get this all the time and I have even posted on fb to please not offer me sugary, high cal foods--yet STILL they do and this also from others who say they are trying to lose too!!
    Since this has been one of my biggest struggles I have to share the things that I've done that do help. When I am offered, I say politely I can't eat that, I appreciate the offer but I just can't eat that. I also stay away from the break room at work, bring plenty of healthy snacks and try to drink lots of water or sparkling water (read ingreds on sparkling water, there are some that are pure and some are not).
    I still go out to eat but enjoy healthy foods and still keep count of cals. It's actually helped me learn to enjoy the company more than the food.

    It sort of sucks though when you feel like others are working against what you know is right and good for you. They really are just trying to be nice, generous, etc. I've had to say 'no' and that's my best weapon!! As another poster added here, it's up to us to choose.
  • rosehips60
    rosehips60 Posts: 1,030 Member
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    A small serving of mac and cheese with your dinner isn't going to derail anything. Politely decline dessert or have a small portion. Nobody expects you to eat a candy gift in front of them (and even if they insist you open it, have a taste. A piece of candy is irrelevant in the long run). These things are not deal breakers.... To be successful you need to navigate these situations with grace, be polite and firm, and avoid becoming the person nobody wants to invite anywhere because you became "the fanatic *kitten* on the diet" to your friends and family.

    ETA: I disagree with the post above. Don't be the person bringing your own food. Learn how to eat right in all kinds of situations without being ... well .. heh

    I couldn't have said it better myself! The problem with food is that obviously we can't just quit eating as one would with alcohol, cigarettes etc. We need to live in the real world with other people and the attendant social events. Just relax and make it it fit into your day. If you do go over it is not the end of the world. When it happens to me I try to stay at or a little under my maintenance calories.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    A small serving of mac and cheese with your dinner isn't going to derail anything. Politely decline dessert or have a small portion. Nobody expects you to eat a candy gift in front of them (and even if they insist you open it, have a taste. A piece of candy is irrelevant in the long run). These things are not deal breakers.... To be successful you need to navigate these situations with grace, be polite and firm, and avoid becoming the person nobody wants to invite anywhere because you became "the fanatic *kitten* on the diet" to your friends and family.

    ETA: I disagree with the post above. Don't be the person bringing your own food. Learn how to eat right in all kinds of situations without being ... well .. heh

    I couldn't have said it better myself! The problem with food is that obviously we can't just quit eating as one would with alcohol, cigarettes etc. We need to live in the real world with other people and the attendant social events. Just relax and make it it fit into your day. If you do go over it is not the end of the world. When it happens to me I try to stay at or a little under my maintenance calories.

    Also keep in mind that "Going over" your goal is usually just "Less under" maintenance. I also agree with the poster that mentioned fasting a little longer. If I know I'll be in a situation where it's looking like a 2000 calorie dinner out, I will see to it that the dinner is the only thing I eat that day.
  • angelique_redhead
    angelique_redhead Posts: 782 Member
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    My inlaws have learned to always have a salad when they invite us to eat so that I can stay on my diet. Other than that they put what they want on the table. If they have a meat that they haven't carbed up I'll be eating that too. They don't get offended when I don't eat the dessert as I'm diabetic and shouldn't be eating that anyway. I'd be finding the candy a new home or feeding it to the pigs as we have a farm and THEY can use the extra calories. Good luck. If you stick to your meal plans you can teach others that you are not overeating any more and they are ok with it. It takes a while though. *HUGS* Good luck!
  • thyme4
    thyme4 Posts: 35 Member
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    I used to take holiday food gifts to my office , where I would donate it to one of the support teams (IT, Sales Suport, Mail Room...any group that was providing service but not close to my desk)!

    As for meals with family and friends, I would ask if I could bring a dish or two,so that I would have some healthy filler and then have smaller servings of the other items available.

    Most importantly, the next day I get back on program. I recognize that the scale might show a small change, but it is temporary and will be gone within the week.

    Unless you have friends/family who really are trying to sabotage your efforts, just enjoy the company and don't stress about it; no one will make you clean your plate so you really are still in control ;-)
  • jmv7117
    jmv7117 Posts: 891 Member
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    A small serving of mac and cheese with your dinner isn't going to derail anything. Politely decline dessert or have a small portion. Nobody expects you to eat a candy gift in front of them (and even if they insist you open it, have a taste. A piece of candy is irrelevant in the long run). These things are not deal breakers.... To be successful you need to navigate these situations with grace, be polite and firm, and avoid becoming the person nobody wants to invite anywhere because you became "the fanatic *kitten* on the diet" to your friends and family.

    ETA: I disagree with the post above. Don't be the person bringing your own food. Learn how to eat right in all kinds of situations without being ... well .. heh

    ^^^^THIS
  • Lifelink
    Lifelink Posts: 193 Member
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    Learn how to eat right in all kinds of situations without being ... well .. heh

    Yup. Moderation will be beneficial in those situations. You can have a cake, pizza, or whatever; just don't over do it. It's not game-breaking unless you let it become that way.
  • jec285
    jec285 Posts: 145 Member
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    I'm sure you didn't turn up your nose at social gatherings with food before you started your diet OP.
  • Cryren8972
    Cryren8972 Posts: 142 Member
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    Well, no, I didn't turn up my nose. And I still don't. I'm fully aware that my problem is lack of will power...LOL! It's difficult for us when we see a table full of high fat, delicious, calorie packed food. We fill our plates. And we eat it. I do try to have much smaller portions through the day when I know I'm eating a big meal that night.

    I wish I could like everyone's post...there's a LOT of good advice here. Thank you!

    One situation that I've been involved in....we went out for pizza, and were pushed to "not let any go to waste". We offered to take it home, and a piece was laid on our plate. Not sure how to handle that gracefully, so it was eaten and we thanked them, etc. To further complicate matters...I'm in the south, eating is a "thing". It's how you show love and get family together. It's not a once in a while thing either. Going out with friends, going to eat with family...it's a regular occurrence. Most people DO get it. I just feel as if I'm hurting feelings or being "that" person, if I continually point out that we're dieting after being prodded to "PLEASE try the cake, it's delicious, I made it for you!" Or, "here, we noticed you didn't TOUCH the cake, here's some to take home".

    Yes...it's VERY sweet. And we appreciate our families and friends beyond measure. Which is why we'd never want to insult them, or hurt their feelings in any way. But we don't want to keep the pounds just so someone feels good about us eating their cake.
  • ritan7471
    ritan7471 Posts: 99 Member
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    I think so. I live far away from my own family, but with them I could just eat small portions when i was dieting, and no problem.

    But now I live in my husband's country and the Finnish ladies (MIL and grandmother, and to a lesser extent, aunts) will actually get tears in their eyes or a little bit angry if you refuse food. Luckily they are 400 miles away so we don't see them all the time but when we do.. whoo. Granny and MIL live next door to each other. typically I am served two of every meal except dinner, which MIL makes for Granny. I've just learned to pace myself and tell Granny that I can't eat much in the morning, then I tell MIL I'll have some tea and yogurt because Granny already fed me, and so on.

    Neither are really satisfied, but my girlfriends here tell me that I just have to learn to not care about the facial expressions and expressed confusion why I am "not eating". They say that's what they do.

    ETA: Like the OP I would never want to hurt anyone's feeling over a piece of pie, so I try to pace myself and remember that we'll be going home and back on plan. And I think Granny just really wants to feed us something. So I'm planning to tell her that I am trying to eat more healthy so I can live to be 85 like her. I think if I told her that, she might take me out and buy groceries, just so I'm eating something at her table every day :)
  • jenmom2myboys
    jenmom2myboys Posts: 311 Member
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    If someone puts pizza on your plate after you have said you didnt want it then just do not eat it. That is a boundary problem and you are teaching this person how to treat you.

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