You're just somebody that I used to know.
WanderingPomme
Posts: 601 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay, so my friend introduced me to her friend and we've hung out a few times after that (with other people, not official dates). It was fun, we got along but then he just stopped. I was like, eh oh well maybe he's busy or whatever. (I'm used to being the fat girl being friendzoned) Anyway, I found out that he found out that I used to be a big girl (I used to be 180lbs, I am now 112-113 5'3"). I don't mind that he did, he should've known already from Facebook photos but I don't go on broadcasting my weightloss to everyone I meet. Lol I mean, that's who I am.
Anyway, my friend spoke to me and told me that he stopped talking to me because of that... Because I used to be big.
Never knew this was going to be a problem. I thought losing weight was supposed to boost my self esteem! Now it's just blah. Sure, I'm not hot toned YET! Still squishy in some parts (I'm working on it!) but... after this revelation... I feel overweight again. just feel discouraged. It's been a year since I've kept the weight off (kinda) still haven't fully wrapped my head around being smaller. And THIS isn't helping.
This is why I haven't entertained the idea of dating just yet. People are, for some reason, expecting me to go all out meeting and dating people just because I've lost weight. There are too much a holes out there. I'll just go back to being a hermit again and crawl into my cave and hibernate. Lol
Would it matter to you guys if the person you're attracted to/currently seeing used to be big?
I, myself, wouldn't mind at all. Wouldn't even care if he's CURRENTLY big! As long as we get along, makes me laugh and treats me right, we're a GO! Lol I like huggables.
Anyway, my friend spoke to me and told me that he stopped talking to me because of that... Because I used to be big.
Never knew this was going to be a problem. I thought losing weight was supposed to boost my self esteem! Now it's just blah. Sure, I'm not hot toned YET! Still squishy in some parts (I'm working on it!) but... after this revelation... I feel overweight again. just feel discouraged. It's been a year since I've kept the weight off (kinda) still haven't fully wrapped my head around being smaller. And THIS isn't helping.
This is why I haven't entertained the idea of dating just yet. People are, for some reason, expecting me to go all out meeting and dating people just because I've lost weight. There are too much a holes out there. I'll just go back to being a hermit again and crawl into my cave and hibernate. Lol
Would it matter to you guys if the person you're attracted to/currently seeing used to be big?
I, myself, wouldn't mind at all. Wouldn't even care if he's CURRENTLY big! As long as we get along, makes me laugh and treats me right, we're a GO! Lol I like huggables.
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Replies
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First and foremost I am so glad this guy showed his douche bag tendencies early on so you don't actually develop feelings for him. Secondly, yes I would date someone who used to be bigger or thinner, if anything that shows how dedicated and responsible a person can be. Clearly this guy was either looking for a hook up or is just a bit too shallow for my liking (and I hope for yours too). Losing close to 70lbs is amazing and I guess you just lost another X amt of lbs as well with his sorry a** off somewhere else. I hope this doesnt discourage you and you keep with your amazing healthy lifestyle and not sweat the jerks in between :flowerforyou:0
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he is immature in my opinion.0
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That guy is a butthead. Believe me, there are some really great people out there. Better for him to show his true colors now rather than later!0
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What an idiot. Anyone decent would be more attracted to you because of your achievement not less!0
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I am so glad this guy showed his douche bag tendencies early on so you don't actually develop feelings for him.
This ^^^^^ for SURE! He is not worth your time or your heart! :smooched:0 -
Wow, he's missing out. I had a boyfriend like that once, who was concerned that I would yo-yo LOL what a dolt.
Seriously, you're so much better off. Trust me though, i'm in the same place as you. I've been single for years and all I keep going on dates with are absolute losers. It's discouraging and disheartening. Keep your head up.0 -
I do not see why it should matter whatsoever that you used to be big. I have never ever heard of people losing interest in someone because they used to be fat. If Tyrese Gibson used to be fat and all the women in the world rejected him for it, it would make me the happiest woman in the world!
Forget him, don't let his preference hold or put you down. Do you, he is!0 -
All of the above! Good luck on finding the one who will truly appreciate you! And don't forget to have fun along the way. You'll likely encounter a lots of toads and maybe only a few princes, but the journey can be fun regardless if you let it be.0
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Just think of all the time you've saved NOT being with a superficial jerk! Sounds like he was just making sure you'll know how great another guy will be compared to him!0
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I agree with the comment that says, at least he showed you this early, so you didnt develop any feelings for him! That is terrible and I think that by losing weight, it shows you do care about yourself. You have done amazing things for yourself and you should be proud of that. If you are not ready to date, then dont rush into it and wait until you are ready. Again, congrats on doing such amazing things for yourself!
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First and foremost I am so glad this guy showed his douche bag tendencies early on so you don't actually develop feelings for him. Secondly, yes I would date someone who used to be bigger or thinner, if anything that shows how dedicated and responsible a person can be. Clearly this guy was either looking for a hook up or is just a bit too shallow for my liking (and I hope for yours too). Losing close to 70lbs is amazing and I guess you just lost another X amt of lbs as well with his sorry a** off somewhere else. I hope this doesnt discourage you and you keep with your amazing healthy lifestyle and not sweat the jerks in between :flowerforyou:
THIS!!!!
Congrats on your success and do not let this person get to you. Not worth your time at.all!!!0 -
Maybe he was thinking about those studies that show that individuals that lose over 20% of their body mass have a lower RMR than would be predicted by body weight alone, making it more likely that they will regain the weight.0
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Consider yourself lucky - it's much better for you that he is out of your life. Seriously, who needs that?
That said, it always sucks to feel rejected. But please know that it doesn't matter if you are big, small, gorgeous or cute....everyone gets rejected at various points throughout their life. Keep the focus on yourself, maintain your confidence outside of a relationship and, eventually, the right person will come along if it's meant to be....0 -
Uh, glad his true, superficial, and primary (seeing as there's no depth to him) colors showed before anything got serious. I can't even begin to comprehend the mindset of "They used to be fat? Ew, not gonna bother." He's a weirdo loser that needs some help getting over his own insecurities.
Anywho, I'd be more concerned about the fact that YOUR friend is actually friends with this brainless excuse for a human. lol0 -
There are not too many a-holes out there. There are a few. They have their own issues. It's not a good match. Better to find out sooner rather than later. I know it can get you down when something like that happens. Don't worry about that one guy. It's easier to hear the negative than the positive. Pick yourself back up and get yourself back out there to meet an amazing guy. Maybe he will be quieter at first. There are tons of wonderful guys to meet. It will be difficult to meet them if you anticipate a bunch of a-holes. Everything of value in life comes with a few rejections along the way.0
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clink, clink,
blink, blink,
blinky dinky dlink.
somebodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
Sounds like you had a lucky escape.
I wouldn't mind in the slightest if someone was bigger at some point. In fact, all of your hard work surely shows determination and commitment!
My boyfriend was with me when I was bigger despite him being a fitness junkie, and says he liked me just as much then as he does now. I think you should just be happy this complete tool is history 0 -
clink, clink,
blink, blink,
blinky dinky dlink.
somebodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You made me laugh!0 -
First and foremost I am so glad this guy showed his douche bag tendencies early on so you don't actually develop feelings for him.
Pretty much this. This says WAY more about him than you.0 -
Thank you guys! And you're right, glad I found out early on. The inner fat girl defense mechanism has saved me yet again! Hurrrahhh! :drinker:
Now he's just somebody that I used to know...
Somebodehhhhhhhhh! Somebodehhhhhhh!:glasses:0 -
Some people will find excuses to be shallow for any reason. It's not the weight you used to have, it's that he was looking for an excuse to begin with.0
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Shallow And self absorbed is how I would describe this jerk, his loss.. You will find someone that will find you amazing in your accomplishments and also care for the person you are... Not what you used to be!0
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i forgot for like 5 minutes how disgusting people are
this thread reminded me
phew that was a long stretch thank you0 -
The guy is a loser if that's the reason, he is shallow and will always be shallow..Ever watch the movie Shallow Hal? That movie fits him to a tee. If anything that should let him know that you are a strong person, able to overcome big things, make big changes. But that's just my opinion. 0
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Screw that guy0
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Wow, what an *kitten*!! As the pp said, so glad you found out early!!
I used to be overweight too. I've actually had a guy from my past message me now saying "damn, guess I picked the wrong friend"
You're way better off ????0 -
O.o
What a *kitten*.
Strange thing, guys still hit on me a bunch when I was bigger.. But, I never really minded because I thought "oh he's got to be joking" but as I lost the weight, the % of it increased.... They can't all be joking, right >.>
But either way..
Find someone that loves you for you.
Forget that d-wad.0 -
Men are jerks!
Whew. I feel better now. I've been meaning to get that off my chest.0 -
Sounds like an A hole. Hope karma pays him a visit and he is balding with a pot belly in 15 years!0
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