losing friends....

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CuteMommy88
CuteMommy88 Posts: 538 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just need to get this off my chest. I am 22 years old and a college student. I got pregnant right after my 21st birthday. I was in a sorority and had a ton of friends. Throughout my pregnancy my friends slowly but surely completely fell out of my life. The hardest part is that even my best friend that I saw on a daily basis and basically did everything with isnt even around anymore. I love my daughter and my boyfriend with all my heart and they are the best part of my life but it is really hard to not have friends anymore....have any other young moms gone through this and how did you deal with it?

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  • AggieCass09
    AggieCass09 Posts: 1,867 Member
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    if they didn't stick around they weren't true friends to begin with so it isn't worth your worrying now! You are healthy and have a baby and a boyfriend who need you--so forget about those "friends" and cherish the ones that did stick around. I hope 2011 is a great year for you!
  • ajsimyan
    ajsimyan Posts: 177 Member
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    I got married at 20 and had my first boy at 21. I was never popular in High school or even after, So i cant really give you any advice on what to do. All I can say is if they fell out of your life because you were pregnant, then sounds like to me that they werent your friends. Friends stick by you through think and thin (pun intended) LOL!!. You deserve better than that and with this site you WILL find all the friends and support you will need.
  • tmogs
    tmogs Posts: 287 Member
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    awe sweetie can't say that i have because i really only consider myself having one true best friend (since we were in 5th grade) and i was pregnant at 18. The others come and go and i have no hard feelings. Although you have lost people (wouldn't consider them friends since they left you when you needed them) if you look around your life i'm sure your REAL friends have replaced them. Hey look.... there one now.... ME. sending request :flowerforyou:
  • CuteMommy88
    CuteMommy88 Posts: 538 Member
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    Thanks ladies! you all are very sweet. I know now that they werent true friends but i do still miss them and it does hurt. There is a positive side to it though...I have gotten really close to my sister :)
  • irtata43
    irtata43 Posts: 37 Member
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    Well Im not a young mom anymore, but I once was. :) I too had many "friends" while I was a big partier. Then when I was barley 18 yr. old I married and was pg. and began going to church. Within a couple of months I found myself with not one of my old firends around. My husband and mother were my friends. But I quickly learned that true friends are far and few between. I had and continue to have many aquaintances, but only a couple of true friends other than my husband now of 30 years.
  • Shannon7713
    Shannon7713 Posts: 76 Member
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    I dealt with this too after when I got preg with my first child. I even had a "friend" tell me, " wow your social life is going to go to s***, is it worth it??" YES!!!!! I just realized those people were never good friends to begin with, and anyone worth having around my daughter, would have been behind me no matter what. Thats one thing about having a child.... it "weeds" out the bad people so to speak.... There is NOTHING better then your child :)
  • CarolHudson11
    CarolHudson11 Posts: 372
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    First, I'm sorry that happened to you. I had TONS of friends until I got pregnant at 19 with my first son (he's 22 now). A lot of mine did the same. They disappeared. But, we had different goals, etc. in life at that point anyway. Mine was to be a mom to my son and theirs was to continue to party and shop and do whatever it was we did before I got pregnant. I hold no hard feelings towards them - we ended up with different lives - and that's okay. It's a cliche, but it's true.......Life happens.

    You'll find friends here, I promise you that! If you need to talk, just send me a message. I've been there. :flowerforyou:
  • MotherofAutumn
    MotherofAutumn Posts: 2
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    I know exactly what you're going through. When I decided to grow up and settle down, my 'friends' were still focused on getting laid and going to parties. Then, when I became a Christian, my societal circle went basically to 0. Usually when you make positive changes in your life or make decisions that take you in a completely different direction than your peers, they'll abandon you. Don't despair though. There are many just-for-mom-sites out there where you can meet other moms in your area and other options to get out there and meet other women who are in the same boat as you.

    As for the ones who bolted on friendships, they were either not your friends to begin with or they'll eventually come back when they settle down :)
  • tiffanygil
    tiffanygil Posts: 478 Member
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    In my life experience I can tell you that sometimes it just happens and as you live through different seasons the people in your life that you need the most change with it. Especially true after you have kids and start families. You change and your priority's change. I think all of us go through this in varying degrees and hopefully you don't dwell on it too much. One day you will look back on her and be glad that she was there for you when you needed her through those times but realize how much you dont need her now. =)
  • hotpickles
    hotpickles Posts: 639 Member
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    I'm not in the same shoes as you, but I've had similar experiences. Your true friends will stick through it all with you, and always be there no matter what. It's tough enough living through those younger years as it is, and everyone who has had to do it with a child is incredibly strong, smart, and truly an amazing individual.

    I'm sure you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, so just take comfort in knowing those people probably wouldn't have been there in the long run anyways, but your real friends would :)

    L.
  • tulipswish
    tulipswish Posts: 4
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    Hi, I can honestly completely understand what you are going through. Mine is a slightly different situation, I am 32 and a single parent with 3 children (including 5 year old twins). I have 3 best friends who I saw all the time, I was able to get time to go out etc when my twins were younger. As my twins have got a little older I find I am more restricted in going out etc, my 'best friends' have dropped off quite a lot and yet they are blaming me. None of them have any children at all so they quite clearly don't understand how tiring it is mentally and physically. I can't go round to see my friends as much, and I am often too tired for wild nights out! But they never come round to see me at all, even though they know I am basically stuck in quite a lot.

    The only advice I can give is that you will find that your friendships change all through your life. I have one very very good friend who I have known since I was 11 years old, we don't see each other that often, we text or call few and far between, she is a mum too, but when we meet up or talk we can always pick up where we left off. If you are lucky you will get a friend like that who truly understands no matter what. The rest are what I call fairweather friends who will be there for a section of your life, then as either of you go through something different, you tend to drift away from each other. It's no-one's fault and it's not a bad thing, but you will make new ones and the same will probably happen.

    Please what ever you do, don't worry about it. You have the unconditional love of your baby and that will never change!
  • blakgarnet
    blakgarnet Posts: 343
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    I certainly agree that a true friend is a friend regardless of circumstances (through thick and thin). but you might want to think about how things were from their perspective - they're in college, just starting adulthood. they probably are totally unfamiliar with pregnancy and young children. they may find your pregnancy intimidating and feel like they don't know how to act around you now... like things have changed and they don't know how to change with them. maybe reaching out to them and inviting them to lunch or something might rekindle that friendship (maybe something baby free if they aren't comfortable around kids). I know you may be hurt and feel like they abandoned you during an already trying time, but that might not be their intention, maybe they felt like they needed to give you space for your new baby and boyfriend and didn't want to be in the way.

    I say this as a 26yo who is suddenly surrounded by pregnant women at work, many of whom I am friends with. I am not comfortable with pregnancy or small children (didn't grow up around a lot of it and am certainly not in a place where I am ready for it in my life)- I don't really want to talk about those subjects however, they seem to dominate the conversation. I try to maintain those friendships by being supportive in other ways and still hanging out with those friends and certainly not ignoring them. But all the talk and touching of the belly makes me really uncomfortable. It's hard when you are in a different place in your life from your friends.
  • kaymd
    kaymd Posts: 470 Member
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    I know exactly what you mean but I found out who my true friends are. I don't have tons and have never had tons but the ones I do have now I know I can count on! I love all my new friends I have made on here too and I hope to make many more. If you need a friend you can feel free to friend me.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
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    I was not that young but I can tell you that motherhood at any age can be quite isolating...especially when you are the first or last to go through it. I was 26 when I had my first but I was the first of our friends to have kids....by a year or two...I know that isn't quite the same but even still people didn't know what to do with me being in a different stage of life tha them. I found mommy and me groups to attend with my daughter. I am still good friends with some of those moms and the connections/aquantences I made during that time got me through. I don't have any idea where some of those people are now...9 years later but then again I don't know where most of my college friends are either...I only have my real friends now and I am so greatful for it.
  • ❤B☩❤
    ❤B☩❤ Posts: 634
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    They don't deserve you!! And YOU HAVE ALL OF US NOW! Love you, Girl!:bigsmile:
  • CassieH818
    CassieH818 Posts: 221 Member
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    I think that a child bring an enormous amount of responsibilty and change to your life & friends without children cannot relate to our new lifestyle and priorities.

    Its unfortunate that friends have come and gone but your true firneds will still be there no matter what! My best friend knows I still love her and will always be there for her, even if we dont see or talk to eachother all the time.

    It's not an easy transition, but it happens and we move on :)

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