Struggling to accept
storyborey
Posts: 35 Member
I've not quite reached my goal, but I am really struggling to accept my new body.
I didn't have a lot to lose, maybe just 20 lbs or so, but now I am at a point were I am quite slim, and all my old clothes are baggy, and I stand at my wardrobe every morning quite lost and afraid. I put on my old clothes and feel saggy, I put on new clothes and feel tarty and obvious, but I wear them anyway. But when I do wear new clothes out of the house I will catch myself in a mirror with my slightly stuck out tummy and wish I had worn my old clothes, so no one can see my tummy.
I was self-conscious before the weight loss, but now perhaps even moreso. I don't dare to wear the nice tight clothes that fit and it is really getting me down.
Has anyone else experienced this and how do you get over it?
I didn't have a lot to lose, maybe just 20 lbs or so, but now I am at a point were I am quite slim, and all my old clothes are baggy, and I stand at my wardrobe every morning quite lost and afraid. I put on my old clothes and feel saggy, I put on new clothes and feel tarty and obvious, but I wear them anyway. But when I do wear new clothes out of the house I will catch myself in a mirror with my slightly stuck out tummy and wish I had worn my old clothes, so no one can see my tummy.
I was self-conscious before the weight loss, but now perhaps even moreso. I don't dare to wear the nice tight clothes that fit and it is really getting me down.
Has anyone else experienced this and how do you get over it?
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Replies
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I'm still in the process of losing weight and I've got quite a way to go, but I did notice a difference after losing 12 kg. I know what you mean about the anxiety though.
I've gotten over it now because it's been a while since I lost the weight. Also, I didn't get myself a new wardrobe, I just buy clothes in a smaller size when I buy them but I still wear the old stuff that fits (but then, I'm not bothered about fashion). I was worried that more people would look at me (I'm quite averse to being checked out, it usually gives me the creeps to a rather disproportionate extent) but it's not been that bad - when it happens, I'm relatively calm (I've worked on my anxiety over the past year). Otherwise, I've kept things similar, and it's been quite interesting when I do try on new clothes. I wore a dress to a wedding recently, and when I felt myself get a bit self-conscious and droopy I just thought about what a proud drag queen would do, pushed my shoulders back and enjoyed myself.
It's good to try and find what exactly is making you anxious. It's not the weight loss itself - the physical part - but your perspective. What are you worried about?0 -
It is hard to recognize a body that looks different. And I so understand what you mean by wearing new clothes and feeling 'tarty'. I especially feel that way as I'm older and want to both look good and also look age appropriate. (I'm a professor and so am surrounded by young people all the time, so I can't look like a fuddy duddy and don't want to look like them.)
I had the same experience. I lost 38 pounds - but I'm pretty tall and that was 20% of my original body. Suddenly I looked in the mirror and was confused because I saw someone I hadn't seen there for 30 years. I liked it, but it muddled me. It still does sometime, much as I enjoy it.
First - NO ONE NOTICED THAT TUMMY EXCEPT YOU.
Second, it will probably go away - especially as you exercise. Your muscles and skin will tight up around that empty space that used to be fat. In addition to weight lifting, which people will recommend, I have three simpler exercises. First, situps really work. Second, an exercise my mom taught me was just lying on my back and pushing my stomach muscles out as far as I could and holding and then in and holding. You can put books on your stomach when you do it. I find it works wonders. Third, I sit on an exercise ball chair at work and it has taken several inches off my waist and my hips since I've been using it last year. I look much better than I did last year, even though I haven't lost any weight or done rigorous exercise.
Third, I altered my favorite tops so they would look good but be familiar and just bought some pants that fit. You can alter pants by taking in an inch or two AT THE SEAT. Sew the seam and then finish and clip it. You can alter loose tank tops by slimming the side seams or adding darts at the back that give some shape.
Another strategy I use is to take my favorite blouses - now too big - and wear them over tank tops or camisoles (there are ones with shelf bras and also ones with shoulders wide enough to hold a bra. It both shows off your new slim body and is modest and familiar.
You sound depressed. Enjoy your success. And think if there are other issues that are bothering you as well. Is this deeper than just the weight loss?0 -
You reached your goal you should be proud!
I do understand that you may attract new attention but its not negative. I feel energised, fit and healthy since I've lost weight.
How about skinny jeans and a loose fitting shirt? There are many ways to dress your shape. I still don't have a flat tummy but consider myself slim. A good fitting tshirt, jeans and blazer can look stylish without being figure hugging. You have lots of options!0 -
I'm not at my goal yet, but I've went from 202 to 135. So I know exactly what you mean with this post. I actually do the same thing. I am so happy to be able to squeeze into a size 4 now, but then I get self conscious to actually wear the small jeans outside. my family and I went to a spa with pools, hot tub, sauna in September. When I went into the changing room and put on my suit, I thought I should have just worn my old bathing suit and I was very self conscious. When I walked out to the pool, my family all made remarks, they said they had no idea how small I was cuz I was always covered up with baggy sweat pants and hooded shirts. They just didn't understand what I was feeling. So yes, its very hard to adjust to our new bodies and hopefully the confidence will soon follow along :-)0
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Just want to thank everyone for your replies. I thought it might be just me who felt this way, when I did a google search all I could find were posts on body dysmorphia and posts on feeling fatter after losing weight, and this is none of those things. I do feel thin, but I also feel foreign and unusual. Perhaps it will get easier as some of you have said, really I have no reason to doubt that it will, but the transition from not to skinny to quite skinny is far more than merely a physical change. I never saw it coming.
I do feel a bit silly, after all i've not lost a huge amount of weight, certainly not enough for everyone I know to comment. I really can't imagine how people who lose stone after stone must feel. I think you're very brave, really.
To nxd10, you're probably right, this feeling is not linked to weight loss alone, but I think very few people who are insecure about how they look and how they feel can claim it to be purely due to one thing in their life.
Summer is coming, and I hope very much that I am confident enough to wear the pretty dresses this time. That is my new goal.0 -
You'll get used to it. I don't like revealing clothes in public and only "tart up" (cute lol) when I'm on a date with my DH. I like the suggestion of wearing your old button down shirts open over tank tops . I do that too. Baggy clothes are more compfy but it's good to wear fitted clothing that look flattering.0
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old habits die hard.. or in your case are still alive. you dislike your body no matter. you need to realize that and make an effort to rid yourself of this need to put yourself down. I'm sure you look fit and wonderful. You deserve new clothes..wear them and take photos of yourself with them on and compare them to you wearing your old baggy things. then pack up your old clothes and donate them to someone who needs them.
I often look on the "success" forum and see people who are thinner ..but they are wearing their old blah look like they don't deserve to be the new them.
Strut your stuff! you deserve it.0 -
Recognising that you don't have to wear tight clothes just because you're smaller is a good first step. Nor do your clothes need to be baggy. I would go for styles of shirts that have a flattering neckline and are loose around the middle...if you look at fashion magazines, that's how a lot of celebrities dress when you see them out shopping etc.0
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I think it's quite overwhelming to find the "new" you - styles and clothes and colors that you are comfortable in and look good.
I know, for me, I found and fell in love with dresses - especially skater style.
Aside from these I am still struggling - most my clothes are still too big for me and although I love my jeans (Straight leg, skinny), I now have issues where my skin droops over the edges so wearing the tight tops I want to make me look fat.
Spend some time shopping - take a good friend with you and explore different styles - even if you try on the whole store and don't buy anything. You can look pretty without being tarty and show off your new body shape.
Confidence also comes into it. As time goes on and your confidence increases you'll feel more comfortable in those new clothes
Nyk x0 -
Be happy for what you've achieved. I think it all starts with loving and accepting yourself.0
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Be proud of your accomplishment! You have worked hard to earn where you are. It is sad that I have lost 79 pounds and "friends" don't comment because they are jealous. True friends should be happy for you! If you are looking for great clothes prices, check out Zulily. What helped me was going to a rummage sale in one of my old, floppy sweatshirts and the lady having the sale told me "You are a medium and should start dressing like one." Talk about moral support from a complete stranger! She gave me a shirt that fits great! Go girl! You have done well...0
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I think I can relate to you on some levels.
When I lost my 88ish lbs, I still saw fat Kim in the mirror, it took a long time for me to believe I really had a new body. But in time I came around and I don't really feel this way anymore. I can promise you no one noticed your tummy, but if you would feel better I honestly believe lifting weights does help.
My story Is a little different. I lost the weight, but since I had twins 8 years ago my stomach was just shot. Although I knew I looked SO much better and I knew I was smaller (since 18 to 6/8) I couldn't live with the fact I worked my *kitten* off and still had to tuck my gut into my pants. I ended up having a tummy tuck in December, it really changed my perspective. But again my story is different. I didn't have a small role, I had 4lbs of skin just hanging around.
Just because I lost all the weight, didn't mean I was going to be a different person, with hugely different styles... I remember thinking, even if I had the perfect body I would still NEVER wear a bikini, and I won't. It's not me. Dresses aren't really me either. Sure my style has changed some, because I am not buying things to hide me, but now buying things that compliment my better body shape... but in a comfort zone for me.
I think you will get there. Embrace your new body, find new clothes that compliment your style and your body.
You deserve it.0 -
I've not quite reached my goal, but I am really struggling to accept my new body.
I didn't have a lot to lose, maybe just 20 lbs or so, but now I am at a point were I am quite slim, and all my old clothes are baggy, and I stand at my wardrobe every morning quite lost and afraid. I put on my old clothes and feel saggy, I put on new clothes and feel tarty and obvious, but I wear them anyway. But when I do wear new clothes out of the house I will catch myself in a mirror with my slightly stuck out tummy and wish I had worn my old clothes, so no one can see my tummy.
I was self-conscious before the weight loss, but now perhaps even moreso. I don't dare to wear the nice tight clothes that fit and it is really getting me down.
Has anyone else experienced this and how do you get over it?
I'm in the same boat. I lost the 20 lbs that I needed to.. and now i'm left more self conscious than before. I don't know what to tell you. I'm just letting you know i'm in the same situation and am looking for help too. It really gets me down sometimes. It's never good enough.0 -
I highly HIGHLY recommend a shopping trip to Goodwill or Savers. You can get TONS of great stuff for practically nothing and it will really help you get through the struggle. At least a little. Don't let this phase sabotage your success. These current funky feelings would just be replaced with those other funky feelings.
Next suggestion, stop focusing on the physical part of it and focus on the health part of it. You have given yourself a very very valuable gift here and it's not about appearance.0 -
I feel the same way. I do not like people checking me out. I am rather large breasted and feel a little degraded by the attention. I do realize why I have these issues and know why I didn't mind be over weight to a certain point. I try to focus on how I feel about myself and just try to ignore the stares I think I feel. I feel heathy, confident, and more self assured.my point is that when we feel like this we just need to work on our inner selves and stop worrying about other peoples thoughts. Which we have no control of or any idea really of what they think
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I get that feeling. I've lost 28lbs, never been fitter/stronger, never felt less sexy or appealing in my life - maybe that's being 46 though lol because I haven't been THAT before either!
I'm 18mths into maintenance and still don't like me! Actually, worse, I'm ambivalent.0 -
Honestly I think it's a lot like puberty all over again, getting used to your "new" body.
I have lost 120 lb and gotten back to my weight from when I was 15 years old, at age 37 it is disconcerting. I am still overweight but I suddenly realize that I honestly do have kind of "nice legs" and that is weird for me. I am not used to my shape or the way that tops fit. When I wore a size 22 or 3X my DD chest did not look obscene in any dresses or lower cut tops that I wore, as it matched the rest of my body...now a 14 with DD it can look a bit "tarty" as you say, I have to be more cautious. I am used to wearing stuff that came down to cover my belly and even most of my hips and now some of my shirts are to the waist and I feel oddly exposed at times.
It has gotten MUCH better though...in the past 4-5 months I have come to feel 100% comfortable with skinny jeans for example...the first couple of times I wore them to work, I felt totally embarrassed and strange even with a long sweater over them. You will eventually come to feel comfortable in your body. Oh and BTW I understand that even a 15-20 lb loss on someone much smaller is similar to my loss when it comes to body confidence and changes!! Good luck!0 -
I feel a bit like this too, and I've still got 30 lbs to go. I've gone from size 16/18 to 10/12 and it's tough to reconcile that I look different but feel exactly the same on the inside. It doesn't help that the only decent mirror I have access to is at the office, and I find myself staring at the person I see reflected. It's me, but it isn't.
For clothes I've started layering more. I still wear quite a lot of the baggy tops, but put a tank or camisole underneath. The layering is helping me comes to terms with the new me, keeps it decent and means I haven't had to buy a whole load of new clothes yet, apart from a couple of pairs of pants.0 -
I have finally gotten used to my new weight and have found I am a clothes horse. Love the fact I can go in almost any store and buy clothes. I am 6 foot 2 inches tall female and I have lost 225 pounds and am 62 years old. I manage to keep it off so far for about 6 months. I do have a problem that if I am not losing I must be gaining. Even though the scale tells me I'm ok. I gain a pound or two and I begin to diet again, working on getting over this. have been here two times before which is part of my battle I know how easy it is to fall off the wagon. It is a battle that I hate but I have to stick to it. 380 to 1550
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I have lost 78 pounds, and all of my clothes started falling off. I had to buy new ones and they fell off too. Normally, I do not see myself as the much smaller person than I was. I feel kind of in awe and a little strange wearing non-plus sized clothing. I went to a store the other day, and all the women there helped me find something that looked appropriate and nice on me. I felt really weird about my stomach area. I took pictures of me in the outfit, and I could barely see it. Now if I want a better idea of my appearance, I take pictures!0
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From the Male perspective, believe it or not, I went through the same thing. It is hard to accept that I no longer have the beer belly hanging out front, though I still feel I do. I look at pictures now and can hardly believe who I am. the bulge above my belt line seems as big to me as it ever was, though I know it is not. You will get used to it and adjust, hang in there.0
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I spent a fortune and some of the clothes I never wore. By the tme I got ready to wear them they were to big. I find that when i go into shops now people treat me different now. Sad that when you are over weight you are treated likean outcast when the same person is still inside0
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It took me a while to start wearing stuff that fits still see that other person but you will see the you everyone else is seeing0
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I have been about 15 pounds lighter than I am today and I felt shy and embarrassed and I felt like men looked at me too much. I felt like a piece of meat. I like to be a little heavier because I feel more comfortable that I won't get "noticed" as much. I think that is why I struggle to get back down to that weight, internally I know I don't want to feel that way again. However, now that I am not 25 anymore, I am 35, I may not experience those same feelings or experiences.0
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I went through this. Buying clothes that were too big, not wanting to wear certain things that revealed the changes in my body because my eyes had not really caught up with reality. It was almost like going through puberty again, in a way. I suddenly became very aware of (and very paranoid) when people were looking at me. Guys would check me out, and I had no idea what to make of it. I felt like an alien for a while. But you get over it. It just takes some time.
And this needs to be said ... I can't speak for people who have lost 20 or 30 lbs, but as someone who lost essentially half my body weight, I can tell you I am not the same person I was before. People treat me differently now not because I am no longer fat but because I am much friendlier, more open, more approachable than I was before. I look everyone in the eye. I smile and nod at people when I pass them. I'll start conversations with random people. I don't get a deer-in-headlights look on my face when I catch a man checking me out. I didn't have that kind of confidence before, and that has a lot more to do with why I was treated like I was invisible before than the fact that I was fat.0 -
I'm almost at my goal weight, but I still feel fat, I still have the roll of fat that hangs over the waistband of my trousers, even though I've gone from a uk size 16 top 14 bottom to a uk size 12 top 10 bottom.
I just assumed I'd reach that magic goal weight and I'd have the perfect body, but I look in the mirror and all I see is the same person looking back at me with the same rolls of fat.
I lost the majority of my weight in the first 6 months, then it slowed right down, I've only lost 2lbs this year with 3lbs more to go.
I agree with what others have said, get some nice clothes, I have a go to dress, which when I wear I can't believe it's me wearing it, but all I wanted was to wear a bikini this summer, but the way I feel at the moment I'll still be wearing my tankini.
I've seen the before and after pics on here and people look amazing, I'm sure it's just a confidence thing and I've not found that yet.0 -
From the Male perspective, believe it or not, I went through the same thing. It is hard to accept that I no longer have the beer belly hanging out front, though I still feel I do. I look at pictures now and can hardly believe who I am. the bulge above my belt line seems as big to me as it ever was, though I know it is not. You will get used to it and adjust, hang in there.
Totally get that men have similar feelings!
I can also relate to the belt line bulge. That area for me has gone from being the size of an actual car tire to the size of maybe like, a smaller baguette lol and yet I still feel like it's a tire.0 -
I'm almost at my goal weight, but I still feel fat, I still have the roll of fat that hangs over the waistband of my trousers, even though I've gone from a uk size 16 top 14 bottom to a uk size 12 top 10 bottom.
I just assumed I'd reach that magic goal weight and I'd have the perfect body, but I look in the mirror and all I see is the same person looking back at me with the same rolls of fat.
I lost the majority of my weight in the first 6 months, then it slowed right down, I've only lost 2lbs this year with 3lbs more to go.
I agree with what others have said, get some nice clothes, I have a go to dress, which when I wear I can't believe it's me wearing it, but all I wanted was to wear a bikini this summer, but the way I feel at the moment I'll still be wearing my tankini.
I've seen the before and after pics on here and people look amazing, I'm sure it's just a confidence thing and I've not found that yet.
I'm the same UK sizes as you and have the same problem. My clothes are smaller but my shape is the same as when bigger so the spare tyre remains lol.
I've learned that wt loss doesn't silence the brain monkey who beats you up from inside!0 -
I feel the same as a lot of people here. I still feel self conscious at times , like my stomach is still my bad area. I still have that weird boob thing at the top of my arms. I also find the extra male attention hard to deal with. I agree with others, sometimes it is nicer to be bigger are you are sorta more invisible to the world, you just exist inside you're own head.
However recently I have been like, I worked dam hard for this body and I am going to show it off. I wear either dresses or skirts all the time and I feel classy now. I feel a lot happier wearing my dresses and being 130lbs than I did always wearing jeans and t-shirts and being 155lbs.0 -
Would you be able to do something like an appointment met a style advisor or a personal shopper? Besides giving you useful tips it might help you get used to seeing your body in a new way.
Just an idea. :flowerforyou:0
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