I'm jealous of my friends weight loss, should I eat less?

persianpigley
persianpigley Posts: 1
in Motivation and Support
Ps I'm a newbie here.

So I'm about 5'4 and 150 pounds. I've pretty much always been chubby, and have recently decided to start counting cals to lose some body fat. I've been lifting for about a year so I do have a little muscle but there is a lot of fat covering it especially in my lower body.

My "friend" and roommate is about the same weight and a little taller than me, with no muscle but she's losing weight much quicker than me. She's prob eating less than me and doing 2 hrs of cardio, I'm doing an hour of lifting plus maybe 25-30 min of cardio and having 1450 cals with about 130g protein and the rest carbs and fat.

I'm overweight because I overindulge often after eating too little. A part of me wants to cut my cals to 1200 or less but the other part of tells me I should keep it to 1450 because otherwise I'll keep yo yoing the 20 pounds I keep losing and gaining back. It's just so hard when everyone's complementing her and when I have to eat my larger cal count compared to her very low cal diet. I will admit I'm jealous. And I know weight loss doesn't have a 'time limit' but I'm getting engaged (huge party) in 5 weeks and I'd like to look my best by then.

So is this too much? I think to keep my muscle and strength, I would ideally like to eat as much as possible to still lose weight because I would freak out if I plateaued or messed up my metabolism. I can't cut carbs too much because it leads me to binge and I'm usually too tired to go to the gym. I'm going to keep lifting and doing the cardio. Also, I only eat non veg carbs pre and post workout, my fat isn't usually more than 45g, I take my vitamins, take preworkout, and get atleast 30g fiber. Any tips on how to deal with the psychological aspect? My heart crushes when she gets sooo many compliments and is starving herself (I've warned her, I did the same and gained it back) and here I am trying to do things the right way for once. And I say "friend" because we don't actually get along too well, I feel like she thinks "her way is the only way", a little like I get looked down on.

Thank you

Replies

  • ironclaw79
    ironclaw79 Posts: 42 Member
    Losing weight is not a race. You have all the time you need. If you force yourself to lose quickly, it might take revenge on you and gain all of your weight loss, and worse, gain even more than what you were at start (this was me). Now, I try to take my time losing weight, and even though I lose slowly, I still lose weight. I guess, forcing myself doesn't end up good.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    Ignore her. Completely ignore her. You are doing this in a sustainable manner that is going to lead to long term success. You are also doing work to build muscle which is goign to go a long way down the road. You know you can't eat too little or you will yo-yo... and even more important - eating too little will not give your body the nutrients it needs to perform the work you need it to do. you won't be able to build your muscle, sustain your cardio levels etc by cutting back too much.

    She won't get compliments when she puts the weight back on - remember that :)

    Never compare yourself to anyone. Ever. About anything.
  • IsabellaGiano
    IsabellaGiano Posts: 158 Member
    You already know everything.

    You know that your path is the right one for you.
    Yes, envy is normal, but the only person that envy affects, is you. And you are realizing that too.

    Don't lower your cals. You are doing well.
    And you can overcome the envy just as you do when you decide, every day, to stay under your caloric goal, as you do when you have cravings etc.
    Cravings, and envy, will come and go.

    May I suggest to focus just on your engagement? THAT is your joy and happiness... right? :)
  • asciiqwerty
    asciiqwerty Posts: 565 Member
    your life, your health, your body

    at 150 you are only slightly outside the normal range (108 - 146 lb) for your height 5'4"

    take it gently and if you want to lose a little, do it slowly

    please don't yoyo it's really not good for you

    if you want to lose, set your targets and macros carefully aiming for 0.5lb/week to 1lb/week
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/819055-setting-your-calorie-and-macro-targets
    and log accurately
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1234699-logging-accurately-step-by-step-guide
  • VanessaRudden
    VanessaRudden Posts: 198 Member
    Eat more protein - this will help you cut out the carbs!
  • ibpunk86
    ibpunk86 Posts: 1 Member
    I don't recommend cutting down on calories. If you are keeping track and staying close to 1300-1400 you should be fine, just try eating foods that will keep you fuller for longer. Soups and salads work well for me because they have a high volume but low calories -- they take up more room in my stomach so I feel full without feeling like I need to eat more.

    Snacks are your best friend! Try to eat small meals and snacks 5 times a day. Try fruit, veggies, or yogurt for a midmorning or afternoon snack to help regulate your bloodsugar and keep you from feeling super hungry.

    If you do want to cut calories, most of the research I've done says not to go any lower than 1200 calories for an adult female. A general rule of thumb is to aim your calories according to your weight. For example if you weigh 120lbs, you should have a goal of 1200 calories; 130lbs would be 1300 calories; and so on (not exceeding 2000 calories). Getting too few calories can actually prevent weight loss because it puts your body into 'starvation mode.' Your brain starts thinking you need to store fat because there is less food available and things like that. The best diet is the one where you are eating enough to fuel your body, and eating regularly to keep you going, and going strong!

    As far as the emotional/psychological aspect, that's tough. There are always going to be those people who do their own thing and it might look like they are successful from the outside looking in, but be proud of yourself for wanting to do things the right way. Weight loss isn't a competition with anyone but yourself. As long as you can go to bed at night and know that you gave it your best, you are doing perfect. I hope that helps. Keep going one day at a time. You've got this!
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    Keep doing what you're doing and stop comparing yourself to your roommate.
  • BL_Coleman
    BL_Coleman Posts: 324 Member
    I dont recommend cutting calories, but if you want to lose weight quicker I found I lost quite a bit more with sustained cardio instea of weights. I would recommend an hour of cardio and only 30 min of weights or alternate days. I know when I stopped lifting and devoted that time to walking on the treadmill 15 incline for 45 minutes the weight came off. Slowly, but it came.
  • tabbyblack13
    tabbyblack13 Posts: 299 Member
    Your friend my lose more then you but you will end up with a better looking body with the lifting you are doing. If anything keep your cals where they are and do a few more reps or use a higher weight. Also make sure you are eating enough protien to keep the muscle you have.
  • hbwright74
    hbwright74 Posts: 36 Member
    You realize she is probably losing about a quarter pound of muscle for every pound lost right? Think of how she'll look after a 20 pounds loss, losing 5 pounds of muscle in the process. She may be having the impressive weight losses, but when the race is over you are going to be the winner. You are transforming your body, she is merely shrinking the same body she's always had. If I were in the same situation with somebody I less than liked, I'd secretly be snickering knowing what I know and she doesn't. When all is said and done, whose going to look better naked?
  • merizzel
    merizzel Posts: 14 Member
    First off DO YOU!!
    Its okay to be jealous it happens to all of us, recognize it for what it is and then move on. Don't stay jealous.
    There is always going to be someone smarter, prettier, taller, skinnier, fitter, richer etc...and you are going to be that person to someone else. You may never get the compliments even when you reach your goal!! Then what!! Do it for you.

    If your friend is open to hearing your opinion on how she is choosing to lose weight then do so in a helpful and constructive way. There are those who are not interested in your opinion and there is not much you can do about that. Ultimately we have to take responsibility for ourselves. She is an adult.

    Put blinders on and focus on you and your health and your future. It may take longer but you will get there. Because of the media crazy celebrity world that we live in many people when it comes to weigh loss concentrate on the outer appearance and not on the ultimate health benefits. We want both!! No point in looking good in a wrecked body. Listen to YOUR body and make adjustments as necessary. Its not always about the number on the scale, especially as your putting on muscle.

    I have a coworker who is on Dr. Bernstein (very low calorie restrictive diet with B12 shots) and she has lost a ton of weight and "looks" good. I personally think she is at a good weigh and should switch to maintenance but she thinks she needs to lose more. I can also tell she has lost a lot of muscle. Once again her choice. I cried when I saw the Dr. B diet plan and food list. I would never try it because I know I would not last a week.

    I love food and I need to eat, so I am doing the slow and steady thing. And it is frustrating at times and the weight loss seems so slow. But its the only way I will be able to stick it out long term.

    Anyway that is my too cents. Just keep at it.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Read these:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here?hl=so+you're+new+here

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants


    Keep on doing what you are doing. YOU are doing it correctly. She's starving herself, which will destroy her metabolism, and take a long time to fix. You will have done it the right way, and learned how to keep it off in the long term...
  • marieann82
    marieann82 Posts: 150 Member
    Have you used IIFYM or another calculator that may be able to let you know if you're eating enough for the amount of lifting you are doing? http://iifym.com/iifym-calculator

    You are doing awesome. Your friend may be having huge success right now, but if you stay on your path, so will you! Weight training is a completely different animal than doing cardio. I personally love weight training because I can take a little time off and not immediately start gaining back the weight I've loss because I have muscle to still burn those calories. Also, I'm sure you already know this, but muscle weighs more than fat so, you really cannot compare your weight loss and hers. You're are doing to different types of exercises that change your body in different ways.

    Look at these images:http://fitnika.tumblr.com/post/76767303164/welcome-to-my-near-20-pound-weight-gain-these-twohttp://www.fitocracy.com/knowledge/why-weight-loss-is-not-the-king-of-achievements/

    Don't focus on a number! Or your friends journey! Focus on your body, your successes, your journey. Keep it up!
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Your fat loss may take longer than hers, but guess what, you are going to look infinitely hotter. When she gets to her goal, she is going to still have a relatively high body fat % and she'll still be all jiggly and she'll want to starve herself to take off more pounds. When you get to your goal (and you may find your goal weight is going to be higher than you planned), you are going to be firm and fabulous.
  • IsabellaGiano
    IsabellaGiano Posts: 158 Member
    Had some bad news today so I feel nasty enough.... if the jealousy is at its peak, eat in front of her something delicious :) (within your calories obviously!)
  • IsabellaGiano
    IsabellaGiano Posts: 158 Member
    Had some bad news today so I feel nasty enough.... if the jealousy is at its peak, eat in front of her something delicious :) (within your calories obviously!)

    I'm already ashamed of what I suggested! Don't do that!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    stop worrying about what other people are doing- focus on what you are doing- trust the math.

    math never lies.

    Plus doing 2 hours of cardio sounds like pure torture- just realize you're doing fun things- and getting where you need to go and you'll look fabulous when you get there.

    you can do it.
  • albajrai
    albajrai Posts: 12 Member
    I faced the same situation. One of my friends was losing weight much faster than me..5 kg per month..he was starving himself. Every one was complimenting him (and no one noticed me at that time) . For me i was not jealous at all , I just keep working out ... not starving....my weight loss was slow...2 kg per month and some months even less than 1 kg... i even plateaued..

    After one year and half...my body looks better...healthier....many people are complimenting me.....my friend did great.. he reached his goal faster ..but he does not look healthy at all ...many people is asking him whether he is suffering from any health issue!...if he wanted to eat more...he will immediately gain weight fast.

    So be patient ... and keep focusing,,,you are on the right path,,,

    Good Luck
  • Timelordlady85
    Timelordlady85 Posts: 797 Member
    Keep doing what you're doing and stop comparing yourself to your roommate.


    THIS ^^^ everybody's body is different and loses weight differently.
  • fushigi1988
    fushigi1988 Posts: 519 Member
    Comparison is the thief of joy

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