Utterly lost

Brace yourself, this is going to be long.
I started to exercise in november 2012 and began to faithfully use MFP in February 2013. Due to an unhealthy amount of exercise (about an hour everyday, which isn't technically unhealthy, but was seemingly too much for my body to handle) and as I was a 'beginner', I rapidly lost weight - and my period, and my hair and my perception of reality. At the beginning of June 2013, I weighted about 48kg, a continued loss despite trying to 'maintain' on 2000 calories (in reality, a part of me remained happy of this continued loss), all this at a height of 168cm. And I had started at 56kg.
I got sick over the summer. Really sick - for 3 weeks, I was plagued by flu, and lost another kg, which finally forced me to change because I had lost 'enough' and was worrying both friends and family. I started to up my calories, going as far as 2300 cals (ha!, I was stressing during the whole day at that point) during an active cycling trip. But with time and physical exhaustion, my will power began to slip.
I never experienced any veritable binging episode - no, I personally experienced what one could call the 'grazing curse'. This implied tacking a taste of everything in the pantry and in the fridge and consequently ingesting hundreds of calories without counting them because 'it was only a bite' (I am still struggling with this issue but am determined to beat it., in spite of the long time it will take).This was coupled with coffee abuse, to fill a 'void', which I could not identify. By october, I weighted in at 53kg - I was unhappy because I thought I had 'failed'.
Festivities began later on, and for the first time in my life, I began backing. Oh, I love backing. But it was a compulsion, and I couldn't help 'grazing', convinced that I ate less than a portion, but in reality eating more than half of the dish by myself. In spite of this, I managed to get down to 51kg for Christmas. But I still wasn't happy.
Christmas was the day all hell broke lose. I ate over 3000 cals, threw control to the wind. But not for a day, no. For months. And helplessly, I began to gain weight, backing and backing, eating too much and restricting afterwards, while still grazing and achieving no noticeable deficit. I was persuaded that after going to ski in March, I would start anew. I didn't. I kept gaining. To this date I again weight 56kg - the same weight as I did before. The only thing I seemed to have gained, is strength during this period of havoc.

I have to make this clear: I went through a period of denied eating disorder, which back lashed on me afterwards. My body still hasn't healed: if my nails have ceased being brittle and I lose less hair than I did before, my period still hasn't returned. I also know the reason of this: in my vanity to attain an 'acceptable' (what the hell does that even mean?) figure by summer, I have eaten about 1750 cals daily, to more recently 1400 cals. If this might seem acceptable for an adult woman, it definitely is not for someone who has barely entered the realm of adulthood.

So here is my question, even though I already know which would be more reasonable. Should I try to lose some weight for this summer, while remaining at a harsh deficit, so as to be skinnier than I am presently, while losing muscle and strength, my prides? Or should I focus on getting stronger, healthier, fitter while allowing my body to develop properly, to finish growing, to repair its damage? I'm not fat, just not as lean as I used to. And it's killing me. So should I flatter my ego by losing and be subjugated to other peoples opinions due to my own insecurity, or should I focus on becoming healthier both physically and mentally, and lean out properly later on, during a longer period, to achieve my goal of a lower body fat?
Recently, I heard those very wise words: 'when you think you are at your strongest, you might just be at your weakest'. Last summer, underweight and boasting at my lack of visceral fat, I felt invincible. In reality, I was sick. Today, I don't know what I am. I'm just lost. Please, help me make my choice. The right choice. Convince me. Please.