Hubby has requested that I stop losing weight...

rutheglen
rutheglen Posts: 24 Member
in Motivation and Support
My other half has asked me not to lose any more weight....I am 78.5kg and 5 feet 8 inches tall...I think I need to lose at least another 4 kg. . .makes me feel like I shouldn't exercise or watch what I eat, but I enjoy it exercising, and hiking is my 'me time' (and I enjoy the results). I don't go nuts with it, but I have gone down from 96kg to 78.5kg, in 18 months. I am delighted to be in smaller clothes, and now it shows in my face too. I am so close to my goal, in fact, just firming up my butt would do me now ;) Feeling a bit meh, cos everybody apart from him has congratulated me and is proud of my achievement, but it's like he would rather I was big again. :(

Replies

  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,566 Member
    You look fantastic and congrats on your loss! I am sure you have done this for yourself, you enjoy your exercise and eating healthy and hopefully when you start to maintain that won't stop. Right? The fact is that you are happy enjoying a healthy lifestyle so I would just explain to him that it is just that and the weight really has nothing to do with it at this point (I only say that because you do look great). Your goal is to be more fit and more healthy, you may not lose another 4 kg, you might lose 2 more and be happy with that. He may be worried about your loss as a health perspective, maybe he needs you to educate him a bit on that point.

    Congrats on your success and ENJOY it, you earned it! :flowerforyou:
  • 32sami
    32sami Posts: 380 Member
    But what do you want?
  • donyellemoniquex3
    donyellemoniquex3 Posts: 2,384 Member
    Me thinks, he's jealous !
  • MB2MN
    MB2MN Posts: 334 Member
    Yeah, unless you're acting super obsessed about diet and exercise, it doesn't sound like he has a valid reason to be concerned. 78 kg at 5'8 isn't too skinny, and you look healthy in your photos. Seems like he either has a preference for bigger women, which shouldn't matter since you're his wife and he should love you no matter what, or he is jealous and worried that you are becoming more attractive to other men, which again shouldn't matter because you are his wife and you should love him no matter what. Either way, it's not his decision whether you continue to lose weight or not. Your life, your body.
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
    My other half has asked me not to lose any more weight....I am 78.5kg and 5 feet 8 inches tall...I think I need to lose at least another 4 kg. . .makes me feel like I shouldn't exercise or watch what I eat, but I enjoy it exercising, and hiking is my 'me time' (and I enjoy the results). I don't go nuts with it, but I have gone down from 96kg to 78.5kg, in 18 months. I am delighted to be in smaller clothes, and now it shows in my face too. I am so close to my goal, in fact, just firming up my butt would do me now ;) Feeling a bit meh, cos everybody apart from him has congratulated me and is proud of my achievement, but it's like he would rather I was big again. :(

    This appears to be frequent theme on this board and for the most part it is the husband with the issue about the spouse to stop losing weight and not the other way around. If there is a concern regarding your health that is one thing; however, if the issue is insecurity then it is a whole other matter. Having once been the insecure husband I would advise not to give in. The situation only reveals there is an insecurity problem, but giving in will not solve the problem, it will still exist. I would suggest involving a wise and insightful third party to get to the heart of the matter. (unless there is another reason for his complaint)
  • CA_Underdog
    CA_Underdog Posts: 733 Member
    I wouldn't pin it all on insecurity, especially without knowing the guy! He may find her more attractive at her current weight. He may not enjoy new eating habits (pickier about foods, less sharing drinks/treats). He may not be enjoying new activity habits (more active things and less relaxing things). He may not be liking more "me" time vs. "us" time. These are some things my girlfriend is grappling with. I'm not going to stop, but I "get" it's more than insecurity on her part that makes her unhappy about my health changes.

    In our case, it may be irreconcilable differences! She felt I "scalped" her desert by asking her not to pour a TEASPOON (2500mg) of salt and 1/4 CUP oil (475 calories) on the two sweet potatoes she served :p
  • ChaplainHeavin
    ChaplainHeavin Posts: 426 Member
    I wouldn't pin it all on insecurity, especially without knowing the guy! He may find her more attractive at her current weight. He may not enjoy new eating habits (pickier about foods, less sharing drinks/treats). He may not be enjoying new activity habits (more active things and less relaxing things). He may not be liking more "me" time vs. "us" time. These are some things my girlfriend is grappling with. I'm not going to stop, but I "get" it's more than insecurity on her part that makes her unhappy about my health changes.

    Ageed. That is why I mentioned, "Unless there is another reason for his complaint."
  • CA_Underdog
    CA_Underdog Posts: 733 Member
    Ageed. That is why I mentioned, "Unless there is another reason for his complaint."
    Fair enough. And insecurity is often bundled into their reasons, too. :)
  • maureenh0709
    maureenh0709 Posts: 16 Member
    Have you asked him why he wants you to stop losing weight? If not, I suggest having a conversation about that. Encourage him to be honest and make sure you really listen. Maybe he feels that your new routine is taking away from your time as a couple, in which case that's something you can address without abandoning your weight loss goals.

    Congratulations on your weight loss - you look great!
  • Trad_Barbie
    Trad_Barbie Posts: 166 Member
    My other half has asked me not to lose any more weight....I am 78.5kg and 5 feet 8 inches tall...I think I need to lose at least another 4 kg. . .makes me feel like I shouldn't exercise or watch what I eat, but I enjoy it exercising, and hiking is my 'me time' (and I enjoy the results). I don't go nuts with it, but I have gone down from 96kg to 78.5kg, in 18 months. I am delighted to be in smaller clothes, and now it shows in my face too. I am so close to my goal, in fact, just firming up my butt would do me now ;) Feeling a bit meh, cos everybody apart from him has congratulated me and is proud of my achievement, but it's like he would rather I was big again. :(

    He sounds a little insecure. I don't mean it in a bad way! :)
    Somewhere down inside him he may harbor a little insecurity about his own appearance, and it made be translating into concern for you, which may in fact be heartfelt at the source.
    Assure him that you're eating healthy, getting the recommended amount of exercise, enjoy your hiking as a good healthy hobby (holla fellow hikers!), and that the weight loss is more an added perk of being active and healthy. :)
  • echofm1
    echofm1 Posts: 471 Member
    While you should definitely talk with him about this request more in depth, you seem to be taking it to extremes. Just because he asked you to stop losing weight doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate you as you are now. Maybe he's just concerned that you're going to get too skinny. Maybe he LIKES where you're at now (rather than preferring the bigger version of you as you jumped to). There might be other concerns too, like he feels your weight loss goals are pulling away time from common interests. Sit down and talk with him, really talk, and figure out exactly why he asked you to stop losing weight. Is he clear what you're hoping to achieve with your body? Maybe he thinks you just want to get tiny, not that you just want a firmer butt. Don't just go into a hate and doubt spiral, because that won't help either of you. Talk.
  • OkamiLavande
    OkamiLavande Posts: 336 Member
    I don't know if this situation is similar to mine, but my husband has asked that I exercise to maintain and stop trying to lose because he's afraid I'll become obsessive with it and never want to stop. Sometimes it has nothing to do with insecurity or a body preference, and more of a concern with your health and your view towards food.

    He may be concerned that once you hit your goal it will no longer be enough and you'll become super concerned with losing more weight or recomping your body than just being healthy. Why don't you try talking about why he wants you to stop instead of making assumptions? If you have a clearer picture you both can understand what the gains are for each of you for your differing opinions.

    I've talked with my hubby and he understand why I want to lose a few more pounds but is just concerned I'll become obsessive again.
  • chelsa1986
    chelsa1986 Posts: 71
    I would say ok and keep doing what you're doing. He won't notice, and if he does just tell him you've just firmed up, you aren't losing. Sometimes you can talktalktalk and never get them to understand, so just do you-it's not going to hurt anyone.
  • rm33064
    rm33064 Posts: 270 Member
    Tell him he is too fat and put him on a diet.
  • btetsola
    btetsola Posts: 40 Member
    What do yr friends and family think?
  • rutheglen
    rutheglen Posts: 24 Member
    Thanks guys. Some valid points here. Feeling less meh today, and you know what - I think I look pretty good today too. SO chuffed that I can get into a pair of 44 skinnies - and still be able to walk !! lol !(that's a UK 14 - a US10, I believe). Been a long time coming.
    I think he may feel a little jealous of the weight loss - I am now a dress size smaller than when we met, and he has gone from a M to XXL - it's almost like the more I lost, the more determined he was, not to change his eating and exercise habits. Every few weeks, he will say he wants to lose weight, but one bad day at work, and he's back on the chocs (which I don't buy, by the way ;) ). Anyway. I am almost at my goal weight, so have decided to take it slowly, keep on doing my 30 day shred every morning, but only go hiking 4 times a week. Now the weather is improving, I will tone some of the hikes down into evening walks, and try and persuade him to come with me. Any small change in shape now can be put down to toning up, and I don't want to change too much now anyway . Thanks for everybody's comments - just the support I needed ! I just needed to let off a little steam. :)
  • 32sami
    32sami Posts: 380 Member
    Unless it's a health concern, do what works for you. It's your skin and you're the one who has to be comfortable in it. :)
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    What reason does he give that he wants you to stop losing weight?

    Btw...you look wonderful.

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