Diet saboteurs...

Amandinggo
Amandinggo Posts: 4
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi there,

This is the first time I post something but I want to know if you know some diet saboteurs? Sorry my story will sound a bit childish but it makes me really angry.

My boyfriend has been quite supportive in my weight loss journey, may be because it did not affect our lives, I am eating everything but try to eat healthy and I don't binge anymore (I eat one piece of chocolate not 4 pieces, for instance and I also take time to chew and enjoy my meal).

Anyway, some people get mad when it gets to eating healthy. A friend of mine constantly wants me to eat and it becomes to be annoying. Last time I went to a pastry shop with her. I took one cake and she took two, she wants me to eat with her the second one while I am full so I refuse but she insists and insists and insists over and over again.

Don't get me wrong, I know how to defend myself but it really wants me to not see her sometimes, I don't like to be bossed around, I am quite independent and I like my lifestyle so I don't want anybody to tell me what to do.

The worst was last time, we were supposed to see each other. I had to admit that the previous day I hate a lot of cakes so I did not want to do the same thing on that day so I told her that I would be happy to see her but if we could go to the cake shop next week, it would be great as I had quite a lot of food and she replied "I am sorry but no diet with me girl".... I did not go to see her and I am still really upset, I did not call her back. Not because she told me this but because she does not respect the way I live, that's why. I am not telling her "do not eat two cakes, it is bad etc". I really like her but I don't want this stupid fights anymore to happen. I have one other friend who behave a bit like this but she listens when I say no.

Anyway, did this kind of things happened to some of you? I know this is not the end of the world, believe me I have seen a lot worse in life, but it still annoys me.
«1

Replies

  • Zardeenah
    Zardeenah Posts: 15
    That sounds horrible! But also like she's got some issues of her own. At some point either she has to change or you have to fall back into bad habits for this friendship to work out. And personally? I think you're in the right here.
  • BJBroxton
    BJBroxton Posts: 49 Member
    What I am going to say isn't meant to be offensive so please try to take this openly and lovingly( a lot is lost in text, when attempting to express certain things) with that said.... YOU need to stand YOUR ground, I am not saying do not "eat the cake"( <
    metaphor) But enough is enough when YOU say it is. What is the difference between someone that wants to quit drinking/ cut back on drinking (alcohol) and someone wanting to cut back on certain foods? NOTHING. You are attempting to make a change in your life for the better of your health and you CANNOT let someone drag you back down into the PITT you were once in. I will say this, let her/him know that IF you guys go out somewhere, YOU do not want to be pressured. If they pressure simply get up and walk away, they will get the point. But in the end it has to be YOU that makes the conscience decisions NOT to eat the extra, unless they are sitting on top forcing it down your throat.......you know the rest. Sorry for the abrupt rudeness <insert friend> but I SAID NO....either they respect you or they don't. But at least you can walk tall and respect yourself afterwards.

    P.S. the excuse of him/her not being on a diet and not respecting yours is horse pucky. If they were a recovering alcoholic would you take them to a bar? Most likely not.
  • MoosyGoosy
    MoosyGoosy Posts: 44
    I made my friend eat cake the other day because I'm trying to recover from a restrictive eating disorder and they weren't going to have anything and I was VERY uncomfortable about eating anyway... I was almost in tears (I think I hid it well though).

    Just another perspective. You can never tell what other people are going through.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    I made my friend eat cake the other day because I'm trying to recover from a restrictive eating disorder and they weren't going to have anything and I was VERY uncomfortable about eating anyway... I was almost in tears (I think I hid it well though).

    Just another perspective. You can never tell what other people are going through.
    i dont mean to be rude but thats kind of pushing your problems onto someone else. if they are truly your friend then talk to them about it rather than trying to hide it and forcing them to eat something when they dont want to. stress eating is what got alot of us here in the first place, if you are uncomfortable about eating then why have cake in the first place? (although its easy for me to say this, i dont even like cake)
    just my 2 cents
  • kaaaaylee
    kaaaaylee Posts: 398
    She sounds like she's jealous and a bad friend. Dump dat *****, find friends who support you, and if she comes around, great, if not, you don't need that in your life.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    They'll come around over time, and if you really don't want to eat something, no one is forcing you to eat it. They're not about to shove it in your mouth for you. ;)

    My husband does similar things.

    "Oh honey, you're so muscular lately, it's sexy! By the way, I bought Oreos and ice cream..."

    Sometimes you just have to pick and choose your battles. Is it worth losing a friendship over cake?
  • HerbertNenenger
    HerbertNenenger Posts: 453 Member
    There will always be someone who gives you the stink-eye for turning down food, silly as that is. All that diet stuff aside, you have the best profile pic I've ever seen.
  • LuckyMunky
    LuckyMunky Posts: 200 Member
    Stand your ground and don't give in. If somebody is trying to "sabotage" your diet, don't let them. Only you can control what goes into your body and if a friend isn't willing to respect that, are they really your friend? Demand respect for yourself, and don't interact with people that want to bring you down. If she wants to be in your life, she'll put away the food and give you an ear to listen.
  • garnerish
    garnerish Posts: 67 Member
    My workplace is nothing but sabotage.

    Currently within my reach are two different types of chocolate biscuits, carrot cake, brownies, small muffins, and some Mr Kipling swirl things.

    I haven't had any.

    You've just gotta say no, and if the people in your life can't deal with that, well, **** em. Hang out with other people.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • thatismesammyg
    thatismesammyg Posts: 71 Member
    I cut out the saboteurs. Real friends support you. If she isn't supporting you, she really isn't your friend.
  • Wilhellmina
    Wilhellmina Posts: 757 Member
    It sounds odd but thank goodness I am gluten intolerant! No more the nagging of but maybe a cookie or cake this time? Which ends up in every time you visit them. No, the doctor says I can't! end of story... But now I keep on hearing how boring it must be I can't eat all that crap and how sad it is for me. It starts to annoy me almost just as much. I am not sad, I am glad I can't eat it and there is enough left which I can have.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Have friendships that don't revolve around food/eating.
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
    Tell her to her face...
    Letting her see your prioroties will sort things one way or other. She will stop irritating you or stop sseeing you altogether.

    My only saboteur is me, myself and I,it's i who made excuses all this years
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
    People meet to go eat cakes? Wow.. how did I get so fat not knowing these people? :noway:

    I would definitely suggest calling her up with a different activity in mind and seeing how that goes. I wouldn't harbor ill feelings over cake. Maybe bring it up when you are not around food that you are just really trying to work on yourself that you enjoy a treat every once in a while, but like to limit them. Or just decide beforehand, she is going to be pushy, I just will say no and let it go.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    OP i really like your profile picture.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    1. She probably isn't trying to sabotage your diet. I'm guessing she feels like a fatty eating two cakes when you're only eating one, so she wants you to split the other one with her. Just say no, and stick to your guns.

    2. Make sure she is aware of your diet. And then start suggesting that when the two of you spend time together, you do something other than eating. If this continue to be a problem, stop hanging out with her. You are allowed to end a friendship if it is no longer enhancing your life. And you should.
  • MagnumBurrito
    MagnumBurrito Posts: 1,070 Member
    It sounds like you and your friend may be better off finding a new activity to bond over.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    These are boundary issues. If you can't stand up for yourself involving food - or anything else for that matter - that would be an awesome thing to work towards. These people will always wander through your life. If you feel strongly about something, learn to say no and mean no. It will help you across the board.
  • Mygsds
    Mygsds Posts: 1,564 Member
    Sorry to hear that. We all have friends, but sometimes you have to stand tall and realize maybe she really is not on that list. I had a friend years ago that was like a sister.. Had years of history together. I lost over 50 lbs before coming here and she became a total bit--. She saw me buying smaller sized clothes and eating healthier and she asked me what I was trying to prove. She told 2 other friends I was losing so I would look better when I left my husband . That would never and did not happen.Sorry, this is off subject but maybe she doesn't really deserve your friendship. Best to you..
  • TX_Rhon
    TX_Rhon Posts: 1,549 Member
    There's really a simple solution for everyone who complains about "saboteurs". When they offer something you don't want to eat, be brutally honest.

    "No thanks. I don't want to be fat."

    And then stare at them.

    They'll never push food on you again.

    I'm gonna +1 this. I like it!

    I'm gonna steal it :drinker:
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Have you tried talking to her about how she's making you feel? Have an open, honest conversation about how you're feeling. If she still doesn't get it/is rude to you, time to cut her loose.
  • obrientp
    obrientp Posts: 546 Member
    Where are all these people getting friends that bully them all of the time about what they are eating and drinking? My friends don't usually care if I eat and drink the same as they do. And, my friendships are solid enough that if they do say something, I can say, "I love you, but STFU about it."
  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
    Based on what you described you're handling her well with the exception of having a friendly but frank conversation with her over a nice cup of coffee or tea (not cakes :) Congratulations on not letting her sway you and good luck with your friendship.
  • absentmindedhousewife
    absentmindedhousewife Posts: 68 Member
    Look her in the eye, calmly say, "Please stop." and then hold her gaze for a little while longer. Then change the subject to something innocuous. Knitting, or sports, or home improvement or shoes. Repeat as necessary.
  • kathystrauss1
    kathystrauss1 Posts: 142 Member
    No other person can make me do something I don't want to do. My biggest diet saboteur is ME!
  • KarenBoehlke
    KarenBoehlke Posts: 47
    There will always be diet saboteurs in your life. You did the right thing by holding your ground and it may come to the point of cutting off the friend/relative for a while. Just tell them, "I love you and want to spend time with you, but not at the expense of my health journey. I don't expect you to join me, just respect me enough not to try and persuade me to cheat on my diet. It wouldn't be right to try to force a diabetic to eat sugar or an alcoholic to have a beer; trying to get me to consume something that I know is not in my calorie budget is equally not right. So if you are unable to keep yourself from trying to get me to eat more than I should, I will be forced to take a break from our relationship." Let them know the choice to continue the relationship is in their ability to stop harassing you and as sad as you will be to loose them for a while it is necessary to your health and you will be elated to resume the relationship when respect for each others limits is restored. We do this with time-outs for our children all the time. There is nothing wrong with giving ourselves a time-out as well.
  • SugaryLynx
    SugaryLynx Posts: 2,640 Member
    When I think I have a diet saboteur, I take out my mirror and take a long stare. Whose got the power? Oh. Me? Just checking
  • Holly_Wood_888
    Holly_Wood_888 Posts: 268 Member
    If she is your friend she will support you when your making healthy choices -

    It's never 'what' your doing but 'who' your with that is important!

    So whether you are eating cake together or taking a walk with NO food - the point is that you are spending time together.

    It's simple: tell her how it makes you feel when she's pushy about you eating and ask her not to attempt to control your diet ! Tell her you enjoy your time together and you care about her and PERHAPS you two should choose an activity that does NOT involve food.

    If she gets upset then she is not your friend.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    No one can make you do something you don't want to do. You own you!

Categories