Grief and hunger

Very sorry to hear about your brother

You are in my thoughts... so sorry to hear your brother passed.

It is very interesting how such emotions can affect appetite. I think it's great you have that awareness and thanks for sharing with all of us. I have always eaten my feelings. I figure I will always have to be conscious of this.

Take care and inbox me anytime if you need to chat.

PennyJB, I am so very sorry for your loss. This is all new and you are likely in a numb state right about now. I had 7 relatives die in 2013, including my mom and dad 11 days apart. I found it impossible to prepare food, let alone pay attention to what I was eating, put on the lbs. Although my grief was immense it never stopped me from eating. My oldest daughter was the opposite, she couldn't eat and lost weight. We're all different.

I personally have found that grief is kind of like losing weight in that it's not linear (at least not for me). It has its ups and downs, you think you're doing better then bam, you're not. Someone gave this to my brother at one of the many funerals last year ... I think it was my mom's but not sure. I hope it helps you through this time. Take care.


The Mourner’s Bill of Rights ~ Alan D. Wolfert, Ph.D

Although you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.

1) You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.

2) You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.

3) You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.

4) You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.

5) You have the right to experience “griefbursts.” Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.

6) You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.

7) You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.

You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.

9) You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.

10) You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

I'm so sorry to hear that (((hugs)))

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your brother.

I felt exactly the same after my daughter died. She was born sleeping in January. I lost all the baby-weight within days, but then piled 10lbs back on immediately because I felt 'entitled' to eat comfort foods. I felt like, I don't deserve to be in agony AND hungry. Haven't I suffered enough? And specifically healthy foods like salad, fruits and vegetables felt like a literal slap in the face. I also felt phantom hunger pains right after eating because I just wanted to feel full constantly. It is all part of healing and grieving, and (hopefully) totally normal to have a strange relationship with food for a while when your world is turned upside down.

Now four months on, most days I do not feel 'entitled' to overeat. I know there's no point being fat AND sad. I know that vegetables are delicious and I want to eat them every day. I want to be healthier for my future. Most days. Sometimes I still have days where I just want to eat and eat and eat. Sometimes I do just that. But I am still working on it.

Good luck, add me if you like (though I don't say much) and again I am so sorry.