Already unsure

reversetardis
reversetardis Posts: 1
edited February 21 in Introduce Yourself
I'm not one for the usual introductory post but I feel if I don't make one now I'll just hit the delete account button and forget I ever made the decision to change...so bare with my rambling.

I'm a 25 year old British woman who has been struggling with illness. I have Agoraphobia and anxiety disorder and am completely housebound, I haven't left my small bungalow in 18months. Before I got ill I was unfit and overweight but it never once bothered me. I used to walk a lot, always for practical reasons rather than for fun but I always enjoyed it. I never really did any other exercise, even in school I would skip out on my gym classes and only got my exercise from walking to and from each day. Agoraphobia has obviously ruled out any walking and I also found that the only time I did try to exercise I took a panic attack the second my heartrate rose (I have seen a lot of you say "no one ever regrets exercise", well trust me I did). I spend my days sitting/lying on my bed (I only leave my room for the kitchen or bathroom), my sleep pattern is awful (I am awake all night and sleep during the morning) and the only food I can eat is what's brought to me as I can't shop for myself (I can't do much cooking either as the heat kicks off a panic attack).

I knew I had put on weight since getting ill but I had always banned anyone from taking photos of me until yesterday. I finally saw myself for what I really am and how much weight I am carrying. I was in shock. After always being the big girl and considering my weight part of who I am, I was speechless at the truth. It all came crashing down on me and I know with my current life I will just keep getting bigger and bigger, more importantly I will be killing myself. I knew it had to change, I had to change.

Today I have been lurking on the boards, reading your success stories and struggles, seeing how you all interact and how well you all do with your health and fitness goals and it was truly inspiring so I bit the bullet and signed up.

But now reality kicks in, reading your stories won't change mine, I have to do something for myself. I lack motivation, I lack caring about myself due to the depression linked to my illness and I have no clue what to do. How do you change your life when your life is a pathetic waste?

Replies

  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    the things you feel about yourself we can't help you change. we can tell you they aren't true, but you'll need to talk to a professional (or read lots of self help books!) to get past those feelings.

    however, you can lose weight. with or without exercise and whether or not you stay in your bungalow or go to the outside world.

    all you need is a consistent calorie deficit and you'll lose weight.

    you can lose faster with cardio exercise, such as walking. if you can't do that outdoors, then get yourself a treadmill or an elliptical or some other exercise equipment that will allow you to exercise indoors. this will help you lose a bit faster than just eating at a deficit.

    immerse yourself in the forums and learn what's true and not true about weight loss. the people peddling untruths will tell you that you have to avoid certain foods and that you'll have to do only certain exercises at certain intensities. those people should be ignored. all you need to do is eat less and move more. listen to the people who advocate that. the easiest changes are the ones more likely to become permanent. there's nothing easier than eating less and moving more.

    good luck.
  • mthr2
    mthr2 Posts: 158 Member
    Welcome.

    You reached outside of your comfort zone. Great first step. .....You know what they say about the journey of a thousand miles.

    This journey is a remarkable, enlightening one. Best wishes!
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    the things you feel about yourself i can't help you change. i can tell you they aren't true, but you'll need to talk to a professional (or read lots of self help books!) to get past those feelings.

    however, you can lose weight. with or without exercise and whether or not you stay in your bungalow or go to the outside world.

    all you need is a consistent calorie deficit and you'll lose weight.

    you can lose faster with cardio exercise, such as walking. if you can't do that outdoors, then get yourself a treadmill or an elliptical or some other exercise equipment that will allow you to exercise indoors. this will help you lose a bit faster than just eating at a deficit.

    immerse yourself in the forums and learn what's true and not true about weight loss. the people peddling untruths will tell you that you have to avoid certain foods and that you'll have to do only certain exercises at certain intensities. those people should be ignored. all you need to do is eat less and move more. listen to the people who advocate that. the easiest changes are the ones more likely to become permanent. there's nothing easier than eating less and moving more.

    good luck.

    +1

    Also this might help.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here?hl=so+you're+new+here

    If you can't leave your house to find help, search online. Maybe there is one that would be willing to skype, chat online or talk on the phone.

    You've taken a huge awesome first step. Remember this - YOU ARE WORTH IT.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
    First, I'm really proud of you for posting. And second, massive (hopefully not creepy) internet hugs.

    Next - what sort of medical help are you getting? I think in order to move forward to a happier, healthier you, you have to get the anxiety and depression under control (I'm someone who suffers from massive anxiety attacks and hadn't seen a doctor in 7 years until March of this year). You cannot change outside until you come to terms with yourself on the inside (my opinion).

    I'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. Please feel free to message me, I'm happy to chat.

    The first step has to be making your health (both mental and physical, but not necessarily at the same time) a priority. You are worth the effort, you are worth the work - you DESERVE it.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    Welcome. Your life is not a pathetic waste.

    You've taken your first step and from what you wrote it seems to have taken you by complete surprise or at least it was an act done in the spur of the moment. No wonder you're trying to back away as fast as you can, but I do hope you stick with it for a while, it's just the internet and not outside.

    I think the logical next steps would be to ponder what you do have control over, what is within your power currently to change in a positive direction. Someone already mentioned help from a professional and I think it sounds like a good idea. You also wrote that you have your food delivered; that's something you can change already tomorrow. You have the internet available and lots of information to take in, so that's one more thing within immediate control.

    Be proud of what you've achieved today. All the best!
  • CarolinkaCjj
    CarolinkaCjj Posts: 622 Member
    Mirroring what everyone has said - you have taken the first step - continue to reach out for help. There are resources that will help you get moving within your safe zone. Google Leslie Sansone on youtube - she has a series of indoor walking fitness routines. One of my friends does them in her office over lunch - you do not need much space. Hope this is helpful.
  • mthr2
    mthr2 Posts: 158 Member
    By the way, I love your name and avatar. :-)

    Keep coming back.
  • sodakat
    sodakat Posts: 1,126 Member
    I think you might benefit from some cognitive therapy regarding your panic disorder and anxiety. It would be especially helpful if you could work with a therapist who would instruct you to "do" things that create the same sensations that trigger panic attacks. This type of therapy teaches your subconscious that a rapid heartbeat caused by exertion will not result in a heart attack, for example, or that being short of breath due to exertion does not mean you are choking to death. Some examples would be (if you fear a heart attack) running in place to prove to yourself that you will not have a heart attack and die from your heartbeat increasing, or (if you fear suffocating) breathing through a coffee-stirring-straw with your nose held shut so you can calm yourself when you feel you are not getting enough air.

    Another helpful exercise to begin to lessen the frequency of panic attacks is to catastrophize what "might" happen if your greatest fears occur. The idea is to take your fears to the worst case scenario, then gradually realize that this scenario is very unlikely and definitely not worth postponing life on the outside chance it happens.

    It is most helpful to have a professional guide you through the catastrophizing thoughts but you could do some of this on your own. The goal is to use some common sense and convince yourself what is MOST likely to happen when your heart starts racing, and if you cannot logically believe that your heart will slow down once you relax, then catastrophize the worst case scenario, be it passing out or death (or whatever seems most horrible to you). If you pass out your body will relax on its own, right? Will a rapid heart beat REALLY result in a heart attack and death? Let your mind think all the way through that possibility. Sure, it may be scary the first couple times, but once your mind begins to accept the unlikely possibility of a heart attack, you can begin to say, "so what" if my heart pounds. It is supposed to pound when I do strenuous things.

    I'm sure there are some very helpful websites that would give you the tools you need to get started on managing your anxiety and panic attacks.

    Meanwhile, gaining control over your eating might give you the motivation you need to help yourself in other ways. I would begin with a shopping list of foods that will help you eat within the calorie goals suggested by MFP while keeping you satiated. Since you have someone who shops for you it will be up to you to create a list for them.

    I'm a bit concerned that you don't cook due to the heat of cooking triggering a panic attack, so I am unsure if you plan to eat prepared foods instead of having groceries brought to you. Have you made any decisions regarding that?
  • Wandering_1
    Wandering_1 Posts: 95 Member
    Welcome and congratulations on your first step. You definitely came to the right place. Support is the key to our success. Take it slow and don't give up.
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
    I struggle with social phobia and anxiety. I completed CBT and I can honestly say that it truly helped. I still struggle, but I am more prepared to handle intrusive thoughts. If you have the chance and the means, I highly recommend this type of therapy.

    That said, stick around. :) I just take things one day at a time--it's all I can do.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    You've made a big step in signing up and stepping out, even electronically. That's awesome.

    Weight loss happens "in the kitchen" ... so if you can eat the right amount of calories (portion control being the biggest factor, IMO) then you can change your size.

    Don't discount exercise, of course, because it's good for body and mind (I have depression with anxiety ... so nothing like you're dealing with, but I know what it's like to have a mental illness). Can you get Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home videos where you live? That might be a good way to start out, and if you can move from there to something else, that's great.

    Good luck on your journey. You've made the first step, now just focus one day at a time, and try to do a little better each day. :flowerforyou:


    Oh, and by the way, love your profile picture. George Takei is a pretty awesome role model :happy:
This discussion has been closed.

Categories