Do you ever just really hate your body?

grazer432
grazer432 Posts: 33 Member
in Motivation and Support
I accidentally logged into my old myfitnesspal account without noticing and was happily entering my stats because I thought i'd lost some weight and discovered that I had gained 35lbs since June 2010. I've gone from the bodyfat of an athlete to the bodyfat of an obese person.

The worst thing about it is that pre 2012 I ate only junk food, mostly candy, no vegetables at all, only drank soda; my diet was terrible but I didn't eat that much so I was skinny. I decided to eat healthier, cut out the junk food, only drank water etc. and put on 20lbs in a few months. At the time I was super into body acceptance and honestly I thought that it was just my body reacting to finally having enough nutrients and that it would go back down. But two years on, I'm just getting bigger. I have been trying to lose weight on and off but I never seem to get anywhere. I lose 5lbs and then life happens and suddenly I've gained 10lbs.

I spent two years not having pizza or chinese food, or birthday cake or brownies because I was trying to do what was best for my body. But my body is obese and all of my pizza-eating friends are just as skinny as ever. And I don't even think I'm any healthier, I've gained PCOS, acne, endless food intolerances etc. and I just feel like *kitten* most of the time. I spent the past two years telling myself that aesthetics don't really matter but right now that sounds like total bull. I f**king hate my body. I hate the way it looks, I hate the way it feels and I right now I completely regret deciding to eat healthy.

(sorry, major first world problems etc.)

Replies

  • beachgod
    beachgod Posts: 567 Member
    I accidentally logged into my old myfitnesspal account without noticing and was happily entering my stats because I thought i'd lost some weight and discovered that I had gained 35lbs since June 2010. I've gone from the bodyfat of an athlete to the bodyfat of an obese person.

    The worst thing about it is that pre 2012 I ate only junk food, mostly candy, no vegetables at all, only drank soda; my diet was terrible but I didn't eat that much so I was skinny. I decided to eat healthier, cut out the junk food, only drank water etc. and put on 20lbs in a few months. At the time I was super into body acceptance and honestly I thought that it was just my body reacting to finally having enough nutrients and that it would go back down. But two years on, I'm just getting bigger. I have been trying to lose weight on and off but I never seem to get anywhere. I lose 5lbs and then life happens and suddenly I've gained 10lbs.

    I spent two years not having pizza or chinese food, or birthday cake or brownies because I was trying to do what was best for my body. But my body is obese and all of my pizza-eating friends are just as skinny as ever. And I don't even think I'm any healthier, I've gained PCOS, acne, endless food intolerances etc. and I just feel like *kitten* most of the time. I spent the past two years telling myself that aesthetics don't really matter but right now that sounds like total bull. I f**king hate my body. I hate the way it looks, I hate the way it feels and I right now I completely regret deciding to eat healthy.

    (sorry, major first world problems etc.)

    re the bolded part: you already know it wasn't clean/healthy eating that got you in this spot, you just didn't eat as much when you were eating the other stuff. I in no way intend for this reply to stir up a clean/healthy vs junk food debate but I will say you can continue to eat the healthier foods you've chosen, just eat less of it (ie fewer calories) and you'll lose weight.

    i'm sorry to see you hate your body, self-loathing is not a good feeling and I hope you emerge from this a stronger and happier person soon. You are at a crossroads where you know you can change things for the better or keep doing the same thing. Redo your MFP goals, get a food scale and use it religiously and get back on track.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,150 Member
    Yep. It's a mental thing for me, after being told for decades that I was an ugly, stupid fatty who can't so anything properly. Damned hard to break out of that thought process even if I do get a medically/socially-acceptable body.
  • powerpigeon
    powerpigeon Posts: 46
    I had one of those moments today. I was having a wardrobe clear-out and tried on a old favourite dress I haven't had a chance to wear for a while. Couldn't zip it up. That was a depressing moment.
  • grazer432
    grazer432 Posts: 33 Member
    Yeah, its just those little moments that knock you back.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    I'm sure a lot of people have gone threw moments like that. I know I have. I can tell you that I rarely have those feelings anymore, where as before I felt like that daily. I'm not 100% okay with the way I look, but I've definitely grown to love myself now and I think that helps a lot. I hope your able to get to a better place on your journey and good luck! :-)

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