Sister is making everything so much harder. Help?

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ObsessedMonster
ObsessedMonster Posts: 150 Member
in Motivation and Support
My sister ALWAYS compares with me in terms of what I eat. She tries to eat healthier than me and likes to stay skinner than me. She NEVER eats a small treat, whereas I sometimes do. She laughs about how I'll have an occasional cookie while she has none. If I'm proud of my diet for the day, she'll show off how she's had absolutely no carbs and has eaten less. She doesn't count calories, but based on my observations, it looks like she eats less than 1400 a day. I was once happy with my weight, but her being skinnier made me want to lose a few extra lbs. I admit, I do compare a lot too, but she never confesses it. She loves watching me snack on crap when I have a cheat day or meal. She constantly tells me how she gets referred to as petite just to make me feel bad. The cycle will never end. We compare in terms of exercise, diet, fitness...everything. It's destroying the healthy relationship we once had as kids. Any advice? I can't live life comparing myself to her any more.
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Replies

  • fourluvbugs
    fourluvbugs Posts: 194 Member
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    Hmmmm...... well, can you just let it go? Stop worrying about what she thinks or says and stop comparing yourself to her. You are you, she is she.
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
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    Hmmmm...... well, can you just let it go? Stop worrying about what she thinks or says and stop comparing yourself to her. You are you, she is she.

    +1
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    If relatives were in any way helpful, then this website would go out of business.

    Just ignore her. No matter how fit someone may be, there is always someone in better shape. No one can be better than everyone.
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,298 Member
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    Try to let it all go. Don't put yourself in the way of being a co-dependant. Let her compare but don't you get drawn in, don't play her game.

    The very best thing you can do for yourself is to be, true to yourself, nothing else really matters. Be your own person and as long as you set out never to do any harm to another person you will do just fine.
  • MichelleB69
    MichelleB69 Posts: 213 Member
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    "Comparison is the thief of joy"…ITA with the other posters. You are you, she is she. As hard as it may be, you will be much happier when you focus on all the things you are doing to better YOUR life, than worrying about her reaction to your choices. And personally, her "competitiveness" with your choices speaks to her insecurity. Feel compassion for her, as it is not much fun to constantly be comparing yourself to others.
  • Chain_Ring
    Chain_Ring Posts: 753 Member
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    You gotta quit worrying about what other people think. Set some goals, stay in your own mind, get after it and like my friend BBR says, choose happiness.
  • EllaPaigeNora
    EllaPaigeNora Posts: 26
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    Honestly, I would just talk to her about it. Chances are you're over-thinking this or she's glorifying herself by bringing you down. Sisters should support each other. I know because I have a younger sister and she grew up watching me have a hard time with my weight and she's always been super supportive of it. She's always been thinner than me but she doesn't throw it in my face because I don't think it really phases her. We've sort of devised a plan for each other. I'm better with nutrition and she's better with exercise because she's always been athletic.

    Just communicate with your sister. Talk to her about how you don't like the ways she puts you down, whether she's really aware of it or not. The more you tiptoe around her comments the more you'll resent her. It would be awesome if you could let it go at the drop of a hat but it's definitely hard when she's around you all the time.

    That's just my opinion, though. I don't believe in sweeping stuff under the rug.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    Your diet looks incredibly healthy and in my opinion, way better than aiming to eat zero carbs which is not sustainable...I hope you're joking about that (your sister eating no carbs at all).

    In order for the comparison and competition to sabotage you or ruin your progress, you have to play into it. Just refuse to play into that. I know it is easier said than done. But it can be done.
  • shmulyeng
    shmulyeng Posts: 472 Member
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    I think your definition of success is a bit skewed. Depriving yourself of everything you enjoy is not success. It's not sustainable and it makes your life miserable. Success is sticking to your plan. If you plan on eating a treat and eat it, you are successful. Don't let her teasing you doubt that.
    Another approach you can take is one I took with a close family member. Roughly at the time I started this journey, a close family member had a major medical incident. That led him to change his eating habits and he actually lost quite a bit of weight. For weeks he constantly tried to compare himself to what I was doing. While we were both doing well, we were going about it quite differently. He constantly tried convincing me that what he was doing was the right way. To counter that I started complimenting him whenever I saw him on how great he was doing. I don't know if that gave him enough confidence so he didn't have to compare himself to me but it definitely helped. These days we both just compliment each other and agree that we're both doing what works for each of us.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
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    If relatives were in any way helpful, then this website would go out of business.

    So true.

    If I were you, I would brag about how I COULD eat those things, and still be happy. Meanwhile, she's depriving herself.

    You should be like "MMMMMMMMMM THIS SURE IS GOOD. TOO BAD YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY"

    Hahaha:laugh:
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
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    She is telling something,it's you who is comparing.
    If you stop being affected by her and do your own thing ,she will lose her hold over your happiness.
    Grow up.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Hmmmm...... well, can you just let it go? Stop worrying about what she thinks or says and stop comparing yourself to her. You are you, she is she.

    Yep, it ends when you choose to end it...
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Stop letting things bug you. Your sister can't make you feel anything or make you compete with her, etc. That's all on you.
  • SwimBikeRun27
    SwimBikeRun27 Posts: 6
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    By the sounds of your post, she is not successful at all; she is unhealthy. If she eats less than 1400 calories a day and never takes in any carbs (your brains biggest source to continue opporating properly) and makes you feel guilty for having a cookie or a cheat day...you shouldn't be on here asking about how you can better deal with it, you should be asking how you can get your sister some help. No offense, and I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but, IMO you are living a healthy and sustainable lifestyle...she is just hurting herself, and making you feel like that is what it is to be "healthy".
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    time to create some healthy boundaries and distance yourself from toxic relationships like this one.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    How old are you, OP?
  • aNewYear123
    aNewYear123 Posts: 279 Member
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    This isn’t a contest; the person who eats the fewest calories doesn’t win. You need to stop buying into her comparisons. If she laughs at your cookie just point out how tasty that cookie was, that the calories still fit into your daily balance, and that you are happier having had a treat rather than planning to sacrifice eating cookies for the rest of your life.
  • aubreybear
    aubreybear Posts: 10
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    Look at it this way - at least she is supportive of your eating healthily! My family is CONSTANTLY trying to get me to eat things that are not in my diet, or that I'm allergic to (wheat) and CONSTANTLY trying to make me feel guilty for being healthy or exercising. They think I'm a food snob and it's not enjoyable. I agree with beamer, though, put some distance there if it's making you feel bad. I now avoid my family like the plague around meal time so that I don't have to hear about it. If that makes me a jerk, then so be it ;)
  • 424a57
    424a57 Posts: 140 Member
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    How old are you, OP?

    Sound like about 12.

    OP --

    What kind of help do you expect? Shall we tell your sister to leave you alone and quit comparing what she eats to what you eat? My advise is to put on your big girl panties and get on with your life.
  • jchenks
    jchenks Posts: 164 Member
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    Your sister is acting like a child and you are letting it affect you.

    Go on with your life and your healthy lifestyle. There might be some underlying issues within your sister. Sounds like she is trying to make you feel crappy for something in order for her feel better and its something as petty as a diet.

    Be proud of your healthy decisions and continue on. You are living life for you, not your sister.

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