Hey Guys, I'm Mike

This isn't my first experience with myfitnesspal. I downloaded the app about a year ago and immediately saw that this app had a TON of potential. Potential that could be unlocked if I did the work.

I'm ready to do the work.

I tried it for a few weeks and lost a few pounds . That was a year ago. Since then, that little icon has been haunting me and I've made all the excuses. Well I am going through a lot right now... Well, I'm not sure I have it in me... Well, I should quit smoking first... Well, I'm about to start a new job....

I quit smoking (7months without one puff and it helped put on about 25 lbs) I have a new job. Im getting a new apartment. My excuses have run out. I'm doing this! I'm on day 2 of really serious dedication and i know that building a community around myself will help keep me motivated when i start wanting to be lazy in 3 weeks, once the new-ness of it all has worn off. So here I am. Glad to meet you...

DEEPER STORY FOR THOSE INTERESTED>>>>


I am 26 years old, about 6' and, as of weigh-in #1 I'm at 265.5 lbs. This is absolutely the heaviest I've ever been in my entire, overweight, life. I was the chubby kid. I wore the husky jeans. I though all girls found me hideous. I was made fun of, constantly, about my weight. As a kid, even my "friends" would through little jabs about it. It cause me to keep everyone in my life at arms length so no one could hurt me. I felt hurt by everyone, even those close to me. It's alway easy to pick on the fat kid. I felt like even the kids everyone else made fun of, picked on me. I was at the bottom of the pile and I got everyone else's punishment.

Throughout adolescence this gradually wore down my self esteem to nearly nothing. I hated myself. I hated my gut and my "man-boobs" I hated every aspect of my physical appearance and it got worse every single year of my life. By the time i graduated high school i had a very distilled and efficient mindset of being that chubby little kid who everyone, including myself, hated. The irony was by that point i hit a growth spurt and actually kind of leveled out. I'm a big man (shoulders and stature) but i was down to 175 so i was a healthy weight.

After high school, my self-hatred continued so I started to put on more weight and negated the growth spurt. I climbed to 220. By the end of college, and due to some very very hard break ups and hard drinking, I was about 260.

Being overweight, for me, has been a psychological issue. My parents argued A LOT when i was younger and I believe i have a real addiction to food and eating as a way to cope with stress, anxiety and love. Like a true, honest-to-god, drug addict. Food is something that I eat in secret at times. I binge on. Even as a 26 year old man, I would be ashamed to admit some of the binge sessions or crap that I've eaten. Even in the last two weeks.

In the last year, I turned 26. Not old, but starting to feel the pressure of 30. Hair starts to thin. Belly is too big. Physical appearance is important. We cannot lie to ourselves about it 100%. I ABSOLUTELY know I am an attractive man but I've always had this "mask" of weight that makes it hard to see through. I am a good man with a good heart but anyone is a fool to tell you that physical appearance has no bearing on your own self-image. It's just reality. I accept it and I want to change it.

ALSO and this is a big ALSO, physical health is a huge issue for me. I have been overweight for the majority of my life and i know this will start to take a toll if i don't change something NOW. In the past year is started to develop some very really and very intense anxiety related to my physical health. I was worried my heart was failing and that i was diabetic. These things were causing INTENSE panic attacks. Through some counseling and some guided help (also medical tests to confirm i was still healthy) I have started to move past this anxiety.

The most inspiring aspect of the panic attacks were that I had several medial tests done to rule out any health issues. Stress test, blood work, sonogram of my heart and a several other various test. The doctors and specialists all told me, despite my weight i seemed to be very in-shape. I know if i change some things now, i might actually have an opportunity to really change my life. Health, fitness, metal stability and psychological well being.

I definitely am working on the hatred i feel when i see myself .It has started, slowly, to get better. There is a life time of repressed anger/pain/remorse/resentment inside of me and it will take some time to conquer it. I believe getting to a healthy weight and feeling good about myself is the biggest step in that direction. I can't even imagine looking in the mirror and seeing something that I'm not totally ashamed of OR going to the pool and being able to take my shirt off OR being able to look at a photo of myself as a child and not well up with tears. Tears over the amount of pain i know that little kid dealt with and the **** that he has gone through ever since.

If you read all of this, you can see I like to talk. I ramble and so on... BUT if you can relate to any of this or any part of this resonates with you, drop me a line. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to make some friends here that i can relate to. There arent many people in my life who understand what I have gone though and am going through...

Look forward to your responses