Has a stranger ever made you feel self-conscious?

YumeSerket · May 2014

I'm going to start this off by saying that I've lost the majority of my weight. I am 5'9 and weigh roughly 140 pounds. I started at about 180. My goal is 130. Shouldn't I be happy? I am trying to be. But I am feeling more and more self conscious as the complete end of my journey draws near. I've recently come to the conclusion of why. I feel scared by others comments. Two major incidents:

1) I was in line at a local coffee shop, wearing a shirt that had shrunk a bit in the drier (because I had lost my muffin-top and was proud!) It was maybe an inch away from my jean-line. A group of ill-mannered folks came in shortly after me, and one of the larger women faked coughed while looking right at me and said "slut". I was furious and slightly embarrassed because it was busy and everyone heard but didn't say anything. I just got my coffee and left.

2) Yoga pants are so comfy. Don't lie. I love yoga pants, and I ALWAYS make sure they are not see-though. This is no exception! Anyways, I used to loooove jogging in my yoga capris. All until I was taking a very pleasant stroll down a *very* busy street after my morning jog, and out of the blue this little prick walks by and YELLS the whole 'yoga pants are a privilege, not a right' saying while passing me. I was humiliated and everyone was looking my way.

It may seem trivial but those comments have stuck and are still gripping to me like mad. I've honestly never felt so self conscious in my life. When I was 180 I got fat comments, sure, but that's what motivated me the most to lose the weight. Now that I have, and TOTAL STRANGERS are harassing me, I don't know how to handle the fact that I'll probably never be happy with myself, what I wear, or feel confident in how I look. I can't leave the house without trying on 10 different outfits, and usually go with whatever is the most baggy. Also, I've made a commitment to only jog at night or before the sun rises. I have trouble being in public for long because I feel like I'm being judged, every laugh is at me, and every look is a dirty one.

TL;DR Complete strangers have made me feel self conscious about my body and have shut-in like tendencies. Let's swap stories and share advice.

ChristineRoze · May 2014

First of all, AWESOME WORK! at your weight loss

I'm impressed. Second of all, people insulted you because you were big now they insult you because they are jealous. That best way to handle it is to just own it. I have been insulted before for wearing shorty shorts when i was thinner and all i did was smile and looked them right into the eyes, and they end up feeling self conscious about themselves. They're the ones with the issues, to even say that kind of thing in the first place

I swear people do not have manners anymore.

Kelly_Runs_NC · May 2014

Great job on the weight loss. I only noticed this because I'm 5'8 1/4 and weight 147...I'm a size 4 so it's not like that's big.....you said your coal is 130...at 5'9 isn't that kind of low? I'm happy for you - just don't drop too low as you'll mess up your body.

Best of luck to you.

Eric_DeCastro · May 2014

no but a stranger told me I look like I was never fat because i was talking about being in a weight management class.

birdsetfree · May 2014

social decorum is at a seriously low standard. I hate that you are feeling so self conscious. Looks like you have a few options on how to respond:
1. say nothing and ignore them
2. go alpha-dog and stare them down -- chances are they won't be able to meet your gaze or look you in the eye
3. say something snarky while looking them in the eye ... like "I heard you call me a slut, but how could you possibly know that?"
4. name the behavior matter-of-fact, like you would a 4 year old whom you are parenting, "when you pretend to cough and say 'slut' under your breath, you are being rude to me and I do not like it, nor is it socially acceptable behavior."

or you could roll your eyes and give them "the bird" (that was a very sarcastic joke-- in case this gets lost in translation, since you can't hear my voice or see my facial expression."

sarrah_n · May 2014

Screw them. Wear what makes you feel good!

Sallyrose5994 · May 2014

What people say is a reflection of them and not a reflection of you. Ignore them and work on loving yourself. I have found I feel more confident the older I get and I care less about others opinions as the years go by. Don't let strangers define you. Do and be what makes you happy and focus on the positive. I am sure you look fabulous! Own it!

HanamiDango · May 2014

I think it has to do with how we carry ourselves. Even if you have to fake it, till you make it, carry yourself as a proud young lady. Be happy, you lost 40lbs. That is nothing to feel ashamed of. Everyone has opinions, does not mean you should let them drag you down. I am a very quite, shy, person, so I either, a) ignore them or b) look at the person, smile and go on about my day. Your weight lost is amazing, but the weight of our heart carries far more on self image, than body weight. I agree with the older I get, the less I care. When I was younger, I took the rude things strangers (and even people I knew) said to heart way to much. I really wish I would have reflected more on loving myself than attending to the words of others.

_lyndseybrooke_ · May 2014

1. The chick in the coffee house was acting out in pure jealousy. I would've smiled sweetly at her and went about my business with a ****-eating grin on my face.

2. That guy was obviously a huge *kitten*. Even at 180, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wearing yoga pants. You can walk into Walmart and see way worse than that.

....also, why is your goal weight so dang low? You say it's 130, but your profile says 120. Both are too low. Your current weight of 140 (or even a few pounds heavier) sounds perfect.

xelzbethx · May 2014

First off, great job! All you're hard work is paying off! It's definitely never easy to hear negative comments like that whether you know the person or not! I very recently had a very discouraging moment. Since the beginning of the year I've lost a decent amount of weight just changing my eating habits and working out 5 days a week. I've gone from 167 pounds to 147. On the weekends I work as a waitress and wearing an apron is part of the uniform. I went out to my table to greet them and asked how everyone was when the lady at my table, rubbed my stomach and said "it looks like you've been having fun, when is your due date?" I was seriously MORTIFIED. I was upset about it for quite sometime, but I just had to think about how far I've came in the past 5 months and how much better I do feel on a daily basis!

Keep your head up and good luck reaching your goal!! You're almost there!!!!

gspero72 · May 2014

For starters, you have made great progress!! Now, do not give anyone the power to take that away from you! Who cares what somebody says, who isn't an important part of your life. If a friend takes you aside and says "you've got spinach in your teeth", take that seriously, but if some random d-bag on the street makes a comment you can feel free to ignore that and laugh in his face, because you are making positive changes and you are doing great things for yourself! Screw them!

I'm no fitness expert by any stretch of the imagination, but 5'9" and 140 pounds sounds like you are right where you need to be based on BMI. Be careful that you don't go too low!

Enjoy being you! You are the only one just like you, be proud and show off how amazing you are!! Good Luck!

37lbs_to_go · May 2014

Wow. You probably look amazing and these people are just jealous. As far as advice I would recommend taking up a hobby or pursuing a passion of yours. Something you really enjoy. That would bolster your self confidence and help any future petty comments from "sticking". You're made of tough stuff to have come this far. Keep your head up and stay strong. I've come to realize people who make these comments are very unhappy and this is how they get their kicks. The best revenge is to move on with your happy life and never think of them again.

Since you were so brave I'll share my low. I've been asked not once, but twice "When are you due?". Yep, you guessed it. I wasn't pregnant. Humiliated to the core.

seltzermint555 · May 2014

I hope you're mostly joking about the shut-in like tendencies ;-)

That does suck though!!

I think sometimes people feel even freer to comment on thin and average bodies than they do larger bodies. It's messed up. And of course women get more of that attention, both positive and negative...ugh.

I am still overweight at 184 lb 5'8" but I used to weigh in the 270-300 range, and in my area I would say the average woman is my size or even a bit larger. The main thing that makes me self conscious about my weight is my droopy upper arms, they are kind of gross. 95% of my wardrobe, including short sleeve shirts and dresses, covers the worst part of my upper arms. But once in awhile I wear a shirt with more of a cap sleeve, and I see people staring. It is not a fun feeling. I know some of them are thinking "WTF is wrong with her arms!?!" especially if they are younger or male. I usually wind up wearing long or 3/4 length sleeves for a week after that happens, ugh.

The only plus side I see to this is that I don't think people are staring at my entire body with disdain like they did in the past. Maybe if I lived in a fancy metropolitan area they would...but in my area I am beyond normal, perhaps even quite fit looking! hehe

PJPrimrose · May 2014

Every day we are surrounded by mostly good and few bad people. Unfortunately, the bad people tend to be a lot louder, obnoxious and make up for being small in numbers and minds.

That said, not to be bossy......but I do agree with this:
"also, why is your goal weight so dang low? You say it's 130, but your profile says 120. Both are too low. Your current weight of 140 (or even a few pounds heavier) sounds perfect."

I'm 5' 9" and 145 solid pounds. I'd weigh more if I didn't have to stay in my weight class for kick boxing.
My measurements are 36 D 26.5 35. I'm 44 yrs old and have given birth to two, ten pound baby boys. I can use a standard bandanna as a belt around my waist if I wanted to. (I tried it just to see if it would fit while bored. I know weird.)

Why in the heck do you want to weigh freaking 130lbs? Bah! That's way too skinny! You'll lose your figure! I get comments about how skinny I am all the time. I cannot imagine weighing even less! What you want to do is keep the weight and lift heavy. Everything on you will get solid and look amazing! Skinny fat is not good.

Branstin · May 2014

First of all, you should not place any value on the words of ignorant people or allow *kitten* to control your feelings. Secondly, the next time someone harasses you, give them the middle finger. It works wonders.

gooserocks85 · May 2014

Why in the heck do you want to weigh freaking 130lbs? Bah! That's way too skinny! You'll lose your figure!

isn't this kind of what OP is talking about?

hstoblish · May 2014

It's not surprising that having people turn around and comment on another aspect of your weight bothers you given that people's comments on your weight was a part of what made you want to lose weight. As someone who has gone from 95 pounds to 165 at the same height, and now back down to a healthy 132 (I'm 5'3"), I can tell you something: people will always always think it's ok to comment on your body. However, your body is not, despite what people will try to convince you, public property.

You are not a painting on a wall and you are not required to look a certain way to make other people happy. As, (I'm guessing here) a young woman, you'll probably find that people are particularly strange about your appearance*, and what they think you're trying to communicate through your clothing or your body language, when you might be doing something as simple as (GASP) getting a coffee or going for a run. If you really care about this, you can spend your life trying to find a way to dress and hold yourself so that you will be universally liked. This is absolutely an option, but it's exhausting.

And the next time someone gives you the *slut* sneeze, offer them a tissue. Say "bless you that sounds like a nasty cold." Be polite. Be friendly. They'll come out of the interaction looking and feeling like a jerk and you'll come out looking like a lovely young lady who happens to be rocking a shirt that shows her kick *kitten* mid-drift.

Has a stranger ever made you feel self-conscious?

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