Eating Disorder (Not Otherwise Specified)

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LaciMatthews77
LaciMatthews77 Posts: 6
in Motivation and Support
I am currently in treatment with my PCP and both my therapists for a non-specified eating disorder. I know that I should be asking them this question, but I was hoping to get some input from some of you who might be dealing with the same issues or who might know someone dealing with the same issues.

I have anorexic behavior and bulimic behavior. Long story short, I restrict calories at times, I skip meals if I know I'll be eating or drinking something with extra calories later. I've admitted to using coffee as a laxative. I'm horribly obsessed with calorie counting and I am horrified of gaining ANY weight. (I was almost 350 pounds at my biggest and I am now down to 127 pounds and I would like to stay between 127 and 130 pounds.)

However, this eating disorder is controling my mind and is ruining my life. I haven't been happy in months. I'm a miserable person.

I guess my main question right now is I'm confused with what a "binge" would be consider. I feel like I restrict calories all day, eating about 800 to 1000 calories for breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner. Which, when I add in my over-exercising (I burn off 800 calories 4 times a week and another 200 calories one day per week), I'm "allowed" about 2100 to 2200 calories per day.

Now, after starving myself all damn day, I feel like I over eat all night. I'll have two protein/granola bars and 1/4 cup of cashews and 1/4 chex mix and maybe a weight watchers ice cream bar. All these snacks are healthy (I'm not eating pizza and chips and full fat ice cream and hot dogs) but I feel like what I do at night would be considered a "binge" because I'm eating more than I normally do. But I'm so damn hungry by that time, I really do need a snack or two. However, the third and maybe 4th snack are just because I'm bored.

Is that considered a binge even if I'm within my "alloted" calories to maintain my weight? I just want to stop being so obsessed with counting calories and I want to be content and happy and start living my own damn life.

Can anyone help me, please?

Replies

  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
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    Typically, where eating disorders are concerned, a "binge" is uncontrollable behavior where you feel like you literally can't stop and you consume an excessive amount of calories in private in one sitting. Your behavior/thoughts do sound like an unhealthy food relationship, and I encourage you to continue seeking help if it is making you this unhappy, but what your describing does not sound like binging. I used to suffer from an eating disorder and when I would starve myself for days, binge, then exercise excessively for the next few days until I felt like I had "undone" the "damage." I would buy a dozen donuts, two bottles of soda and sometimes a couple of candy bars, inform the cashier that they were for my friends and then sneak them into my bedroom and eat them all until they were gone. These donuts are about 350 calories each the sodas about 200 each and the candy bars around 250 each. So my binge was 5,100 calories in one very private, shameful sitting.
  • LaciMatthews77
    LaciMatthews77 Posts: 6
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    Thank you, F00LofaT00K. That makes me feel a little better. I know I'm eating all healthy snacks and my therapist thinks I should actually be eating MORE but ED (my eating disorder) just thinks I'm horrible and makes me feel so guilty. I don't know where I start and where ED begins.
  • F00LofaT00K
    F00LofaT00K Posts: 688 Member
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    Since these thoughts and behaviors make you feel as though you have lost your identity and you are this unhappy, I am very glad you are seeking professional help. And please keep in mind that my answer was based on my personal experience and some literature I have read. I am by NO means qualified to give out medical advice so you should still ask your doc and therapist to get their opinion. It is important for a healthy recovery that they are aware of all your thoughts and feelings about your eating habits.

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