negative weight loss comment from MIL

Polishprinsezz
Polishprinsezz Posts: 249 Member
in Motivation and Support
i am discussing with my mother in law today that i would like to be a goal size of about 5/6. i am 5'7" that will put me around 135. she has the nerve to tell me i looked gross when i was thin 12 years ago. (122lbs size 4) she tells me i would look better about a size 10 putting me around 155lbs. i told her i will still be a healthy weight for my height. this coming from a woman who is 5'1 " and says she would love to weigh 80lbs. she really crushed my goal bubble. she was not the first to pop my weight goal bubble. i am thinking of not telling anyone else what my goals are. :(
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Replies

  • Carley
    Carley Posts: 88
    Never let other peoples opinions affect you. If that is your goal, then get there and prove her wrong. I bet you will look amazing!!!!
  • SleepKoala
    SleepKoala Posts: 26
    You will see your own body everyday. Sleep in it live in it. Do what has you comfortable and happy. Never let anyone tell you when and where you should stop. Your goal sounds just fine.. healthy zone. ^^ <3
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,254 Member
    It might be best to stop discussing your goals with people if you're going to take negative responses to heart, we can't control how other people will react or what they will say, and if it will affect you beyond "Meh, my goal, my thing", then maybe don't bring up the specifics?

    It can be hard because we are excited to be making changes and setting goals, but not everyone is going to be as excited/interested/supportive as we would like them to be. I don't discuss my goals with anyone, happy to let them know I'm trying to lose some weight if it comes up but I figure it's my thing. Even my husband knows that I'm counting calories and making changes but we don't discuss the specifics of how much I want to weigh etc.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    i am discussing with my mother in law today that i would like to be a goal size of about 5/6. i am 5'7" that will put me around 135. she has the nerve to tell me i looked gross when i was thin 12 years ago. (122lbs size 4) she tells me i would look better about a size 10 putting me around 155lbs. i told her i will still be a healthy weight for my height. this coming from a woman who is 5'1 " and says she would love to weigh 80lbs. she really crushed my goal bubble. she was not the first to pop my weight goal bubble. i am thinking of not telling anyone else what my goals are.

    Bingo
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Ignore the jealous MIL who doesn't want to see you looking TOO good...I have a jealous MIL who thinks I'm hideous. Since I know I'm not, it brings her credibility to zero when it comes to listening to her comments about me. I could give a crap about her opinion. It's really kind of sad. :indifferent:
  • votkuhr
    votkuhr Posts: 276 Member
    i am thinking of not telling anyone else what my goals are.

    Bingo

    Me too. I've lost 37 lbs. People ask me how much more I have to lose and I simply smile and tell them, "I'm just going with the flow to see where this goes." :)
  • DoNotSpamMe73
    DoNotSpamMe73 Posts: 286 Member
    Personally my Goal weight is 60 kilograms because it allows fluctuation for my height (5ft 7). You should choose what you feel comfortable rather than what someone else thinks. Others can be kind or judging, it depends on the person. I've learned over the years that parents usually mean well but are rarely right and change their mind when put into perspective.
    For all you know she was just in a grumpy mood and felt insecure about your aims.
  • PolishAmbassador77
    PolishAmbassador77 Posts: 1
    Ultimately, it's all in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?
    Be happy with your goal, achieve your goal, and own your goal.

    If people close to you don't appreciate your results and try to force their paradigm on you, you can either develop stone skin, change for them, attempt to educate them ( I see this one being the least likely, unless you are excellent at persuasion), or find new people to hang with that already " get it ", so that you have support instead of an uphill climb, alone, with people dropping by to tie weights to your ankles.

    That sounds a bit harsh, but seriously consider it before you are forced to compromise on ambitions that you've set for yourself. Success is as much a matter of self discipline as it is eliminating negative energy from others.
  • RavenNevermore15
    RavenNevermore15 Posts: 36 Member
    i am discussing with my mother in law today that i would like to be a goal size of about 5/6. i am 5'7" that will put me around 135. she has the nerve to tell me i looked gross when i was thin 12 years ago. (122lbs size 4) she tells me i would look better about a size 10 putting me around 155lbs. i told her i will still be a healthy weight for my height. this coming from a woman who is 5'1 " and says she would love to weigh 80lbs. she really crushed my goal bubble. she was not the first to pop my weight goal bubble. i am thinking of not telling anyone else what my goals are. :(

    Your goals are totally YOURS. I think your goal sounds amazing! Don't pay attention to what others say. If anyone asks what your goal is just tell them 'your happy size/weight'. That's all I tell people. Don't worry about anyone else but you. You're doing all this hard work and butt kicking for you. And for that, you're awesome!! =)
  • Tanukiko
    Tanukiko Posts: 186 Member
    Opinions are like ______, everyone's got one. And in your MIL's case, she's also BEING one.
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    I stopped telling people my goals - whether it's related to food or fitness. Mostly, then, beacuse then I hear about how little I should eat when i'm 5'10", 180 lbs and I work out hard 6 days a week...... sorry 1300 calories a day is not my friend

    It's not their life, it's yours. Screw them :)
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Rule # 1 - don't discuss specific weight loss goals with people. It opens up the door for them to give you their opinion.

    I do not talk about weight or dieting with anyone.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,996 Member
    I get this question all the time from clients who have relatives or friends who believe that the target weight the clients selects is way to low even though it's in the normal range.

    Shrug it off. Don't worry about what others say. Half the reason why people don't want others to reach their goals is because it makes them feel bad about themselves not having the discipline to do the same.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
    Next time, just tell her that you'll give her opinion the due consideration it deserves. :smile:
  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
    Just let go of what she said, her opinion does not matter and shouldn't make you feel bad or change you goals because of it. I would just not say anything about your goals to anyone and go with what you are comfortable with. Good luck!
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
    I agree, don't tell others your goals . . . just go with it and you will know when it is time for you to stop.

    I told my good friend my goal weight of 175 (this was what my doctor and I came up with) and she commented that I might want to keep going once I got there - I was really crushed.

    Fast forward - I had not seen her for awhile and when she saw me at 157(my current goal is 144), I was wearing a pair of size 6 skinny jeans and a XS sweater and her comment was 'I will be glad when you reach your goal and then you can put on some weight' - you will never win!

    Now I just keep things to myself, take comments for what they are worth!
  • SrMaggalicious
    SrMaggalicious Posts: 495 Member
    Ignore the jealous MIL who doesn't want to see you looking TOO good...I have a jealous MIL who thinks I'm hideous. Since I know I'm not, it brings her credibility to zero when it comes to listening to her comments about me. I could give a crap about her opinion. It's really kind of sad. :indifferent:


    /and she drops the mic and walks off the stage...../
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    she really crushed my goal bubble. she was not the first to pop my weight goal bubble. i am thinking of not telling anyone else what my goals are. :(

    If you are looking to other people for validation of your "goals", you're probably in for a world of hurt.

    Keep it private, or limited to people who understand your journey.

    Cheers, and good luck! :drinker:
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    It might be best to stop discussing your goals with people if you're going to take negative responses to heart, we can't control how other people will react or what they will say, and if it will affect you beyond "Meh, my goal, my thing", then maybe don't bring up the specifics?

    It can be hard because we are excited to be making changes and setting goals, but not everyone is going to be as excited/interested/supportive as we would like them to be. I don't discuss my goals with anyone, happy to let them know I'm trying to lose some weight if it comes up but I figure it's my thing. Even my husband knows that I'm counting calories and making changes but we don't discuss the specifics of how much I want to weigh etc.

    trooth.

    And if you are- be confident in your decision.

    I wouldn't personally hang my hat on a number like weight- I would try to focus on other things- like body image/body fat percentage- and strength goals. Weight is a weird thing and it really depends on body composition.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Ignore the jealous MIL who doesn't want to see you looking TOO good...I have a jealous MIL who thinks I'm hideous. Since I know I'm not, it brings her credibility to zero when it comes to listening to her comments about me. I could give a crap about her opinion. It's really kind of sad. :indifferent:


    /and she drops the mic and walks off the stage...../

    I don't understand why it always has to be jealousy.
  • Big_GBake
    Big_GBake Posts: 13
    Go for your goals no matter what others say. People tend to tell you that you can't do something just because they can't or are unwilling to do something... Do what makes you happy...
  • eAddict
    eAddict Posts: 212 Member
    i am thinking of not telling anyone else what my goals are.

    Bingo
    Me too. I've lost 37 lbs. People ask me how much more I have to lose and I simply smile and tell them, "I'm just going with the flow to see where this goes." :)
    I just say "All of it." and leave them speechless.
  • levitateme
    levitateme Posts: 999 Member
    Ignore the jealous MIL who doesn't want to see you looking TOO good...I have a jealous MIL who thinks I'm hideous. Since I know I'm not, it brings her credibility to zero when it comes to listening to her comments about me. I could give a crap about her opinion. It's really kind of sad. :indifferent:


    /and she drops the mic and walks off the stage...../

    I don't understand why it always has to be jealousy.

    The majority of women I know always think other women are jealous of them. It's a phenomenon, and a reason I don't like a lot of women.
  • FireOpalCO
    FireOpalCO Posts: 641 Member
    To put her comments in perspective, she sounds like she is not the sort of woman to be supportive or tactful. So her opinions should be discounted in their entirety. I bet if you think about it you could quickly think of examples of her tearing down other members of the family, either to their face or behind their backs.

    I wouldn't clam up entirely with all people about your goals. But be selective: look for people who are generally positive about life and secure in their own self worth (not threatened by other people succeeding). Also good if you can find people who have had similar struggles and the same or a little bit more success then you (someone who is a year farther along in his/her weight loss journey could be a big inspiration for you).
  • gurlygirlrcr80
    gurlygirlrcr80 Posts: 162 Member
    I smile and tell anyone who thinks my goals are to low...that i loved the Heroin Chic look of the late 90's and i'm working towards that. They can suck it.
  • Kenazwa
    Kenazwa Posts: 278 Member
    I think people are really bad at picturing what a certain weight or size is going to look like. I remember a male friend telling me I was going to be too skinny at my goal years ago, but I wasn't. He was among the first to tell me how fabulous I looked when I got to goal.

    As someone said before: you own it. Live in your own body, be comfortable doing it. It's really nobody else's business (most of the time, sometimes we need a doctor or other outside feedback).
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
    Tell her to blow it our her ditty bag.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    when asked, my goal is usually "when I am there, i'll know it."

    because that's what it really is. Sure I have made arbitrary numerical goals, but once i got to those places, i looked at myself and said "nope. not there yet" and I kept going.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    I don't think it's always jealousy. I honestly think that a lot of America is just so used to seeing overweight/obese that they forgot what healthy looks like.
  • stephe1987
    stephe1987 Posts: 406 Member
    I think some people simply prefer bigger women. Maybe because it's what they're used to seeing or being around. But you need to choose a goal that is good for you that will keep you healthy in the years to come. The problems associated with being overweight get worse as one gets older, so even though some people prefer a bigger size they really need to lose the extra weight.

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