:( I hate myself

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___Synnamin
___Synnamin Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
Not literally, just saying. Let me describe my issue. I am pushing 280 lbs (Yeah doesn't look like it huh?). I worked at a fast food restaurant from September to this past March.. Before I worked at the restaurant I used to walk from my house to my grandmothers which is about 2 hours but 4 hours there and back every single time I was upset about something. I maintained my weight of being 255 lbs. (again I am shaped the same). I am trying ever so hardly to take this weight loss serious because I'm scared of getting Diabetes after seeing what my mother goes through and also I like showing others that plus size women are gorgeous also, hence why I just want to be 200 lbs. I have a lot of hips and um....buttocks?

My Workout schedule is Walking or attempting to jog - 6 a.m Insanity or walking 12 p.m 6 . pm last walk.

I recently gained a knee problem but this was AFTER I did Billy Boot camp. I believe this may be the reason why I have a hard time doing exercises. I like moving (with ADHD I have no choice). I used to swim almost every single day until I recently found out chlorine irritates my skin.

I just need motivation. I have nobody to help me or tell me that I can do it. I try to express to my family how much I want us to eat healthy and they continue to eat junk. It's hard. My best friend, I invite her to workout with me constantly and she comes up with some excuse of why she can't or won't (because we live in two different neighborhoods and neither one of us can drive lol) instead of telling me straight out no she doesn't want to but sits around and complains about how she's overweight....but then she will text me telling me she worked out with her dad and his gf or her brother...which is another reason why I would get upset because here I am trying to help you and you complain about how we don't spend enough time together but I would walk 10 miles just to go be with her but she apparently wouldn't even do the same for me.... It's just all so overwhelming. A lot has happened to me in the beginning of the year. I'm 22. I'm trying to make new friends, my girlfriend and I broke up, trying to find stability in my career, and trying to bond with my family. I feel like I am by myself. I don't know what to do.

Replies

  • wanttobeskinny1212
    wanttobeskinny1212 Posts: 16
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    Im so sorry that your family are not supportive.I can suggest a you tube channel for you to look at;Just type in scola dondo into youtube.she is great for motivation,work out ideas e.t.c.
    Good luck and don't hate yourself you are the same person 280lbs or 200lbs.xx
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    I just need motivation. I have nobody to help me or tell me that I can do it.

    You don't need anyone to tell you that. You need to believe it for yourself and then go out and do it. If you wait for motivation from an outside source other than yourself, you're doing it wrong.
  • nappsmcgee
    nappsmcgee Posts: 33 Member
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    No need to dwell anymore. What you need to do is focus on yourself - that means going the extra mile to buy smarter meal choices, and working out whether your friend joins you or not. Weight loss is one of those things where if you REALLY want it to happen, then you have to for real make up your mind to do so.

    I think you should go see a doctor about your knee, and based on what he/she says, find some exercises that will be suitable for you until it heals.

    I'm in a similar situation with my folks not really eating right and having diabetes in my family, so I know how you feel girl. But this change is worth it and so doable.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I just need motivation. I have nobody to help me or tell me that I can do it.

    You don't need anyone to tell you that. You need to believe it for yourself and then go out and do it. If you wait for motivation from an outside source other than yourself, you're doing it wrong.

    this.

    no one will do it for you. unfortunately or fortunately.

    dig deep and decide you want to do something different- and do something different.
  • ___Synnamin
    ___Synnamin Posts: 30 Member
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    I understand what you all are saying. Mainly I feel like I need support is because I had a history of pushing people away and now that I want someone in my life I can't have them. Then again I feel like I no longer want them in my life at this moment. I've been on my own for the longest anyway and I've supported myself but it would be nice if I could turn to the side and see someone there who knows how bad I want to do this. I am most determined to lose the weight when I am angry. I try to substitute things out for working out like : thinking too much. I walk when I think too much. I walk when I'm angry. Just a few minutes ago I just got done walking...for no reason.

    So it's not like I'm trying I just need my focus back.

    Since working at the restaurant I have been trying harder to be healthier:

    - I eat more cabbage (eating raw cabbage for a week somehow made me drop 5 lbs??)
    - I try to drink more water
    - I try extremely hard to lay off the sugar.
    - I don't drink soda...which I had a long streak BEFORE the restaurant of not drinking it for 5 years.
    - I hate fruits but I'm trying a new one each day (i don't hate veggies but i'm trying new ones)
    - I've tried new workouts ....like Insanity... o_0 and Biggest Loser x_x
    - I try to block out as much negativity as I can (bestie complaining, i just stop texting.)

    So...I believe I'm getting there...I'm just...terrified? If that makes any sense?
  • danif1180
    danif1180 Posts: 2 Member
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    I have pushed a lot of people away because I am embarrassed about my weight, which I know is a bad reason. I am lucky enough to have people around me that do support me. The thing is even with all of the support sometimes I just beat myself up over little things and I have to get my head straight if that makes sense. Now this might sound silly but I talk to myself and ask myself questions. For example, why are you being so hard on yourself today? You know you want this and you are doing it right now, what's your problem? LOL. I get scared too because I don't want to mess up. I get anxious if I think I messed up or if I feel I'm not doing "good enough". Sometimes you need to remind yourself how far you've come. Even with all the support in the world you have to be positive yourself. Try to remind yourself of the good things you've done and the healthy changes you've made and talk yourself out of being negative. It's so easy to say but hard to do! I think you can do it :).

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