I feel like the deck is stacked against me
yeldirahsas
Posts: 4 Member
Hello this is the first time I am posting, and I am just so frustrated. It seems like the universe is fighting me every time I try to make a good choice. Today, we had a work lunch at Red Robin. Now picture this - I am at a table with 15 co-workers. The bottomless steak fries are served, and I pass. Some coworkers order sweet potato fries, and I pass. Everyone orders delicious burgers. I order a grilled chicken breast with side salad, hold the creamy ranch sauce that comes served on the chicken. Everyone starts getting their meals. Everyone around me is munching their delicious burgers with cheese and fries and every yummy thing...but they don't bring out my entree. I am the last to be served. I am willing myself to not pick at the two different types of fries on the table. Finally, 20 minutes after everyone else has been served, my chicken comes out...slathered in the ranch sauce I asked them to hold. I don't have the option of sending it back at this point...I am too hungry, and it will take too much time. I sadly scrape off as much sauce as I can, and finish my lunch.
I feel like there is some new ridiculous test every day. For example:
-On Sunday, I went for Mother's Day brunch. Once seated, we learned the ONLY option was a $40 per person buffet. So I paid $40 to eat cold salmon and veggies, which were basically the only lean option (carbs are my enemy...serious sugar addiction).
-On Monday, after Mother's Day, a co-worker brought in Italian chocolate cake for "all the moms". I had to decline the food pushers who kept asking me why I didn't eat a slice.
-On the SAME DAY, there was a retirement party in the afternoon and cake served for everybody. i had to decline the food pushers again.
-The next day, a coworker brought in two dozen donuts. Two dozen. Normally someone brings in 12 and they all get eaten. Those bad boys were around all day.
I know healthy eating is a lifestyle not a diet, and tests like this are simply what life is made of, but the Round Robin incident really ticked me off! Any words of wisdom or understanding are much appreciated.
I feel like there is some new ridiculous test every day. For example:
-On Sunday, I went for Mother's Day brunch. Once seated, we learned the ONLY option was a $40 per person buffet. So I paid $40 to eat cold salmon and veggies, which were basically the only lean option (carbs are my enemy...serious sugar addiction).
-On Monday, after Mother's Day, a co-worker brought in Italian chocolate cake for "all the moms". I had to decline the food pushers who kept asking me why I didn't eat a slice.
-On the SAME DAY, there was a retirement party in the afternoon and cake served for everybody. i had to decline the food pushers again.
-The next day, a coworker brought in two dozen donuts. Two dozen. Normally someone brings in 12 and they all get eaten. Those bad boys were around all day.
I know healthy eating is a lifestyle not a diet, and tests like this are simply what life is made of, but the Round Robin incident really ticked me off! Any words of wisdom or understanding are much appreciated.
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Replies
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quit making excuses.0
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I am not making excuses. I feel really good about the weight I am losing and resisted all of those temptations. The point of the post isn't that I cannot resist, it is that all of these things keep happening which make this process very difficult.0
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quit making excuses.
I fail to see one excuse being made in the OPs post, she resisted the fries, scraped off the un-ordered sauce, resisted the cakes and the donuts. Did you read the post before making a douchey comment which isn't actually relevant?
OP - did you at least complain about your lunch? I sure as hell would have. Being surrounded by food is hard, but you're right - it's a lifestyle and we either give in or develop coping mechanisms. You sound like you have the will-power thing down and that is 3/4 of the battle!0 -
This is life. There will be challenges. Know what/how much you can fit into your calorie goal and macro goal. There's nothing wrong with eating a donut, just don't eat the whole box. Nothing wrong with a slice of cake at a party, work it into your day. Nothing wrong with having a few fries with your chicken and vegetables, count those calories and move on.
If a plan you are following is making you miserable and you are finding it difficult to stick to then it is probably the wrong plan for you.0 -
quit making excuses.
I fail to see one excuse being made in the OPs post, she resisted the fries, scraped off the un-ordered sauce, resisted the cakes and the donuts. Did you read the post before making a douchey comment which isn't actually relevant?
OP - did you at least complain about your lunch? I sure as hell would have. Being surrounded by food is hard, but you're right - it's a lifestyle and we either give in or develop coping mechanisms. You sound like you have the will-power thing down and that is 3/4 of the battle!
No deck is stacked....that is an excuse.0 -
quit making excuses.
I fail to see one excuse being made in the OPs post, she resisted the fries, scraped off the un-ordered sauce, resisted the cakes and the donuts. Did you read the post before making a douchey comment which isn't actually relevant?
OP - did you at least complain about your lunch? I sure as hell would have. Being surrounded by food is hard, but you're right - it's a lifestyle and we either give in or develop coping mechanisms. You sound like you have the will-power thing down and that is 3/4 of the battle!
No deck is stacked....that is an excuse.
Only if you use it as a reason to give up or cave - the OP hasn't. Therefore it is merely an expression of a feeling.0 -
I do think that changing your attitude toward what you are not eating is the key to long-term success. I try to focus on the tasty food I make for myself and always have at hand rather than thinking longingly and somewhat resentfully at the fries and cake. I have better strategies now, but during my first few months, I consciously avoided situations in which I might have to make difficult choices.0
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It sounds like you've finally realized that the decisions you make in life are not without consequences. Many of us on this path to healthier living took a lifetime to figure it out.
What makes this decidedly un-profound is that everyone ever faces these decisions each and every day. The alcoholic passing up his favorite liquor store on his drive home from work. The socially challenged struggling with the decision to not let her friends down by bailing on plans last minute. The impulsive shopper remembering that there are bills to pay and opting not to go spreeing.
The universe is not stacked against you anymore than it is anyone else. No one in this world has it easy. Some people just hide their struggle so much better than others.
Part of becoming healthy is learning to live the balance. Persevere on. Struggle and fail, but don't become your mistake. Know that breaking free of addiction--addiction of any color--is hard. But also know that eventually, good choices become second nature and it all becomes a little bit easier.0 -
Next time you're at Red Robin (or similar), eat a couple of french fries. Unless you plan on giving them up for life. Successful weight loss is about learning portion control and moderation, not crossing foods off for life.0
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quit making excuses.
I fail to see one excuse being made in the OPs post, she resisted the fries, scraped off the un-ordered sauce, resisted the cakes and the donuts. Did you read the post before making a douchey comment which isn't actually relevant?
OP - did you at least complain about your lunch? I sure as hell would have. Being surrounded by food is hard, but you're right - it's a lifestyle and we either give in or develop coping mechanisms. You sound like you have the will-power thing down and that is 3/4 of the battle!
No deck is stacked....that is an excuse.
Only if you use it as a reason to give up or cave - the OP hasn't. Therefore it is merely an expression of a feeling.
I applaud her choices....but it comes down to yourself and op is doing great.
No deck is stacked was my point.
We all make our own choices..0 -
In America, the deck will be ALWAYS stacked against you. 60% of the population is overweight or obese which means the choices they make and have at their disposal WON'T be what you would probably choose.
So continual repetition of good habits will have to be steadfast. It gets easier the longer you do it. I can easily say no to something tempting if I don't have the calorie allotment for it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
This is life. There will be challenges. Know what/how much you can fit into your calorie goal and macro goal. There's nothing wrong with eating a donut, just don't eat the whole box. Nothing wrong with a slice of cake at a party, work it into your day. Nothing wrong with having a few fries with your chicken and vegetables, count those calories and move on.
If a plan you are following is making you miserable and you are finding it difficult to stick to then it is probably the wrong plan for you.
Ditto. I used to have the "everything is against me" mindset or "why does everyone else have it so easy?" and it didn't make losing weight any easier, in fact it made me miserable. Focus on the things you can control, learn how to still enjoy foods you like and fit them into your calorie goal, master politely declining food, share your goals/mindset with people who seem to not get that "no thank you" means "no thank you" to help them understand why you are declining their gesture of kindness (that's usually what people who offer food are trying to do, not sabotage you like so many people on these forums believe) and know that others have made it through the struggle, you can too. But mostly, get out of the victimizing mindset. You are in control of what you eat, no one else can make that decision for you.0 -
There is no deck; it's called life. It sounds like you made good choices so I'm not sure why you're complaining. Would you rather have eaten all the junk? Pat yourself on the back and don't dwell on it.
ETA I agree it's incredibly frustrating when you specifically order something to fit within your goals and they screw it up, but it sounds like you weren't in a spot to send it back so scraping the sauce off was the next best option. A tablespoon of ranch is insignificant in the big picture. It sounds like you're on the right track, so keep going and don't focus on what you can't control.0 -
It seems like the universe is fighting me every time I try to make a good choice. Today, we had a work lunch at Red Robin.
I've found that, often in life, when we finally choose to commit to making a change, it's almost as if we attract these challenges in order to test our resolve, whether we are really serious about this goal.
Just keep pushing forward. It will become easier for you once you fall into your routine, and as you start seeing measurable progress, you'll only feel more resolved.0 -
I am not making excuses. I feel really good about the weight I am losing and resisted all of those temptations. The point of the post isn't that I cannot resist, it is that all of these things keep happening which make this process very difficult.
Your actual problem is that you are taking too much notice of what other people eat, and do, and say. And you are counting experiences, remembering experiences. this is what we call where I come from a head f**k.
I am surrounded by people eating what they like all the time and I am too poor, of all things, to buy anything. I eat my sandwich and I smile as my co-worker says 'why don't you have a steak for lunch bridget? only 150 calories!' Yeah. Not an option.
but I don't mind it. I smile, I eat my sandwich, i carry on.
biscuits are on the table all the time. I leave them. Best not to start.
The point is I have to let go of the sense of missing out. There will be other times when I will eat what I want. But now I'm doing something else.
also: people who bring yummy things. Do what we do here at work when people are on diets and others tempt them (we have a woman who brings in the most delicious cakes for monday morning teas) and just say no thanks, and smile. when pushed, let out a tiny, friendly, laugh. anyone who pushes past that can be laughed at, gently, further. You cannot argue with a laugh and a smile. There were no words to set you off.
They eventually get used to it and stop pushing you around.
So that's 3 lessons
1. ignore what others eat
2. ignore what others say
3. forget everything that happened yesterday. Life is lived one moment at a time: operate in the moment and you will succeed.0 -
IMO it's not that these things just HAPPEN because you're trying to lose weight. These things were always there but because you're now more conscious about what you are eating these things are just more obvious.
I don't want to sound rude but it's hard not to when saying this .. but the world doesn't revolve around you and your eating habits. Just because YOU are watching what you eat doesn't mean that other people are and people bringing in donuts .. one or two dozen doesn't matter .. isn't stacking anything against you. YOU make your own 'deck'. Saying this I think you are amazing for being able to handle all that temptation and not giving into it is making you that much better. Even if you had the donuts and allotted your calories for it .. you're making the effort to count it towards your daily goal. That's commendable!
Just my opinion. Good luck on your journey!0 -
I've found it's a lot easier to not view myself as missing out on something. I look at junk food and bad food choices like I look at smoking. I'm a non smoker, and when I everyone else goes out for a smoke break, I don't feel deprived of anything, I feel like I'm a little bit smarter for dodging that bullet.
To carry on the addiction metaphor, sugar and fat can be addictive to our cave man brains. Think of quitting junk food like quitting smoking. It's a fight, and you can win.0 -
Thanks for all the great advice (except "stop making excuses" LOL). I gained 40 pounds over the past three years, using food as a crutch to get through my husband's back-to-back deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. The food, especially carbs, were a distraction that I used to cope with stress and loneliness. I just want to get back to the normal me. Now, just getting dressed for work is a horrible experience because nothing fits, and I am totally committed to losing this weight. I love sweets and carbs but have come to recognize that this is a real addiction (that is how I pass on the donuts etc - I just tell myself my craving is my addiction, and I am stronger than my addiction). As a result, I sometimes feel deprived and "woe is me". Thanks for the words of wisdom - I found inspiration in them!0
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Next time you're at Red Robin (or similar), eat a couple of french fries. Unless you plan on giving them up for life. Successful weight loss is about learning portion control and moderation, not crossing foods off for life.
^^this^^ you will have far better success if you learn to eat the foods you love in moderation, rather than giving them up completely0 -
Challenges are going to come up daily. There are days you will be completely pissed off about them because circumstances can be out of your control so come prepared.
Always have alternatives handy in your purse or in the work fridge. In the case of work, pack healthy snacks. Someone brings cake...cool, get a hold of your pear or orange and decimate that Mother F-er.....it's not cake but wont end up in your rear either.
You go out to dinner and everyone is eating crap..in the future..plan for these excursions. Plan to have a little more by eating sensible the whole day and leaving calories behind for a splurge. Don't suffer through picking at food and paying 40 bucks for a buffet. Call around, look up the menus and calories and plan, plan ,plan as much as you can. Bend when you need to too.
Be kind to yourself, there are going to be off days.
Nothing is stacked against you. It feels that way sometimes but the sooner you realize that this is the norm and you are the one who is responsible for what goes in your mouth the happier you'll be.
Don't feel bad. My family bought taco bell last night and I fought like a demon not to eat it and I succeeded. Was I upset that they brought it in the house? Hell yes. Can I stop them, NO. Can I stop me...YES.
I often have to buy my own food and have my own snacks because they eat things that will make me grow an inch a day horizontally if I follow suit.
The bottom like is , It's all a matter if attitude. If you adopt a , damn the world I'm angry, this is not fair, (insert pouty face here and stomping foot) rarw attitude you are setting yourself up for a fall. I know...that was me.
But if you put yourself in a position to think...f this does suck but I got this...you'll get it. And you will never be underfoot with these feelings again and in the long run you will succeed.
Best of luck.
-J0 -
Sounds like you just need to plan ahead, have snacks in ur purse your the one counting calories not them0
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GREAT JOB! Good for you and your self-control! You should be proud of yourself! "Bottomless fries" will only lead to an endless bottom. I'll bet that many of your co-workers have "Restaurant Rump". You, on the other hand, are on your way to looking and feeling better. Don't let stuff like what happened at Red Robin discourage you. Besides, fries always smell better than they taste. You weren't missing anything.
I know sometimes we feel like there's a conspiracy against us. But if you really think about it-- getting stuck in traffic, or the cable TV going out at the worst possible, most crucial moment during any kind of programming (I own this one), or even your ordeal with the fries and your misbegotten chicken lunch, are really only minor annoyances most of the time. Every so often, things just get to us. Keep in mind, the world is not conspiring against you. It's too busy messing with me! Stay strong.0 -
Dang "food pushers" and their evil kindness.0
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IMHO-
You have to decide whether you are eating healthy because you feel obligated, or it's a conscious decision.
The difference?
Obligation infers that you are doing it without buy-in on your behalf. The decision was made and you didn't necessarily agree with it. You will feel like you are missing out and challenged at every turn. There will always be temptations and weaknesses because you haven't changed your mindset.
Making a lifestyle choice (conscious decision) doesn't necessarily imply that you won't miss the temptations, but you've accepted what you are doing as a change in lifestyle and eating habits for the better. You understand that every day you will be faced with enticements, but for the greater good you are making choices that you know will pay dividends.
"Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels".
i.e. - attitude adjustment.
I learned this over time.. and it took a while. I can be a victim to my weaknesses, or champion to my convictions.
Choice is YOURS.0
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