Why do people say that I don't need to lose more?

Dagnova
Dagnova Posts: 68
in Health and Weight Loss
If you lost weight, you probably know this: people say that it's nice that you lost weight, that you look good now! But then when you say "thanks man, I'm happy with this progress. I hope to lose some more!" they tell you that you shouldn't lose more.

This has happened to me so often. In fact, often the same people may compliment me on my loss later (having forgotten that they said I didn't have to lose more). It's really nice that people say such kind words about how I look now and complement me on my willpower, but why does it seem like everyone is trying to convince me to continue losing?

What is everyone afraid of?

Some background may be useful: I am a guy in his twenties, I have an athletic build, SW 106 kg CW 87 kg, BMI 24.8 and I estimate that my fat percentage is around 14-15% - so clearly there is plenty of opportunity to lose some more - but I am also very rational in choosing my end goal, I don't have any ambition to go extreme. My method of losing involves nothing extreme either, I am focusing on developing a healthy lifestyle. I quit smoking, started cooking again, avoid junk food, enjoy eating healthy meals, enjoy exercising.

Thanks for you comments! I am also interested in hearing your experiences with this! :)

Replies

  • AmyRhubarb
    AmyRhubarb Posts: 6,890 Member
    When/if people ask if I'm still trying to losing weight, I tell them no, just trying to lower body fat percentage a bit. :tongue: Which is true, and most people don't know what it means really, or how to respond to it, so they just nod and let it go.
  • GreenIceFloes
    GreenIceFloes Posts: 1,491 Member
    People have an inherent need to negate everything?
    Yep, that's it. At least as far as people around me are concerned.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    I think I don't experience this because I just say thanks and that's the end of it. I don't share my future goals with anyone unless they specifically ask. I think a lot of times when people do say this, they are meaning it as a sort of compliment. It's like saying that you look great now and don't have to change anymore. You might have further goals but since those people can't see inside your head, they can't see what you're envisioning for yourself.

    If I ever do encounter this, I'll just say, "Well thank you. So what are we going to do next?"
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    That's my mom. She keeps saying I should stop losing weight. Maybe they're worried we'll end up with a eating disorder and get too skinny or something (which I find hilarious considering how much I LOVE food, and my worry is that I'll gain weight back, not that I'll get too thin).. Who knows.
  • Ldbg289
    Ldbg289 Posts: 236 Member
    I run into this a lot. I have also entertained the idea that maybe they are concerned I'll end up with an eating disorder which I find funny because I like food too much. The last time my dad asked me how much more I wanted to lose "because you look good now" I told him at least 20 pounds. He looked at me weird and said something like "I didn't even realize you had 20 extra pounds on you". This is where I should mention I live with them(him and my mom)so......it's funny that he doesn't notice these things since I see him every day. Maybe he just doesn't realize what a healthy weight for my height is? By the way........4'11". Yeah I'm small so at my current weight I could stand to lose a lot more. Oh and my dad.......he's asked me more than once what I'll do if/when I gain it all back and/or when am I gonna quit.
  • platedlizard
    platedlizard Posts: 7 Member
    They're either trying to compliment you on how you look now or they're worried about eating disorders. Or both. Another possibility is that their normative view on how people should look is considerably heavier than it should be. For example my sister is quite fit. She is not thin because 'thin' implies underweight, and she is smack dab in the middle of the healthy weight-range for a women her height. In other words she should be considered average and she does not diet at all, no reason for her to. Well, last year my uncle took me and my mother aside and asked us if my sister was anorexic! Only someone with a distorted view of what 'healthy weight' looks like would make that mistake. So I think that is something that could be going on as well.
  • Dagnova
    Dagnova Posts: 68
    Thanks for your very interesting replies!

    @Platedlizard - I agree with the options that you give, they are all possible. Interesting point on the normative view of how people should should being heavier for some people. More and more people are becoming overweight nowadays and it's understandable that people's idea of what's a normal, healthy weight will change with that too. I am curious to know how people will respond when my bodyfat% will be around 9-10% (my end goal) - they'll probably think I'm close to starving to death! ;)

    @Ldbg - Sounds like your dad is both concerned (I'm sure he means well) and not understanding your viewpoint. You're probably right in that he doesn't understand what's a healthy weight is for your height - and that combined that (I guess) he loves you and thinks you are beautiful the way you are. Parents often don't want their children to change. So it's up to you to decide wisely/responsibly what a good goal is and if you want to explain it to your parents you know that it'll take some effort.

    @Franci - Haha I love food too! Part of why I like this losing weight thing is that I eat more healthy now and I even think the food that I make now tastes better than the junk food I frequently ate before!

    @brower47 - very wise how you deal with this, I will copy you if that's alright! ;) I think it's a great idea not to share such future ideas (or only with care), I do this too often, and just to take comments that you don't need to lose weight as compliments. Thanks! :)

    @GreenIceFloes - yeah that's a human thing. I'm dutch and people here (including me sometimes) are very fond of their opinions and love to share them, often talking like experts on topics they have never looked into.

    @AmyRhubarb - Ha that's very smart! Using people's ignorance against them! ;)
  • fitfabforties
    fitfabforties Posts: 370 Member
    i just turned 44 and as far as my parents are concerned, i may as well still be 20!!!!.....when i was heavy... anywhere between 172lb (when i started mfp and as heavy as about 185lb many years ago).... i used to get comments like..."you need to exercise more"...."oh dear, it looks like you're putting weight on again"...."you know, you're not going to get a permanent teaching job if you don't lose weight, people don't like to hire overweight people".....and on and on......

    when i was at my lowest weight, around 118lb.....they started saying things like...."we are very worried about you, you're looking way too thin"....."if you're not careful, you're going to end up with anorexia"...."your face looks gaunt"...."are you even eating?"....etc etc

    so i couldn't win either way.....now that I've gained back about 10-12lb....everyone says i look just fine now and not to lose that weight again.....but I'm working on getting back to 120lb because that is where i felt better.....so i just smile and nod.....i just need to be happy
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
    People are used to seeing you bigger. They think they are being nice. When they get used to you at this weight, the comments will stop. As others have said, just say "thanks" or "my doctor is monitoring my progress" and leave it at that.

    I used to get lot of comments like that but I have been maintaining for almost 5 years now and do not get the "too skinny" comments anymore.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    I have 25 lbs to go before I'm even within the "normal" weight range for my height, and I'm already starting to hear comments along this vein. *shrug* It's my body, so I don't care all that much.
  • BurntCoffee
    BurntCoffee Posts: 234 Member
    I really think that people have become so used to seeing so many people overweight that they have forgotten what a healthy weight looks like.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I've told people before that they shouldn't lose any more weight...it was because they really shouldn't lose anymore weight. Some people do go way overboard and end up underweight simply because they are unhappy with their body composition and they think the way to change that is to keep dieting and losing weight...which ironically has a negative impact on their body composition.

    Other than that, people are used to seeing "big"....people (at least in the US) are not accustomed to seeing people of a healthy weight and BF%...being overweight is "normal" and what people are accustomed to seeing day in and day out.
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
    It's quite possible that people are telling you not to lose any more because you are already at a normal weight.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    Not gonna lie...I told my husband the other day that I didn't want him to lose more weight He's at about 19% BF. I'm at 24% (which is actually more "fit" for a woman than 19% for a man). I don't want him to be more fit than me!

    Soooooo...there could be a little bit of that going on in your situation.
  • keobooks
    keobooks Posts: 92 Member
    I'll tell you why I used to tell people they didn't need to lose more weight. Yes, being polite is a big part of it. Saying you don't need to lose more weight is code for "You look great!" If you tell someone "Yeah, you could lose another 20 pounds or so!" it sounds like you are saying they don't look quite stellar.

    I also think there is a lot of wiggle room that clothes can camouflage. I went from 125 - 145 and people couldn't tell because I wore pants with elastic and loose shirts. If I told them I was concerned because I was 20 pounds heavier, they never believed it.

    People think weight loss or gain is a lot more dramatic than it is. If you generally look "normal" sized, people may notice that your face fills out or looks thinner, but they won't really notice your body changes shape until it goes more drastic. Once I went up to about 155 or so, people finally started noticing I was gaining weight and showed concern about it. Before that, they didn't know or care. That's when my arms started really thickening and my face was almost moon shaped.
  • Bernadette60614
    Bernadette60614 Posts: 707 Member
    I think that your appearance changes so radically when you lose substantial amounts of weight, it is a shock to people. They aren't trying to sabotage you, they are just a little stunned.
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
    i just turned 44 and as far as my parents are concerned, i may as well still be 20!!!!.....when i was heavy... anywhere between 172lb (when i started mfp and as heavy as about 185lb many years ago).... i used to get comments like..."you need to exercise more"...."oh dear, it looks like you're putting weight on again"...."you know, you're not going to get a permanent teaching job if you don't lose weight, people don't like to hire overweight people".....and on and on......

    when i was at my lowest weight, around 118lb.....they started saying things like...."we are very worried about you, you're looking way too thin"....."if you're not careful, you're going to end up with anorexia"...."your face looks gaunt"...."are you even eating?"....etc etc

    so i couldn't win either way.....now that I've gained back about 10-12lb....everyone says i look just fine now and not to lose that weight again.....but I'm working on getting back to 120lb because that is where i felt better.....so i just smile and nod.....i just need to be happy

    I am have the same problem. They used to talk to me about how I needed to lose weight, then I was losing too fast, then too much and on and on and on. I do my best to not discuss with them. I am 43 and I can make the right choice for me. I do love exercise now, I don't skip workouts for much....they don't like this either. THey say I am obsessed. THen my mom asked me how long I could keep it up and wouldn't I get too old to workout the way I do. There is no winning.
  • ErinMcMom
    ErinMcMom Posts: 228 Member
    I get that comment from co-workers sometimes. I don't really understand why so many people feel the need to comment on whether or not you should be continuing to lose weight (especially when they don't know you very well/aren't family).
    Personally, I think I get that comment because I can kind of disguise the weight I have left to lose when I'm wearing clothes and I look pretty good, but if they saw me in a bathing suit (or my birthday suit) they'd immediately see that there's still plenty left to lose. I also lost a LOT of weight from my face, so that change was quite noticeable.
  • kikityme
    kikityme Posts: 472 Member
    I don't know if it's a cultural thing. Most of these replies are from Americans, I'm Canadian, so maybe this'll be a different perspective.

    I look at it as a "polite" comment.

    "No, you don't have to lose anymore" equals "You look great, you don't need to lose another pound, you're perfect!" in my mind. I just read it as a compliment.

    Linguistics experts have studied Canadians and they came up with some interesting things. For instance, the joke is that we say "eh?" a lot. (and that's partly true.) They studied our use of that word and determined it was a polite way of inviting others into the conversation. It was quite an interesting study, so of course I can't find a link to it now!

    Take it as a compliment!
  • SlimSharonSlim
    SlimSharonSlim Posts: 85 Member
    I know the feeling........... five years ago I went from 13.5 stone down to 10 stone. My parents commented on how thin I looked and that I had lost too much weight, while at the time I was trying to get down to 9 stone and tone up at the gym via weights. Now five years on I have put on 4 stone through comfort eating Fast Food / wine :-( And now my parents say how fat I have become. I guess you can't win!!!!! Basically we all know what we should weigh for our height and what we should eat/drink and portion size. So regardless of what people say to you, YOU KNOW BEST. You've read up on it and you know the rules. I think they just say (don't lose any more weight) just to make you feel good about the weight that you have lost. Just listen to yourself, you know what's right for you.
  • rbiss
    rbiss Posts: 422 Member
    People have an inherent need to negate everything?
    Yep, that's it. At least as far as people around me are concerned.

    So true. When I catch myself doing this, I need to kick myself.
  • DebSM2
    DebSM2 Posts: 62 Member
    People are used to seeing you bigger. They think they are being nice. When they get used to you at this weight, the comments will stop. As others have said, just say "thanks" or "my doctor is monitoring my progress" and leave it at that.

    I used to get lot of comments like that but I have been maintaining for almost 5 years now and do not get the "too skinny" comments anymore.

    Maintaining a 202 lb. loss for 5 years? WOW!

    I have had some tell me the same...just because of the difference so far I am sure. Still technically obese, still over 200 lbs. I'll stop when I'm done!!
  • domansell
    domansell Posts: 5 Member
    Generally I think it is designed as a compliment on your current appearance, particularilly from people that do not know you very well.

    However, in my experience some of my nearest and dearest mean it. I've just lost 10 kg (before joining MFP) and each time I see particular family members there are many comments along that vein (and lots of coffee shop visits and resturants etc), I was the 'fat child in my family' and it made them feel warm an cosy just being better then me. So I am making them uncomfortable, and much more aware of their upholstered shape.

    If it's meant as a negitive, you'll know these people well, and won't take to long to work out the signs (feeding you up, keeping you stationary etc...) If they are doing that, don't elaborate, you'll just give them the oppitunity to get inside your head.
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    I'd give a general answer like "thank you, I'm nearly there."

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